Interview with Leyla Harrison (Part 2 of 2)
(interviewed by Nicola Simpson, August 27-30, 2000)
In some ways it seems as though there are more young people on atxc than there were five years ago (although it may just seem that way because all of us old-timers are starting to creak). Are you ever uncomfortable with the idea that minors are reading your NC-17 work, or the NC-17 work of other people?
I think I'm under the delusion that if there are kids out there reading fanfic, that they are steering away from the NC-17 fanfic. Realistically, I know this isn't the case, although I've never received any feedback from your readers about my NC-17 stories. It worries me that there are kids out there reading NC-17 fanfic, but there's not much that can be done about it.
On the ER fic boards, it's interesting because there are specific mailing lists for fanfic that are not just strictly for minors but only accept fic that is under a certain rating. I think that's a nice thing to do, and I like the fact that there are a lot of adults on that list and group who are invested in keeping that section of the fic clean. I think that would be harder to maintain in the XF fic world only because it's larger.
Or worse, that minors are *writing* NC-17 work that you might find disturbing? What do you feel your responsibilities are as an author in this electronic environment, where it's nearly impossible to police who reads your work?
I have to admit, I don't think I've ever seen a NC-17 fic that was written by a minor. Don't get me wrong -- I'm sure they are out there. But I haven't seen any. This might be due to the fact that I'm very selective in my reading, and tend to read writers that I am already familiar with or writers or stories that come recommended by people I know or lists I'm on.
As an author who does write a lot of NC-17 fic, there's not much I can do about who is reading my writing. I do my best to clearly label everything that is NC-17 in the subject header -- even if a story is in sections and some sections are "clean". I've seen some authors write non-NC-17 versions of fic for those who don't want to read the mature version, which I think is great -- I don't know that I could personally do that only because a good deal of my erotica is written to be erotica -- writing a non-NC-17 version would ruin the whole point of the story.
How do you go about crafting your stories as erotica? Are they designed to arouse, or are you just putting language together that you think is evocative or sexy? What senses are important to you when writing erotica? Do you ever get embarrassed by stuff that you write?
Again, there's not a lot of "crafting", so to speak -- a good majority of what I write is just what comes from my brain to my hands to the keyboard. I tend not to think too much about what I'm going to write before I write it, especially when it's erotica. If I think too much I get too sappy, which was what happened in many of my earlier NC-17 pieces.
Every sense is important when it comes to writing erotica, but I am always most interested in the sight and tactile. Sight because I value this in my everyday life more than anything else, and also because I think that although Mulder and Scully see each other all the time, they don't really see each other until that "first time". Tactile because -- well, it's sex! There's got to be good touching. <g>
Do I get embarrassed? No, I don't think I've ever been embarrassed by what I've wrriten when it comes to erotica. I would assume that this is because I've always been pretty open-minded, and sex is no exception. I see sex as a beautiful thing, especially when it's between two people who have a great love and respect for each other, which I see the characters of Mulder and Scully having on the show. So I'm never really embarrassed by writing that down, whatever it may be.
What do you think the difference is between erotica and romance in fanfic?
Romance to me is more...flowery. Erotica is more sexual.
Conventional romance can be described as a story about a couple overcoming
internal and external conflicts to fall in love and live happily ever after. Do you feel that erotica requires less attention to things like conflict and plot? Which do you find more personally satisfying to read--conventional MSR or plot-less smut? As an author of romance and erotica, which do you prefer to write?
I'll start from the tail end of your questions. I much prefer to write erotica. To me, romance is all fine and good -- but I don't see Mulder and Scully having a conventional romance. They are not conventional people -- their situations over the last seven years have been anything but. And so I can't ever picture them falling in love and overcoming the obstacles and living happily ever after.
There are two kinds of smut -- with and without plot. I like them both, as long as they are well written.
