October 25, 2005

There is a man. To anyone that has ever spent any time living in Columbia, they will know him. He spends his days at a midtown intersection, with a baby doll strapped to his chest and back, and he carries a massive sign with the words "Stop Abortion Now!" printed on either side. I envy this man.

I envy him not because of his opinions, but because of one thing. He has an unending passion. I pass him everyday on the way to my college campus, and without fail he is there, speaking to anyone that will listen, and handing out flyers to whoever might stop at the intersection to roll down their window. I admire his passion, his pursuit of his goal. For whatever small impact it might seem, this man has changed the world.

I want to think that I could change the world with my passion for God. I know that my passion is there, I just wish I knew how to actually reach out to others with it so they could feel it as much as myself.

I was talking to a friend last night, and somehow we got on the topic of money and the consequences of having it. We at some point agreed that having money was not quite the big issue that the world made it to be nowadays, and that living for God often meant you might not be in possession of it. I still struggle with my fear, honestly that I might not have enough to support a family, but I think that this is because I still have trouble completely falling into trusting God with everything I have. I still worry that He might let me fall into poverty, or the idea that I might not find a woman to fall in love with. That I might fail in loving God completely. All this worries me.

This is why I have made a decision that some of my friends think is brave, some think is curious, and one has outright told me makes me an idiot. I'm taking the year off from any dating whatsoever. I will not cease to acknowledge the existence of females, I just won't entertain the idea of which one might be the one for me. I need time to be with God, and only God, and girls have gotten the better of me over the past six or so months. I also think this will make me more prone to treat all women like the people they are, and as friends, instead of "potentials" at first meeting. I want God to work in my life, as He has been the past few days, and the thought of Him getting my full attention makes me as excited as a small boy.

The joy that is already filling my life as God works through me feels like enough to last three lifetimes.

How hard does Satan work to pull us back as we move towards God? Is the new job with the high salary God rewarding us or Satan trying to pull us back in?