Interview with Narida Law
By Nicola Simpson
(interview October 10-November 1, 2000)

Part One

I first discovered Narida Law in 1999. A fellow long-time ficcer (and fellow smutmeister) e-mailed me, raving about "Closet Doors." Curious, I went to check it out, and have gobbled up every story Narida wrote before and since. She’s been only been posting fanfic for just over a year, but she’s made a hell of an impact in that short time.

Ah, thanks very much. In any case, I'm always happy to talk about sex. <g> Note: I've only written nookie between Mulder and Scully; my views and comments are inevitably of that bent.

What compelled -- compels -- me to include smut in my writing is the same reason that I'm compelled to read it, whether it's smut on its own or included in a larger story. It's the result of a sick, perverted mind? Well, I won't dispute that I have one of those, though that's neither here nor there. <g> Actually, I don't enjoy smut unless it's between two people who care about one another, so my "compulsion" is about something much less interesting than perversion -- it's about love and romance. <hands reader airplane barf bag>

I suppose the terrible truth is that I'm an incurable romantic, and I subscribe to the belief that sex is a beautiful, natural act. It's obviously not a belief shared by all, or we wouldn't be having this conversation. Though how anyone can not have fun seeing Mulder and Scully engaged in a little mattress dancing is beyond me. <g> I don't begrudge M & S the relief they can't get on network television. I don't begrudge them the right to consummate their love in a natural, physical way -- or our right, as people who invest so much time, energy and heart into these beloved characters -- to also gain relief by "witnessing" these events. Does it make us any =more= the voyeurs we already are?

I don't believe it does. We see every other private moment between them; we hurt when they hurt, we smile when they smile, we feel panic, anger, helplessness, affection, pity, pain, sympathy, sorrow and terror through them. They can move us to laughter and they can move us to tears. For them and through them, we have experienced probably the entire range of human emotion, human reactions. Desire ... lust ... arousal ... these too are human emotions and reactions. That we should step away at the precise moment that the culmination of their love is at hand, out of some antiquated sense of what, propriety? — is very nearly ridiculous.

I have no problems whatsoever with the term "smut," because the word, as you mention, is used affectionately today. The "poopyhead" of graphic sex, if you will. For me, "smut" encompasses any and all explicitly described sexual activity, whether there is deeper significance within the story to the M/S relationship or not.

It bothers me when people say, "this isn't smut; this is an exploration of character" or "this isn't smut; this is about Mulder and Scully expressing their love." I recently ran across a story in which the writer took pains to make sure her audience was aware that she =wasn't= writing smut. Well, much to the aggravation of the writer, I'm sure, I perceived her work to be smut, too. :-) It didn't have any more justification or merit than most smut I've read.

Obviously, this writer and I have differing definitions of the word. Apparently, she believes that "smut" is something derogatory, that it cannot possibly be used to describe love. She equates smut with porn. I do not. I don't have an explanation for why that is. I can only attribute it to the fact that in the 1+ years that I have been a member of the XF fanfic community (not a long time, to be sure), how I've seen it bantered about is not as a word that describes something tawdry or distasteful, but as a word that describes an act of intimacy between characters we already know and love (and whom we believe to =be= in love with one another), while at the same time, it also conveys our own somewhat sheepish acknowledgment that we are sexual beings and enjoy basking in it from time to time. I have seen some of the most beautiful descriptions of the expression of that physical love called "smut."

It would be foolish and inaccurate to suggest that those of us who affectionately refer to our work as "smut" believe that our stories -- or the stories labeled "smut" that we take delight in reading -- do not encompass character exploration or love. As I have already said, it is as an affectionate way for me to describe something I enjoy reading and writing.

My use of that term is not meant to be belittling in any way (I figure that the people who don't like what I write will do just fine on their own -- they don't need my help! <g>). I do hope that my work has significance beyond being simply descriptions of sex -- that my readers are also experiencing things such as love, laughter, and the occasional tear.

