Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today is the word, fuck. Out of all the english words that begin with the letter f, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the "f word". It's the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. Fuck, as most words in the english language, is derived from German. The word, "fligen", which means , "to strike." In english, fuck falls into many grammaterical categories. As a transitive verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley." As an intransitive verb, "Shirley fucks." It's meaning's not always sexual. It can be used as an adjective, such as, "John's doing all the fucking work." As part of an adverb, "Shirley talks to fucking much." As an adverb enhancing an adjective, "Shirley is fucking beautiful." As a noun, "I don't give a fuck." As part of a word, "absofuckinglutely." Or, "infuckingcredible." And, as almost every word in a sentence, "Fuck the fucking fuckers." As you must realize there aren't too many words with the versatility of fuck. As in these examples describing situations such as fraud, "I got fucked at the used car lot." Dismay, "Aw fuck it." Trouble, "I guess I'm really fucked now." Agression, "Don't fuck with me buddy." Difficulty, "I don't understand this fucking question." Inquiry, "Who the fuck said that?" Dissatisfaction, "I don't like what the fuck is going on here." Incompitence, "He's a fuck-off." Dismissal, "Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself." I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all of those multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word. We say use this unique flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately. Say it loudly and proudly. FUCK YOU!!!
Jack Shit is the son of Awe Shit and Oh Shit. Awe Shit, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Shit, the owner of the Kneedeep Shit Inn. Jack Shit married Noe Shit and they produced six children, Holy Shit, their first passed on shortly after childbirth. Next came twin sons, Deep Shit and Dip Shit, two daughters, Fulla Shit and Giva Shit, and another son Bull Shit. Deep Shit married Dumb Shit, a high scholl dropout. Dip Shit married Lotta Shit and they have a son named Chicken Shit. Fulla Shit and Giva Shit married the Happens brothers. The Shit-Happens children are Dawg Shit, Byrd Shit, and Horace Shit. Bull Shit just married a spicy little number named Pisa Shit and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Shit. Now you can proclaim, "I know the true story of Jack Shit!"
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him Rover or Spot. I called mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrasing to me. When I went to the city hall to renew the dog's license for sex, I told the clerk I'd like a license for sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "She is a dog!!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. I had Sex since I was 9 years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my life revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at The Justice Of The Peace. My family is barred from the church then on. When my wife and I went on out the honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!" One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began Sex ran away. Another contestant asked why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand!!" I said, I hoped to have Sex on TV!!" He called me a show off. When my wife and I sperated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor. I had Sex before I was married. But Sex left me after I was married." The judge said, "Me too!!" Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was going in the alley at 4 in the morning for. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up next Thursday. Well now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced, and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why? Just the other day when I went for my first session with my psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "sex has been my best friend all of my life, but now it has left me forever. I couldn't live any longer, so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister. You should understand sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but yes we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and aksed, "Well were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "No pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What happend?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top of the top shelf and dropped it. When she went to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know." said the young man, "We're not welcome at the Supermarket anymore either."
