By The Sarge
The heaps and heaps and heaps of praise for this PPV is nothing short of amazing. People have said "best ever." Or, at the least, "best until Wrestlemania X-7." Could be. I can't really remember too well. Another viewing should help. It should. It really, really should.
The Worldwide Leader in Sports Entertainment
Video montage that uses goofy over-writing to express the new "shades of grey" idea of
heels and faces; and hypes the main event: the big 10-man tag match.
Vince's warm voice welcomes us -- and J.R. and Lawler have huge hats. They immediately talk about the undercard, which includes...
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Mankind
American Blueblood Triple H has an incredibly mannish Joanie "Chyna" Laurer with him.
The history package for this has the goofiest narration EVER. It's Dok Hendrix
doing some sort of "this isn't Dok Hendrix doing narration" voice. Basically, this match is
a result of the match between the two at King Of The Ring, which Helmsley won. They
go toe-to-toe before the bell even rings and Mankind bulldogs HHH, slams him, and
drops a Hogan Legdrop. Double-arm DDT by Mankind, who does the HHH curtsy.
HHH comes back with one of his knee moves, but gets backdropped to the floor.
Mankind follows with an elbow off the apron, then rolls HHH back in. Vince is
preoccupied with Chyna's "delts." Helmsley gets sent to the floor again, but runs away
from a Mankind elbow off the second rope. Helmsley tries to retreat, but Mankind
chases him down and suplexes him on the ramp. J.R. gets all shitheaded on us and
calls Mankid "the Prime Minister of Parts Unknown." Helmsley tries to come back in, but
Mankind knocks him off the apron. Sunset flip attempt by HHH, but Mankind puts on the
Mandible Claw instead. Chyna punches Mankind in the head to break it up. Mankind
goes after Chyna and Helmsley tries an axehandle off the apron, but gets punched in
the gut instead. Helmsley then whips Mankind in the direction of Chyna, who
powerslams him into the ringsteps in a pretty painful looking bump. Helmsley grabs a
chair and nails Mankind in the knee with it. Both guys head back in and Helmsley chop-
blocks Mankind and stomps away at his knee. HHH keeps up on the knee with kicks
and drops an elbow on said knee. A rare dropkick from Helmsley -- and it's on the knee
of Mankind. Helmsley applies a passable figure-four and uses the ropes for "leverage."
Referee Corderas sees this, goes house show on HHH, and kicks his hands away. The
hold is finally broken, some more wrasslin'... Pedigree attempt by HHH -- but Mankind
pulls his feet out from under him. HHH pushes Mankind away and he bounces into the
corner and falls -- head-first -- into Helmsley's crotch. Mankind beats Helmsley down in
the corner and hits the running knee. Helmsley gets sent into the corner, does his
variation of the Flair Flip and gets caught in a Tree of Woe. Mankind elbows him.
Corderas frees Helmsley and Mankind gives him a wedgie piledriver for a two-count. A
clothesline by Mankind sends both of them to the floor. Mankind grabs a chair, but
Chyna yanks it away -- allowing Helmsley to use it. Corderas takes the chair and Chyna
clotheslines Mankind. Back in the ring, Helmsley goes up top, but Mankind falls back on
the ropes and crotches him. Mankind slaps on the Mandible Claw, but Chyna trips him
and crotches him on the ringpost. On the floor again, Mankind gets sent into the rail and
both guys fight on the pretty black mats, over the guardrail and the bell rings at 13:10...
double-countout. They keep fighting. Helmsley gets hiptossed into the penalty box
(Penalty Box Match) and they keep fighting. This goes on for a bit... all over the arena
floor. They never do get pulled apart. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give
it: ***1/2. This was as good a pre-2000 Helmsley match as you'll find. And
Mick was also in fine form. A wild match and a very good opener.
Sunny and the Honky Tonk Man are hyping the Hotline.
The WWF loves self-promotion and hyping themselves as being bigger than just wrestling. Therefore, we get really boring footage of WWF shit in Calgary. Basically, it's public appearances and autograph signings by Whiff Wrestlers.
Dok Hendrix gets to talk to Bret, Owen, Bulldog, Pillman, and Anvil Neidhart in their dressing room. Austin tries to break in, but he's stopped by road agents.
Taka Michinoku vs. The Great Sasuke
Vince is acting like he actually likes light heavyweights. J.R. hasn't mastered the
pronounciation of Taka's last name. Vince has mastered the pronounciation of
"Sasuke," though. Before the match starts, we see Mankind and Helmsley still
fighting on the floor. Helmsley's bleeding -- or so we're told. Finally, the match starts.