Erotica, I think, requires a certain amount of attention of various things; I don't know if I would call it actual "plot" per se, but take this as an example. I was reading a smut which was very well-written and one minute, Mulder was admiring Scully in her underwear and literally, they went into bed and the next second they were having sex. I actually wrote the writer, wanting to know if this was a result of some newfangled underwear that can be easily penetrated or something that I don't know about, and she told me that it was only after she had posted the story (and didn't have it beta read) that she had meant to put in that Scully disrobed completely.
So -- I guess erotica requires attention to *detail*. Most people write, I think, either from personal experience or from what they've either read in books or seen in movies, or a combination of both, plus a little of their own fantasies too. Real
sex is not about paying attention to the details, but if you want a reader to really *believe* that Mulder and Scully are having sex, detail in erotica is a very important thing for a writer to pay attention to.
But how do you avoid becoming dry and clinical when you're paying attention to detail? It can so easily become: Mulder examined Scully's Slot B then carefully inserted his Tab A. Is it possible to be *too* detailed in erotica?
It can be very possible to be too detailed. But it's important to make sure as a writer that things are actually plausible, too. Mulder isn't a young stud anymore and can't come over and over again in the space of fifteen minutes, no matter how long it's been since he's had sex. In all likelihood, Scully can't have an orgasm from just intercourse (well, it's a possibility, but in most women, there's got to be more than that for an orgasm).
For my own erotica, I try to remember that these are two people who are very passionate in general about things, they love each other deeply, and they both haven't had sex in a long time. <g> So things can get spiced up and fun and stay realistic at the same time. Scully doesn't have to have an orgasm just because she feels "the strength and force of Mulder's manhood inside her". She can be stimulated by him manually, if that's what it takes.
All your stories, erotica and angst, have a real poignancy to them. How important is catharsis to you in writing?
Terribly important. So much of what I write has me in it -- a story I wrote after "All Souls" aired called Flames was about Mulder and Scully. But it was also about a church that burned, and it was based on an experience that I had just days previous when half the people in my neighborhood watched a church just blocks from my house burn to the ground. I had very strong feelings as I stood there and watched it burn, and I wanted to work that into the story if I could.
The same holds true for most of my stories -- if there's an emotional issue being played out, there's a very good chance that it's something I'm either dealing with at the moment or have dealt with in the past. I started writing many years ago as a way to deal with what went on inside my head. I was raised in a very abusive single-parent home with a mentally ill parent and wrote a lot to escape that, but I also found that years later I was still writing about the things that have made me who I am -- and it helps me become a better, stronger person by getting it down on paper (or on the computer).
I'd like to talk a little about Darkness and Light, if you don't mind. A few prominent fanfic authors, yourself included, have found themselves faced with the horror of cancer in the last few years, often mirroring Scully's experiences on the show. How did you use fanfic to deal with your illness? Do you think it has given you some different insights when it comes to writing Scully's POV?
I don't mind talking about this, actually.
I went through my cancer around the same time as Scully did -- and it was a very powerful experience for me. For me, the fanfic I wrote at the time was my way of dealing with my feelings about my illness -- and they were varied in their type and intensity. Dealing with something as frightening as cancer, especially at a young age (I was 24 when I was diagnosed) ran me through a huge range of emotions, and I admit I "used" Scully a lot to help me deal with them, one at a time. That was a lot of what Darkness and Light was about, at least when I started writing it. The first two stories were my way of dealing with my fears of hospitals and of pain, and the issue of shutting people out and letting them in, last two stories were my way of dealing with my own fears of death.
I went to the NYC eXpo with four good friends to see Gillian Anderson. We all came in from different places -- Montreal, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Florida. As we came in, we got the raffle tickets for autographs with Gillian at the end of the day and none of us had any. Unbeknownst to me, all of my friends were going around trying to *buy* winning raffle tickets off other people. At one point, one of my friends offered $200 and got 5 tickets, so at the end of the day we all lined up to see Gillian.
