Big Evil- Red Devil Roleplay

/-/-\-\The Undertaker is sitting down at a restaurant enjoying a meal with his lovely wife Sara when suddenly The Undertaker's cellular phone begins to ring. He reaches into his pocket, pulls it out and answers it.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Hello, Mark Callaway speaking.

'Dead Man's Agent' John- Taker, it's me, John, your manager, listen, I just got off the phone with Wrestlemania-Entertainment, and they want you to wrestle Bret Hart one on one on the next edition of SLAM! How great is that!

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah, great work John, but don't you think you could of found me a better opponent than Bret Hart!.

'Dead Man's Agent' John- Taker, I tried to negotiate with WME about giving you a tougher opponent, but they believe in that "work your way to the top" philosophy. So you gotta start off with Bret Hart

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Well after they see what I do to Bret Hart on SLAM, then they are going to be taking notice of The Undertaker but if WME want's me to work my way to the top just like all the other guys, then I will, but John, seriously man....Bret Hart....that's lower than the bottom, why the hell did WME even sign that punk, he was....alright in his time, but his time was like six years ago, what the hell is he still doing wrestling?

'Dead Man's Agent' John- I ain't got the slightest clue Taker, but just remember, on SLAM, all you have to do is use this guy as a stepping stone, don't fool around once you get into the ring, just take the guy down and finish him quickly! If you do that in all your matches, then Taker, you will be making your way to the top of WME quicker than anybody thought you could. On SLAM, you will prove to WME that you are without a doubt, 'Big Evil'...'Red Devil'....'The American Bad Ass'.....and most of all......The Undertaker!

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Don't worry John, that is exactly what I am going to do on SLAM when I kick the crap out of Bret Hart and make his ass famous, after the beating he receives from me, he will never want to show his face in WME again

'Dead Man's Agent' John- Good Taker, I know you can do it, I will see you backstage at SLAM, okay?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Sure thing.

The Undertaker hangs up the phone and looks at his wife Sara.

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- Who was that?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- John.

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- Your agent?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- What did he have to say?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Not a whole lot, just that I gotta face Bret Hart on WME SLAM.

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- Are you serious?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah why?

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- Well you know how I watch WME occasionally.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah.

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- Well.....Bret Hart is horrible (laughs) I have no idea why WME would even think of putting you against him, you would wipe the floor with him in seconds.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Well John told me that in the WME, they have a policy thing where you sorta gotta "work your way to the top". But Bret Hart used to be a legend, emphasis on "used to be", now, he is nothing but washed up and if he thinks he can play with the big boys in the WME, he is dead wrong and I am gonna prove it on SLAM!

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- I hope you do. I can't stand him, but he is arguably the best technical wrestler to ever step foot into the ring, you know that don't you?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah I do, don't worry. But even if he can still "technical wrestle", well I will have to beat him at his own game.

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- How are you going to do that?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- You'll see.

The Undertaker picks up his cellular phone once again, dials in a number and places the phone next to his ear.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah hello, I would like to book a flight to Calgary, Alberta, Canada...... (Travel Agent Speaks)........Yep, first class please, when's the next flight? ......(Travel Agent Speaks) ........Tomorrow morning! Good, I will take it. (Travel Agent Speaks) .....Hmmm....bill it to Wrestlemania-Entertainment. Thanks.

The Undertaker hangs up his cell phone and smiles at Sara.

'Dead Man's Wife' Sara- And what the hell are you planning to do in Calgary, Alberta?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Learn how to "Technical Wrestle"

The Undertaker laughs /-/-\-\

/-/-\-\ The next scene opens up with The Undertaker driving his rental car in Calgary, Alberta, Canada the day after his dinner with his wife Sara. He begins looking at a map on his lap occasionally, he pulls over and gets out of the rental car with the map in hand and walks into a grocery shop, he walks up to the man behind the counter and shoves the map onto the counter.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yo, do you know who Bret Hart is?

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' I do.......come on man, this is Calgary, Alberta, Canada......Bret Hart is GOD! He is the best there is, the best there was

The Undertaker shoves his hand into the guy's face, stopping it an inch before Allan's face. Allan becomes frightended.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I didn't ask for your life story.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Well sir, I wasn't giving you my life story, I was telling you about how people in Calgary respect Bret Hart.

