It’s time for Easter again, and with it the blooming of the lilies….Mom always loved to see those lilies as they blossomed forth, and Spring officially began anew. It was like a lift for her spirits, that life still held promise and hope despite the harshness of her physical situation. Easter is much more than children, candy and bunnies hopping around – There is a greater meaning in that we have hope for Eternal Life through Christ who rose on this specific day. It also holds out hope to those of us who have walked through despair, bogged down in despondency and drowning in seeming defeat. I know all about these emotions, having lived them prolificly for many many years. It is in my human nature to be more of a downside personality rather than upbeat, and situations arose which only made it even harder for me to rise above them. But rise above them all, is exactly what happened!! Mom endured unbelievable hardship and struggles - watching her was a nightmare all of its own – Words fail me to describe how horrendous the entire experience was for both of us. However, I can now liken it to the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ Himself. He too was in dire straits, crucified in a most horrific manner, lain in a pauper’s grave, sneered and spat upon – It looked as though all God had promised was nothing but a dream, or worse yet, a lie…..Then, on Easter, the stone was rolled away and people found Christ was gone, He had arisen!! He was seated at the right hand of the Father, and had established His place in Eternity with God!! In the same way, I now see that even though all those specific incidents seemed so hideous, scary, detrimental, and devastating to me at the time (and for many years afterwards), I now can see that there is hope anew springing forth, just as the lilies which are blooming again…..My mother is safe in Heaven with the God whom she loved, and she is no longer suffering or in pain. I have survived the worst of times and lived to help others along their paths. My internal world has been undeniably altered, and I shall never ever be who I once was, nor would I ever wish to be. Every single incident that was so horrific to me at the time is now turning to be a blessing in terms of the lessons I learned, the wisdom I gained, and the unbelievable preciousness I still feel in the connection to my own mother. Without those years of struggle and hardship, I would never have found my true, inner mother – I would only have known her shell, her personality, her defenses, her outward appearance. How grateful I am that God gave me those four years with Mom, to where today I can rejoice in the hope of life Eternal. When I see the lilies blooming, I know that Spring is here and life will move forward again – to a new place, a better place, a more illuminated place than I ever knew before….I see my own hope in the Easter lilies….What about you??? © 2000 Dorothy Womack
I wanted to share with you today from my personal experiences in dealing with the end stages of Alzheimers with my mother. I was her sole caregiver 24/7 for the last four years of her life here on earth, and she declined in a rather predictable fashion over those years. The last year was very hard, with great setbacks and horrific experiences. She finally reached the place where she could no longer eat, not even blended food or baby food, nor had the desire to eat – So I realized that JUICES were my last resource available to me. I went to the grocery store and went down the juice aisle to purchase four separate gallons of juices, knowing full well that this would be the last taste of this world my mother would ever know. I was filled with overwhelming sadness and grief at the thought of this, that I was keeping her alive for only a short time longer by giving her what little nutrition which was available to me. I remember people walking around me, as on any given day, without much thought as to what was going around them. It has made me more aware of my environment – I try to stay sensitive to the Spirit to see when someone may need a smile, a word of encouragement, a show of concern. It means so much when you are at the end of your rope to know that you are SEEN, and that you MATTER!! With my mother, she did not complain, even as her body rebelled at every turn – She maintained a wonderful sense of peace about her. She was ready to go on to her new life in Heaven, ready to be free of the shackles which held her back in th is world – even though she knew I would be left behind in her absence.I carefully picked out those juices, for they were my mother’s lifeline to remaining here, and I did not want her to leave me. I am a human child, and although I knew for her sake, she should go free – It was the most sacrificial place I have ever been in. She lost her ability finally to even swallow, so juices were of no avail. Then her descent into the place where only God can be with you began, and she went free…For many, God does not give an opportunity to stay or to go – He just takes them Home. With my household, though, we were given the choice – Mom usually chose to remain, although her body was fading quickly. I usually chose to keep her with me, and do whatever it took to keep her intact. But when Mom became ready to go Home, she was totally unafraid, and I knew it was MY time to LET GO…..When I did that, from my heart, she was gone in less than 48 hours!! Yes, to most people, those juices were just items on a shelf to give you variety in your diet – They did not mean anything significant. But to MOM, they were life-sustaining – To ME, they caused me to face the inevitable, that my mother was leaving me behind and I would have to find my way in this world without her….Even today, after almost 4 years, I still feel a twinge of sadness when I go down that juice aisle. Trying to say they were ‘JUST JUICES’ is like saying ‘If you give a cup of WATER in Christ’ Name, you have done it to the least of these’ – Because this felt like I was giving to Mom all that I had, all that I could do or ever hope to give her. I trust God recognizes this and remembers that I did my best, my utmost, to make Mom comfortable in those last days. So, when you find yourself in the grocery store, of all places, stop and survey your surroundings. Look into the faces of the people who pass by you with their carts – Someone may really need encouragement, may have lost their way and feels even God has forsaken them. After all, God can meet us where we are, with whatever our need is – Even if it is on the aisle, where there are ‘JUST JUICES’….. © 2000 Dorothy Womack
THE CYCLE OF LIFE
Everytime my mother puts her hand on my face, it feels like she is touching my heart. There are times, as I watch my mother asleep in her bed, that I long to curl up beside her, hold her tight and put both her hands in mine – attempting to offer both of us some semblance of safety and security. But I realize that were I to fall asleep and then awaken, I would still be here upon this earth – while my mother would awaken in Heaven. I would know that I could not hold her here, nor could she take me there. Our bodies would be touching, but our spirits would be separated by death. Perhaps this is what is meant by "One will be taken – the other left". For the one who is taken actually takes their essence with them – and the one who is left behind wonders how and when they will ever see that loved one again. For although separated by death, we are united in Love – and throughout it all, the love remains. The questions are never erased, but then neither are the memories. Such is the cycle of life… ©1993 Dorothy Womack
BELLS & WHISTLES
For those of you who are caregivers to the frail elderly, bedbound or even ‘wanderers’, I may have a solution for you. When Mom first got in bed, I bought her a coach whistle to wear around her neck. In this manner, she could blow the whistle if she needed help or wanted to talk, and I could hear her up to 700 feet away!! This gave me a bit of mobility too, to step outside for a quick break or to wash a load of clothes. Also, I purchased a small bell for her to ring if she had a ‘request’, such as food, water, pills, etc. This way, I could separate the sounds and know what I was responding to. For a ‘RED ALERT’, when she was really ill, I got her a bicycle horn to honk (as she would have no way of yelling or speaking). To this day when I hear a bicycle horn in the stores, I think Mom is calling for me!! Also we installed baby monitors, one on the side of her bed rails and the other portable unit I kept by my bedside when I ‘slept’ and on my person during the daytime hours. This way, Mom was never out of earshot and I could get to her almost immediately. In a roundabout way, it also gave me some ‘free time’ when she was sleeping or busy with TV that I could rest or do household chores of my own, since we all lived in the same house. I was reflecting on all these noise makers today and suddenly realized, hey, there just may be SOMEONE OUT THERE IN CYBERSPACE who desperately needs this information or who thinks they are going crazy because they cannot run fast enough between the crises of their deeply loved, albeit confused, paralyzed or randomly oriented patient!! If YOU are the one who needs this, then this is your lucky day!! Help is on the way!! Let your EARS be where your EYES cannot and then you can take a little break from the overwhelming ‘seige of responsibility’ which a chronic caregiver is subjected to – At any rate, I sincerely hope the ‘Bells and Whistles’ theory works for you. It saved my sanity, literally!! ©2000 Dorothy Womack
HONORING THY FATHER AND MOTHER
