Thunder: Hello and welcome to today's episode of TPAMS!

Mew: Now, we know we promised you a "What if?" special, but something came up...

Lightning: ....Something much better!

Mew: So, we'll try to get that "What if?" special out to you soon, okay?

Thunder: Okay! So, what's the much better thing you have planned?

Mew: Lightning has that info. Lightning?

Lightning: Well, today we have some way awesome guests!

Mew: Ooooh! Who?

Lightning: Well, for new guests we have Steve from Blue's Clues, Goku's brother Raditz, and Yu-Gi. The rest of the guests are all veterans. From them we have Giovanni, Goku, Vegeta, Blossom, and The Rowdyruff Boys. We may have a few others if we have time.

Thunder: Cool! Lets get this party started, then.

Mew Two: *sigh* You depress me... Your first guest is Steve.

(He walks onto the stage. He sits down in the guest chair.)

Mew: Hi Steve!

Steve: Hello.

Thunder: Where's Blue?

Steve: She's at home. She wasn't feeling very well.

Lightning: That's too bad. How are you doing?

Steve: Me? I'm fine. How are you?

Lightning: We're cool. Thanks for asking!

Steve: Any time.

Mew: So, how did it feel to get replaced?

Steve: I was pissed! I can't believe they went and pulled this "Steve is going to college" crap! Joe's going to mess everything up and the show will be canceled!

Mew Two: Yes!

Thunder: Two! He meant "That's too bad".

Mew: Yeah. Just ignore Two. He's crabby because his girlfriend dumped him.

Mew Two: Shut up! For starters, she wasn't my girlfriend! And she didn't dump me!

Lightning: Then why did she stop calling you? And why did she start pretending that you don't exist?

Mew Two: I don't even know why I fight with you about this!

Steve: I don't know about this, but I don't think that is a good answer to his question.

Mew Two: SILENCE MORTAL!

(He uses his powers to paralyze Steve.)

Mew: Mew Two! Stop that!

(He drops Steve's body)

Thunder: I think you killed him!

Mew Two: I did no such thing.

(They all walk over to Steve. Lightning pokes him with his tail)

Lightning: He's not moving....

Mew: Now look what you've done!

Mew Two: He's not dead! He's just sleeping.

Thunder: We may be dumb, but we're not stupid! Get him out of here! And get the next guest on stage!

(Mew Two drags the body off stage. Goku and his brother walk onto the stage. They sit across from each other.)

Mew: Ummmmm.... Hi!

Goku: Hi Mew! Hi Thunder! Hi Lightning!

Thunder: Hi guys. What's up?

Goku: Nothing with me. What about you?

Mew: Same.

Lightning: Why isn't Raditz saying anything?

Goku: He's afraid you'll kill him.

Raditz: I'm not afraid of these stupid earthlings, Kakarot!

Goku: Then why don't you talk to them.

Raditz: Fine!

(There's a long silence)

Goku: Well....

Raditz: I don't know what to say. I've never been interviewed before.

Thunder: Why don't you tell us about yourself.

Raditz: Okay. My name is Raditz and I'm Kakarot's older brother. I joined up with Freiza when he came to Vegeta to recruit soldiers.

Mew: Why did you join up with Freiza?

Raditz: Well, my father actually signed us up as me and Kakarot were to young to join up ourselves.

Thunder: Your dad made you and Goku join up?

Raditz: Yes. Freiza and his army were very powerful and my father decided that the only way to keep our family safe was to join up with them.

Mew: So you were evil then, Goku?

Goku: Uh-huh. I was sent to earth as a little kid to destroy it. I tripped and hit my head on a rock and forgot what I had come for. Then my grandpa, Gohan, found me and raised me.

Raditz: Yes. The earthling Gohan raised Kakarot to care about the earth and all the miserable creatures on it. I was sent by Freiza to see why the earth wasn't destroyed and here I found Kakarot trying to protect the very place he was supposed to destroy.

Lightning: So you weren't happy to see Goku decide to live like a human?

Raditz: Of course not! He is a sayen! I thought it was time he started acting like one.

Mew: Then why did you continue working with Freiza even though he tried to destroy Vegeta? Isn't that anti-sayen?

Raditz: You're right. It was. That's why I'm not with Freiza's army any more. And my parents aren't either. They went back to Vegeta once they found out it was still there. And once Kakarot and his son defeated me, I went back myself.

Thunder: What made you decide to go back?

Raditz: I knew if I went back to Freiza and told him I had failed, he'd kill me, so I decided it'd be better to face the consequences back home than with Freiza.

Lightning: What happened when you got back to Vegeta?

Raditz: 6 months community service and a warning.

