SLIGO's Shark Story

BODY OF SHARK FOUND - CHEWED TO DEATH!
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associated press int'l - by Edward R. toMurrow

Police yesterday found the body of a shark, buried behind a tree, next to ducky pond in the neighborhood park.  It apparently had been chewed to death.  Dr. Quincy, police forensic expert, said all the stuffing had been yanked out and that its dorsal fin had been ripped clean off.  They have not been able to locate the missing fin.  Also missing was the "squeaky" from the shark.

"This has to have been done by a big doggy" said Dr. Quincy.  Teeth impressions have been taken and two different sets have been identified.

One was traced to a doggy named Bargello's County Sligo.  When asked to identify the body, Sligo sniffsniffsniffed it, humped it, and then Sligo said "that is [was] MY MY MY shark!".  Further probing found that while Sligo was out of town his naughty sister Twzl gave away all his toys.

Police questioned Twzl for over 2 hours, and report that she is without remorse.  "He's my dumb bruvver - and he deserved what he got!".  She also said "I'm glad it happened. I'm just sorry some of the doggies gave him back his other toys".

Twzl is being kennelled - without bond - under conspiracy to commit sharkicide.

Sligo later made sadeyes and wimpered that he's been getting WOOF-MAIL from someone called "Not The Pakled" who had the shark and was holding it for ranranransom.  "He *PROMISED* me that if I gave him a million green-papers in piggy earz that he would give me back the shark!".   "I gave him the ranranrasom, and he chewed-up the shark anyway! - whut a gyp!"

When asked why he didn't call the authorities in on this, Sligo reported that the ranranransom notes said "not to call the Dog Catcher".  Police examined the ranranransom note and said they've gotten some good paw prints off of it.  "Whatever doggy did this" said Cpt. Fuzzybutt, "is a STP-er, and also has ``Pee-Paws''."  All we need to do is find a doggy that is licking his paws and I think we'll be onto something.

Sligo insists that even though he *SEZ* he's "Not The Pakled", that he really is.  "I'm sure he did it" barks Sligo, "because he was always waggy-tail, asking me if he could hold it wiff his mouff".  I have a soft mouff and the shark was in perfeck condition - other than a little
Sligo drool - and I knew he would ruinruinruin it if he touched it!"  Police tried to contact The Pakled, but were unable to.  Lawyers for The Pakled returned their calls and said that their client is too busy chewing on piggy earz to answer their questions.  "Anyway", said Mr. Sleezeball of the lawfirm "Gettum, Cheatum, and Humpum", our client's name is "O.J." Pakled, so you've obviously got the wrong doggy!  They also added that O.J. Pakled said he would help Sligo "Search for the *REAL CHEWERER*".

Meanwhile Detectives obtained a search-warrant and have been combing The Pakled's yard.  "We found a SQUEAKY" said Det. Mark [my territory] Furrman.  "This looks like the work of a ``Labrador'' to me" he added; "yeahhhh - a *BLACK* lab"...   Police will examine the "squeaky" and check it for Sligo-drool.

If anyone has any leads they are instructed to call 1-800-PIG-EARZ.
All leads (or leashes) will be kept confidential.

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DISCLAIMER:
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Everything contained in this mailing is fictional or theoretical in nature, and no accounts contained herein should be held to represent the actions of actual persons.

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