By The Sarge
Intro.
Breathtaking opening segment
Tony, Bobby, and Dusty tell us what's up and what's going to be on this little show.
Specifically, we've got a "domestic dispute" between Benoit and the Taskmaster. We've
got Steiners. We've got Hall and Luger. We've got in-ring action...
WCW Cruiserweight Title Match
Dean Malenko vs. Ultimate Dragon (champion)
We get Tenay at the table because there's a non-American here. Dragon's still
"Ultimate" and he's still accompanied by that fuck, Sonny Onoo. Dragon and Dean start
out with some mat-wrestling. Dragon seems to briefly focus on Dean's knee. Malenko
turns it into a bodyscissors. Commercial break. Dusty tells us that Dragon worked the
leg while they were at commercial. Now that we're back, Dean's taken over, suplexes
Dragon and lock in a legscissors on his little masked head. Dragon gets out and lays
into Dean with the stiff kicks. Dean escapes to the floor. Dragon stays in the ring.
Dean comes back in and back suplexes Dragon. Dean grapevines Dragon's leg.
Dragon gets to the ropes. Dean keeps working the leg of Dragon, slapping on a half-
crab. Dragon kind of blocks the move, then steps out of it. Dean goes for a grapevine
instead, but Dragon kicks his way out. Dean does the atomic-drop-on-knee thing, then
locks Dragon in a stump-puller-esque move. Dean lets go to go for a pin, but only gets
a two-count. Dean tosses Dragon to the floor, pins his leg against the guardrail and
kicks it. Back in the ring, Dean tries to hook in a figure-four but Dragon blocks it with his
hand. Dean whips Dragon into the corner and clotheslines him. Dragon whips Dean
into the opposite corner and kicks him. Dragon goes up top, but Dean follows and
superplexes him. Roll-up by Dean gets a two-count. A Dean powerbomb attempt gets
rolled-up by Dragon for a two-count. Dean gets flipped onto the apron and Dragon nails
him with a springboard dropkick, which sends him to the floor. Some brawling on the
floor and Dean gets sent into the rail. While he's getting to his feet, Dragon nails Dean
with the Asai moonsault. Back in the ring, vertical suplex by Dragon and a moonsault --
gets a two-count. Dragon sets Dean up on the top rope and gives him a Frankensteiner
off the top. Dean blocks Dragon's tiger suplex attempt, goes for the Cloverleaf, which
gets reversed into a roll-up for a two-count. Clothesline by Dean, he bats Onoo off the
apron and cinches in the Cloverleaf. Dragon taps at 12:15 of shown time (plus a
commercial break). Dean's the first three-time Cruiserweight champ and that was one
hell of a match. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ****. As
good a free TV cruiserweight match as WCW ever gave us. Great opener.
Scotty Riggs vs. Mike Enos
Why they didn't put this on PPV is beyond me. Riggs was booked to face Buff Bagwell
at the coming weekend's NWO Souled Out PPV. We don't get much hype for the show
on this Clash, which is probably for the best. Either way, Enos and Riggs do Enos and
Riggs type shit. Enos gets knocked to the floor and Riggs does a pissy plancha.
Somehow Enos finds himself in the position to do a running clothesline off the apron to
the floor. He gets cocky, though, and gets backdropped on the floor. Back in the ring,
Enos takes control with some Hoss-like material and Riggs hits a shitty Flying Forearm
out of nowhere and gets the What The Fuck? pin/win at 2:27. If I was a Snowflake
type of guy, I'd give it: DUD. This match was Radically Nitro -- specifically,
the middle part of the second hour.
Gene Mean brings out the Four Horsemen. Do the math, but it includes Benoit, Mongo, Arn, Woman, and Debra. Four? Horse-MEN? I dunno. Benoit predicts good things for them in 1997 and gets all cryptic on Kevin Sullivan's stumpy old ass -- sinister chuckle and all. Promo 101, this is not. Arn fares better, but I don't really know what the point of him being there was. Mongo calls the fans "limburger losers." Must be Packers-Bears stuff. God, Mongo's an idiot. Debra isn't married to Austin yet, so no reason to care about what she says. She lies her ass off and says she's "very young." Tony says Debra's "one in a million."
Konan, J.L. & La Parka vs. Chris Jericho, Chavo Guerrero Jr. & Super
Calo
Six-man lucha libre match actually features three luchadors (J.L., Chavo, and Jericho
are all from the U.S. or Canada). Juventud and Psychosis were supposed to be in this,
but aren't. Chavo and J.L. (Jerry Lynn) start out with some punches and J.L. drills
Chavo with an elbow. Chavo nails J.L. with a headbutt and dropkick. Calo and Konan
get tagged in. Some pretty cool mat work from both guys and Calo catches Konan with
a headscissors from the top. Jericho and La Parka get tagged. La Parka's awesome.