Mew: But you didn't choose to join Freiza.

Raditz: I did choose to stay even when we found out Vegeta and all the sayens were okay. That kinda makes me a traitor to my people, but I learned my lesson.

Mew: That's good! So, what do you think of Goku's family?

Raditz: Well, I have nothing against the children, but he probably could have done better for himself than Chi Chi.

Goku: Why does everyone hate her so much!?

Lightning: Do you really want us to answer that?

Mew: I will! Goku, sweet heart, Chi Chi is a possessive, over protective, naggy, b**** that has no people skills what so ever and is mean to you and everyone else. And to make matters worse, she won't even let poor Gohan go to the school dance!

Lightning: Dude, he really wants to go. I'm the DJ!

Goku: She's not that bad. She really isn't! You guys just don't know her!

Raditz: Kakarot! I talked to her for 5 minutes and she managed to pick out every flaw in my personality!

Thunder: Every time I see her she's yelling at you for something.

Mew: And she insulted me when she was on the show! Raditz: I think I speak for everyone when I say she's got to go.

Mew: Preach on, Raditz! I like you! You're my newest best friend!

Goku: You guys only see the bad things in her. You're ignoring all the good things.

Lightning: What good things?

Goku: She's a good mother... And she's a great cook!

Raditz: Good mother?! I feel so sorry for your sons! Poor Gohan has to study 23 hours a day and Goten is a moron!

Goku: Chi Chi just wants Gohan to have a future... And Goten is just a little slower than the rest of the kids, he's not a moron.

Raditz: Tell me, Kakarot, why do you let your wife push you around?

Mew: Awesome question, Raditz!

Goku: Well, she usually knows what's best-

Raditz: No. I bet she doesn't.

Goku: You never gave her a chance!

Raditz: Why should I?

Mew Two: I hate to interrupt, but I have some news. Steve isn't dead. He just regained consciousness, and he promised he wouldn't sue.

Mew: Great! We love you Steve!

Mew Two: Also, Vegeta says he has something to add to this conversation.

Thunder: Send him out, then.

Mew Two: Okay. Also, Chi Chi called and said she's coming to defend herself. She told me to tell Raditz that she's going to "kick his a**".

Raditz: I'm sorry, brother, but it looks like your wife is going to die today.

(Vegeta walks onto the stage)

Mew: Hi Vegeta!

Vegeta: Hello. I felt I needed to say something while you're talking about Chi Chi.

Thunder: What is it?

Vegeta: Well, I agree she is kind of a mean person, but she's really not all bad.

Goku: Thank you, Vegeta! At least someone agrees with me!

Vegeta: Hold on, Kakarot. I said she IS kinda mean. After all, she is constantly yelling at you for things.

Goku: It's not her fault I'm stupid.

Raditz: Oh no! No brother of mine is stupid. That evil earth woman is putting wrong ideas in your head.

Vegeta: I don't know, Raditz, he is pretty dumb...

Mew: Vegeta! He is not!

Vegeta: Okay, okay. But at the same time, Chi Chi can be a nice person. She gets along with Bulma very well, and she's nice to me all the time. Even when I'm in a bad mood and have nothing nice to say to any one.

Lightning: Of course she's nice to you. You're married to her best friend! She HAS to like you.

Vegeta: But you're friends with her husband and she doesn't like you.

Lightning: That's not how it works, Vegeta. You see, you have to like your best friend's spouse, but you don't have to like your spouse's friends. Duh.

Vegeta: That doesn't make sense.

Goku: Sure it does. She can easily avoid and insult my friends because I'll understand, but if you insult the person your best friend marries, you're in for some major trouble.

Vegeta: You said I was your best friend and I insult your wife all the time.

Goku: You insult everyone, so I know it's nothing personal.

Vegeta: *sigh* I hate it when the Raichu makes sense. And it's even worse when Kakarot comes up with a good explanation. I feel stupid.

Mew: You're not stupid, Vegeta! You're just having a bad day.

(Chi Chi walks onto the stage. Gohan and Goten are trying to keep up with her)

Gohan: Come on, mom! I'm sure he was only kidding!

Goten: Yeah! I bet Uncle Raditz was telling a joke! It wasn't very funny, but it was a joke! You don't have to kill him!

Chi Chi: Okay! I've had it with the 2 of you constantly starting "We hate Chi Chi" gripe sessions!

Mew: We don't CONSTANTLY start them.

Thunder: Yeah. We were nice to you 2 episodes in a row back in the Pokémon Training 2 and Martial Arts specials.

Chi Chi: But in every other episode you talk about what a terrible person I am!

Lightning: Thunder and Mew never once called you a terrible person. Goku would never let them call you that.

