February 18, 2006

Today I pulled a turnaround shift at work.

This basically means I closed the store last night, and came back to open it up.

I got the chance to work with a co-worker I don't see much, however, and it was a pretty amazing day, I have to say. We struck up a very cool conversation, and got a good amount of fellowship out of it, just being there, hanging out at work. I even learned how to play a new word game. God's ability to cause fellowship is pretty amazing to me, every single day.

After work, I made a drive to various organic and fresh market grocery stores looking for some particular items to cook a meal for Sunday. I found no luck in these stores, but I did end up at a bookstore, browsing. I found a book that I had been looking for, and proceeded to the checkout.

At the checkout, I encountered a girl that showed a quality I admire. She was displaying such a sense of endurance, despite circumstances. When I was finally in the position to talk to her, it went something like this, as I recall:

Me: So how're things going for you today?
Her: Well, they're going pretty well (halfway-true look on her face)
Me: (kind of laugh) Is that true, or just what you're saying?
Her: Well, I don't really work on registers anymore at this store.
Me: Ah, one of those downgrade days. I understand how it is.
Her: Yeah, but it happens.
Me: (laugh again. I do that alot.) Yes it does. Well, I hope that things look up for you today, and that you can be rid of the register soon!
Her: Thanks a lot! Me too!

I realize that doesn't really display how enduring she was, but my point is that I had to prod the truth about it out of her. She didn't want to display a sense of suffering to others, which I have always been kind of lacking at. I really wish that all of the time, I could just endure and not complain. I mean, more than anything, she just didn't complain to other people, that's the most admirable thing. I think in God's walk, complaining about what happens in our lives is a wasted opportunity to praise everything that God does in our life.

There has also continued a temptation to break my year of "dating" only God. There is a girl that, in a different circumstance, would be extremely attracted to, and that I would probably pursue a relationship with. But with the current circumstances, and what God has revealed to me, I would never be able to pursue a relationship with her. It's just not in the deck of cards called my life. Knowing that God has someone else planned for me is the hardest part. The waiting for God to reveal how that will work out is hard. I feel horrible for it, but waiting for God is sometimes my most impatient aspect. One of my greatest desires is to just let God act in my life, without me questioning so much of it.

Is it sometimes not clear to us, that in our lives, God has designed us with a need to breathe? It is such an essential part of our lives, yet we get so busy pursuing our success and our own happiness. Is it that hard to just stop and let Him fulfill our need to breathe?