Found in Bottom Line Personal
"Did You Know That..." section,
April 15.

"...a healthy man has an erection for one to three- and-a-half hours daily -- mostly during sleep? The process is apparently nature's way of preventing impotence by regularly supplying penile muscles with blood and the oxygen it brings. (Irwin Goldstein, MD, urologist, Boston Univ School of Medicine.)"

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Found in Psychology Today
May/June issue,
Short Cuts section.

WOOM mates
by Christina Ianzito

"Self-help group of the month: Wives of Older Men, an international networking service for folks in May-December romances. WOOM founder Beliza Ann Furman, who married a 38--year-old when she was 23, offers callers advice on stepchildren, social opportunities, and intramarriage generation gaps ('No, honey, Yo-Yo Ma is not a rap singer").

"'There's a tremendous amount of prejudice against these couples,' Furman says. 'Families often don't welcome them with open arms.' For info, call (908) 747-5586."

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Found in Psychology Today
May/June issue

Safety in numbers?
by Bruce Link, Ph.D.
(prof of psych at
Columbia Univ)

We find elevated rates of violent behavior -- in particular, fighting and weapon use -- among people who have been treated for mental disorders. What does that mean for public safety? The level of risk is comparable to the risk associated with gender and age. So if you want to protect yourself from violence, you would do just as well to avoid men and teenagers as you would people with mental illness.

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The Lure of Psychology
Psychology Today
May/June issue

Even if a fishing trip is your idea of vacation hell, you'll still enjoy "Darwin's Bass" (Keokee Publishing). It's a witty, informal guide to the human mind, as seen by psychologist/fly fisherman Paul Quinnett, Ph.D.

Fishing is a metaphor for human behavior, insists Quinnet, so "Bass" tackles the similarities between good fishing and good sex, not the mention human and trout intelligence. Special bonus: tips on how to recapture your Inner Fishing Child.

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Psychology Today
May/June issue

Biology
The Best Crime Buster?

Take a group of antisocial adolescents -- teens prone to fighting, thievery, and all-around rude- ness -- and check up on them 10 years later. Some will have continued in their antisocial trajectory, becoming full-fledged criminals. But others will now be law-abididng adults.

How do troubled kids turn their lives around? According to psychologist Adrian Raine, Ph.D., their nervous system gives them an edge.

Criminals may generally have lower physiological arousal levels than the rest of us, studies suggest. Their hearts beat less rapidly, their slow brain waves are more pronounced. To compensate for their under- responsive nervous system, some researchers think, such folks are more likely to engage in sensation- seeking activities -- which often means crime.

Hooligans who cease their antisocial antics, though, may be nervous nellies. When Raine studied British lads of varying demeanors, crime desistors actually had higher than normal arousal levels, he reports in the American Journal of Psychiatry (Vol. 152, No. 11). This is, their brains overreacted to stimuli. So they may have found a life of crime a tad too stressful.

If you're anxious and fearful, Raine suggests, perhaps it's more likely that you'll think about the consequences of your actions. Thus while social influences might have led such folks to crime in the first place, it's biology that may help put them back on course. Raine even speculates that biofeedback training, which can alter arousal levels, may one day help at-risk kids resist the lure of crime.

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Found in The Colorado Springs Gazette Telegraph

Give your brain more mileage

You thought you were out there hiking just for the thrill of being in the great outdoors, right? Or you've embraced it as an enjoyable way to exercise?

Well, did you know that your outdoor adventures are also good for your brain?

Researchers have found that older people who remain physi- cally active suffer little or no loss in memory or other brain functions, compared to those who are inactive, the Associated Press reports.

Studies with mice showed that hiker mice (OK, mice who were on a little mouse treadmill) had higher levels of a nerve growth factor that allows nerve cells to stay healthy and also enhances brain centers for learning, memory and abstract thinking.

So, where is that trailhead, anyway?

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They're worse than women's lies, says this noted psychologist
by JOYCE BROTHERS

Men lie to women. Women lie to men. And most people agree that some lying is even necessary - to avoid petty squabbles and to grease the wheels of a relationship.

