Seasons In The Sun
Chapter 9 :Nicola
I didn't mean to let you down, you have to believe it.
I hated him. I hated him with a passion for what his selfishness had done to Mark, to us. When I saw the look on Mark's face my heart shattered. I wanted to go back in time, erase all that was going to come out. I saw Georgina break down, no-one would ever know she knew about it. The shock actually knocked Mark to the ground, and my first instinct was to comfort him. He actually threw me, and whether he meant me to or not, I landed at Kian's feet. That bastard actually had the cheek to help me up. I let all the rage I'd saved up out, it didn't matter any more. I ran off stage to compose myself in my dressing room. I crept back to the stage to see if Mark was okay. He was far from it, his whole body shaking with the grief. I knew his mind was shaking more. I'd destroyed him, what was nothing more than a drunken mistake had destroyed the man I loved.
He thought I'd broken our marriage vows, when in reality it had been way before that. All I could give him now was the truth and hope for a second chance. But I didn't think he'd ever forgive me. He sat at the other end of that sofa absolutely rigid, determined to show me no emotion. I steeled myself for his stare and started to speak. "Do you remember that night Mark, we'd fought before we'd got to Bryan's. The most ridiculous row on the planet and... Well. Anyway. We got there and I started to drink. I mean drink like I've never drank before, you saw me, I was in no state to know who anyone was. I even thought Shane was you! Then Kian... Kian with his newly dyed hair. Kian who knew of our fight. Kian who'd seen how much I'd drank. Kian... who loved me. I didn't like to think about it but I did know. I'd known for a while that he loved me, and he used his own drunken confidence to convince me that it was you who took me in your arms, it was you who told me how sorry you were about the mess, that it was you who wanted to make up. I'm so sorry Mark, I should've known not to drink so much, I don't like to lose control, but the thought that I'd lost you, and I had hoped it would give me courage to swallow my pride with you, but the more I drank the more I needed." "What happened Nicola, give me that" "You know what happened" "I need to hear you say it." "I can't" "Tell me what happened dammit!" I swallowed hard "He whispered in my ear, saying how sorry he was about the mess, how he loved me and would do anything to keep me. Then he mentioned the spare room at the back. He lifted me in his arms and carried me there, he lay me down on the bed, I thought it was you Mark, " "Tell me" "He touched me like you do, his arms felt like yours. Oh how long he must have watched us to know just how to hold me. He kept telling me he loved me, that he couldn't be without me. and..." "You made love." "No, we had sex. It was nothing more, I love you Mark, I make love to you. Bryan came in the next morning just as I was coming around. I saw him open the door, and close it again looking shocked. He came in again a few moments later I was sitting up, staring at Kian, wondering where you were. Then I realised that Kian's hair was black and I screamed! I looked at Bryan and screamed in agony. It brought Kian round. He saw me sobbing in Bryan's arms. Then he stammered his apologies and fled. You arrived moments later, you took me from Bryan's arms thinking I was crying about you and I was. I know I should have told you then but I knew what it would do to you. I have no reason to lie anymore, and I wouldn't do that, all I have to offer is the truth. I love you Mark, more than you can possibly know. "There has to be something there for you to sleep with him." "No, there's nothing! Mark I thought he was you... it's lame but it's true. I feel nothing for Kian! "I've suspected for a long time that he was in love with you, and now I have to face the truth, that you love him too." "No!" "Yes" "Well then what's stopping me Mark? If I love him, and he loves me, then what's stopping me?!" "Good ..question!! " I got up and knelt in front of him, I put my hands on his and looked openly into his eyes "If you don't know the answer, then you don't know me." I got up and headed for the door when he spoke.
Chapter 10