Part Six: Observe and Record
The rest of the evening was blessedly uneventful, and was spent
munching on pizza and
channel surfing with Drew, Kate, and Oswald.
Ryan had willed himself to be calm, knowing that if he was going
to pass as Lewis for
the next few days he would have to behave as if nothing was
wrong. It wouldn't be that
hard, he thought; at least until he realized that he wasn't quite
sure where in the show's
timeline he was. He couldn't tell for certain whether he
was in an episode (or between
episodes) that had already been filmed, or if he was at a point
somewhere beyond of
this. If that was the case, he was flying blind.
From what he could gather, Drew and Kate were no longer a couple,
but their friendship
was solid again -- this had been planned by the writers even
before the current season
started. A better clue to his location in the continuity would be
if Mimi had already had
her baby. Ryan knew he couldn't ask that. Smaller mistakes
on his part could be
blamed on the residual effects of the electric shock, but a major
plot point like that...
well, he knew it would be a dead giveaway that something wasn't
right. So he sat back,
watched and waited, and forced himself to relax. There was
nothing he could do until
Monday anyway, so he might as well get comfortable for a
while. Which he did.
Actually, it was kind of nice just sitting here, hanging out with
friends...and it was
almost like he really did know them, Ryan thought, since he was
so familiar with their
characters. It was nice that his counterpart had good
friends like these. The real
Lewis could be sort of strange at times -- most of the time
actually -- and it said a lot
for them that they stayed with him through thick and thin.
Especially Oswald, who (at
the end of the evening) had insisted on driving them back to
their apartment above the
Warsaw, so that 'Lewis' wouldn't have to concentrate on anything
but feeling better.
He was still concerned about his companion, that was quite clear
to Ryan.
"You know, you really don't have to help me get ready for
bed," Ryan said as gently as
he could, as Oswald fussed over him like a mother hen.
"I'm fine; the doctor said so."
Oswald looked him up and down skeptically, then handed him a set
of pajamas he'd
taken out of a drawer. "Well...OK," he
replied. "But if you start feeling weird, or if you
need anything, just let me know, all right?"
"I will," said Ryan. "Just let me go and
brush my teeth, and then I'll go straight to bed.
I promise." He dropped the pajamas onto the bed, then
headed off to the bathroom --
thankful that the apartment was small and he wouldn't have to
search very long before
he found it.
Once he'd gone inside, Ryan stared at the mirror for a while.
Then he opened the
medicine cabinet...and was confronted with another dilemma.
// All right, // he mused, looking at the two toothbrushes.
// Which one of these is mine? //
He thought about it for a second. // Probably the one
that's not already wet, dummy.
Oswald was in here before you. //
// Now, if only everything about this parallel universe was as
easy to figure out. // He
sighed, then began brushing his teeth. For Ryan, all the
feelings of camaraderie at Drew's
earlier that night had given way to a profound sense of
loneliness. Now that he was alone
with his thoughts, all he could think about was how isolated he
was, and how much he
missed Colin. Colin, his best and closest friend; Colin,
his lover; Colin, who was back in
the real world, with Lewis...
...with Lewis?
That stopped his train of thought dead in its tracks.
What about Lewis, the man he'd switched places with?
Was he at ABC studios back in
the real world, and if so, what was he doing there? Would
he be trying to pull off the same
sham as he was, trying to convince everyone he was really someone
named Ryan Stiles?
And what lengths would he go to in order to prove it?
Ryan's brow furrowed. Lewis and his paranoid conspiracy
theories...he'd be the type to
play along with Drew and the others while he was trying to figure
out where he was and
what was going on. He probably wouldn't let on that he
wasn't actually Ryan -- and the
weirder it got for him, the more likely he would be to dig in his
heels and insist that he was.
The thought of this, and of what could happen between his double
and Colin, was nearly
enough to make him drop his toothbrush.
Ryan frowned in consternation. He and Colin had planned to
spend a little 'quality time'
together after the show. But Lewis wouldn't be
interested...would he? The show had
always portrayed Lewis as being attracted to women. Very
attracted. Colin had appeared
in a few episodes as a character who worked with Drew, and Lewis
hadn't been
interested in him...if anything, Lewis would have been
interested in Oswald. After all,
they'd been throwing in allusions and hints about them almost
since the show started. And
since Oswald and Lewis had separate bedrooms, the interest (if it
was even there) would
have to be subconscious only. So if Lewis wasn't sleeping
with Oswald, there was no way
he was going to sleep with Colin. Right? Right.
Ryan sighed as he went back to Lewis's room. All this
thinking about Colin was making
him miss the Canadian even more.
He stripped silently, then put on the pajamas that Oswald had
left out for him. As he
settled into bed, he thought about his game plan for the weekend,
wondering if he'd even
be able to sleep after everything that had happened. But he
was so drained from the
events of the day that he found himself drifting off easily.
"Goodnight, Lewis," he heard the other man call softly
from outside his door.