We were pretty close to the front of the line. I was still in a state of shock that my friends did this for me, but they knew how much I adored GA and they knew how much I was dying to meet her. So I go up on this platform thing first, where GA is sitting behind a table. I was just about ready to die from system overload. <g> (And, BTW, as beautiful as she is in person, she's about 400% more luminescent in real life.) I hand her my picture and she goes to sign it. It was kind of a "hurry it along, she's got a lot of people to sign pictures for" kind of thing. So I open my mouth and I say, "I just wanted to tell you that I had cancer when Scully did." The guard was like, "OK, move along," to me and Gillian said, "no, wait," and motioned for me to go on. I told her (and I paraphrase at this point because it all is a little blurry <g>) how much I appreciated her playing Scully as a strong woman with cancer, and that her portrayal helped me write and find my own strength too. She asked me if I was all right now, and I told her, yes, I'm in remission. I said, "Thank you so much," and then (to my utter humiliation) I started to cry, and she looked very affected (according to one of my friends who was standing right next to me) and then I walked off the platform.
I had been waiting a long time to be able to tell her that, and I still can't believe I had the chance -- but after that day, I felt like I had my closure for the cancer, even though I was healthy at that point. It was an amazing moment.
I would characterize much (if not the majority) of your work as unflinching; you convey a visceral truth that is always very keen, even in your early stories. Is this characteristic of your voice in general, do you think?
Very much so. Like I said before, I've always been an angsty writer and an angsty person too, so bringing that out in my writing doesn't really feel like a stretch. I have stretched a few times with humor -- Mulder and Scully Have Sex (with Madeleine Partous) and Anyone For Pie?, but for the most part, I am more comfortable writing from a dark, depressed POV. <g> And of course, smut -- only because true angst is commonly tied in with passion of any kind -- including sexual passion.
Do you think passion has become *too* important in XF fic? It seems harder and harder to find straight case files... Do you think that's a reflection of a growing consensus that Mulder and Scully are in love with each other, or does it just mean that there are fewer Noromos writing these days?
Speaking as a shipper who has been a shipper since season 1, I would have to say no, I don't think passion has become too important in XF fic. <g> But you're right -- there are less and less well-written case files, and when they are well written I am very sucked in by them. I really enjoy stories that are very true to the Mulder and Scully we see on the show each week, and have a believable and plausible plot.
I think that especially given the course of the events of this past season, it's pretty fair to say there are very few people out there who believe that Mulder and Scully are not in love and sleeping together. Even my father, who has never watched one episode of XF, called me after "Requiem" aired and said, "So, I take it the baby is Mulder's?" I was a little stunned because I had no idea how he had stumbled upon that little tidbit -- this is a man who does not watch TV. <g>
How do you go about crafting your stories? What is your writing process? Do you get an idea then rush to put it on paper? Or do you plan your story before starting to write?
More often than not, I'm struck by an idea of a part of a story and then I work from there. I've tried to get a process, but sad to say, that's never worked for me. Usually I get the idea and then go straight to the computer. After "Requiem" aired, for example -- I was at the computer less than an hour later, pounding out White Wave. I think there were a lot of people who dashed off to the computer after that episode. <g>
Certainly after "Requiem" aired there was a *deluge* of stories, and quite a few from people who said "Well, I haven't done this in a long time, but I was so inspired by the events of the episode..." Do you think that this creative energy will be sustained over the course of the season? What inspires you to continue writing? Is it the way the characters develop on the show, or is it something inside you?
My feeling is that until Scully pops the baby out and until Mulder comes back, there's going to be a lot of new fic. <g> I also have a weird feeling that as opposed as many people are to Scully's new partner, there's going to be a good amount of fanfic about him too -- but not from me.
I don't know what for sure inspires me. I feel kind of tapped out on XF right now, but I've gone through that before and come back. I guess sometimes I need a break. My inspiration from writing comes when I feel a pressure in my chest, like I'm holding something in -- I know at that point something needs to give, and so I usually write at that point (and at that point I will usually write *anything*).
I rarely plan my stories out before I write them, which is why I end up with so many unfinished stories. But I'm not sorry I do it that way -- I tend to write from the gut, very visceral, and so planning would kind of ruin that.
Do you find your ideas change over the course of writing the story? Do your characters ever do stuff and say stuff that you never planned them to? How do you deal with that? Do you run with it, or do you try to get back to your original vision?