But there are crucial differences in the lies women and men tell. A 199l study by psychologist Bella M. DePaulo of the University of Virginia found that when women lie, they tend to focus on making others feel better - such as the woman who tells her hostess that dinner is "simply delicious" even as she cringes with every mouthful.

At the heart of many mens ales, however, is the male ego. Men lie to build themselves up or to conceal something DePaulo says. According to psychologist Michael Lewis in the book Lying and Deception in Everyday Life, men are more likely to lie to enhance themselves than women are.

But consistent lying - even about minor matters - can unglue a marriage. Women need to know what kind of lies to watch for, when to accept the lies and when to call a partner's bluff. Here, from my own experience and surveys, are some of the most common lies men tell women:

"Me? I graduated top of my class." This is a classic case of the runaway male ego, designed to present a man in the best light and impress a woman. When the lies continue into marriage, it's not long before the truth will out.

Playwright Neil Simon recalls what happened after his first hit play, Come Blow Your Horn. Every morning he'd leave for his office, telling his wife he was writing his next play. In fact, Simon had become so engrossed in a dart game he'd devised that he had not written a word. "For two months I lied to Joan," he wrote later. "I told her the new play I was feverishly working on was coming along nicely."

Men have a hard time admitting failure. How our culture defines success is important to a man, so he assumes it's important to his partner.

Normally, as trust builds, a man drops these types of lies. If he doesn't, his spouse needs to be careful. A man who can't be honest about his failures - at work or elsewhere - may end up blaming his wife when the going gets tough in their marriage.

"Of course I like your friends!" The lies to make a woman fall in love or stay in love account for many truth-stretchers. In a 1991 study, psychologist William Cooke and an assistant at the State University of New York College at Plattsburgh asked 110 students at the university to look at 88 deceptive tactics - such as inflating one's accomplishments and wearing designer clothes to appear wealthy - and reveal how often they were used in their own relationships. Men were significantly more likely than women to use such deceptions.

A man I know told his girlfriend, "You're a great cook - much better than my mother." In fact, his mother is a chef at a well-known New York restaurant. Fortunately for him, by the time his girlfriend discovered the truth - when they dined at his mother's restaurant - she was so in love that she forgave his overzealous compliment.

Women sometimes aren't as cautious as they should be when flattered. If a man insists that his wife's parents are wonderful, she should observe whether he actually wants to spend time with them. The same applies for her dog, her kids or anything else he says he's crazy about.

Ego-stroking statements that turn out to be total lies may be designed to cover up opposite feelings - for instance, when a man says he values his wife's work but actually doesn't consider it important. Such lies can signal serious problems ahead, whether it's dealing with child care, vacation plans or career moves.

"Honey, you're the best." One of the most lied-about subjects has to be sex. Perhaps that's because it's the area where we are most vulnerable. Here again men are likely to lie.

In the first rush of romance it makes sense for a man to engage in exaggerated praise of a woman's beauty and sexuality. But "you're the best" lies can paralyze a relationship.

A male colleague once confided to me that there were things he hated about his wife's lovemaking. But he couldn't bring them up because he'd spent years telling her she was "the greatest" in bed. By continually lying to her, he had placed real limitations on their love life - and their marriage.

If a woman feels her man is holding back on his true sexual feelings, she needs to encourage him to be open. Talking about her own preferences is a good way to begin. Real intimacy depends on truth - lovingly told - especially in the bedroom.

"No, I can't call you. I don't even Know where I'll be". These are the sad lies, the ones he tells because he's falling out of love. The more quickly a woman seeks the truth behind these lies, the sooner she can remedy the relationship - or, if necessary, end it. As one friend puts it, "I'd rather have the ax fall than slip down the endless slope of uncertainty and frustration.

A wife may not be sure that what her husband is saying means "the end." She should listen closely, not only to what he says, but also to how he says it. According to DePaulo, changes in voice can be significant. She has found that people's voices often get higher or shakier when they lie, and they are more likely to stumble over words.

"That dress isn't too tight. It looks great!" By and large, these are the good lies - the ones that show he cares. But kind lies can be too much of a good thing if a man habitually says only what his partner wants to hear. It sets the woman up for rude awakenings.