"Goodnight," he replied sleepily.
There was a brief pause. "I'm so glad you're all
right. I...I worry about you, buddy."
Ryan smiled. "I know."
And then he was asleep.
Part Seven: Meanwhile, Back at the
Ranch
The first thing Lewis Kiniski heard after what felt like being
drop-kicked to Neptune
was a sarcastic voice from somewhere nearby.
"Yeah, Drew," said the voice laconically. "I
think it's about time to call it a night."
"Gee Greg, what a great idea," he heard Drew Carey
reply. "Especially since half the
lighting's been blown out." There was a brief
pause. "Again, folks, I'm really sorry
about all this..."
"What a rush," he breathed. "But remind me
to never do that again." Lewis pulled
himself to his feet and looked around. Then he blinked.
This didn't look like Drew's
living room. Drew's living room didn't have overhead stage lights
or cameras or
rows of seats for a now-departing audience.
He must have gotten an electrical shock -- nothing else could
have knocked him flat
on his ass like that, he thought, or make him see things that
obviously weren't there.
"Nice dive, Ryan," said a black man as he came up to
him, grinning. "Taking cover
under Drew's desk. Good thinking."
Lewis didn't say anything; he continued looking around
quizzically. This place looked
like some kind of TV studio. He didn't recognize any of this, but
he thought he knew
the man who'd just spoken to him. Wayne, that was his
name. He'd met him a few
times before, once at a party of Drew's and once at the Warsaw,
when he was
repairing some of the ductwork between the tavern and the
apartment above it.
Lewis blinked a few more times, then rubbed his eyes for good
measure. When he
opened them again and looked down at himself, he saw that he
wasn't wearing what he
had been that morning. Instead of the plaid flannel shirt and
jeans he'd had on before,
now he was in khakis and a sort of eggplant-colored cotton
shirt. How in the world
had that happened? Who were all these people around him,
and where were Oswald
and Kate?
Something strange was definitely going on.
"Drew?" he asked cautiously, to the one person there he
really knew. "What is this, an
alien abduction?"
Drew shrugged. "I dunno, Ry. At least it
happened at the end of the taping. We'll let
the maintenance department take a look at it; they should have
whatever it is cleared up
by next week's show."
"Next week's show?" he replied in confusion. This
was getting weirder by the second.
A few minutes ago he'd been at Drew's, tinkering with one of
those new transportation
modules, and now he was here -- wherever here was. People
who looked familiar
were calling him by someone else's name, but were acting like
nothing was out of the
ordinary.
He thought about it some more. Maybe this was a government
experiment, or some
kind of DrugCo test or something -- that must be it. Well,
whatever it was, he was
going to pass. He raised an eyebrow knowingly.
"Uh, yeah. Next week's show."
The first man who'd spoken, the one who looked sort of like Buddy
Holly, gave him
and Drew a sardonic look. "I'm outta here, guys,"
he said. "See you all next time."
"Hey, Ryan," said a balding blond man with a sly
smile. "Are you all right? It sounded
like you hit that floor pretty hard -- I hope you didn't damage
anything important."
"Oh, I don't know; I'm kind of sore..." he said
noncommittally. He recognized this man
too. This was Eugene Anderson, who worked at Winfred-Louder
and who'd once
told him that his ass was as cute as a cupcake.
"Colin, don't let him snow you. He's fine."
// OK then, this isn't Eugene Anderson. This is someone
named Colin, who doesn't
think my ass is as cute as a cupcake. //
The smile on his face broadened. "Since we're getting
off a little early tonight, why
don't we grab some takeout on the way back to your house?"
"My house?" Lewis repeated.
"Well we can't exactly go back to mine, now can we?"
Colin said, as if the reason
should be utterly and completely obvious to him.
"Um, yeah -- sounds good to me," Lewis replied,
although he actually had no idea
what the other man was talking about. "But I'm a
little short this week..." He dug
around in his back pocket and took out his wallet, not really
surprised when he found
it wasn't his wallet at all. He opened it, partly to see
how much money he had with
him, but mostly to see if there was any clue about his new
identity inside. And there
it was...a driver's license, with the name 'Ryan Stiles'. The
picture, though, was of
himself.
"Don't worry about it," said Colin, with a pat on the
back. "I know the alimony's
taking a lot out of you right now. Besides, until you get
another car, I'm your ride --
and if I say we're getting something to eat, we're getting
something to eat." He smiled
again. "I know how hungry you are after a
taping. It's my treat."
Lewis responded with a smile of his own. "OK
then." He was determined that he
would find out what was going on here, but until then he would
have to play along.
All would be revealed eventually.
And now that he thought about it, he really was hungry.
Part Eight: O Canada
// Wow, // Lewis thought as they pulled up to what he guessed was
his house. // Fancy. //
By now, Lewis had figured out that wherever he was, he sure
wasn't in Cleveland
anymore. That much was obvious from the car ride.
