January 14, 2006
In terms of the general population, I would say that I am pretty close with my family. We talk alot to one another, and with a few exceptions, we get along and love each other alot.
That being said, I talked with my mother yesterday about the topic of faith.
One thing I hear alot these days is this quote:
"The Good Lord helps those who help themselves."
Now, I am not against Benjamin Franklin or his works. He was a brilliant man, but on this topic, I have to respectfully disagree. God helps those who ask for it. If we could simply help ourselves, faith would not be an issue. If we help ourselves and only turn to God when we can't do it ourselves, it's not true faith, to me.
My mother quoted Ben Franklin to me.
This calls in a dilemma of respecting my mother and all at once completely disagreeing with her.
I don't know how to tell my mother she's not completely correct without sounding disrespectful. To even say that she's not right feels like I am not being humble in God.
The best way I can think of my mother is in terms of what I call selective faith. I don't mean a deliberate selective faith. She's just been brought up by a father that believes that hard work is the only way to do things, and that you must earn EVERYTHING. I love both of them beyond most things in life, and deeply respect them both, but I KNOW that we don't have to earn God's gift for us, and the only thing we need for Christ's gift is acceptance of it.
This knowing of what is going on, however doesn't change the fact that I have no idea how to show my mother what true faith is. I certainly don't think I am the best example of complete faith at this point in my life. I just pray that God would give me a way.
On a complete praise topic, I realized today that I am at the point where I don't like my job. I completely love it. I was told that the novelty of working at coffeehouse would wear off. He was right about that. However, in the novelty fading, I have found that there is such a deeper love in working somewhere that people love to be.
The people, and by people, I mean customers, that you meet are some of the most remarkable people, in the kindness they display.
In my old line of work, meeting nice people was actually the exception. At this job, if I talk to someone and they aren't nice to me, it actually feels a bit weird. Such a positive enviroment is just something that has mad a change in my life, and I know the only one I can thank for this perfectly timed change in my life is God.
An incredible example of the people I get to talk to is actually a friend of mine I've had for awhile. He stopped by, and actually not at all because of me. The fact that I work there and I am friends with him are two completely independent facts. However, he stayed to talk to my co-worker and I, and even helped out, when it was needed, with a few things.
I did have one regret at work though. There is a homeless man that has been visiting the past couple of nights, and he stopped by and asked if one of us had a coat he could have. I immediately thought of giving him mine, but for some reason, I didn't, and I don't know why. I think the idea of my material possession got the best of me, and I didn't do it.
I have come to terms, yet again, with the fact that one of my biggest sins is trying to please others with acts that I do for God. At times, I have even hoped to catch eyes with this journal, when I knew that people would read it. I think it's important for me to get past this and live for God, and I know now that it isn't only just important, it's imparitive, to be able to completely devote myself to Him.
I also think that God has given me an answer on where I will be attending school next fall.
To fall completely in, and know not where the bottom lies, or the top. Is that not the best feeling, when we approach it in the right terms? Is this not infinity, to fall into God, and yet not know where He begins and ends? Is this not perfect happiness? Endless love?
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All pages written by Clay Gorton, 2005.