Last: Adj. 1) after all others; coming at or belonging to the end. 2) Only remaining
-----------n. The end, death.

Trip: n. 1) journey or excursion. 2) Stumble or blunder.

A party. Lance had thrown a party without any reasons. No real reasons. He just wanted a party. But Chris didn't believe it. He had seen the way he had acted lately. Giving everything that meant a lot for him. Things he would have never though to give because they meant too much. And it scared the hell out of Chris. Lance was acting weirdly, laughing at everything, even at JC's attempt.

" Lance your party is a blast! You'll have to do it more often." Justin yelled over the music. They were surrounded be people Lance didn't know very well. But Lance didn't care. He smiled at Justin, his eyes shining. " It will be hard, I'm leaving for a trip soon." Lance said mysteriously.

" A trip?" Joey asked curiously. Lance nodded and walked away, drinking his bottle of water. That was another thing that bothered Chris. Lance wasn't drinking beers or any sort of liquor. Usually he would get drunk at the first occasion. And that night he was sober. Lance moved around the living room, laughing with old and new friends. All the way observed by a worried Chris. Lance waved to a couple of friends before heading to his bedroom. Chris waited 5 minutes. When Lance didn't come back he stood up. He had to talk to him. Talk before it was too late.

Chris knocked softly at the door. He didn't have to wait long before Lance told him to come in. He opened the door and closed it quietly behind him. " What's up Chris?" Lance asked from his spot at the desk. He was writing something. Lance finished and turned to Chris, playing with his pen. Chris swallowed and sat on the bed. He cleared his throat and decided to use a direct approach.

" Lance, do you want to die?" Chris heard Lance gasped and the pen fell on the floor. Chris waited for a reaction but all he got was some mumbling from Lance. But he managed to understand Lance. " You…How do you…?" was all he could understand.

" I just know Lance. I may look stupid but I'm not. I saw you doing weird stuff, sending signals. I'm sorry I didn't see them before." Lance stayed silent, forcing Chris to continue. " Do you…do you know when you want to do it?" Lance nodded and looked at the floor.
"Tonight. When everyone will be gone." He admitted.
" Do you know how?" Chris didn't want to know but he had to ask. He had to if he wanted to help.
" Pills." Lance answered his eyes watering and his determination fading away slowly.
" What makes you want to do it?"

Lance looked at him like he was trying to find the answer from him. Tears were now falling freely on his face and he did nothing to stop them. He shrugged. " Stop the pain. It's always there inside of me, following me everywhere I go. It's the only solution. And who will care about my death? My parents probably hate me. I know you'll all do if I stay."

Chris jumped out of the bed and hurried beside Lance. He put his arms around him. " No one hates you Lance. We love you. Some more and in different ways but we love you nonetheless. Taking your own life isn't the solution. It would be so hard without you. Have you thought about all your friends? Me? JC? Justin? Joey?" Lance tensed up at the mention of Joey. Chris tightened his grip around Lance. " You love him?" Lance nodded and buried his head in Chris's shirt, sobbing softly. " I have one last thing to ask you. Promise me you won't do it tonight. Swear you'll talk with him. Don't give up."

" I…I can swear I won't do it tonight Chris but I'm not sure I'll be able to hold on much longer. It hurts so much. He's so close but yet so far away. All my life is like that. I can't take it anymore."
" You're not alone Lance. We're all there for you no matter what happens. We're not letting you down. When you feel down, try to talk with us." Chris said and rocked him until he fell asleep, crying.

~*~

Joey woke up at the sound of a door opening and closing. He sat on the couch and rubbed his eyes. He couldn't understand why Chris had asked him to stay at Lance's house. From all the people he had to ask him. Chris knew his feelings toward Lance. And be alone with Lance was the last thing he wanted. It was too confusing for him. But Chris had insisted and he had give up.

He walked in the kitchen and found Lance at the table, staring at something in his hands. Joey shrugged and tried his best to not stare at him.

" Hey" He said softly and walked to the sink.

Lance didn't answer. Joey turned toward the table and observed Lance. He couldn't see his face but he could feel the weight Lance had on his shoulders.

" What are you thinking?" Joey asked, not moving from where he was. Lance sniffed and kept staring at his hands.
" My last trip." He replied softly. " I have all I need for it in my hands."