The Undertaker sighs.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Are you getting smart with me boy?

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' No sir, I was just telling you the truth.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Listen here punk......I am not going to stay here for a little bit of chit-chat with a kid who doesn't deserve to even be in my presence!

Allan becomes silent.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Now listen to me before I use your tongue as a shoe-shiner! Do you know where Bret Hart lives.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Sure I do.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- See this map!

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Yes sir.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Point where Bret Hart lives

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Ummmmmm......let me see........

Allan begins looking down at the map..........after about 10 seconds The Undertaker slaps Allan across the side of the head.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Hurry up, I don't have much time, I gotta be in Columbus, Ohio in a few days!

Allan looks up at The Undertaker as he is speaking.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- What the hell are you looking at me for? Look at the damn map!

Allan looks down at the map once again and after a moment he points to a location on the map.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' That's where he lives.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- You sure.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Of course I am sure, everyone knows where Bret Hart lives.....like I said before, he is a god in this town.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Are you going to be watching SLAM this week?

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Well....to tell you a secret....every SLAM, I cuddle up to my Bret Hart doll and I

The Undertaker cuts him off.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Are you some kind of sick freak or something?

Allan shakes his head

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' No sir.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Can you please answer my question? Are you going to be watching SLAM? And I don't wanna hear your little sick sex fantasies with Bret Hart alright? Just a simple yes or no.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Yes.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Do you know who Bret Hart is facing?

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' No. But who ever he is will be getting his ass kicked by the Excellence Of Execution.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I said a simple YES or NO! answer to my questions! Are you stupid or something boy?

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' No.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Well you must be, because Bret Hart is going to be the one who is getting his ass kicked on SLAM courtesy of THE UNDERTAKER!

The Undertaker smiles.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Who's that?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- You don't know who The Undertaker is?

The Undertaker looks to become infuriated.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' No sir, are you a big fan of his?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I AM THE UNDERTAKER! I am the man who will kick the crap out of Bret Hart on SLAM! Do you even think Bret Hart can stand a chance against The Red Devil....Big Evil? .......And you better think long and hard about this one kid because the wrong answer could hurt you, literally.

Allan becomes silent for a few seconds.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' No.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Good to hear. One more question......how many people live in this piece of crap town Calgary?

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Ummm.....around 9000 sir.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Well there will be 9000 extra Undertaker fans after SLAM because I will be using The Hitman as my punching bag and if he thinks he is going to out "technical wrestle" me....The Undertaker! Then he is dead wrong because I am going to go to Stu Hart, and I am going to go down into the "Hart Dungeon" and I am going to learn how to "technical wrestle" like The Hitman and on SLAM, you just wait and see........Bret Hart will Rest In Peace

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Well sir

The Undertaker walks off smiling./-/-\-\

/-/-\-\Scene opens up a few minutes later with The Undertaker stopping his rental car outside a house, it is a big brick house, The Undertaker exits his rental car that he parked on the side walk and gets out and begins walking, he walks up to the gate and stares at a metal plaque that is cemented into the bricks at the side of the gate. It reads "Hart House".

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I guess this must be the place.

The Undertaker pushes open the gates and begins walking up the gravel driveway, he finally makes his way up the long driveway and knocks on the front door, and moments later the door opens.

'Hitman's Mum' Martha Hart' Can I help you?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I'm here to see Stu Hart.

'Hitman's Mum' Martha Hart' Sure thing, come right in, he is sitting down watching television.

The Undertaker walks into the house and Martha Hart directs The Undertaker into the living room where Stu Hart is watching Girls Gone Wild!

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Good show isn't it?

Stu Hart quickly grabs the remote and switches off the television.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' What's a good show? I was just reading a magazine.....

Stu Hart gets up off his chair and he has an erection! The Undertaker accidentally notices it.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Stu, you wanna sit back down for a while?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Huh? Why would I wanna do that?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Ummmm.......

The Undertaker looks at Stu Hart's pants.....Stu looks down as well and notices

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Shit!

