November 28, 2005

So today, I was walking past a church, and saw a phrase on their sign that said the following:

"Hope is believing despite the evidence, and then watching the evidence change."

This put such a smile across my face, and across my spirit as well. I have actually been thinking about this, and trying to ask God about it for pretty much this entire week. SO often I find myself doubting what God has told me when things seem down, that maybe I was just telling myself something to believe so that I would be content. Seeing this was such a sign that I had to stop and commit the phrase to memory. Having that hope is watching things change as you continue to have faith in God, even when they seem to be at their worst. Hope is knowing that God will make good on what He says, even if we see something appearing to shape up differently.

I find myself doubting myself so much, and never once considering that God doesn't doubt me.

I was considering today how many stages we go through as Christians, sometimes. We start out as the amazingly on-fire Christians that can do nothing but praise God, then we hit that first big rut where we realize that the fire doesn't last forever, then we gradually fall into the Christianity of believing we can get away with the small sins we did before we were Christians, then we can start the entire process over and over, before finally reaching a point where we realize everything that's going on and just really begin to know God. I can't say where anyone is, to be particular, besides myself, and I've been through them all. I am truly for the first time getting to know God, and all He does for me, and through me. For the first time in my life, I can truly admit that my life isn't all about me. I can admit that not everything that I help with is even me helping at all, but more God working through me to help those that need it. I still have a hard time coming to grips with it all, in the simplicity of it. We are told to believe that the real value usually lies in complex ideas, that we must think on end to get to something truly sacred, but it's so opposite of that, really. We just have to release ourselves. Just listen. Let ourselves go and let ourselves be something so much better. I becomes He, and vice-versa. It defintely puts the humbleness idea into the light, I think.

Two friends of mine made up tonight, after a long-lasting feud, and one of them thanked me for being the voice of reason. This all comes back to the idea of Hope and watching the evidence change. Through the idea of loving brothers and sisters as they are, I saw the evidence change and God brought them back together. I love the idea that these problems don't have to be our own, but that with faith, God will put us through anything, but bring us through everything.

How much logic does one place in their spirituality, and how much is valid? In dealing with God, and knowing God, how much of our logic matters beyond faith and listening? Will all the rationalization in the world bring us any closer to the Kingdom of Heaven than simply admitting that we are in love with God and allowing ourselves to be taken in?