October 27, 2005

I have found that my hardest obstacle so far in loving everybody unconditionally comes in the form of my younger sister. I love her, but how much does it say about me if I have to leave my house because my sister and I get into an argument? I don't know what God would have me do in this situation, and it confuses me. I can smile and love every stranger as if I knew them as my family, but my family I sometimes feel like strangers with.

I also have seen lately that if the problem of worrying is left alone and given up to God, that everything will work out, it will do better than we could ever hope to do on our own, even if we worry about getting it done. It changes you to finally submit to that. I can't believe how much differently things work out when you just put it into God's hands.

Letting go of things you think you have figured out, in either a universal sense or a personal sense, is also hard when trying to conceive that God has something better in store. If our perception of the perfect match or the best job isn't what God has in mind, where could He possibly go from there? I admittedly, still struggle with letting go of what I want. The world tells us that we need to never stop going for what we want, and never let go of the dream, but God tells us to do His will, even if we have to let go of our dream. I mean, I'm not bitter towards God for the fact that I might have to one day let go of the music dream, or the girl I have picked out for myself one day, if either proves to be not what God has in store for me. It just confuses and honestly, worries me. I am scared that I may be the one picked to not have a wife and children, or to live on the street. If either is what God has planned for me in life, I will obviously have to deal with it and accept it and learn to love it, but it's still a hard concept for one to wrap their head around.

There are some nights where it seems that noone wants to talk.

I always enjoy Fall the most. I think it's the most romantic season out of all of them, and I can't see any more perfect time of year to fall in love with God. I'm glad that apparently, He agrees.

Does coincidence exist, as we know it? Does God allow things to happen, or is He in control of everything? Do two events intermingle and fall in to place by pure chance, or does God intend for every bit of it to happen as it falls?