At nearly five decades of life, I took time to ponder this comment today. This is what we are taught, in spirit, to do – but it seems to me that society has it all backwards. Society spends most of our formative years teaching us to ‘detach’ from parental ties and influence, to find our own way into life’s adventures and venues without them – to move apart from them emotionally, and later, move away physically, in order to establish our own ‘autonomy’. No one tells you that, somewhere around two decades later, you will no longer need these lessons, since either one or both of your parents will not even be dwelling upon the earth at all!! You will no longer need to hide from them, detach, separate, or anything else – It will all be done for you!! Death does that to families……If I could but put a ‘pause’ button on my own life, I would have it stop during my second decade of life. This is the time I most remember as chasing my own dreams, pursuing my rainbows, preparing for my future….My parents had done all they could do in raising me to be a decent, caring person – as well as my husband’s parents doing the same for him …. However, while we spent all of our time being TOGETHER, our parents were living out their days, safe in the knowledge that they had raised us up to be independent, successful over-achievers!! Nowhere in our structured formulaic teachings for life were we taught that we should take every day as a gift to us; that we should take the time to get to know our parents as people, not merely as our nurturers and providers…..How I wish I had taken the time to just spend time in the presence of my parents, learning of their interests and backgrounds, sharing laughter and gaining wisdom from their years of experiences…… For some of us, it is our undertaking in life when our parents become in need of our ‘parental’ care, to do so in our own homes - to do it so well and for so long until we no longer have lives of our own. This I do not think would be considered ‘honoring’ our parents. To me, honoring them means that I respect them, I look to them for support and advice, I do not bring dishonor upon them, I treat them with the full knowledge that I am in the presence of those who will not always be with me in physical form – Learn all I can while I can, that would be my motto….. Then there are others of us, who through exhaustive efforts, have made the decisions to find ‘parental’ care in a more structured setting. This may be due to many diversified scenarios, but never do I condemn anyone (nor should the person who makes this decision), as we all do as best we can, with whatever we are given. When the load grows too heavy, usually there is a way to lighten it – and caregivers, with the best of intentions, often wear out and yield to the professionals in those final days. Some times this too turns out to be a blessing, as those close to me can testify – Beauty can be found in the midst of things thought unseemly to us, and true lessons of the heart can come out of horrific trial and misfortune. Suffice it to say, I look back now at the millions of opportunities that I missed having with my own mother, because I followed what society says was the ‘norm’, rather than following my own heart. I lost a lot of years, in fact, decades, because I sought to ‘go with the flow’..…How grateful I am today, that although decades were lost between my mother and I, due to my ignorance – We became the best of friends in those last years remaining to her. She passed away peacefully and totally at peace, with God, with herself, with those around her, and most of all, with ME: her willful, oft times spiteful, headstrong, pushy, driven, stubborn, grieving, profoundly affected daughter…I LOVE YOU, MOM – THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU GAVE ME!!©2000 Dorothy Womack
GRIEVING: LIFE AFTER LOSS
I am just a simple person who has led a very complex life. I only wish to offer support to those who, like I once was, had NO guidance or direction in dealing with the situation or in healing afterwards. All of us who have lost loved ones have endured so much more than is ever acknowledged in society - In a truly spiritual sense, we literally walk those loved ones to the very Gates of Heaven, turn away from them and begin the long, arduous journey back to life itself again. Some of us give up along the way and God intervenes to strengthen us, in order that we may live long enough to inherit all the good things which He has yet to bestow upon us. Caregiving is NOT the end of living - It is a LESSON, and it is also a CROSS, in ways for us, because we are forever changed and are compelled to help our fellow man who gropes in darkness along the same path. The struggle to bring our loved ones to the very Gates itself is often horrific and requires great imparted endurance from God Himself - but the walk back alone is very lonely and the winds blow very loudly. It takes a very long time to heal from a loss that is so essential to our very being---
Healing is not always perfect either. I have found, in my own life, that healing has taken more of a lessening of pain and 'flashbacks', but not a sense of completely 'forgetting' the experience. The pain is much less sharp and intense, but even after 5 years, it returns from time to time in 'spurts', like around special events, holidays, birthdays, precious memories....
