November 1, 2005

So I didn't get a job at the place that I wanted to get one. I stopped by today to check on my application, and I got the "we're not hiring" speech that I've given so many times myself.

Walking out, I wanted to be mad at them for not hiring me. I mean, I WAS mad at them for not hiring me. Not saving me from the enviroment that I feel is trying to choke me spiritually.

Then about fifteen minutes later, God showed it to me. If I didn't get this job that I was sure was exactly what I needed, and if His will and plan is always better than what I can imagine and think is best for me, then how much greater will the eventual plan for me here be? If this job isn't for me, then something far greater must be there, when it's His time to reveal it. Suddenly, the hostility towards them was gone, replaced by a new excitement.

So I was thinking today. I've professed Christianity for four years now, I believe, and I don't think it's sunk in yet that my life may have to change forever as an according circumstance of this. Four years later, I realize that Christianity and God are not a part of my life, but my life is a part of God and Christianity.

I always thought of witnessing as a thing where I tell people about Christ and God's love and try to let them see that God loves them. Lately I've been finding out that it can be as much a learning experience for me as it is for them.

I've spent the last two days talking to a close friend about God. She lost a family member, and for this, she blames God. We've been talking about the love that God shows, and that He does not take lives for no reason. Today we met for coffee and talked about this.

Today, God must have been talking through me, because at some point I asked her to tell me about a time when, during that time when her family member died, that someone made her feel less hurt or loved, or not as lost. What followed amazed me beyond anything I thought she could have said.

I won't say what she said, but it showed me beyond what I ever thought that God was there that day, ready to love her. I hope that she sees this too, as she has seen God's love before, and she feels that it's lost on her. I worry about her, and I hope that she realizes that God is after her heart again. When we got ready to leave and were talking outside, we saw a rainbow, yet there had been no rain where we were at this afternoon.

Do we notice from day to day the love that God showers on us? Is it lost on the fact that we can't shower with love as willingly? What keeps us from sharing our love like God, on others?