Chi Chi: Goku can't stop them from doing anything! Everyone pushes him around! They may not have actually said that but it was implied.

Mew: It was not! We know you aren't a TERRIBLE person. Goku would never associate with terrible people.

Thunder: We just think you aren't a very nice person.

Raditz: I'd say she's a terrible person.

Gohan: STOP IT! Just stop, right now!

(Everyone looks at him)

Chi Chi: Be quiet, Gohan. The adults are having a discussion.

Gohan: No, mom! I won't be quiet! All this arguing won't get you anywhere! All you're doing is traumatizing poor Goten! No matter what you say, Thunder and Mew won't like you! And you know as well as I do that all sayens that were raised as sayens are stubborn jerks! Look at Vegeta! Just give it up, mom! Not everyone is going to like you, so get past it!

Raditz: I think the boy knows what he's talking about.

Vegeta: He was kinda harsh, though.

Mew: Harsh, but correct. There's nothing anyone can say or do to make us like her.

Thunder: And most sayens are stubborn jerks.

Gohan: I wasn't done yet.

Mew: Sorry! We thought you were. Please continue.

Gohan: Thank you. I also wanted to defend dad since he's not defending himself. He's not stupid! And he doesn't let everyone push him around! Everyone just takes advantage of his kindness.

Chi Chi: I wouldn't say that-

Gohan: You're the worst about that, mom, so you can't talk! Dad just wants everyone to be happy and none of you are considerate enough to think about him- even for a second! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

(Everyone looks at the floor)

Thunder: He's right!

Mew: We're awful!

(They start crying)

Gohan: Don't cry! I'm sorry! I just noticed that this whole fight started because dad won't end it because he's afraid of upsetting someone.

Raditz: You're right. I'm sorry, Kakarot. I'll try and deal with your wife, even if I hate her.

Thunder and Mew: Us too! We're sorry!

(They both give Goku a hug)

Thunder and Mew: Please forgive us!

Goku: Ummmmm..... Okay....

Vegeta: You know, Kakarot, none of this would have happened if you would just think about yourself for a second.

Goku: I'm not important. I'm happy as long as everyone else is happy.

Goten: Daddy! Stop that! Didn't you listen to anything anyone just said!?

Goku: I did, but-

Goten: But nothing! We all want you to start worrying about yourself right now!

Goku: Why is everyone yelling!? I'm so confused!

(Everyone but Goku falls over. Goku just rubs his head.)

Mew: (getting up) Goku, what your son wants you to do is stop worrying about everyone else so much, okay?

Goku: Okay... But am I allowed to put others before myself sometimes?

Gohan: Sure.

Thunder: Just don't do that too much.

Goku: Okay. I think I understand.

Raditz: Great!

Lightning: You know, Goku, I think I need to teach you how to stand up for yourself.

Goku: You do?

Lightning: Sure! It's not hard to learn at all! We'll start right now!

Goku: Okay! What do I do first?

Lightning: First, tell everyone that you like Chi Chi as she is and that you don't want to hear anymore on the subject.

Goku: Ummmmm... Okay. Let me think... I got it! Listen guys, I think it's really great that you care enough to tell me what you think, but you're not going to change my mind just like I can't change yours, so lets just talk about something else. Okay?

Lightning: Well....

Mew: Okay!

Thunder: I can't argue with that.

Raditz: Fine.

Lightning: Good job, Goku! Now I want you to tell your sons that if they don't find more respectful ways of expressing their opinions, they'll both be grounded till they're 30.

Goku: That's a hard one.

Lightning: I know, I know. But you have to be a tough parent. It's the only way they'll learn.

Goku: But Vegeta is a tough parent and Trunks is still a little trouble maker.

Vegeta: You leave Trunks out of this! Just yell at your juvenile delinquents so we can all move on!

Goku: Okay... Ummm... Gohan, maybe you could be nicer when you have something to say, especially to your mother.

Gohan: Okay.

Goku: And Goten, you be nicer too, okay?

Goten: What ever.

Lightning: Goku...

Goku: Ummmm... I don't think Lightning likes that answer, Goten.

Lightning: Goku! I'm not going to raise your kids for you! It's YOU who doesn't like that answer!

Goku: Okay. I don't like that answer.

Goten: Yes, dad.

Goku: That's better?

Lightning: Yes, Goku. That's better.

Goku: Yes! I'm a great dad!

Mew: You sure are! Air high five!

(He air high fives Mew)

Lightning: Now, the last part in this lesson is you have to tell Chi Chi that she has no reason to make Gohan stay home from the dance.

Chi Chi: Yes I do! There are girls at those dances! Especially that mean little Videl girl!

