By The Sarge
By this point in time, pay-per-views were monthly and live television on Nitro was weekly, which made the Clash pretty much meaningless. Still, here it is...
Opening... We get some footage of NWO guys standing behind Hoooogan while he calls Flair a "stupid little man, brother" and footage of Horsemen standing behind Flair as he does his thang. Tony and Bobby do their customary preamble, which leads to footage of shit on Nitro that doesn't really build up any of tonight's matches. And we go down to the ring...
WCW Cruiserweight Title Match
Dean Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr. (champion)
Little guys are in this match, so we get treated to a little dose of Tenay. By the way,
there's no Dusty tonight, which sucks. Dean suplexes Rey before the opening bell and
gets a few moves in. Rey catches up and Dean ends up on the apron until he's on the
receiving end of a springboard dropkick that knocks him to the floor. Rey follows with a
baseball slide into a headscissors takedown on the floor. Back in the ring, some fast-
paced flipping and flopping and Rey moonsaults off the second rope. Malenko takes a
breather on the floor. Dean comes back in, gets a drop toehold, but comes back,
dropping Rey's throat on the top rope and following up with a wicked brainbuster.
Medium-sized package by Rey gets a two-count. Some mat-based action and Dean
regains control. Commercial break. We're back and some pretty awesome flipping that
I can't even begin to describe. Dean grapevines the leg and slows things down. Rey
rolls over and gets to the rope. Dean whips Rey in and does that big press-slam/drop
thing that you see a lot with those dirty "Radicalz." Dean applies a crossface (I think...
the camera angle's so pissy I can't tell for sure). Dean gets tossed on the floor and Rey
nails him with a somersault plancha. Dean whips Rey into the rail, but Rey comes back
at him with a moonsault off the rail. Dean gets rolled back in and Rey tags him with a
springboard dropkick. Attempted tilt-a-whirl by Dean, but Rey ends up with a two-count
out of it. Springboard off second rope into a huracanrana by Rey gets him a two-count.
Rey goes up top, but Dean catches him and hits a GIGANTIC gutbuster off the
top rope. Randy Anderson counts three, Dean celebrates, but that fucking Hedgehog
Ref notices that Rey had his foot on the rope and takes it back. Meanwhile, Rey rolls
Dean up and retains at 9:31 (plus however long the commercial break was --
commercials are cut on this tape). If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
***1/2. Another good little match between these two, but not on a level with
some of their others. Very solid opener.
VK Wallstreet vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Oh fuck. Way to follow-up a hot opener, guys. Hacksaw gets a decent pop because it's
still 1996. Is this the pay-off to their feud? I hope. These guys are former tag partners
(see Slamboree '96). Really boring arm-twisting and heads being slammed into
turnbuckles. Duggan's having a great time. Too bad nobody else is. Duggan hiptosses
and clotheslines VK. Wallstreet goes to the floor and guillotines Duggan on the top
rope. VK takes control, which is actually no better than Duggan being in control. Lots of
headlocks by VK. Duggan battles back with a jawbreaker, lots of punching, a scoop
slam, which leads to... Duggan trying to tape his fist. The ref gets tangled up with
Duggan's exaggerated taping and both men trip. VK rolls up Duggan and gets the
cheap win at 3:48. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: DUD.
Not a fucking thing here worth watching. Even for nostalgia.
Pointless interview with the Nasty Boys in that "backstage" area. WCW was teasing a Nasty Boys NWO turn, that -- thankfully -- never happened.
Gene hypes the hotline. That's 1-900-909-9900.
Ultimate Dragon vs. Konan
Tenay's back to call this one -- 'cuz there's "foreigners" in it. Dragon's accompanied by
Sonny Onoo, which thrills me beyond words. Fuck, I hate Sonny Onoo. This is pre-
Dungeon of Doom Konan, which means he isn't dressing like a gang member and he
doesn't suck. Tony bills him as "Mexican Heavyweight Champion" but he's got no belt
with him. Slow start to this one. Konan takes advantage, and applies a crazy looking
submission hold that could be best described as a variation of an Indian Deathlock.
Dragon gets to the floor and comes back in "a-house-a-fire," dropkicking Konan to the
floor, allowing Sonny to get choked. Dragon to the floor with an axehandle, brings
Konan back in and hits a beautiful moonsault. La Mahistrol cradle by Dragon gets a
two-count. German Suplex by Dragon, but rather than bridging he goes for a roll-up.
