PT: What is the single most important thing you want
people to know about infidelity?
HEM: Boundaries. That it is possible to love somebody
else, to be attracted to somebody else, even if you have
a good marriage. In this collegial world where we work
together, you have to conduct yourself by being aware of
appropriate boundaries, by not creating opportunities,
particularly at a time when you might be vulnerable.
That means that if you travel together, you never invite
someone for a drink in the room; if you just had a fight
with your spouse, you don't discuss it with a potential
partner.
You can have a friendship, but you have to be careful who
you share vour deepest feelings with. Although women share
their deep feelings with lots of peoole, particularly other
women, men are usually most comfortable sharing their
feelings in a love relationship. As a result, when a
relationship becomes intimate and emotional, men tend to
sexualize it.
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