Goku: Chi Chi, that's a really bad reason to make him stay home.

Chi Chi: It is not! If we let him start hanging around with girls they will most certainly distract him from his studies! How will he ever become a doctor or a lawyer if he doesn't study!?

Goku: All he ever does is study. I think he deserves a break. Don't you, Gohan?

Gohan: Yeah. I could use a break.

Goku: So I say if he wants to go to the school dance, then he should go.

Gohan: Really!?

Goku: Yeah. Why not?

Chi Chi: Goku!

Lightning: Chill out, Chi Chi. I'll be there to make sure he stays out of trouble.

Chi Chi: Some how that doesn't make me want to let him go.

Goku: He's going and that's final! Hey! That felt nice!

Mew: Way to put your foot down, Goku.

Raditz: Indeed.

Chi Chi: Well, if you think he'll be okay...

Goku: Of course he'll be okay! Gohan always stays out of trouble!

Lightning: I'm proud of you, Goku. Remember well what I taught you.

Goku: Okay! Can I call you if I forget something?

Lightning: Any time. I'll give you my cell number later.That way you can call after 9 without bothering Kem.

Goku: Thanks!

Mew: Would you look at that.. This took 7 pages!

Thunder: We have to get a new guest out now. We'll see you all later.

Goku: Okay. Thanks a lot! Bye!

(Everyone else says 'bye' and walks off the stage)

Mew Two: Your next guest is Yu-Gi.

(He walks onto the stage)

Mew: Hi Yu-Gi!

Yu-Gi: Hello!

Thunder: So, why don't you tell us about yourself, Yu-Gi.

Yu-Gi: Okay. I live with my grandfather and I help him run his game shop. My friends and I are really into the Duel Monsters card game, and my grandfather was really good at it, so he'd help me play better.

Mew: Neat.

Yu-Gi: Yeah. Then one day, my grandfather gave me the Millennium Puzzle and when I figured it out, I got the power to become Yu-Gi-Oh, the powerful duelist.

Thunder: I heard some stuff about ancient egyptian pharaohs playing Duel Monsters. What's that all about?

Yu-Gi: The pharaohs used the Millennium Items to battle with these really powerful monsters in games they called the Shadow Games. But one day, one pharaoh destroyed all the monsters and hid all the Millennium Items because he thought it was getting to dangerous. Duel Monsters was a game created by this one Pegasus guy in an attempt to recreate the Shadow Games played by the pharaohs.

Mew: He's a Pegasus!?

Yu-Gi: No. His last name is Pegasus and that's what everyone calls him.

Mew: Oh. But you're sure he's not a winged horse?

Yu-Gi: Yeah. I'm sure.

Mew: Okay. I bet he'd be more fun if he was a winged horse, though.

Lightning: But he's not, so we should move on.

Mew: Fine. Have you ever tried a Pokémon battle before, Yu-Gi?

Yu-Gi: No. I haven't. You use real monsters in those, don't you?

Thunder: You sure do!

Yu-Gi: I'd love to see one....

Lightning: That could be arranged.

Yu-Gi: Really!? That would be so cool!

Mew: If that's what you want, we can so do that.

Yu-Gi: Cool!

Mew: Van! Bring "The Book"!

(Van walks onto the stage with a big book. And when I say "big book" I mean BIG BOOK. The boy can barely carry it.)

Mew: This is "The Big Book of Pokémon" which we call "The Book". Choose the 2 Pokémon you want to see battle each other and we'll set it up for you.

(Van helps Yu-Gi go through the book.)

Yu-Gi: Oooh! He looks tough. And so does he! That one looks so cool! And that one! I just can't decide! There are so many neat ones.

Thunder: Just take the 2 you think look the coolest.

Lightning: Or you can use the stats they have listed.

Yu-Gi: How do I do that?

Lightning: The ones with the highest stats are usually the best fighters. The stats aren't exact since all Pokémon are different, but they're usually about right.

Yu-Gi: Neat!

(So he continues paging through the book.)

Mew: Maybe we should do something while Yu-Gi picks the Pokémon he wants to see battle.

Thunder: Okay.

Lightning: (looking at Van, who is about to fall over) Maybe we should get him a chair. That's a really heavy book.

Mew: Okay. Two! Get the next guest and a chair for Van!

Mew Two: Okay. Your next guest is Giovanni. He'll bring out the chair.

(Giovanni walks onto the stage dragging a chair behind him. He puts the chair by Van, then sits down in his chair.)

Mew: Hi Vanni! Why didn't you bring Andrea with you?

Giovanni: I'd rather not put the child through such a traumatic experience.

Lightning: There is nothing traumatic on The Pikachu and Mew Show. We are the top rated family program, you know.