Joey moved closer to Lance and looked at what Lance was talking about. When he saw the bottle of pills he sat beside Lance. Lance's hands were shaking. Joey tried to understand what he meant. His eyes shifted between the bottle and Lance's face. Lance was crying softly, his eyes locked on Joey. He was silently begging for help, begging for him to understand.

" What…what are you saying?" Joey had an uneasy feeling inside at this moment. He wished it wasn't what he thought. But the way Lance was looking at him, the pain in his eyes, told him it was. " You want to die." Joey whispered. Suddenly, breathing was hard for him; his world was loosing all sense. Never ever he would have thought to do something like that. And the one he loved was no longer willing to live.

Lance's sobs were the only sound in the kitchen. He was crying so hard, tears were blinding him. His fingers clutched around the bottle of pills. It was so hard for him. He couldn't find the words. He wouldn't have been able to say them anyway. Joey couldn't understand his pain. He was gay and in love but his love wasn't returned. And it hurt so much. The world wasn't ready to accept homosexuality. Not the way he wanted to be accepted.

" Lance…I…god… Lance talk to me. You don't really want to die?" Lance stared at the window and shook his head.
" I want to stop the pain." He said, playing with the bottle, opening it and closing it repetitively.
" Give me that." Joey said. Lance looked at him confused through his tears. Joey motioned for the bottle of pills. Lance gave it to him reluctantly. Joey stood up, opened the window and threw the bottle as far as he could. " Now explain to me Lance."
" You can't understand."
" Try me." Lance sighed and looked down, avoiding Joey's eyes.
" Joe…I'm…I'm gay. I told my parent 3 months ago. I never got a reaction. I don't think I could live in a world where people hate me. I…I used to think that the world was perfect but I was wrong. And I wanted to leave without anyone else knowing about me being gay. That way only my parents would have hated me. I don't think I could take it to lose my friends."
" Oh Lance…" Joey said. Lance stopped him with his hand.
" I'm in love Joey. And it's so hard. To see you every day and not be able to touch you. I…it's hard Joe. It hurt. And I know you hate me now…" Lance said, putting his head on his hands.
" Lance stop it. I don't hate you. Oh my god if you only knew. I couldn't hate you even if I tried. Shit Lance I love you. I'm in love with you. I can understand what you are going through and I know you can survive it. You're strong." Joey said, reaching for Lance. But Lance jerked away.
" You're saying that only because you don't want to have my death on your conscience." Lance said, standing up.
" Fuck Lance, if you don't believe me, ask Chris. He's the one who had to listen to me bitch because I couldn't have you. He'll tell you it's true." Joey said angrily. Lance slipped on the floor and started crying again. He was so tired to cry but it seemed like he could stop. Joey bent down and carried him in the living room. He sat on the couch and put his arms around Lance protectively. " I love you Lance. And I don't want to lose you. Life is full of wonderful things. Don't let the bad things get to you." Lance closed his eyes and leaned against Joey.
" I love you too. I'm sorry I even think of it." Joey smiled and kissed the top of Lance's head.

~*~

Chris was in front of Lance's house, pondering if he should go inside. He was afraid to find Lance dead on the floor. And with Justin and JC with him, it wouldn't be great if it was what he would saw. But he couldn't wait outside forever. Joey hadn't called him. It was now late in the afternoon and no one had heard from Lance and Joey. What if Lance did a Murder-suicide? Chris shook his head. Lance would never do that.

" Why are you so nervous?" Justin asked, jumping on Chris back. Chris pushed him abruptly.
" Leave me alone Curly. We don't know what we will find inside."
" Oh yeah, maybe there's a big monster who's waiting for us." JC joked, not getting the reaction he was waiting for. Chris just shrugged and made his way to the door. He opened the door and was welcomed by the silence. Nothing had been clean. He made his way into the living and the sight that greeted him put a wide grin on his face. Joey and Lance were sleeping, curled together on the couch. Both had a smile on their face and seemed peaceful. Lance looked like the world was in his hand. And he was asleep. Chris wondered what he would look like awake.

Justin ran in the living and was about to scream when Chris stopped him. " What?" Justin asked. Chris pointed at the couch, smiling. JC walked between Chris and Justin and take a look at his friends on the couch.

" How cute." JC exclaimed.
" They are…gay?" Justin asked at Chris.
" Yes they are Justin." Chris said. And with a sigh of relief, he pushed Justin and JC out of the house, leaving the new lovers get their beauty sleep. Lance would be all right. Lance was alive and in love. He couldn't ask for more.

The end

Back