Definitely. Things change in my stories all the time. When I start a story, it's usually with a very small idea or scene, and then I work from there, so anything can happen. My characters often do things I can't control. <g> Most often, I just go with it and see where it leads. I'm that kind of person, I guess. Unless there was something very clear I was trying to accomplish in the story, I usually just let it go and see where it takes me. Usually it takes me somewhere very nice, and I'm pleased with the result. When it doesn't, that story usually ends up in the "unfinished" folder on my hard drive.
What do you do with those "unfinished" stories?
<g> They languish on my hard drive, usually forever. Once I went back and took an old story and finished it, but I wasn't in the same place -- I didn't have the same feeling or passion for the idea as when I had first written it, so it turned out to be a mistake.
Do you think that growing as a writer means that you can't return to unfinished work you've done in the past? Is it better to move on and recognize that you've learned more and your voice may be stronger, or is it better to just finish the &*#$% story no matter what?
I think people can always return to older ideas or concepts, or even abandoned stories, regardless of growth and experience. I once took an idea from my earlier abandoned attempts and was able to create something more mature and logical for it (something I wouldn't have been able to do earlier just due to my skills at the time). The only time I finish a story, or go back to something I've left behind is if I really feel like there's something workable there that would be interesting for people to read. If there's nothing compelling there, I leave it behind.
What techniques do you employ to make your writing compelling? Do you "interview" your characters, do plotting charts, employ "Goal Motivation Conflict" techniques or "Scene and Sequel"? If you don't use any conscious techniques, what are techniques you would like to learn or try to use?
<laugh> I use none of the above. Angst comes naturally to me, so I tend to just go with it and see where it leads. As far as what I would like to try to use – I can't say that I've ever wanted to try to get new techniques.
How would you compare your voice in fanfic to your voice in other genres?
I think my voice is much the same in all of what I write. I've completed two novels and am in the middle of a third one right now, and I have to say that the new one is really something slightly different for me, only in the regards that it is less angst-ridden. There's still a good deal of depressing subject matter, but I'm also focusing a lot on memory, nostalgia and the like. Those come from my own personal traits as well.
Are you trying to get them published? Do you have any advice for writers who want to try more original work?
The first novel was definitely not publishable material. The second was, but about 3/4 of the way through I realized that it was something that I needed to do for me and not for the world. So I gave up on that one. As far as the current one goes, I have higher hopes for it -- but we'll see where that goes.
As far as advice goes, I don't know if I have anything entirely useful to say, except that I buy the Writers Market every year and read it carefully. I've learned a lot from it -- what publishers want, what they are interested in, how to go about getting something (whether fiction or non-fiction, or even magazine work) published, how to find an agent and if you really even need one. It's been incredibly helpful.
How do you cope with self-editing? Do you trust your own instincts, or do you rely on beta readers?
I'm a decent self-editor, but I never rely solely on myself. I have a few people who edit for me regularly -- some of them focus on just things my spellchecker misses, punctuation and grammar errors, while I have one very good friend who deals with plot and structure -- how they story feels to her. I sometimes, as I'm sure many authors do, get wrapped up in the story and can't see the flaws myself, which is why I trust her so much to deal with my stories.
When it's been gone over and over by a bunch of people, I usually go through it one more time for my own very critical examination. I try to remove myself as the writer and focus on being a reader. It's not easy, but I like to always do one last run through, which sometimes can take half as long as it would take to actually write the story (especially vignettes, which tend to come out fast when I write them).
What do you think makes a good beta reader? What skills do you value in your beta readers, and how do you think they make you a better writer?
<chuckle> I'm actually a terrible beta reader. I'm very good at seeing plot holes or identifying emotional gaps in stories, but I'm terrible when it comes to finding grammatical errors, etc. I get annoyed by having to find little errors like spelling and such -- I'm always afraid it will interfere with my enjoyment of the story. But, that said, I really feel like I can contribute a good deal in the areas I mentioned above.