Giovanni: That's too bad.

Thunder: So, how is Andrea?

Giovanni: She's fine.

Mew: How's your mom?

Giovanni: She's fine as well.

Thunder: Have you tried to destroy anyone lately?

Giovanni: No.

Mew: You're not very interesting today.

Giovanni: It's hard to follow those messed up alien people.

Thunder: You mean Goku's family?

Giovanni: Yeah.

Mew: I guess. But you always have something fun to add to the show.

Giovanni: Not today I guess.

(They hear an explosion from back stage. Smoke drifts out onto the stage. A few seconds later, Mew Two walks out dragging a kid behind him. He drags her over to Giovanni.)

Mew Two: Does this belong to you?

Giovanni: What did you get into now?

Andrea: Nothing. Honest!

Mew Two: Then why is my computer in about 6,000 pieces all over the waiting room?

Andrea: Ummmmm..... It wasn't me! That guy did it!

(She points at Van.)

Giovanni: He was out here.

Andrea: Maybe he has mind powers.... Like Mew Two.

Mew Two: No, he doesn't. You're very lucky that I have all those files stored on disk. Otherwise, I'd be mad.

Giovanni: I think you should apologize to him.

Andrea: But you're always mean to him and you never say sorry.

Mew: She has a point there.

Giovanni: You're not old enough to make his life miserable just yet.

Andrea: Man! Fine. I'm sorry Mr. Mew Two.

Mew Two: Okay. I'll forgive you this time, but don't make a habit of blowing stuff up.

Andrea: Okay.

(Mew Two walks off the stage)

Thunder: I thought you left her at home.

Giovanni: So did I. What are you doing here?

Andrea: I wanted to come and talk to Thunder and Mew. You never let me come along!

Mew: Well, since you're here, you may as well talk to us.

Andrea: Yay! Ask me a question!

Mew: Okay-

Yu-Gi: I think I have it!

Thunder: Oh. Okay. Hang on a second, Andrea.

Andrea: Fine.

Lightning: Who did you pick Yu-Gi?

Yu-Gi: Well, after looking through the book, Mew and Mew Two were the obvious best choice, but that has probably been done, right?

Mew: Right.

Yu-Gi: So I decided that I wanted to see Raichu and Pikachu.

(Thunder and Lightning look at each other.)

Thunder: Why'd you pick Pikachu and Raichu?

Yu-Gi: Well, I saw the episode of the show where Pikachu fought Raichu and I thought that it was so set up.

Lightning: That's 'cause it was.

Yu-Gi: So I thought we should see what happens when it's left to chance.

Mew: Well, are you 2 up to it? If you're not we can always get someone else.

Thunder: I really don't want to get beat up by Lightning today...

Lightning: ... And I'd rather not beat up Thunder.

(Ash runs onto the stage)

Ash: Pikachu will fight you, Lightning!

Thunder: Yu-Gi wants to see a real fight. Your weakling Pikachu wouldn't stand a chance against Lightning.

(Kem walks onto the stage)

Kem: It's you or him, Thunder.

Lightning: I pick Ash's Pikachu. Every time I fight Thunder he ends up in a coma at the Pokémon Center.

Mew: Okay then. Is this set up okay with you, Yu-Gi?

Yu-Gi: Of course!

Mew: Okay. Van, be a dear and set up the stage for a battle.

(Van sets "The Book" on a chair and pulls it back stage. Then he takes the other chairs back stage. Mew, Thunder, Yu-Gi, Giovanni, and Andrea all go sit in the front row of the audience. Kem and Ash stand across from each other at opposite ends of the stage. Lightning and Pikachu stand facing each other at center stage. Mew Two comes out to referee. He puts a translator on Pikachu so we can understand the various profanities he'll say as Lightning kicks the crap out of him)

Mew Two: Narrator!

(Sorry.)

Mew Two: *sigh* Behave, narrator.

(Fine)

Mew Two: Okay. Are the combatants ready?

Lightning: Bring it.

Pikachu: Yeah!

Mew Two: Are the trainers ready?

Ash: I sure am!

Kem: Lets get started already!

Mew Two: Okay! Lets have a fair fight. No eye poking or resorting to the "look over there" trick. Understand?

Lightning: You know it!

Pikachu: Yep!

Mew Two: Okay then. Let the battle begin!

Ash: Pikachu! Use your agility!

Kem: Lightning, don't let him pull that speed crap on you!

(Pikachu starts his agility, but Lightning sticks his tail out and trips him.)

Lightning: That might have worked in Surge's gym, but that's not getting you any where here.

Kem: Lightning! Crush him with body slam!

Pikachu: Crap!

