January 9, 2006

One of the things that really gets me everytime, when I think about a day in retrospect, is how God deals with our expectations.

I don't mean this in the sense that I think God contradicts us at every turn, but more in the sense of just when we "have things figured out", we get a surprise.

I got a call this morning from the manager where I work, telling me that I would have to work tonight and close the coffeehouse. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled with that idea. He also told me that he would be working nights from now on, which made me kind of expect a hard-nosed manager on-duty at the job as opposed to the laid back co-workers I was getting used to.

Somewhere along the line tonight, I realized things weren't bad at all. In fact, I was enjoying hanging out with this guy, and getting to talk to him a bit.

Like I said, it's amazing how God can take our expectations and put them on their head.

I've finally come to grips with the fact that the school I'm at may not be the school for me, if any school is indeed the one for me. I now have to face the possibility of a new school, or no school at all, for both financial and personal reasons.

This, however, does not bother me anymore.

Simply because I have realized in that, in my decision to follow God and be completely faithful, I have to be, well, completely faithful. That means that if He's trying to guide me somewhere else, I have to follow faithfully and know that God has much more in store for me that I could plan for myself, or that any other person could.

I read a friend's writing tonight, and they managed to put my issue very eloquently: I face, right now, the dilemma of freedom or control. To have both is impossible, but for me to have control means that I lack the faith I both desire and need to have. The choice is not ever so simple as saying that I choose one. Now is the time in life where I have to live my faith, and never turn back. God is willing to work in me, when I'm willing ot be open to it. Now is the time, and the time to forget what I want, in light of something that is so much better.

I was also blessed today by a friend that opened up their home to me for even a brief time, and gave me a meal when I could not afford one. It was truly a blessing, and loving a neighbor in a most wonderful sense. I was truly impressed.

When we grow to expect so much from ourselves, and from our lives, how much room does that leave inside of us for believing in what will surpass all expectation?