January 25, 2006

Today, I actually think I began to do what God is telling me to get to work on, in terms of academics.

I feel like I've been told to do well this semester in school, in terms of my studying and getting assignments done. I tend to have a problem with wanting to do anything to do with school. One could call it laziness, I think.

Anyway, I got to work on letting God fix that within me. I got some homework done a week ahead of time today (!!!), a first for my college life. I want God to have me ready for what is to come in life, and I know that He can't change me without some cooperation on my part, so I figure it's time to get down to it.

I spent some time yesterday evening talking to someone about the vocalist in the new band leaving. I thought about it more today, and for the first time in any band I've ever been a part of, I'm actually completely ok with them leaving. I'm pleased because this means that God has been working on my heart, that bitterness would not sting so hard as it once did. I'm not boasting though, I still have a long way to go with this aspect.

Also, the more I think about it, the more important this contemporary service weighs in on my heart. I think God really wants this done, and I have to comply with it. I have actually let it go for too long without anything being done, and now I think is the time to put God's work into motion.

I spent a while with my family and grandmother tonight, for my Dad's birthday. In the time we spent, I realized how much God and my life and Christ have changed how I view many things.

I find myself, the further I go on in life, getting more and more self-conscious. I think I need to, at some point, realize that what people think isn't so important. I don't mean this in the sense of I need to flaunt myself and think I'm the better man. Not by any means. I just think I need to be content with me, and realize that people don't look at me and see so many of the details that I see, that I'm so hard on myself about. And most importantly, I think I need to actually finally realize that God loves me, and that is the most important thing.

How can anyone have adopted the idea that any of us die alone? Is it not foolish to think that God is always with us, especially when we are at the very doorway to His kingdom, and always ready to see us in, if we want it?