Stu Hart quickly sits back down onto his chair and grabs a pillow and places it over it.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Please don't go and tell Martha I got one of these please. 

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Why's that?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Because she has been waiting for 15 years for me to get one of these, we tried everything, viagra....horseplay......

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- WOW MAN! Seriously......I came here to talk about Bret Hart, your son! Not your sex life, jeez, you are like 90 years old.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Well Bret isn't here sorry, he is in Columbus, Ohio getting ready for his match in some WFM or something.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- You mean WME?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Yeah that's the one. He is travelling around in a lot of different promotions ever since the screwjob in Montreal in 1997.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- What is it with this town and Bret Hart? They basically masturbate over him, jeez.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' If the only reason you came here was to tease my son Bret, then you can get out right now because I don't wanna hear it!

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Settle down before you have a heart attack or break a hip or something. The reason I came here is because I want to learn how to "technical wrestle" as good as your son, Bret Hart.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Really?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah, of course......I have seen Bret Hart wrestle....and he is AWESOME! (The Undertaker rolls his eyes when Stu Hart looks away)

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Well since you think so highly of my son and the abilities I have taught him, I will show you how to "technical wrestle" as good as my son.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Well let's go cause I am anxious to learn.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Well hold on a minute please.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Why? What's wrong?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Ummm...the.....you know......(points to the pillow)

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Oh right, well just tell me when you un-pitch your tent.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Well....it could be a while.....why don't you go and check out the trophy room.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Where is it?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Second door on the right.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Okay, just let me know when your "Hidden Dragon" turns back into a "Crouching Tiger"

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Sure thing.

The Undertaker exits the living room and heads down the hallway, he turns into the second door on the right, just like Stu Hart instructed. The Undertaker looks around the room and see's Championship Belts, Pictures, Medals, Wrestling Gear and some other items. He looks in a glass case to see an old WWF Championship Belt, he reads the label......"Won at Summerslam 97 after pinning The Undertaker".

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Well you take it from me.....I take it from you.

The Undertaker opens up the glass case and grabs the old WWF Championship Belt, he lifts up his "Red Devil" T-Shirt and straps it on underneath it, he then puts his shirt back down. He continues to look around the Hart trophy room, he spots some Bret Hart trading cards, The Undertaker picks them up and takes a quick glance at them in his hand.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Now what sorry ass son of a bitch would want to have Bret Hart trading cards?

The Undertaker rips the trading cards in half.....and then into quarters and then throws them out the window. The Undertaker looks out the window to see the Hart's dog eating up the trading cards and The Undertaker smiles.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Now what other bits of Bret Hart memorabilia can I steal or destroy?

The Undertaker begins looking around again when suddenly Stu Hart enters the room.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' All gone!

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- What's all gone?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' I don't have my tent anymore!

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- What the hell are you talking about old man? 

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' My woody

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Is this some sort of old man talk or something because I don't understand what you are saying?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' (whispers) My erection.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Ohhhh......why did you whisper?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' So Martha didn't hear us.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Oh that's right, she isn't supposed to know is she?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' No!

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Okay man, well......are you gonna teach me how to "technical wrestle" or what?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Oh, I almost forgot, come this way with me.

The Undertaker and Stu Hart leave the trophy room and walk down a flight of stairs until they reach the basement, which is what Stu Hart calls his "Dungeon"

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' So are you a big fan of Bret?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- You could say that yeah.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Good to hear.

The Undertaker looks around at the "Dungeon"

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- So this is the "Dungeon"?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Yep, I still have memories of this place.......memories of teaching Bret Hart the Sharpshooter over in that corner.

Stu Hart points to the right hand corner of the room.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Sharpshooter! (laughs) No offence, but you could of taught Bret Hart a better move than that.....because there is no way I am going to tap to it on SLAM!

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Huh? Are you also a wrestler in the WME?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Ummm no.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Hmmmmmm.......I could of sworn that you said you weren't going to tap to the Sharpshooter on SLAM.