Konan goes back and ends up on top, holding the tights, and getting the win at 2:56.
If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: *. Fuck you, WCW. Not
even three minutes. Terrible.
Backstage, Ice Train is doing something on the website. Scott (Flash?) Norton attacks him, leading up to their ***********9/13 Submission Match at Fall Brawl.
Meng vs. Macho Man Randy Savage
Now this is a big money match. Randy Macho was victim of a vicious NWO
beatdown on WCW Monday Nitro and, as a result, "ain't here." Gene, of all people, tells
this to Referee Nick Patrick. Due to this, Meng gets the big forfeit victory. Why this was
put on the show, as opposed to "them" just telling us that Randy Macho's hurt is beyond
me. And what was it that injured Randy Macho so badly? Two of those shitty Hogan
chairshots, which we get slo-mo highlights of. Either way, big win for Meng. This
"whole thang" leads to an excruciatingly bad Dungeon of Doom interview with
Taskmaster Sullivan doing the yapping. Braun The Leprachaun (who, I'm told, was
played by a young Crash Holly) runs around the ring. Shitty segment.
Bull Nakano vs. Madusa
Great. Madusa = fresh off the big win she had at Hog Wild (vs. Nakano). Bull Nakano
= Japanese and, therefore, accompanied by Sonny Onoo. We get the hairdrag 20
seconds in. And 30 seconds in. Bull with some nunchuck usage that Referee Randy
Eller somehow misses. Madusa with a hair takedown and a couple other crappy moves.
Is Madusa's body sexy or scary? I can't tell. Madusa tries a sunset flip but Bull sits
down on her. Bull goes up top and Madusa dropkicks her to the floor. Madusa
axehandle from the top on... Sonny? Both ladies back in. Sonny's pissed and gets to
the apron and tries to kick Madusa. She moves and Sonny nails Bull, which leads to a
Madusa roll-up victory at 2:41. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
DUD. Bad match. At least it was short.
Gene is in that awful fake "backstage" area and he's talking to Ric Flair and those two old cougars, Woman and Elizabeth. Ric uses every catchphrase he's accumulated over his career, hyping his big match against Hooooooooooooogan.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero
This match is for the Battlebowl ring that DDP won at Slamboree. A match of this
magnitude on free TV? Apparently. Things start out fast with Eddie getting a
headscissors takedown and a dropkick in, among other things. Eddie misses something
in the corner -- whatever everybody tries to hit when they run shoulder-first into the post.
DDP gives Eddie a gutbuster and a "Side Salto," then slaps on a headlock. Eddie
elbows his way out and legsweeps DDP. Brief punching, which Eddie wins, and a diving
elbow by Ed. DDP comes back with a jawbreaker and gets a two-count from a fairly
sizable powerbomb. DDP sets Eddie up on the top rope for something, but Eddie
knocks him to the mat. From there, Frog Splash by Eddie gets him the win and that
goofy ring at 4:20 (!!!). Post-match, DDP turns a handshake into a Diamond Cutter and
makes my day by throwing Randy Eller outside the ring. Two more Diamond Cutters by
DDP and Chavo Guerrero, Jr. runs in to chase him off. On the way out, DDP makes my
day again by walking on Eller. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
**. Entertaining, but too short.
Gene and Hollywood Hulk Hogan talk but don't say much. Oh yeah... Hogan does have a match against Ric Flair later on this television program. Hulk calls himself the "Babe Ruth of wrestling" and the "Michael Jordan of basketball." Think about that last one for a sec. Hoooooogan uses the "stupid little man" insult on Flair again. How vile!
During the commercials, a Glacier promo video is shown. That's something to see.
Chris Benoit vs. The Giant
I'd make some comment about Benoit being accompanied by a couple old ladies (Liz
and Woman), but seeing as how he married one, no point. And I'd say something about
Giant being accompanied by Jimmy Hart, but seeing as how he married him, no point.
Woman tries to pull Benoit's vest off and Benoit gets caught as the bell rings. This
allows Giant to hit a dropkick and a HUGE chokeslam for the win at a ridiculous
0:22. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: DUD. This show
fucking sucks.
Triangle Match for the WCW World Tag Team Titles
The Steiner Brothers vs. Sting & Lex Luger vs. Harlem Heat (champions)
Heat have "Sistah Sherri" with them tonight, which means they've got the advantage.
This is not elimination style, which is dumb because the "anyone can tag anyone"
rule still applies, but you'd have to be a tard to tag someone on a different team. Col.