Sasuke comes out kicking, landing a couple impressive shots. They lock up and Taka
gives the clean break. J.R. says Taka may be nervous about facing a legend like
Sasuke -- failing to mention the bazillion times they faced each other in Japan. Some
flipping and flopping and Sasuke gets an armbar, but Taka rolls him into a two-count.
Snapmare, chinlock, and headscissors by Sasuke. Taka with an armbar, then a
surfboard, then a wristlock. Armbreaker by Taka. Listen to the contempt in J.R.'s voice
when he says something about the "pundits" in North America that follow Japanese
wrestling. Sleeper by Sasuke, but Taka elbows out -- then runs into a vicious
kick by Sasuke. An incredibly painful looking alf-crab by Sasuke. Taka catches a kick,
nails Sasuke with a right hand, dropkicks him in the back... then one in the front. Taka
gets backdropped to the floor and Sasuke follows with a variation of Ernest Miller's
Feliner. Back in the ring, Sasuke gives Taka a ton of absolutely insane kicks. Taka
catches one and gives Sasuke a Dragon screw and dropkicks him in the knee. Sasuke
goes to the floor, but Taka hits a HUGE springboard bodypress that sends both
guys to the ramp. Vince says "what a Samurai Warrior this Taka Michinoku is." I laugh.
Taka tries suplexing Sasuke in, but Sasuke flips behind and attempts a German suplex -
- which Taka flips out of. Frankensteiner by Taka gets a two-count. Another two-count.
Taka goes off the ropes, but gets nailed by a handspring elbow from Sasuke. Taka
goes to the floor to regroup, but Sasuke hits an Asai moonsault. We head back in and
Sasuke gets thrown about halfway across the ring with a belly-to-belly. Dropkick off the
top by Taka catches Sasuke in the back. A Michinoku Driver gets a close two-count.
Taka comes off the top with a bodypress, but Sasuke dropkicks him in mid-air.
Quebrada by Sasuke gets him a two-count. A powerbomb by Sasuke is followed by a
tiger suplex for the win at 10:00. Vince has the nerve to call this match "a credit to the
WWF's light heavyweight division." Bullshit. It's a credit to Michinoku Pro, asswipe.
If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ****. Great match. Too bad
nothing in the rest of the WWF light heavyweight division's history matched it. Oh well...
they'll push the cruiserweights after the roster split. Right?
HHH and Mankind are still fighting. This time, they're in a parking lot and hitting each other with shit and throwing each other into shit. It looks like the referees finally pulled them apart.
In a clip from 'Cause Stone Cold Said So, we get Cold Stone trying to explain what a "can of whoop-ass" (remember when he said that?) is. It's basically clips of Austin beating the shit out of people. This leads to... an ad for the video.
We get footage of Ahmed Johnson's knee injury, which led to him NOT being in the next match.
Dok has to talk to Paul Bearer and Vader. Unfortunately, a lot of what P. Bearer says revolves around his accusations that the Undertaker "murdered his family." Dammit. Vader doesn't get to say a fucking word, which is too bad because P. Bearer says a lot.
WWF Title Match
Vader vs. The Undertaker (champion)
J.R.'s an asshole. He calls Vader a "butterball." And it's a wonder that his WWF stint
was such a huge flop? Big man stuff starts out, with UT backing Vader into the corner,
then whipping him off the ropes and clotheslining him. A Hogan Legdrop by UT gets a
two-count. Some hand-holding and stuff ensues. Old School Fistdrop. I'll ignore
mentions of the "murdering his family" shit and any mentions of "Kane." Vader gets
whipped into the corner, comes out and does that belly-butt with the handclapping.
High-Flipping Clothesline by UT. Headlock by Vader for a minute or so. Big boot by UT
stuns Vader, and a kick sends him to the floor. Some brawling on the floor and UT gets
whipped into the ringsteps, which leads to taunts from Paul. UT comes back in with a
clothesline from the top, which is a horrible time for J.R. to plug the hotline. But he does
it anyway. UT gives those soupbone uppercuts to Vader and knocks him to the floor.
UT chases Bearer, which allows Vader to nail him from behind. Back in the ring, Vader
unloads with some soupbones of his own -- and a short-arm clothesline. Vader comes
off the second rope with some type of lame splash that gets a two-count. The camera is
paying way too much attention to P. Bearer tonight. Meanwhile, Vader's on fire
and gets a two-count with a splash. Nervehold by Vader -- shades of Savio Vega. UT
punches out of it and Vader jiggles. Vader gets UT with the Great Equalizer -- the eye-
gouge -- and clotheslines him. UT fires back with loads of soupbones. Loads of 'em.
