January 3, 2006

I can never stay angry for long any more.

I have no explanation for it, either. I mean, tonight, I got extremely angry at one of my friends for a very dumb situation, and it resulted in both of us a bit angry, i think.

The thing is, I honestly wanted to stay mad. That's stupid and incredibly selfish, but I did want to stay mad. Maybe to relieve stress, maybe because the feeling was empowering.

But it very quickly went away.

I guess the thing that sticks in my head the most is that God did not want that anger to linger, and so it couldn't.

And a few hours later, thinking about it, I know and realize how much it was just Satan trying to tear me from my friend, and use that anger against me. All I want to linger in my heart now is forgiveness, from God, and towards my friend, whom I alienated.

God works on my heart in the most astounding ways sometimes. I guess that goes without saying.

Another thing that has weighed heavy on my heart, especially the past couple of days, is my friend that has lost faith. I finally got to talk to them tonight, and as it turns out, life has not gotten easier for them.

As is usual for us, we got on the topic of faith and spirituality. This friend of mine believes that no amount of praying or faith has changed their life at all, or in any way. They want to avoid being lukewarm, but if they can't be on fire, they would rather be ice.

I pray that God works on their heart, and shows them the passion that they seek.

It's times like that in which I am speechless, and I have no idea what to say to a person. It's also times like this where I have nothing of any value TO say, that only God can work with enough power to make an impact.

Are we ready for the time when God will use us? Are we willing to let us end and God begin within our lives? Are we prepared to let our lives actually begin to mean something?