January 29, 2006

I have reached a point where this world can't answer my questions.

People can't tell me what I need to know.

In the strictest sense, I need God now.

Now I recognize it.

I spent lunch today with one of my best friends, and we discussed theology, and how we felt about the current church.

The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of a house church. I love litergical services, but I know at this point that it is not the Biblical definition of church.

I'm also having trouble discerning God's will for me, for a couple of reasons.

First, I feel that God can directly talk to us in our lives. But many people say different ways are used to show God's will for us, leaving me confused. I feel like I've heard God talk to me before, and tell me things.

Is there anyone that can really define God's methods though?

Maybe both.

I've spent the latter part of today talking and thinking through tears.

I found out a good bit about the condition of one of my friends, one that I've not spoken with in quite a while.

She's in an abusive relationship, and has no way out right now.

The music that I feel I'm supposed to stick with is, as we speak, becoming more and more difficult to set up.

I come back to my previous point. Noone on this planet can tell me what I need to know. The only one left that holds my answers is God. I needed to realize this and I think that only in Him showing me, did it sink in.

I spent so much time getting advice from others on what I should do, and working so hard on my own pursuits, that I'd begun to lose sight of God again.

Selfishness will eventually only lead to one's own self-destruction, no matter what you do.

The funny thing I've noticed with God, and actually, the obvious thing is this:

Nothing bad is meant to last, be it a feeling, event, or place.

I am pretty sure at this point that something bad is around to show us what we need to work on, and what we need God for.

When I started writing this tonight, I was in quite the sad and sour mood. By the end of it, through fellowship and God Himself, I was in much better spirits and state of mind.

No matter how hard the devil tries, he's not getting in.

How do we ever let it get to the point where we have to be depressed to see where the truth lies? How can we doubt God, ourselves, and the plan for us so much that God has to blind us with the light, over and over again?