The moon was beautiful. He couldn’t deny it; the night was perfect. The moon shining through the clouds. The cool breezes enveloping him. He would enjoy it if he didn’t felt so empty. If he didn’t felt so alone.

He took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly. He didn’t like the taste; he didn’t like the smell it left all over him. Smoking was his way to relax, his way to think.

He didn’t turn around when he heard someone walking by. He didn’t care anymore. All he wanted was a dark corner where he could hide, forever.

" Lance?"

He threw his cigarette away and turned to his friend. The one he had been avoiding for so long.

" Yeah JC?"

His voice was a quiet whisper in the night. A right sound in this beautiful night.

" It’s today isn’t it?" JC asked quietly. He sat down beside Lance and looked ahead of him.

" Yup. It’s been a year today." Lance replied. He looked back at the moon and his thoughts drifted away. Images of his friends back in Mississippi flooded his mind. Friends who had turned their back on him after years of trust and friendship. Friends who didn’t care about him anymore.

" Wanna talk about it?" JC asked. His eyes moved to his friend’s sad eyes. The pain and fear ever present. A presence he had tried to fight with no avail. Lance wouldn’t let go.

" No." Was the short reply. Since his friend’s death, one year ago, Lance had refused to talk about it. Late nights were spent thinking about his old friend. JC had been pushed away over and over again. Lance didn’t want to let anyone in. He pushed away every single thing. Every friends, every feelings.

" Will you ever let me in?" JC asked. His eyes fell on the ground.

" Why should I? Being close to someone is just another occasion to be hurt."

JC sighed. Those words had been what he was afraid of. He knew Lance had his reasons to be distant. To know them now was different. He didn’t know how to fight them. Fighting old demons wasn’t easy.

" Are you afraid?"

Lance looked away from JC. He wouldn’t give in. He wouldn’t get hurt ever again. He could feel JC waiting for an answer. He knew he was waiting. He didn’t have an answer. All he had was the pain. He stood up and walked away. He hoped JC wouldn’t follow him.

" Lance!"

JC was close behind him. Lance didn’t stop walking. He kept his pace until he was on the beach. Until there was nowhere else to go. He heard JC walking quickly behind him. He turned around and faced him

" What do you want JC?"

Lance was pleading. He couldn’t understand why JC was following him. He couldn’t understand why he hadn’t given up by now.

" I want to know why you run away like that. Why suddenly we’re not good enough to be your friends anymore."

Lance snorted. It was so freaking funny. Friendship was something he had learned about. He knew it was only illusion. Friends didn’t exist. Friends were there to hurt you. Everyone was there to hurt him.

" Tell me what is a friend JC. Tell me what use it is to have a friend when you know they’ll turned their back on you in a few years. To know that one day they won’t care about you anymore. I’ve had my share of that. I don’t need more."

JC stared at him. He was frozen by the words. Lance had never talked like that. Not until he went back home for the funeral of his friend. From this moment, Lance had become someone else. Someone who didn’t share his thoughts anymore. He used to be so friendly. Now he was only a body standing close to them. No emotions were coming out.

" You know we won’t ever turn our back on you Lance. You know that right?"

Lance blinked. He didn’t answer. He turned around and walked toward the ocean. He couldn’t talk. He wouldn’t talk. He wouldn’t give in. He was stopped abruptly when JC grabbed his arm. Lance closed his eyes.

" Look at me Lance. For God’s sake look at me!"

JC was screaming. He didn’t care if someone heard him. He wanted his friend back. He wanted Lance back right now. Lance shook his head; his eyes still closed.

" Fine."

He took Lance’s shoulders rudely and brought their lips together. Lance opened his eyes in surprise. JC’s eyes were open too. He could see in them. He was lost in them. Until he pushed JC away.

" Don’t fucking play with me JC."

Lance was glaring. A door had been opened and he wouldn’t let JC walk in. He couldn’t.

" I’m not playing Lance!" JC screamed into the night. " You won’t talk to us. You won’t listen to us. The only way to let you know about my feelings is to show you."

JC breathed deeply and calmed down. He took the time to look into Lance’s eyes. The pain and fear was still there. Something else was there too. He could only describe it by hope. Lance was hoping.

" It hurts me to see you run away from us like that. It hurts me when you don’t talk to me. It hurts to not be able to comfort you when you’re sad because you don’t let anyone in."

Lance held the gaze for a while. Until it was too hard. Until it hurt.

" Let me in Lance." JC said softly.

He walked slowly to Lance. A simple move and he could touch him.

" I can’t."

It was a whisper. A sound that wasn’t right. It didn’t belong in this night.

" Lance…"

JC reached for Lance. He brought their forehead together and looked in the green eyes.

" No. No. Don’t say anything. Please…"

Lance didn’t look away. He wanted to. He needed to. He wasn’t strong enough to fight again.

" I love you. I won’t let you down."

Lance closed his eyes. Tears were forming and threatening to fall. He didn’t cry. He sighed. A shaky sigh.

" I don’t want to JC. I don’t want you to love me. I can’t fight it if you love me too. Don’t say you love me."

JC pulled him into a hug and didn’t let him go.

" Don’t fight it. You’ve been hurt before. It doesn’t mean you’ll be again."

Lance put his arms around JC. He welcomed the closeness. The feeling he had bottled up for so long.

" I know. It’s just…I don’t want to feel like that ever again. It hurt too much."

JC took Lance’s chin in his head and forced him to look into his eyes.

" You’ll get sick of me before I hurt you."

Lance smiled weakly. He leaned slowly, hesitantly, for a kiss. JC met him halfway. A soft kiss was shared.

" Thank you."

Another whisper. Another sound in the night. The last sound made by the two young men as they walked back into the house.