After all, if the dress she's wearing really is too tight, has he done her a favor? Far better is the tactful truth: "I usually love what you wear, honey, but it just doesn't look quite as good this time."

Of course, the woman has to mean it when she says she wants the truth. A woman once told sociologist Annette Lawson, "I made him swear always to tell the truth. I promised him I would never resent it, no matter how unbearable, how harsh, how cruel. How could he think I meant it?"

"They're downsizing at work. But don't worry. They won't get me." Many men still feel paternalistic about the women they love, so they lie to spare them worry. But these lies can destroy the very sense of confidence that the man hoped to create. And they can make a woman feel she is not a respected partner in the relationship.

She can demand a halt to these lies only if she isn't engaging in them herself. One couple, both midlevel executives, were worried about losing their jobs, but neither wanted to worry the other. She waited until her husband was asleep to write job applications. He bought a second copy of the newspaper so he could circle employment ads. But the secrecy exacted a price. Eventually the wife began to wonder if her husband was having an affair.

Then one day the husband arrived ahead of schedule for an appointment with a headhunter. "There's another candidate with her now," the receptionist said. It was his wife.

Learning the truth helped the couple begin supporting instead of "protecting" each other. The burden lifted, and their marriage stayed on track. Incidentally, neither of them was fired.

"Sure, I'll mow the lawn - as soon as this crick in my back goes away." There are few things that trouble a man more than a woman's anger - or nagging, as he calls it - so he lies to avoid a scene. It is in "hassle-prevention lying" that men can demonstrate their greatest versatility.

"I'll take the kids to the park - when the weather gets nicer," he says as he goes out the door with golf clubs. "I would have scrubbed the pots, but I couldn't find the scouring pads" - never looking under the sink.

I know of a young man in New York City who forgot his girlfriend's birthday. When she confronted him, he claimed he'd planned a surprise all along. He grabbed the phone, called a home-shopping network and berated the representative for not sending the expensive gift he'd ordered. "If you can't do better than this, I'll tear up my membership card!" he shouted. Of course, the man didn't have a card and had never ordered a gift.

If hassle-prevention lies are occasional, the woman can ignore them. But if they form a pattern, she needs to look at what the real problems are.

IN HIS BOOK The Varnished Truth, David Nyberg, professor of education at State University of New York at Buffalo, states, "Occasionally there is a lot to lose by telling the truth, and something to be gained by not telling the truth." Still, it's important to remember that lies are at heart deceptions, and repeated deceptions destroy intimacy.

Real intimacy is only possible to the degree that we can be honest about what we are doing and feeling. When lying comes to predominate in a marriage, the relationship begins to deteriorate. A husband and wife can sense the trust erode, and feel their hearts growing colder.

The healing oxygen is truth. A woman who is hearing too many lies needs to have a serious discussion with her husband. She should stress she's ready to listen, and ask him to present his thoughts in a caring manner.

Men, for their part, need to develop the courage to drop the defense mechanisms that bolster their egos and pride, and search for true intimacy with their mates. Telling the truth to a spouse is the first step toward showing that love is more important than lies.

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From the Colorado Springs Gazette Telegraph

Forgiveness as therapy gaining new respect
by Mark Curnutte, The Cincinnati Enquirer

"Sharon," 68, was molested by her father for seven years beginning when she was 7.

After a 20-year healing process that started when she was in her 30s, Sharon has forgiven her father.

And she has benefited: fewer headaches, renewed energy, additional comfort in existing relationships and increased self-esteem.

"I worked through the anger and got to the point where I was able to just give it to God. I love my father for who he might have been. I hate him for what he did," says Sharon, who hasn't and won't confront her elderly father. "I said to God: 'I am not the judge. You are. And this is in your hands.' It was a freeing feeling."

Organized religion, people of faith and 12-step programs have long recognized the healing powers of forgiveness. For giver and recipient.

As recently as the 1920s, however, the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, called religion an "illusion" and yet another symptom of neurosis.

These days, though, secular psychology takes seriously forgiveness and other elements of spiritual psychotherapy. New research shows that forgiveness has helped people break intergenerational cycles of revenge, anger and bitterness and resolve resentment within relationships.