Then he goes for the chokeslam... but gets kicked in the balls. J.R. can't figure out why
there wasn't a DQ. Might be because nobody's gotten DQed for a low-blow since 1985.
Vader walks into a Tombstone attempt, but reverses. However, he botches the move
and can't manage to get a Tombstone of his own. Instead, UT ends up on top and gets
a two-count. Vader catches UT with a back elbow, then one of those belly-butt hand-
clappy things. Vader starts bouncing off his ropes for the Vaderbomb, but UT does that
damn sit-up thing, punches Vader in the balls, and chokeslams him from the second
rope for a two-count. UT delivers a more conventional chokeslam for another
two-count. Vader gets up, but runs right into a Tombstone from UT -- who gets a three-
count this time, and the win, at 12:37. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
***. Not a "catch-as-catch can classic" by any means. But it was a good old-
fashioned battle of hosses and entertaining enough that it didn't drag the show down at
all.
A cheesy ad for some contest is played. You have to watch RAW for clues. No thanks.
More clips of Bret Hart being popular in Calgary. Yeah, well. Kurrgan's pretty damn popular in Moncton, NB and Scott Taylor's fucking huge in Portland, Maine.
A nice highlight package tries to get across the fact that things aren't the same in the Whiff anymore. It's a vicious, harsh, cut-throat world now -- one where there aren't clear "good guys" and "bad guys." Oh yeah... it also hypes the main event.
Dok Hendrix has the honour of talking to Austin, Goldust, Shamrock, and the LOD. At this point in time, one of these men was a legit main eventer. And that man was Hawk.
The Canadian national anthem is sung by recording artists Farmer's Daughter, who look and sound as bad on a WWF pay-per-view as they do for free on CMT. Unfortunately, the American babyface doesn't attack them while they're signing. The Fink then introduces -- in the front row -- Alberta Premier Ralph Klein (who's probably drunk off his ass) and members of the Hart family.
Stone Cold Steve Austin, Goldust, Ken Shamrock & The Legion Of Doom vs. Bret "The Hitman" Hart, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, Brian Pillman, Owen Hart & The British Bulldog I don't think I need to go over the lame U.S.A. vs. Canada bullshit. At this point, however, it wasn't lame. There was heaps of heat during this one and the crowd was pretty much going apeshit for everything. Every one of the Hart Foundation guys gets HUGE pop -- even the fuckin' Anvil. And the reaction Bret gets is insane. Bret gives his sunglasses to his mom and hugs her. Stu doesn't get shit, but he looks a little less disoriented than usual. Staredown before the match. Bret and Austin start and it's a slugfest out of the gates. Bret stomps Austin down in the corner and the arena is going absolutely insane. Austin lands a few punches, but gets shoulderblocked, then clotheslined. Bret runs Austin's face on the top rope -- and Austin counters with a kick to the balls. Austin stomps on Bret, then locks in a Million Dollar Dream. Bret rolls back with the move he beat Austin with at Survivor Series and gets a two-count. Bret tags Anvil, who gets a Thesz Press and punches in bunches from Austin. Shamrock gets tagged in and -- for the first and only time ever -- there's an "Anvil" chant. Huge kick by Shamrock, who tries for an ankle lock, but it's stopped by Pillman. Brief wrestling exchange that's not as bad as it should be, given the fact Anvil's involved. Pillman gets tagged in. Sadly, he was quite degenerated at this point in his career. He still manages to have some pretty good antics and do OK. Shammy clotheslines him and lands a decent belly-to-belly, which leads to Owen and Goldust getting tagged in. Backdrop by Goldust, but an enziguri by Owen. Goldust takes control, gets Owen in the corner, and tags Hawk -- who sucks ass. Hawk's offense was so old and boring at this point, which was only made worse by the fact he fucked it up more times than not. Sharpshooter attempt is stopped by Animal. Bulldog gets tagged in and powerslams Hawk, but the count is broken up by Goldust. Bret and Animal get tagged in. Animal runs into a boot and gets clotheslined -- and tags in Goldust. They lock up and Bret kicks Goldie in the gut. Goldust gets put in a Tree of Woe in the Hart Foundation corner and all the team members put the boots and fists to him. Owen gets tagged in, but runs shoulder-first into the ringpost. Animal comes in and gets a spinwheel kick and a dropkick off the top rope. A Frankensteiner attempt by Owen gets him... powerbombed. LOD hit the Doomsday Device and a two-count is stopped by Anvil. A big brawl involving all 10 guys ensues and