The Undertaker reaches behind Stu Hart's ear and fiddles around for a moment.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' What the hell did you do to my hearing aid?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I turned it up, because obviously you aren't hearing me right.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Oh, good idea.......well let's get started shall we.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Sure thing, what are we gonna do first?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Stretching of course.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Why the hell are we going to do stretches?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' So we get warmed up, and therefore lower the level of us getting hurt while we are wrestling.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Well you can keep stretching by yourself because there is no chance of you hurting me. Last time I lost to a 90 year old was Hulk Hogan back in 1991.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Huh? I thought you didn't wrestle?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I don't.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Are you sure?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Pretty sure.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' I could of sworn I heard you say you lost to Hulk Hogan or something along those lines.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Hearing aid must of blown a fuse or something.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Yeah it tends to do that every now and then.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Well let's hurry up, I haven't got a lot of time, I gotta leave to go to Columbus, Ohio soon.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Oh, are you going to watch Bret Hart on SLAM?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- You could say that.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Okay, that's good to hear, because I heard he is facing a tough opponent. Do you think he can win?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- No.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Why do you think that? I thought you were a Bret Hart fan?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I am (Rolls his eyes when Stu Hart isn't looking)

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Well if you really are a big fan of Bret Hart, then you should believe in your heart that he can win against any opponent.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Hmmmm, maybe so, but there is no way he can win on SLAM this week, sorry you have to hear this, but his opponent on SLAM is just way to good for Bret Hart.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Who is his opponent?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- This guy named The Undertaker

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Oh I remember him from the WWF days. He was pretty good, big and athletic, I always enjoyed watching him......hey you sorta look like him, but with shorter hair and no gothic make-up.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- I do, well a few people have been telling me that, and I do take that as a compliment because he is pretty damn handsome. 

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Yeah I always thought so too. 

The Undertaker becomes shocked and disgusted. 

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Okay......let's get on with the wrestling.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Ok, sure thing. Oh, I haven't even asked your name yet. What is it?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Mark Callaway.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Sounds familiar.......hmmm....anyway......first of all, I am going to teach you the best way of locking on a full nelson.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Okay.......but don't put it on me too hard.

The Undertaker laughs as Stu Hart walks around to the back of The Undertaker and attempts to apply a full nelson, but he can't reach, Stu then reaches for a chair and stands on it, he then is tall enough to lock the full nelson on The Undertaker.

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' Have you ever had the full nelson applied to you like this before Mark?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- No I haven't.....when people usually put it on me, they don't have that thing poking into my back.....what is that?

'Hitman's Dad' Stu Hart' I don't know.

Stu Hart releases the full nelson and The Undertaker turns around to realize that the thing sticking into his back was Stu Hart's erection!

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- DUDE! Tape it down with some duct tape or something, I am outta here you sick perverted freak, now I know where Bret got it from.

The Undertaker quickly leaves the "Dungeon" and heads back up the stairs and out the door of the Hart House, he makes his way back down the long gravel driveway and he gets back into his rental car, he begins to drive off into the same direction he came from. The Undertaker begins to feel a bit hungry, so he decides to get some thing to eat before his long drive back to the airport to catch his plane to Columbus, Ohio for SLAM. The Undertaker stops his rental car on the corner of the same grocery shop, The Undertaker steps out of his rental car and walks into the grocery shop to meet his old "buddy" Allan.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Jesus Christ, not this guy again

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah, it's me again.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' What do you want this time? Did you get lost on your way to the Hart House?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- No, I went there and I discovered that Bret Hart's dad

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Stu Hart?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah, him.....I discovered that he is a sick perverted ninety year old freak!

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Perverted? How?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- HE STABBED ME IN THE BACK WITH HIS FREAKING ERECTION!

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' What the? Are you being serious?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yeah I am being serious, I got the hell out of there straight after that.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' No way, you are kidding.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Nope. I will be right back.

The Undertaker walks to the first aisle of the grocery store and grabs a back of potato chips and heads back to the counter. The Undertaker then throws the packet of potato chips onto the counter.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' Is that all?

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- Yep.

Allan types away on the register.

'Grocery Store Guy' Allan' That will be a dollar.

'Big Evil' The Undertaker- There you go.

The Undertaker hands Allan a dollar bill and exits the grocery shop /-/-\-\