October 26, 2005

This morning I watched a construction crew tearing down an old hotel.

I love watching old buildings being torn down. Not in the manly, "it's cool to watch things be blown up and torn apart" sense of it, but more in a metaphorical sense. I mean, it IS cool to watch things be blown up and torn down. It stirs up that testosterone like few other things can.

However, it's much more interesting to see how this spot in the world, riddled with gang symbols and graffiti, destroyed by a lifetime of neglect and being forgotten by the world, is having it's slate wiped clean, with a chance for a new life.

I guess I really see God in that. I couldn't look away from it, and I know God wouldn't let me. I think in some sense, I was watching my old life being taken down, to make room for the new life He's building up for me. It's interesting how these things happen.

Today i also experienced what felt like my first time crashing back down into the ground. I felt like maybe this whole thing was ridiculous and that maybe God wasn't doing this at all. Maybe this whole thing was just me thinking that I was on some crusade to prove something. Then we had a talk and God told me to get over myself. Amazing what God can bring to you ten minutes after you wake up.

Later on, I found out my history class was cancelled after driving up to campus. On the way there though I ran into my friend, who I'd not talked to in quite a while. We discussed many things, and we've discussed the idea of taking the first week of Christmas break off from whatever job we have at the time, and just getting in a car, and driving until a road sign catches our attention, and driving there, to see God in as many places as possible in a week's time.

I have come to the conclusion that I am needed somewhere other than my current job. I feel like God is telling me that it's time to move past a place that worships money so heavily, and find someplace with some heart. Events tonight certainly showed signs that God needs me someplace else. Maybe I've learned everything I can from this part of life. Maybe I'm just needed someplace more. Prayer certainly has a place in this decision.

Everyday, I'm finding out more and more how being open about your faith can express not the looks you expect from people, but can bring you together more than you expect. For the first time, I talked to my parents about this year long project, and told them about my decision about dating for the year. To my surprise, they thought spending this year with God was actually a great idea and one of the smartest things I could do. I was astounded. Within this week that I have finally let God begin to work through me, my relationship with them has been the best it's been in years, since I really remember.

Why do we pray? Do we pray for the "ask and ye shall receive"? Or do we pray when we are desperate? How many of us pray with thanks? How many of us pray when we're not in desperate need of something in our lives?