He'd tried not to gawk too much
during the trip, which included (as promised) a stop at a Chinese
take-out place. He'd
caught a glimpse of the other man's driver's license when he'd
paid for the food; instead
of Eugene Anderson, the name listed was Colin Mochrie.
'Colin' even sounded a little
different than Eugene; in fact, he sounded Canadian. Nice
touch. He marveled at the
lengths that DrugCo had gone to in order to set this up...even
flying him and Drew and
the others out to wherever this was. He couldn't help but
wonder who the house really
belonged to -- he was a little surprised at how big and
expensive-looking the place was,
and that for now it was supposed to be his.
He was a little more surprised when Colin opened the trunk of the
car and took out
what appeared to be an overnight bag.
Colin stood beside him on the doorstep, presumably waiting for
him to open the door.
Lewis fumbled around, reaching with the hand not currently
carrying bags of take-out,
searching for the keys he assumed would be somewhere on his
person. Colin watched
politely for a few seconds, then pulled out his own set of keys
and opened the front door
himself.
// I thought this was supposed to be Ryan's house, // Lewis
thought, as he followed the
other man in. But he didn't want to say anything about it
-- he didn't want to lose any
points on the 'test' or whatever it was. He'd heard from
others at DrugCo about the
crazy things they did to candidates for promotion. They probably
wanted to see how
he'd react to a bizarre situation like this, that must be
it. So he continued following after
Colin until they reached the kitchen, consoling himself with the
fact that everyone in
management had probably gone through the same thing.
// Like a fraternity hazing or something, // he thought
confidently.
Colin took some of the bags from him and set them on the table.
Lewis put the rest of
them down, watching as the other man opened the refrigerator and
pulled out a six-pack.
"Just what I wanted," said Lewis with a grin, taking a
beer.
Colin replied with a mischievous, almost suggestive look.
"Oh, I know exactly what
you want."
Lewis raised an eyebrow at that, but any concerns he may have had
were soon
washed away by the meal...and the beer. The few times
they'd needed anything (for
instance, another six-pack) Colin had gotten it. Colin
seemed to know where every-
thing was. By the end of the meal, Lewis had decided that Colin
(or whatever he wanted
to call himself) was OK in his book...but he was still a little
confused that the 'Canadian'
seemed prepared to stay, even after the meal was over.
Unsure of what was expected
of him, Lewis had suggested they head back to the living room for
a little TV. Colin
agreed, this time following Lewis (who knew he could find his way
back there, even
though he was more than a little buzzed).
"Still sore?" the Canadian asked.
"Sore?" Lewis repeated, then remembered what he'd said
at the studio. "Oh, yeah, a
little." He rubbed at his neck and shoulder as if they
were stiff, then sat down on the
couch.
Colin sat down beside him and smiled. "I know
something that will take care of that."
He slipped his arm behind Lewis, rubbing his back lightly.
Lewis's brow furrowed, but what the other man was doing really
did feel good. But he
wasn't sure he should be letting someone he didn't know all that
well do this, even if it
was just a harmless little massage. Even if he had been
drinking.
"Turn around," said Colin soon after that.
"I'll do your shoulders next."
Lewis nodded wordlessly, and soon found himself relaxing.
He hadn't realized how
tense he'd been, how nervous he was about messing up the chance
for promotion.
He'd hoped that repairing one of the transport devices from
R&D would have gotten
him in without any further testing, but it seemed that wasn't the
case.
"You were so good tonight," said Colin warmly from
behind him, his fingertips pressing
into his shoulderblades. "The audience loved you...you
had them eating out of your
hand."
"Mmm," Lewis murmured, closing his eyes and smiling as
the stroking became more
involved. No-one had touched him like this in a long time,
and he was really enjoying it.
Even after it went from being relaxing and had begun to feel a
little...sensual. Lewis
wondered if the other man meant for him to be responding this
way. He was a little
intrigued, he couldn't deny it; but even so, he wasn't at all
prepared for the kiss Colin
gave him on the side of his neck.
"Um...Colin?" he began haltingly.
"Mmm?" the other man purred, nuzzling behind his ear.
"Uh..." then he started giggling -- it tickled.
It wasn't like he'd never thought of this before -- he supposed
every guy had at least
once in their lives -- it's just that he wouldn't have picked
this particular man to do it
with. No, he would have picked someone else...hair a little
darker, a little curlier, a
little more there in the first place...
// Oh, what the hell, // he thought, as the hands that had been
on his shoulders slipped
around and began unbuttoning his shirt. He could always blame it
on the booze.
Lewis rolled his head back, giving himself over to the sensations
and the ministrations
of the Canadian. // He was kind of cute after all. //
He leaned back a little, wanting
to be touched even more...but at that point, the hands that were
caressing him so
sensuously suddenly stopped.
Lewis opened his eyes questioningly. The other man had
pulled back and was
staring at him.
"What?" Lewis managed to gasp.
"Ryan...?" the other man asked tentatively, still
staring. "What the hell is that?"