Explicit sex solely for the purpose of explicit sex could possibly be called porn. However, it's my opinion that X-Files fan fiction writers would be hard pressed to come up with something in that category, simply because Mulder and Scully are such pervasive and well-loved characters that as readers, we automatically supply their history and experiences and emotion FOR them. Hence, when reading about sexual activity between them, it's hard just to see it as sex and nothing more. Or maybe that's only how I am. Sorry to thwart you, porn writers. :-)

My approach to explicit sex is that if a writer isn't going to try to make it "hot," (at the very least, by his/her own standards ... we are, of course, always our own harshest critic) then there's no reason for it to be explicit. Now, that doesn't mean that I think if the sex isn't graphic, the lovemaking moment(s) has to be reduced to a vague one-liner -- especially not if the physical union is critical to the growth of the characters or represents some cataclysmic point in their relationship. A good example that comes to mind is a story I reread recently -- Morgan's "The Last Gift." When Mulder and Scully make love near the end of the tale, it's a renewal for the characters, a spiritual cleansing and affirmation of life and love. It would have been a travesty to get that over with in one or two lines. The act was described in metaphors and in emotion, and that was what was appropriate for the "feel" of the story. It was drawn out, but not explicit.

But maybe this opening question wasn't meant to lead into a philosophical discussion ... maybe you just wanted to know what in the world made me wake up one morning and decide to write some smut. <g> In that case, sorry for the long interlude.

In retrospect, I probably wouldn't have posted it if I'd even given it any deep consideration. Afterward, I spoke to a lot of writers, many of whom said that it took them a few stories before they could "work up" the nerve ... the audacity ... whatever you want to call it <g> ... to write smut. But I have a tendency to just jump in the deep end headfirst, and insecurities like "What will people think of this person who's writing this kind of stuff her first time out of the gate?" were breezily swept aside.

Hmm ... that's hard, because of course, different people approach similar situations ... differently. I don't have words of wisdom to impart, exactly -- only encouragement. The fan fiction community is so open and enthusiastic that no one need fear sharing whatever is in his or her head. There's a niche for everyone, and someone, somewhere, will appreciate your work. But as it has been said, by many more articulate than I -- the first, and perhaps only, person you should be trying to please when you write is yourself.

I first have to say that I spent a lot of time reading XF fanfic before I decided to try my hand at it. I admit that my first encounter of fanfic smut somewhat ... shocked me. Heehee. I was used to reading dime-a-dozen romance novels -- you know what I'm talking about; don't pretend otherwise! -- and most of the ones I had encountered didn't hold a candle to the explicitness of fanfic sex. Can we SAY HOTface?? If I had tried writing smut at that point, I think I would have been kicked out of the fandom for using terms like "buttocks" and "manhood." <g>

Anyway, by this point, I had made a few friends in the community and chatted with them through AIM -- many were writers, and I was excited and gratified when I first began beta reading. I didn't think much about writing. What I was reading satisfied my needs and I didn't feel that there were insufficiencies that I wanted to try my hand at filling. But that's basically what this hobby comes down to -- writing what I want to read. :-)

Oh, I didn't mean to denigrate the romance genre at all. Part of me still thinks that I may make a living that way someday. I only meant to illustrate the difference between how fanfic smut is written and how -- for instance -- romance smut is written, and the difference is in the graphicness of detail. Other than that, I don't see that there =are= fundamental differences between fanfic romance and dime store novel romance. If I wrote fanfic smut the way I might write smut for category romance publication, I don't believe that it would be received in the same way. The XF fanfic community has generally been exposed to more explicit ways of describing sex, and once a body's been desensitized in that way, I think it's hard to go back to the "softer" stuff. Maybe that's just me.

I rarely read romance novels anymore, for that reason and because I find it more enjoyable to read romance between characters I already love, rather than between two "strangers" -- if that is the principal purpose of the tale. As for whether I consider myself a writer of romance or erotica, I have to say that I have never thought about it. I just write what I feel like writing, and if my story entertains someone in some way, then that's fantastic.

BUT, now that the question has been posed, I have to say that I don't think romance and erotica are necessarily separate and isolated ideas -- in fact, I think they're unerring complements ... much like Mulder and Scully themselves. I would go so far as to say that something isn't erotic =without= that element of romance -- otherwise, I think it could be rightly called porn. And romance is in turn enhanced by erotica. I hope that my stories incorporate both of these elements.

This is an interesting question, because it makes me ponder whether I see MSR as "maligned" at all. I certainly don't think it's "ridiculed" to the extent that typical romance novels ofttimes are, but I know there are romance "snobs" out there who don't appreciate the genre and are quite loud and arrogant about their lack of participation in it.