An increasing number of therapists are suggesting temple, church or spiritually-based support groups (such as Alcoholics Anonymous) for their patients.

But they point out that whatever the setting - private therapy, family mediation or bedside at a hospice - forgiving can be a difficult process. Too much for some people to achieve but rewarding for those who can negotiate the emotional Journey.

"It's about not letting the hurt control your life," says Mariemont, Ohio, psychologist Jacqueline Kinard.

The danger of not forgiving comes in allowing emotions such as revenge "to take over your life," says psychologist Jacqueline Kowalski, director of Seton Family Center, Price Hill, Ohio, and a Sister of Charity.

Parents who hold grudges and are consumed by revenge, she says, model that behavior for their children.

Reaching the point of forgiveness involves several steps.

Robert Enright, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, has developed a 20-step process contained in five points:

* The first is for victims to realize they have been unjustly treated and have the right to be angry.

* The next is to decide that forgiveness is an option, defining what it is and isn't. "Forgiving does not equal forgetting," Enright says. "Forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation." A widely accepted definition of forgiveness is to pardon, that is, to "release from further punishment."

* Third, victims "reframe" offenders, seeing how they might have grown up or been treated themselves. Victims might begin to understand that offenders are probably victims of similar treatment, while not condoning or excusing their behavior.

* In the fourth stage, victims begin to develop feelings of empathy and compassion for offenders, Enright says, "not because of what they did, but in spite of what they did."

* Finally, victims forgive offenders, possibly breaking a cycle of dysfunction in a family and putting to rest feelings of revenge, anger and bitterness.

"In Christianity, it is the gift Christ willingly gave to humanity on the cross," Enright says. "In the Hindu context, (Mahatma) Gandhi referred to forgiving as the act of absorbing pain."

The process has been tested in studies, including one involving female incest victims at the University of Northern Iowa in Cedar Falls. In it, 12 women in a control group were counseled without the forgiveness option, Enright says. Twelve other women were given the choice of following the model.

After one year, he says, "the experimental group went down in depression, up in self-esteem and hope... We didn't expect such results."

But the most important and difficult step for sexual abuse victims is to forgive themselves, says clinical social worker Estelle Galper of Jewish Family Service, Roselawn and Montgomery, Ohio.

"Women will say, 'I have forgiven him,' but they wonder why they still feel so bad," Galper says. "They are carrying around suppressed anger and guilt. They have skipped over the stages of grief: 'Why me? Why did my body react in a pleasurable way? Why didn't I stop him?' These are not easy things to work through."

To Galper and a Texas researcher, whether to forgive the perpetrator becomes an empowering option.

In his book, "Families and Forgiveness," Amarillo College professor Terry Hargrave writes that forgiveness "takes bad feelings a step further and offers the choice of either salvaging the self or restoring the relationship."

READY TO FORGIVE?

Are you ready to forgive someone? If you're not sure, ask yourself these questions says Robert Enright, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. This quiz first appeared in Special Report magazine:

* If you wake up in the middle of the night, do thoughts of that person keep you awake?

* When you wake up in the morning, is that person the first you think of? Does he or she pop into your thoughts unexpectedly?

* If you're driving alone in your car or watching TV, is that person still in your mind?

* Do you replay the hurtful incident over in your mind?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, it may be time to forgive Professor Enright says. You may be obsessing about that person.

By staying hurt or angry, you unconsciously are hoping to figure a suitably horrible punishment or force an apology from that person.

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Found in the Colorado Springs Gazette Telegraph

Survey rates U.S. lovers as leaders
Gannett News Service

The results of the first Durex Global Survey of sexual behavior, sponsored by the makers of Sheik, Avanti and Ramses condoms, shows the U.S. finishing first in many of the survey's categories. (Ten thousand men and women in 15 countries were polled on such questions as age at first sexual intercourse, frequency of sex, important factors while making love, sexual priorities, prepara- tion for safer sex and perceptions of national love- making quality.)

U.S. lovers finish first in serveral categories:

* The most sexually active.
The U.S. leads the world, with an annual sexual intercourse average of 135 times, or once every 2.7 days. (Russia=133 times; Thailand=64.)