Robert Parker makes his way to the ring to hang out with Sherri, "the love of his life."
How many big hosses can you get in one ring at once? We've got six in this match.
Tony talks about the past six days in which WCW broadcasted nine hours of live
TV (two-hour Saturday Night, Hog Wild, Nitro, the Clash). He seems sincerely proud
and I begin to like Tony as a human being. As for the match, Scott Steiner and Booker
T start -- and if you thought in 1996 that pairing would someday be a PPV main event
for this company, you were smoking more crack than the booking team. Book takes
control early, but loses his footing on the top rope and gets crotched. Straddling the top
rope, Luger clotheslines Booker to the floor. Scott tags Luger, which Tony and Bobby
admit is pretty dumb. Stevie Ray kicks the crap out of Luger. Then Luger kicks the
crap out of Stevie. Stupid elbow/clothesline by Luger. Then one by Rick Steiner, who
then nails Lex. Steiner bulldogs Stevie from the top and gets two, which is broken up by
Luger. Harlem Sidekick by Stevie on Rick. Booker in now. Commercial break. Back
from break, Booker tries a leapfrog but gets powerslammed by Rick. Sting tags himself
in and tosses Booker over the top (unintentionally... so no DQ). Booker's back in and he
gets press-slammed by Sting. Sting tags Luger who gets a couple maneuvers on
Booker before he tags Stevie. Lex makes a tag as well. Scott Steiner tags himself in.
Scott's mullet is pretty wild at this point. Some power wrestling and Scott gets stun-
gunned on the top rope. Sting comes off the top with a clothesline. Slop Drop by Scott
on Sting. Scott with one of those tiger drivers. Rick gets tagged in. And so does Lex.
Luger gets whipped into a corner but comes out with the elbow/clothesline. Lex runs
into the corner but Rick moves out of the way and German suplexes him. Scott tagged
in and he gives Lex a belly-to-belly. Luger gets Scott in a fireman's carry but acts like
it's the Rack. Everybody fights on the floor except Booker T and Scott Steiner. The
Outsiders arrive and don't even do anything. Scott Frankensteiners Booker and Patrick
counts one, two... and calls for the bell at 13:21, ruling it a DQ. This was during a Nick
Patrick = Shady Bastard phase, which explains it... kind of. If I was a Snowflake type
of guy, I'd give it: **. The match had its moments, but the shitty ending
really took away.
Gene talks to that asshole, Nick Patrick. He talks out of his ass. I hate Nick Patrick's Shady Bastard Phase more than any other thing in wrestling history.
WCW World Title Match
Ric Flair vs. Hollywood Hogan (champion)
Ric's with the old ladies... 'cuz he's old. Hogan's with nobody, because he's got no
friends. No Michael Buffer? Ric tries some mat wrestling to start and Hogan manages
to do OK. More mat wrestling by Ric. By "mat wrestling" I mean "headlocks." Hogan
picks Ric up and sits him on the turnbuckle. Ric slaps Hogan. Hogan briefly does "mat
wrestling" by way of a drop toehold and hammerlock. Ric gets up and punches Hogan,
who runs to the floor and draws back at some ugly bitch in the crowd. Flair goes to the
floor and chops Hogan. Test of strength and Ric bites Hogan's hand. Ric gets whipped
into the corner, does the Flair Flip and falls to the floor. Hogan follows him, rakes the
eyes, and tosses him into the ringpost. Back in the ring, Flair Flip again. Ric ducks the
clothesline. Flair suplexes Hogan. Hogan Hulks-Up?!?!? Anybody tell him that he's a
heel. Big boot. Legdrop misses and Ric slaps on the figure-four. Hogan turns it over,
but Ric turns it back. Hogan pulls Randy Anderson down and we've got Outsiders
running in. Mongo, Arn, Sting, and Luger make the save. Flair's awarded the match by
DQ. I think the time was about 8:01. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
*1/2. Cop-out ending and not a very good match at all. Lacklustre end to an
even more lacklustre show.
Tony and Bobby summarize things. They basically give the same comments they gave on every Nitro, Thunder, or PPV during the duration of the NWO. Show's over.
In conclusion...
This show exactly why the Clash sucked towards the end of its run. With nine
hours (that's a lot) of live television in six days, it gets lost in the shuffle. By this point
the Clash was basically an episode of Nitro with a PPV-style entryway. Too bad the
matches weren't PPV-calibre.
One good match, a couple OK ones, and a bunch of crap. Bad show.