Questioning God

There has never been a time nor has there been a place when and where I’ve fully understood the precise implications of God. Wishing that I could, however, I’ve often found myself in an annoying state of wonder which only leads to an equally unsatisfactory position of doubt.

So I’m not sure; should I question? Or is it better to carry on in my disorientation that can only be attributed to my lack of complete comprehension? And is that blind faith? I’ve had this discussion before but then I thought I knew the truth, I thought I had the answers. After all, he wasn’t really a Christian—I, on the other hand, was born with the doctrine in my mouth.

But I don’t know. But I want to know. God I want to know now!

But then there’s patience, the double curse that You, God, would have me understand to be part of this love thing I’m supposed to know.

I’m your daughter aren’t I? So, naturally I should embrace that which is so hard to hold on to and live with forever due to the many forms of rubbish entering and exiting my sphere every day. What I’m saying is that patience isn’t something I do so easily nor is it something I always find to be as simple as I prefer life to be.

I guess what You might be saying is that now is not the time for me to know everything. I’m going to have to sit back and wait a while before all things are revealed. Or maybe You’re saying that so much has already been revealed but in my blindness to Your Spirit, I think otherwise. But what am I being blind to? There’s so much that I’m seeing as it is—what more could there possibly be?

How ignorant am I?