Oozing Machismo - Alf's Guide to Depression Part 2

3. When you're sad, do you drown your sorrows in Tab Cola and watch the Wizard of Oz or Muppet Babies?
a)Yes, that is sadly my life
b)Sort of, I use Mr. T cereal and reruns of Gomer Pyle.
c)No, when i get sad, I don't need help from tv and Mr. T

4. Have you reached a point in your life that you would describe as a downward spiral? This could include not caring at all what others think about you(wearing Elmo shirts and telling all that you watch Bean the Movie every night) or inhaling those fruit scented pens until you feel a buzz.
a) Yes, I must be on the way down, since this describes me
b) I fit that description, but I think I'm improving
c) No, Bean is on crack and Elmo is gay

Results: Well honestly, it's very hard to know if someone is depressed. But I am a specialist. If you answered mostly a's or b's, get help. Prozac is the answer. If you answered mostly c's, you're in denial. You are actually in deep depression, and denial means you are in worse shape than all the rest. Prozac is the answer. No need to thank me, well actually there is. You're welcome.

Well children, I think that's enough help for one day. Actually, I think I'm depressed myself now. Don't worry, I'll feel better after a night of Flintstones Vitamins and Pina Coladas. And in the morning, my Prozac stocks will be way up since all of you will have gotten prescriptions and large amounts of it. Haha, then it will be time to go buy a new Porsche and pick up chicks buy promising them I'll buy them stuff. Oh hell yeah, who ever said money can't buy love? Huh huh huh, I kill me!