January 8, 2006

I talked to a friend today about something, and it made me realize something.

We were talking about what we are supposed to do, in the Christian sense, with our lives, and I mentioned how I felt my life is supposed to involve music.

My friend asked how my family felt about this passion of mine.

Their reaction to my telling them that if God told me to, I would drop out of school to do music is, to say the least, an enthusastic one. In the worst sense of the word.

I realized many things from this.

First, I realized that despite what others, even my family, may think, my heart MUST lie with God, and only be concerned with His will, not even my own.

Second, I realized that of all the witnessing I know I must do, I am probably worst at it when I am at home. I can think of many excuses why this might happen, but it comes down to my laziness. I feel that my family is exempt from the rules I am supposed to follow and employ, but I am beyond wrong. I come to a difficult crisis when I look at respecting my parents and following God all at once. I know that both are possible, but I must find out how to do both gracefully.

Another thing we talked about was, in basic terms, my selfishness.

It was a conversation about a school I've been thinking about transfering to next year, if God wills it, but I have been withdrawn from the idea of attending, based on a very stupid reasoning: I disagree with the rules of the school.

Basically, this involves watching no R-rated movies, no frontal hugs, and obviously, no tobacco or alcohol, among other things. The first two are where I would struggle, not at all with the other two, but the problem is not TRULY with the rules, but with myself. IF God tells me I need to be there, am I willing to give up a few of my pleasures for Him? If I am not, what does that make me besides selfish? I could claim my own dignity, but really, it's my ego and selfishness underneath that claim. The fact is, I think if I'm supposed to be there, I am. I can endure anything for the glory of God, and with Him, I can follow any rules made to glorify Him.

My new band, or part of it, practiced for the first real time today. What I gathered afterwards was something I don't really remember before with another band, something I've felt once before in another topic. This feeling was one of complete lack of fear, or the idea that this might falter or fail. I feel that this is something God wants to happen, and I even believe He has told me that this is supposed to be. I also feel He has told me this will be among the things in my life that I will have to work the hardest at, in terms of myself, and in terms of making it work. It seems He's told me that the rewards of being a part of this band will be magnificent, however. My goal is simple here: just to have fun with it, worship, and reach people with the word. I can't help but think that God is with us, and when God is with us, we cannot fail.

Do any of us expect our role in life to be less than world-changing? How many of us see God's plan for us to be life as a homeless person? Are the two ideas contradictory, or is it possible to follow God's plan WITHOUT being world-changing?