(Lightning tries a body slam but only catches Pikachu's tail.)

Kem: Lightning, honey, it works better if you hit him.

Lightning: I know!

Ash: Pikachu! I don't think speed will help us this time! You have to find a way to trick him into putting his guard down!

Kem: Not my Raichu! Lightning, lets end this! Use thunder!

Lightning: With pleasure! Raiiiiiichu!

(Lightning sends 10,000 volts of electricity at Pikachu. He doesn't escape this one. Pikachu is flung across the stage)

Ash: Pikachu!

Mew: What do you think Yu-Gi?

Yu-Gi: This is great!

Kem: Not so easy when you don't have someone else picking attacks for you, is it Ash?

Ash: Shut up! Pikachu! Get up! You have to get up!

Kem: I don't think so! Lightning! Finish him off!

(Pikachu struggles to get up as Lightning closes in for the kill. Lightning get to Pikachu and stands over him for a second.)

Lightning: Game over-

(As he's about to finish Pikachu, the building starts shaking. They all hear evil laughs coming from the ceiling and look up. They see Jessie and James standing in the rafters)

Mew: Hey! Now is not a good time for an interview!

Jessie: Interview?

James: We're not interested in an interview. We've already given you that.

Jessie: We're here for this lovely set of Chus.

Ash: I've never let you steal Pikachu yet! What makes you think you'll get him now!?

James: Well, that lovely Raichu wiped Pikachu out and left him defenseless. That'll make him and easy catch.

Jessie: And to make it a complete set, we'll take that Raichu as well.

Jessie and James: Bwahahahaha!

Kem: Giovanni! Call off your idiot dogs!

Giovanni: If they listened to me, they wouldn't be here.

Kem: Make them listen to you!

Giovanni: I'll try, but you don't understand these 2. Ahem. What are you to idiots doing here!?

Jessie: We're stealing those Pokémon!

James: You see, boss, we figured that if we stole some good Pokémon to work for us, we'd be able to steal good Pokémon for you!

Giovanni: What made you think breaking into TPAMS's Studios was a good idea?

Jessie: Well, the cast and crew of TPAMS are the strongest Pokémon around. We thought it would be a good place to steal from.

Giovanni: Well, as usual, you thought wrong! You know of all the Pokémon in the world, these are the only 6 you can't have!

James: But-

Giovanni: But nothing! Get out of here now before I decide to fire you!

James: Okay-

Jessie: No! We're sick of taking orders from you!

James: We are?

Jessie: Yes! All you do is insult our intelligence!

Giovanni: What intelligence!?

Jessie: See!? We're stealing that Raichu and that Pikachu for us, not you!

James: We are?

Jessie: Yes!

Giovanni: If you don't get out of here right now, not only will I fire you, but I'll have you eliminated!

Jessie: Go ahead and fire us! We don't want your stupid jobs any way!

James: But please don't kill us!

Giovanni: They go together. You know to much to just quit.

Jessie: Well, if we're leaving we may as well take these Pokémon with us! Meowth! Spring the trap!

(The ceiling opens up to reveal a giant robot with a giant rubber sac. It scoops up Lightning and Pikachu and ties the sac shut)

Jessie: Well, we have to get going! Thanks so much for your cooperation!

Kem: Hold it right there! I don't care if you take Ash's Pikachu, but you put Lightning down right now!

James: No thanks! I think we'll keep him. He's actually what we came for!

Kem: Grrrr... Mew Two!

(He walks across the stage to Kem)

Mew Two: You rang?

Kem: Take care of them!

Mew Two: Okay.

Jessie: Oooooh! Mew Two!

James: Lets take him too!

Jessie: Okay! Meowth! Get the psychic jar!

Mew Two: What the!?

(The robot drops a giant jar on Mew Two)

Mew: Two! You let my brother go right now!

Jessie: And are you going tom stop us, little kitty?

Mew: Yes!

Kem: Go get them Mew!

Mew: Take this!

(She throws psychic energy at Jessie. Jessie moves out of the way.)

Jessie: Get that one too, Meowth!

(The robot lifts the jar and drops it on Mew. It then lifts it up and screws on a lid)

Kem: What the hell!? Why aren't any of you stopping them! This is Jessie and James for crying out loud!

(Blossom {the Charizard} flies onto the stage)

Blossom: What's going on Kem?

Kem: Mew, Mew Two, and Lightning all lost to fricking Jessie and James!

Blossom: You have got to be kidding me!

Kem: No! Just stop them! And be careful of the damn robot!

Blossom: Got it!

James: Look at the Charizard, Jessie! Do we want that one?

Jessie: Of course! Meowth! Get out the flame retardant sac!