Austin wraps Owen's leg around the ringpost a couple times -- and Bruce Hart (in the front row) throws a drink at Austin. Austin grabs a chair and whacks Owen with it -- then Bruce grabs him. Owen gets dragged to the corner and tags Anvil. Owen's hurt. Austin and Anvil in there now. Austin gets backed into the Hart corner and roughed up. Pillman gets tagged in, Austin pulls his pants down, drags him to the U.S.A. corner -- where they "clubber" him -- and gives him a Stunner. A tag may have been made. Bret trips Austin, drags him to a corner and smacks his knee on the ringpost -- before whacking his knee with a fire extinguisher and doing the ringpost figure-four. Austin gets back to his corner to tag Hawk, who's in there against the Bulldog (?) now. Hawk goes up top, but gets crotched and thrown to the mat. Bulldog tags in Owen and they give Hawk a double-clothesline. Austin is going out back to seek medical attention. Animal gets tagged, which brings about the long-awaited Anvil-Animal test of strength. Anvil kicks Animal in the gut and backs him into the corner. Bret gets tagged in and they do the Demolition Decapitation. Animal makes a tag to Shamrock, who wastes time before figuring which leg to go after -- and gets clotheslined by Pillman. Lowblow headbutt by Bret. Hart and Shamrock knuckle up and Bret sends Shamrock into the Hart corner and to the floor. Pillman tosses Shamrock over the Spanish Announce Table. Pillman and Anvil throw Hawk into the steps. Russian legsweep by Bret on Shammy. Bulldog gets tagged in and punches and stomps the shit out of Shamrock. Shamrock punches Bulldog in the balls and tags Goldust, who bulldogs the Bulldog. Goldie sets up for the Curtain Call, but Pillman nails him. Goldust goes upstairs, but Bulldog stops him and superplexes him. Meanwhile, Austin hobbles back to the ring. Austin and Bret get tagged in. This time, Austin stomps Bret down in the corner, whips him hard into the opposite post, and suplexes him for a two-count. Hart gets whipped in but counters with a neckbreaker. Bret hits the backbreaker, followed by the second rope elbow -- and a sleeper. Austin goes the jawbreaker route to break the hold and get a two-count. Bret hooks in the Sharpshooter, but it's broken by Animal. Austin now, goes for his Sharpshooter. Out of nowhere, Owen hits the ring (I forgot to mention that he hobbled back for medical attention too) and breaks the hold. Owen gets tagged back in, but promptly gets clotheslined to the floor and stomped down by Austin -- right in front of the Harts. Austin grabs Stu. Bruce and another Hart (no idea which one) jump the rail to go after Austin. Austin goes back in the ring, but jaws at the Harts. From behind, Owen rolls Austin up and gets the surprise three-count at 24:33. Post-match, a big brawl starts and a bunch of Hart family members hit the ring. Security breaks it up, but it's a mess. The celebration starts -- then Austin hits the ring again. This time, he's cuffed and escorted out. Even handcuffed, he flips off the crowd as he heads up the ramp. Pillman and Bret bring Stu into the ring. Owen brings his mom in, which is actually really sad to watch now. As is the shot of Owen with his wife and kids. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ****1/2. Why this isn't considered a classic is beyond me. Everything about it was great: the wrestling, the heat behind it, the constant tags and two-counts, the crowd energy. Everything. It gets half-a-snowflake deducted due to brief spells of "not good" work by the LOD, Bulldog, and Anvil. Still... a must-see match.
The Hart Family celebration takes us to the end of the show. Given the falling-outs and divorces and lawsuits and deaths and guys being screwed over and poor health and tough times and bitterness, this is actually kind of difficult to watch.
We're outta here.
In conclusion...
Wow.
Having not seen every WWF pay-per-view ever, I can't really say if this was the best one ever. I won't even give it "best I've ever seen." I can say, however, that it's an amazing show. Four matches ain't much, but three of them ruled -- and the fourth was decent enough.
The 10-man tag and the insane levels of energy and reaction makes this mandatory viewing. I've never heard a crowd pop for everything like that. It was just unreal how into that match the fans were. Add to that a damn fine opener from HHH and Foley; an excellent light heavyweight match by Taka and Sasuke (easily Taka's best WWF match); and a decent Vader vs. Undertaker match.
To have a show where nothing sucks is almost unheard of (and you can't say that about Wrestlemania X-7... Chyna vs. Ivory; mid-card faces vs. RTC). This is one of the few. And I guess that makes it pretty great.