I'm not sure that it's something to be proud of these days, when canon itself seems to be leaning more and more toward the dreaded Relationship, but I know they're out there. However, these people seem to be few and far between, as the community appears to have shaped itself into a more relationship-oriented crowd. I have heard stories of how things were in the "old days," when those who were opposed to romance abounded, and any story that had shipper elements in it had to be clearly labeled as such, for fear of wrath and flaming from the greater community. That absolutely fascinates me, because I can't imagine such a thing happening now.

Of the trepidation that I felt about posting my first story, the MSR element was definitely NOT part of it. In fact, since I first discovered the world of XF fan fiction, I haven't seen a single story posted that didn't at least include the element of UST. That doesn't mean that stories without UST or MSR haven't been posted -- but if we take into consideration the laws of chance and probability, it tells me that there can't have been very many of them. Nowadays, it seems that if a writer isn't smart enough see =at least= the sexual tension between Mulder and Scully by THIS point, their work can't have too much insight to the characters, and is therefore probably not worth reading. ;-)

So why is MSR so popular? The same reason why romances are popular. People enjoy reading them. The reasons for why THAT is, I can only venture theories, the most obvious one being that MSR is satisfying a need not being met on the show. Perhaps people want to see more UST (which, as we know, can be a form of MSR), but 22 episodes a year aren't enough. Or perhaps people want to see Mulder and Scully overtly expressing their love, in a "safe" medium that doesn't affect canon at all. That's certainly true for me. I started out as someone who firmly believed that Mulder and Scully were interested in one another, and probably in love with each other, but shouldn't consummate that love/lust/whatever it was until the show itself was going to end.

I ridiculed the kiss in FTF, ranting about cheesy marketing ploys and what not. I encountered fanfic on the Internet and ran away screaming. Oh wait, that only happened after I saw the term "fan fiction" and discovered that it was actual prose, instead of scripts of fan-penned episodes, as I had first assumed. Then one day, I was so bored at work and so desperate for something to occupy my time that I caved and started reading. I started enjoying it, but I could only read case files and M/S UST -- anything that resembled canon was good, though a little more overt MSR didn't bother me (I did believe they were in love, after all).

Gradually, I began reading MSR (I probably ran out of other options, since /Other fic appealed to me even less) -- first, I read those that were encapsulated within the events of an actual episode; then those that occurred within case files; then eventually, just plain MSR for the sake of MSR. It's funny, but it took me a long time to appreciate MSR, so it can be likened to an acquired taste, and yet it's given the least credit for artistic merit. That can perhaps be "blamed" on the fact that as MSR has the greatest fan draw, its fiction is so pervasive and abundant that it naturally produces many more stories (and many more "duds") than other pairings. But I also think that that means that writers who write the MSR well, who can make it fresh and new for their audience, accomplish that much more. I know I certainly respect and appreciate the writers who can do that for me when I read a story of theirs.

Fanfic, for me, started out as something that needed to be a direct, obvious extension of canon. Now, it has become an entity of its own. I can read things that I'd never imagine would/could/should happen on the show, because those things have no lasting impression on what goes on in canon, it's fun, it's harmless and it's entertaining. That's the bottom line for what fan fiction is to me and how I approach it -- as entertainment. I don't make a cent from my fanfic, so why should it feel like work or a chore? I know that a lot of people don't feel this way; they take their stories very, very seriously, and there's merit in that, too. I have no idea if they write what they love or if they write as a labor of love. I can only say that when it comes to fanfic, I can only write what I love. :-) MSR definitely did convert me in one way, though -- I started out not wanting sexual relief for Mulder and Scully until the show was over and done with ... but now I don't think it'd be so bad. Though that's pretty much been taken out of all of our hands...

Hmm ... that would imply that the way I write it =is= effective, and I can't be the judge of that. I can tell you how I approach it, though, and those that think it's effective can maybe take something away from this and those that don't can, of course, ignore it.

Sexual tension between two people defined in layman's terms for me is the desire to get horizontal with one another but for some reason have not yet done so. Well ... that, perhaps, is too specific; it's possible for there to be sexual tension between two people who HAVE slept together before. In any case, in this specific instance, that tension is primarily contained in the sizzling looks Mulder and Scully exchange on screen ... their light touches ... the awkward pauses ... the moments that cause you to hold your breath and think, hope, that THIS time, it will finally happen, no matter how many times you've been screwed over by Chris Carter before.