I've had a few beta readers over the years. With only a few exceptions, they have always been either good friends, good writers that I admire, or both. Writing to me is a very personal thing -- whether it's fanfic (for any show) or fiction of any kind. The one thing I need to have most in a beta reader is trust. Sounds silly, but I need to know that I can trust them with the outpourings of my head before I share what I've written with others. They make me better writers because they point out all the things I'm too immersed in the story to see -- where I've left out crucial descriptions, or when times don't match (like why does it take Mulder 10 hours to get somewhere, for example, when he's only 2 hours away?).
What do you think your greatest strength as a writer is? Your greatest weakness?
My greatest strength would definitely have to be the fact that I don't like to post stories that I feel are out of character. I can be ruthless with myself, sometimes cutting a character completely out if I don't feel I'm speaking their language. I think I have a pretty good handle on knowing when the voice is wrong. Others might say my biggest strength is my smut. <g>
As far as weaknesses go -- I'm a sucker for ScullyAngst when it comes to XF fic. I've tried on many occasions to branch out, write from Mulder's POV, etc, but it has not been easy or always successful. As a result, most of my stories are all from the same POV.
What problems have you encountered when you try to write from Mulder's POV? How have you tried to overcome them?
I find that most of my problems come from the fact that I never know where Mulder's coming from half the time. <g> I'm much more like Scully -- I tend to come up with rational explanations for things instead of going out on a limb. So when I write, I'm much more inclined to write Scully's POV, because I tend to know where she's at, what grounds her, what motivates her.
As far as overcoming my "issues" with writing Mulder...well, I just jumped in and did it! My fist attempt was terrible and I knew it, so I trashed the story. The second one was a story called Flames (the one about the burning church that I mentioned earlier) which just came out in a rush and was much more successful. I think one of the reasons why it was successful was that I knew what I was going to base the story on (the church fire) and I knew that it would be something too heavy handed to write from Scully's POV (with her issues with religion). I thought it would be much more interesting from Mulder's POV and so that's how I did it, and I was very pleased with how it came out.
What are your current fanfic goals? What do you have planned next?
<groan> You'd had to ask this, wouldn't you? People are bugging me for the 3rd and final story in my post-"Requiem" series (the first two stories, White Wave and In This Silence, were received quite well, considering I hadn't posted anything recently...). The problem with this is that, well, um, I'm stuck. I'm not sure I know where my Mulder and Scully are emotionally and with each other at this point in the series, so I don't know where I'm going with this. I had originally hoped for a late-August posting for this one, but as you can see, it's the end of August and I haven't written any of it. <g>
I don't know where I'm going to go next with fanfic. I'm worried about the upcoming season (seasons...maybe..ugh) on the show and most of my fanfic has been based on my reactions from various episodes or themes that I see on the show. This makes me wonder -- if my reaction to the new season, which will be Mulder-less for about half, and has a New Partner (I can't wrap my mind around that one yet, especially after I saw who was cast) will be favorable. At this point I feel like CC has ruined things -- sure, there's a potential for things to work out all right for Mulder and Scully, but I think in order for that to happen, there's going to have to be a) the revelation that the baby is not alien *or* CSM's, but rather Mulder's, b) no miscarriage for Scully, and c) a Mulder/Scully reunion (I mean, enough already!! They've suffered for years...). I just worry that fans aren't going to be satisfied with the results of what's going to come, and that includes me -- and that will affect how and if I'm going to write any more XF fic.
As for what else I have "next"... I just finished (this morning) the sixth story in a series of ER fic. These have come rushing out of me -- all six stories in the last eight days. And frighteningly, although I never pictured myself writing fic for any show other than XF, I'm having a blast with this and feeling that it's in many ways some of the best writing I've done.
Good luck, Leyla! May the success of your XF fic career follow you in all your writing endeavors.
Working Stiffs would like to thank Leyla for her candor and insight, and her enthusiasm in being our first interview victim, I mean, guest. Click the link to visit her website.
If you're an author and would like to be interviewed by Working Stiffs, please contact Nic
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