October 24, 2005

I always love when the music matches my driving in the car.

I feel a similiar situation with where this hit in my life. God came in at just the point at which I was starting to doubt myself, and honestly, my own faith at times. He appeared in a most amazing fashion and showed me what was needed by me.

I also am running into this phenomenon with "Blue like Jazz". Every idea I read about has been on my mind for quite sometime, from church, to "coming out of the closet" as a christian, to even the idea of true love and what marriage will be. It's remarkable to me how well these events chain-link themselves in a life like this, and I doubt I'll ever stop being amazed.

So today was another incredible day. There was so much to worry about, but so much that God wouldn't let me worry about. I spent an hour and a half in the park today, just reading and trying to be around God as I so desperately want. It was the first time I'd ever done this, and it's changed me. I think I've found my spot to be alone with God, and it is a truly beautiful, serene place.

So alot has been weighing on my heart and thoughts lately. Part of undertaking this journal was so I could record my mental and psychological journey in my faith, not just the physical.

Having said this, the idea of being timid about telling others about my faith is a topic I struggle with. If someone asks me if I am of Christian faith, I will never deny it. But I agree with Don Miller in the idea that I feel like telling others about Christ, the unbelievers that feel Christianity is stupid, would be like trying to sell a product as a salesman. I also feel that this may be because I don't realize a real way to relate my faith to other people without being blunt like a child and saying "Christ saved my life. I don't know how that's unbelievable." I think God may have another way of professing faith in store for me, without words, perhaps. I don't know for sure.

The timidity of faith in the world now also strikes me as peculiar. I notice how easily a person will say that they believe in God, but it's almost as if saying Jesus or Christ is taboo or even worse, a cliche in social circles. Even some Christians I know are quite open with saying the name of God, but hesitant to say, "yes, Jesus". Not due to disbelief, mind you, but due to the possibility of being looked at in a strange manner. I myself am not unsucceptable to this, and I wonder many times a day what has caused this, in our world.

Does God grant riches? Are our greatest movie stars and professional atheletes famous because it was God's plan for them? How about the homeless man that is searching the dumpster outside the local bakery for a scrap of bread? Is that God's plan as well? Do our eyes go far enough to look past what the world calls sucess to see what God would call us to?