Giovanni: It looks like they were ready for everything you've got, Kem.

(The robot scoops up Blossom and closes the sac)

Jessie: Do you have any other Pokémon for us, little girl?

Kem: (rubbing her head) This is not happening. This is not happening! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

Thunder: What about me, Kem?

Kem: Thunder? Thunder! Come here!

James: Ooooh! Another Pikachu!

Jessie: That one looks fat. I don't know if we want that.

Thunder: (his cheeks sparking) I'm not fat! I'm pleasantly plump!

James: What ever you call yourself. You're just too heavy to carry. And I bet your slow and no good at fighting.

Kem: There's no way you're going to steal my Pokémon and insult poor Thunder and live to tell about it!

Jessie: And you're going to stop us with that?

Kem: Yep!

Ash: I dunno, Kem. They even got Mew and Mew Two. Thunder doesn't stand a chance.

Kem: At least I'm trying to stop them.

Ash: I figured you'd have it covered.

Kem: Obviously I don't.

Ash: Do you want my help, then?

Kem: Hell no! I know Thunder can do it. We just need a plan.

Jessie: If you don't have any other presents for us, we'll be leaving.

Kem: No! I need another second to think.

Thunder: I've got it! Van! Get Goku or Vegeta or Gohan or Goten or someone! They can buy us some time!

Kem: Good plan!

(A few seconds later, Goku, Gohan, Raditz, and Vegeta walk onto the stage)

Gohan: Whoa! What's that?

Kem: It's a stupid robot thingy those 2 used to steal my Pokémon!

Goku: Oh no! That's not very nice at all!

Thunder: Can you help me stop them?

Goku: Of course we can!

Vegeta: You don't need all of us to fight 2 weak humans, do you?

Raditz: I don't think so. Let Kakarot and Gohan take care of them. We'll just be here in case we're needed.

Gohan: Right! I'll take the blue haired guy!

Goku: But I don't like beating up girls!

Vegeta and Raditz: Kakarot! Just go!

James: Jessie, aren't those the super strong fighter guys?

Jessie: I think so...

James: We're in trouble aren't we?

Kem: You sure are!

Gohan: Look, if you guys give Kem's Pokémon back, we promise we won't hurt you.

Jessie: No thanks. We're going to get out of here now. Meowth! Come pick us up!

(The robot lowers it's hand and Jessie and James jump on. It then takes off and flies away. Goku and Gohan fly after it)

Kem: Oh no! We still need a plan! Any suggestions?

Yu-Gi: This is so exciting! Can't you get other monsters to come and help you?

Kem: There's no time. It's up to Thunder, Goku, and Gohan now.

Thunder: Lets get a camera crew and go after them!

(They leave to chase the robot. Meanwhile, Mew and Mew Two are trying to find a way to get out of the jar.)

Mew: This is impossible! There is no way out of this jar!

Mew Two: That's not true. We just can't use our powers to get out.

Mew: But we're nothing with out our powers!

Mew Two: That is also incorrect.

Mew: Are you kidding me!? We can barely lift pencils with out our powers!

Mew Two: Speak for yourself. Say, I wonder what this jar is made of.

Mew: What ever it is, I hate it.

(There's a silence for a minute or so)

Mew: Do you suppose the others are okay?

Mew Two: I'm sure they are. They always manage to be okay, even through really bad stuff.

(Over in the rubber sac....)

Lightning: I can not believe I just lost to Jessie and James!

Pikachu: Me either. You know, if you wouldn't have beat me up so bad I would have been able to stop them.

Lightning: Yeah right. I'm stronger than you and I lost. You would have been beat so bad you'd wish you would've stayed home.

Pikachu: Nuh-uh. I never lost to Team Rocket!

Lightning: You did too.

Pikachu: When?

Lightning: Just now.

(Over in the flame retardant sac.....)

Blossom: I gotta get out of here!

(She starts clawing at the bag. After a minute or so of clawing, she stops to check her progress. All that clawing and she did no damage to the bag)

Blossom: No way! I can't believe this!

(Back with Mew and Two...)

Mew: Is it glass?

Mew Two: No. We could teleport through glass. This material must be solid even at molecular level.

Mew: What does that mean?

Mew Two: Well, we can teleport through things because even though they look solid, they really aren't. There are spaces in all solid things at molecular level.

Mew: So the wall really isn't solid?

Mew Two: Right.

Mew: Than why can't we walk through them?

Mew Two: As a whole, we're too big.

Mew: How does teleporting work, then?

Mew Two: When we teleport, all the molecules that make us separate and travel around the molecules that make up air and solid objects.

Mew: Okay. So the molecules that make this jar must be touching, then?