Well, we MSR writers are obviously not as cruel as he, but the resolution of Mulder and Scully's UST is often most enjoyable after experiencing some tension (which pretty much describes the act of obtaining orgasm through intercourse, as well <g>). My best advice to recreate this tension is to duplicate that which we see on screen, only, of course, in words. A pause, silence, hesitation, a breath caught in a throat, quickly averted eyes ... all those things stop a reader and help them pause and reflect to create an image of the exact scene in his/her mind. If the scene's been set up well, all the emotions will rise to the surface and the reader will be able to feel the electricity in the air.

The other thing to remember is that on the show, moments of sexual tension are fleeting -- they occur, then are quickly diverted. That brief moment of open desire allows both characters to let it pass unacknowledged. If you draw it out too long, the desire will grow too great to be ignored — Mulder and Scully aren't stupid; they'll be forced to acknowledge it. That's fine, of course, if you're ready for them to move beyond UST into RST, but you can't have them staring at one another for 15 minutes and expect the reader to believe that they don't get clued in on what's going on. They are both masters of denial, so you probably could get away with a lot, but not an indefinite period of ogling. <g> But the more moments of unresolved glimpses of lust that you have (usually unacknowledged), the greater the tension builds. They can stand it for as long as you can. <g>

It certainly does have similar demographics ... but as for whether we can attribute that to the negative stereotype that fanfic is unfortunately tarred with, that's a tricky question that I think has layers of possibility.

At first blush, I want to say that the fact that the fanfic community — at least, of the XF persuasion -- comprises mostly female members has nothing to do with its less-than-stellar reputation to those who don't participate in it. I, at least, don't immediately think, "that's a woman thing" when I think of fan fiction. Surely there must be other ficdoms in which men play a large role, or in which men play a majority role.

Still, the fact remains that the XF fan fiction community is composed primarily of women, and many stories have elements of romance. As we've already covered, that seems to be a target for derision, so I have to think that XF fan fiction perhaps =does= suffer from its "association" with the female gender. Women are typically more interested in romance than men, and that's conveyed in fan fiction, and perhaps even in the types of fandoms that we pursue. As has been pointed out in articles I've read on the subject, fandoms consisting of mostly male members, such as sports, do not have to put up with the level of scorn that fanfic seems inundated with.

Then again, fans of television, comprising men and women equally, generally aren't regarded with a high level of esteem, so a subculture of that same interest -- which even television enthusiasts don't all understand — can hardly be expected to garner more respect.

One night, I was talking to Louise about upcoming sections of her story "Any Other Name" (which is fab, by the way, even if she hasn't finished it yet by press time). I spoke to her at length about the anticipated "smut" -- I don't remember whether she had just been preparing well in advance or whether she had been considering putting it in the very next installment -- but it ended up going nowhere that night; she didn't write any of it then.

But I think it got all my smut writing/reading brain cells going, and none of that energy had been satisfied. The next morning, lying in bed (all the best ideas always come when you're too lethargic to do anything about it, and then when you finally get up, 95 percent of it disappears), this idea about someone watching Mulder and Scully have sex was in my head and stayed there. I don't know where it came from, since it was nothing like the smut I'd been discussing the night before. It wasn't angsty, it wasn't befitting an epic novel ... it was just a silly, fun idea that wouldn't vacate my brain.

So I stayed in bed and thought out most of the details in my head, then got up in the early afternoon and started typing. I didn't stop until I had the initial draft of "Closet Doors" done. Directly after, still buzzing with the euphoria of having written a story -- whether or not it was any good was a whole other matter -- I hopped online and told Brandon and Shannon that I had written something, would they care to have a look? They proceeded to do amazing things to it, and in the next few days, I worked on incorporating their beta and that of Paulette's ... and I think my author's notes at the end of the story pretty much says it all. I had no idea how to post a story and wasn't even sure that I wanted to take it that far. I'd written it to get an idea out of my head and wasn't sure I wanted the experience "spoiled" if people didn't like it. At that point, I hadn't yet been exposed to the soul-balming and spirit-lifting properties of feedback. :-)

Anyway, Brandon very kindly offered to help me post the story, and I knew it wouldn't be fair to the nice people who'd taken time to look at and make suggestions about the story to be a coward. So I took him up on the offer. Since then, I've lost a lot of my greenness, and sometimes, I kind of miss it. I've spared the occasional look back, but it's been such an incredibly rewarding experience that I can't regret it at all.

Go to Part Two to read Narida talk about the process of writing "Closet Doors," "Worth Breaking" and "The Absence of Memory," as well as her comments on characterization and fanfic canon versus show canon.