October 30, 2005

Today marks the second week in a row that church was more than a sitting and watching experience for me. Today God was there, and I knew it. Granted, if All Saints Day doesn't help you to see God, then...well, I don't know really. That said, I think there were a number of times God pointed at me and said, "Listen up".

The first thing that really stood out to me was a story about a man named Jerry. Jerry was a congregation member of my pastor, at a church he previously served. Jerry was a man, as my pastor decribed, "that had fallen in love with Jesus". When Jerry prayed, he didn't simply say words. He talked to God. My pastor said that it was almost embarassing to listen to Jerry pray because it was like listening to the intimate conversation of two lovers.

That amazes me. I want everyday to approach that level of love for God, and be able to pray without ceasing. Jerry is an inspiration to me.

That being said, something was also said today that hit close to home. Prayer is not about introspection. It isn't about learning about ourselves, it is all about God. I agree with the sermon today in that, we sometimes get caught up in how our prayers are making us better people and helping us realize what we are improving (in what we pray about, etc). I am as guilty as anyone else of this, and I think it's such an important concept to keep it on God. The things that simplicity will reveal.

I think the thing perhaps we forget most in prayer, asking for the things we do and so forth, is that God is trying to talk to us in return. In what is supposed to be a conversation, we are doing all the telling and letting the One who created us not get a word in edge-wise. Just something striking that has been revealed to me.

On a more literal, physical note, I really saw God early on in the day. I have recently read in Blue Like Jazz about the concept of Tithing, and to be honest, I never knew what it was. The concept however, of givng a certain percent of my earnings to the church, and relying on God to provide no matter what, scared me quite a bit. After all, it's one thing for us to give our time and our gifts, but our money? That's the question that played in my head, and upon my mind hearing it, I think God pointed out the stupidity of that to me.

I decided with no small amount of help from Him that if I have, I should further the efforts of others that try to live for God. I started my tithing today, and almost immediately I noticed God providing.

After church, I realized my gas tank meter was floating close enough to the dreaded "E" for me to hurry to a gas station. I paid for an even dollar amount's worth of gas, and filled up. Three cents over what the pump was supposed to allow on my pre-pay. I thought, "I could just go with it and leave", but decided against it. I rushed to search for any money I could find in my car to pay that three cents over. I then opened the compartment where I usually keep my change, and there I found...four pennies. Upon walking inside, the attendant told me not to worry about it, but when I insisted that this money didn't matter to me, he took the three pennies with the most astonished, amused look on his face. I assume most people drive off.

This showed me two things. One is that an act of love like Christ can and often will surprise many people, no matter how large or small it is. The second is, the more you give it all over to God, the more he absolutely provides. It's not always pretty and perfect to us, but it works when we need it most, and as it turns out, IS perfect.

God put a thought into my head today. In our lives, if we stumble, we will occasionally hear, "that's not acting very Christian." I've come to the conclusion we should never act like a Christian.

We should never
ACT
like a Christian. We sometimes put on the good face for the public and get home by ourselves and live a bit differently. It is only when we stop acting like Christians and actually become Christians that our live is what we say it is.

In a final, extremely happy note, a friend of mine took me up on an offer to go to church with me next Sunday. He told me that he hasn't regularly attended church in eight years, and when I offered him the oppurtunity to join me, he took my offer. I am extremely excited that God is working through me, and I hope that He shows him something extrordinary in these next few weeks.

a link i found last night: godhatesfags.com Pay close attention to who the page belongs to.

Is this sort of thing the idea that Christ laid in his groundwork? Is this an act of righteousness? Are we so certain the way to attract the sinner is to hate the sinner?