* Has earliest sexual intercourse.
"Early and often" might be our motto. World average=17.6 yrs. U.S. average= 16.2. (Britain=16.7; Brazil=16.9; France=17; South Africa 17.1; Russia= 18.3; Hong Kong=18.9.)

* Personal satisfaction.
61% of U.S. respondents put "my own personal sexual satisfaction: first on a list of sexual priorities; only 23% placed satisfying the partner at the top of the list. Are neighbors to the north and south are more into pleasing partners: Canadians=51%; Mexicans rated it first.

* What are we not worried about?
Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Zero % in this country called not catch- ing HIV-AIDS or other STDs important, the only nation to do so.

* The world thinks we're safe. 67% of respondents thought the U.S. is best prepared for safer sex, followed by France, Britain, and Canada.

* Image is everything.
U.S. movie stars lead the "Most Sexy Man" and :Most Sexy Woman" categories, with Mel Gibson and Madonna on top.

We lose the big one, though. By the survey's calculations, the French are better lovers than we are, probably only because, at 11th in the category, we care so little about our partners' needs.

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Found in the Colorado Springs Gazette Telegraph

SPERM CELLS ARE FROZEN, TRANSPLANTED
Associated Press

Scientists have successfully transplanted sperm-making cells between species, raising the possibility someday of using animals to produce sperm for infertile men.

They have also found that the sperm-making cells can be frozen for a long time, which could one day enable men made sterile by chemotherapy to regain their fertility.

With further improvement, the techniques could also be a boon to conservation of endangered animals, livestock breeding and studies of human genetic diseases, said researcher Ralph Brinster.

Sperm from humans and some animals is already routinely frozen for later use. But those samples capture only a tiny fraction of the genetic combinations a male can produce.

The latest research involves what are known as stem cells, from which all sperm spring. Freezing stem cells could confer a sort of biological immortality because they "really embody the essence of the individual," Brinster said.

"If you freeze the stem cell, you've really frozen the individual," said Brinster, a researcher at the Univ of Pennsylvania's School of Veterinary Medicine. "That individual, the fast race horse, the high-producing bovine, that's in the freezer forever."

Brinster and colleagues reported their findings on freezing in the June issue of the hournal Nature Medicine. They froze sperm-making cells from mice for as long as 156 days, thawed them, implanted them in other mice and found that the cells produced sperm.

In a second study, published in today's issue of the journal Nature, Brinster and colleagues reported that when they transplanted rat stem cells into mice, the mice made rat sperm.

Brinster said previous studies make him confident that sperm would produce normal offspring after the freezing or transplant process.

Stem cell transplants might someday help infertile men who can't make sperm or prepubescent boys who are about to undergo chemotherapy that will sterilize them permanently as a side effect, Brinster said.

As for a boy, his cells could be frozen until he matured, and then either transplanted back into him or into an animal if he didn't want to undergo the transplant operation, Brinster said.

The idea of cross-species transplants raises ethical issues, the biggest of which is making sure the procedure would not cause physical harm to the resulting children, said Art Caplan, director of the Center for Bioethics at the Univ of Pennsylvania.

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Found in the Colorado Springs Gazette Telegraph

FRUIT FLIES EVOLVE TO AID PROCREATION, STUDY FINDS

Male fruit flies continuously evolve to pursue the goal of passing more of their genes on to the next generation thru sex, but the process can be hazardous to their mates, a study suggests.

Fruit flies were bred with a procedure that let males evolve in response to females, but not vice versa. Normally, females probably evolve to counteract the harmful effects of male evolution, said researcher William Rice.

The experiment went on for 41 generations. Males developed greater ability to mate with females that had previously been mated by competitors. Normally such females are reluctant to mate again.

The remating led to reduced survival rates amonth the females. hat's because of the toxicity of seminal fluid for female fruit flies.

Fruit fly seminal fluid helps a male fertilize as many eggs as possible by suppressing a female's sexual appetite for sex with competitors, increasing her egg-laying rate and fighting off sperm from competitors.

The work is reported in the May 16 issue of the journal Nature.