Mew Two: Yes. But I've never heard of a material that is that compacted.

Mew: Could it be compacted glass?

Mew Two: I've never heard of a way to compact glass so the molecules that make it are touching. I honestly don't think that's possible.

Mew: So it's not glass?

Mew Two: No. It's not glass.

Mew: Than what is it?

Mew Two: I have no idea. It must be a new material.

Mew: How and why would someone make something like this?

Mew Two: I really don't know.

Mew: Wow. That's 2 things in a row you didn't know. Maybe you don't know everything.

Mew Two: I never said I knew everything.

Mew: Yeah, but I thought you knew everything.

Mew Two: I know a lot of stuff, but not everything. Sorry.

Mew: That's okay! Any way, how do we get out of this jar. The air is starting to get thin in here.

Mew Two: That's because there's no place for air molecules to get in. If they don't let us out soon, we'll suffocate.

Mew: Oh no!

Mew Two: Don't panic, Mew. When you panic, you breathe harder, and when you breathe harder, you use more oxygen. Just stay calm. Everything will be okay.

(While Mew and Two deal with that major crisis, Kem and Thunder are trying to come up with a plan of action inside the TPAMS tour bus.)

Kem: This sucks! I hate to have to put so much pressure on you, Thunder.

Thunder: It's not your fault. You tried everyone else first- Hey! Why was that?

Kem: You know you're not the best fighter. The others crossed my mind first. It's not that I didn't believe you could do it, I just thought the others would be more likely to succeed.

Thunder: I thought the same thing. I'm surprised they didn't.

Kem: Oh well. It's up to us now and I know we can get them back. I just wish I knew how.

Thunder: I think we need to find a way to break the robot.

Kem: Right. But how?

Giovanni: Maybe you could find a way to over load out the engine.

Andrea: Wouldn't that blow it up?

Giovanni: That depends on how they do it.

Yu-Gi: I thought when you over load something it gets to hot and explodes.

Giovanni: It could do that, or it could just cease function. That's the one we're going for.

Kem: Do you have any suggestions on how to do that?

Giovanni: You could find a way inside and manually shut it down.

Kem: That'd be hard! Is there any way to do that from the outside while it's moving?

Giovanni: That depends on where the power source is.

Thunder: What do you mean?

Giovanni: If there's a cable supplying power to it on the outside somewhere, you could just cut it and you'd be fine. But if those connections are on the inside, you'd have have to find a way in.

Kem: Do you know anything about that robot?

Giovanni: No. I guess they didn't use my money to get it.

Thunder:Then where on earth did they get the money from?

Andrea: We know they didn't steal it.

(Everyone laughs)

Kem: Funny! But remember, James has really rich parents.

Thunder: Oh yeah!

Giovanni: When you think about it, where they got the money doesn't matter. What we want to know is how the thing works.

Kem: But how will we get that information without getting inside it?

Giovanni: That's a good question.

Andrea: I guess you have to go inside then. I bet I could get in!

Kem: What makes you think you can get in?

Andrea: I like to climb stuff and I'm little so I can get into small spaces!

Giovanni: And you can easily get stepped on. I think you need to stay here.

Andrea: Come on! I want to help! Please let me help!

Kem: Maybe she could do it, Giovanni. She could take Thunder with her and he could make sure she doesn't get hurt.

Giovanni: How will they get on without getting stomped?

Kem: I know!

(She runs to the computer. She goes into the Pokémon storage file and takes one out. A Pokéball appears under a little pipe thing. She walks over to the table where they were doing all their planning.)

Kem: Turkey!

Giovanni: Turkey?

Thunder: Turkey! Her Pidgeot!

(Kem hands the Pokéball and her cell phone to Andrea)

Kem: You and Thunder go onto the roof of the bus and use that Pokéball to call out Turkey. He can fly you to the robot. Once you get there, find a way in as quick as you can so you don't fall off. Leave the phone on so we can contact you, okay?

Andrea: Okay! Come on Thunder!

(They bo to the stairs and head to the roof)

Giovanni: Do you really think this will work?

Kem: Sure it will! Just you wait and see!

(Oh my gosh! Will Thunder and Andrea get inside the robot and shut it down? Will they be able to stop Jessie and James? Will Mew and Mew Two suffocate in that jar? Why does the tour bus have stairs going to the roof? Why is Giovanni being so nice all of the sudden? Why am I asking all these stupid questions? Find out the answers to these and any other questions you may have regarding this situation on tomorrow's episode of TPAMS! It's going to be a good one!)

That's it for Today's episode of TPAMS. Tune in tomorrow to see what happens to our favorite talk show hosts and their friends. Good night everyone!