the loss is much more profound when it is the LAST parent to leave..... Something about having NO parents on this earth leaves us feeling vulnerable, fragile and needy. I guess this would be true even if we were in our 80s!! My mother often spoke of her own parents when she was declining - I have also heard often that the last person asked for when someone dies is for their MOTHER. Mom was different - she asked for ME - however, nothing could have EVER brought as much assurance of being unconditionally loved by her than her asking for ME.....Long story, but result is that God restored all the waste places of my life and all that the locusts had eaten - I found out that my own mother had loved me my entire life, but was unable to express it.... as for feeling like an ORPHAN, I feel this is very normal and probably remains with you the remainder of your life. I have heard old people talk on their deathbeds, and they always talk alot about their parents. I guess it's partly due to the fact that they actually SEE them when they are crossing over to the other side..... Nevertheless, orphaned or not, God says that HE Himself becomes a 'father to the fatherless' and tells society to 'look after the orphans', which goes back to watching after one another, doesn't it???
I do not think that you can truly love someone deeply without giving a part of your own heart to them in the process - While metaphoric in nature, it is also truly spiritual - We are all connected, one to the other, and it is impossible to live without one another. God made us to need each other, and to reach up to Him for wisdom and guidance. A closed heart to mankind means it is also quite 'deaf' to hear from God - Spiritual principles exist in everything in this material realm, but often we do not realize it at the time. We cannot love God with our whole heart unless we love man as well. And if we love someone deeply enough to grieve when they are no longer beside us, we should realize that this is the time when God draws closest to us and will teach us things we would never, ever have learned in any other way..... So, if you choose to love, and you have given them to God along the way, remember that the pain you feel will turn from sharp and stabbing into something bittersweet, with just a twinge from time to time. This lets you know that you are human and that you are also capable of great love, of loving BEYOND yourselves, of loving in the way that God also loves us......©2002 Dorothy Womack
EASTER REFLECTIONS
Easter is upon us yet again, and with it, a renewed sense of awareness for me personally. Easter bunnies and candy are great when we are kids, but the truth of Easter lies in its spiritual lessons......
Most of you know me only as the caregiver to my own mother for 4 years at home. But I was a person long before I became her caregiver, and it to that end I would like to direct the rest of my inner reflections......When I was just a child, a group of 'friends' hanging around at the schoolgrounds on a Saturday, decided it would be great fun to strip me completely naked and tie me bound to a nearby tree, then run away and watch the 'show'.... Over the years, I have always been aware of my modesty and somewhat of the 'why' behind it all - But this year, suddenly a new, deeper truth sprang to my awareness......
Jesus hung on a wooden cross to buy my personal salvation, and ALL who will call upon Him. He was bruised, wounded, nailed to that tree - and He suffered humiliation at the hands of cruel men, all for the sake of saving US from eternal damnation. My small experience with being naked and bound to a tree, with my childish peers laughing, mocking and jeering, humiliates and shames me to this very day - I had no choice, and there was no reason for my being there. JESUS DID HAVE A CHOICE and THERE WAS A REASON!! Though I have so many areas where I fall short of achieving my potential in Christ, I can identify with the humiliation of being hung on a tree and having everyone look upon your nakedness, your vulnerability, your humanity. My experience was brutal for me as a child, and has followed me into adulthood, all with negative consequences that I never chose. But JESUS' decision brought about the salvation of the ENTIRE WORLD, if we will only choose to accept that sacrifice...
My experience happened to me as a CHILD - I had NO CHOICE - There were NEGATIVE repurcussions, BINDING me to a lifetime of LIMITATIONS....
JESUS' experience happened to HIM as an ADULT - HE MADE A CHOICE - There were POSITIVE, AMAZING repurcussions, FREEING US for our lifetimes and beyond......
Easter means a whole lot more to me personally this year, more than it ever did before. You see, I am not just a caregiver - What made me successful as one was due to the fact that I had learned by example, by having JESUS be my own caregiver for several decades. The rest of the story came naturally, easily, willingly and most of all, gratefully...........
©2002 Dorothy Womack
Look for more articles and information to be added to this site as it becomes available. Thank you for visiting and hope you found something of comfort and solace in the words you read.
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