Jericho runs into a powerslam, but gets a clothesline in. Back kick by La Parka.
Dropkick from the second rope by Jericho. La Parka goes to the floor. Jericho runs
across the ring but gets clotheslined by Konan. Chavo comes in and dropkicks all three
rudos, before getting a short-arm clothesline by Konan. Some flipping and Chavo gets a
double-clothesline by Konan and Parka. Double-dropkick on Chavo. Konan sets Chavo
up for a Doomsday Device and La Parka comes off the top, nailing him with some sort of
twisting moonsault type thing. Chavo comes back with a cross-body on J.L. and La
Parka, then makes the tag to Jericho. Jericho superkicks J.L. and nails him with
another kick. Konan clotheslines Jericho, but Jericho forearms Konan to the floor.
Spot-fest: Jericho planchas Konan; J.L. comes off the top with a bodypress on Jericho;
Chavo planchas on J.L.; La Parka zings Chavo and Jericho with a suicide dive over the
top; Calo knocks La Parka down with a sliding dropkick and squishes him with a
somersault senton from the ring. In the ring, huracanrana by J.L. gets a two-count.
Side-slam by J.L. and he goes up top. Jericho crotches him and sets up for what
appears to be a superplex. Instead... Jericho Frankensteiners J.L. off the top for
the win at 5:25. By the way, "off the top" in this case means standing on the top -
- not sitting. Amazing move. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
***. Entertaining as hell match, but it seemed like they were just working their
way up to the spot-fest at the end. Either way, I love this shit. But it's a pretty pissy way
to promote Jericho's match against Masa Chono at Souled Out.
Harlem Heat vs. Joe Gomez & Renegade
Renegade's a former TV Champ, you know. I'm not going to bother with transcribing
much here, because this belongs on Saturday Night. Sherri gets in her token outside
interference shit. The jobbers get in way too much offense, but none of it's the
least bit interesting or threatening. Heat finally end this with Booker T pinning Renegade
after a Heatseeker. Is it possible for a 3:43 match to be too long? If I was a
Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: DUD. Not out of badness; just out of the
fact that it should've been on WCW Pro, which you can't really "rate."
1-800-COLLECT "on THE ROAD" thing with "Stagger" Lee Marshall. Lee's kind of weird. My favourite Lee Marshall antic was at World War 3 (1996). It was when he got his ass kicked.
Masa Hiro Chono vs. Alex Wright
"Shady Referee" Nick Patrick has the stripes on tonight. Great. Patrick tries to play
"cool heel" by putting his hat on backwards. It actually gets a reaction from the
audience. Chono and Wright start out with some punches and stuff. Wright gets
whipped into a corner and backflips out. Enziguri by Wright, followed by a headscissors
takedown and a dropkick. Chono is RIPPED! Chono slaps on the 'eadlock.
Shoulderblock by Chono. Back kick by Wright... two-count due to the Nick Patrick slow-
count, which doesn't really do something for a move that shouldn't even be a pinning
attempt. Inverted atomic drop by Chono. Small-package by Wright gets another
Heelishly Slow two-count. Chono throws Wright over the top, but doesn't get
disqualified. Wright tries suplexing Chono to the floor, but Chono doesn't take bumps.
Wright comes off the top with a sunset flip. Another Heelishly Slow two-count. Wright
kicks Patrick in the knee and back suplexes Chono. Wright misses a cross-body off the
top and Chono smokes him with a Yakuza Kick and gets the win at 4:30. If I was a
Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: *. Chono did nothing and the Nick Patrick
antics take soooo much away from a match -- this one's no exception.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Scott Norton
Nick Patrick's still refereeing. Eddie's got a vicious mullet. Norton's got a little one too.
And Patrick's got a sleazy-assed one. Three mullets in one match... pretty intense.
Pre-match: Eddie slaps Patrick's ass. This weekend: Eddie takes on Syxx in a Ladder
Match and Norton takes on DDP. Norton's playing big monster here and keeps tossing
Eddie around. Press-slam by Norton. Eddie dropkicks Norton's knee a couple times
and goes after his knee with stomps and shit. Grapevine by Eddie but nothing
happening there. Eddie's chops are no-sold and Norton knocks him on his ass. Eddie
gets pressed and hits a dropkick in mid-air. Norton does a clothesline or something.
Norton starts a vertical suplex, but just drops Eddie. Powerslam by Norton. Norton
keeps no-selling Eddie. Powerbomb by Norton. Norton goes up to the second rope for
some reason and Eddie Frankensteiners him off. That rolling splash thing by Eddie
misses. DDP (who also has a mullet) makes his way to the ring through the
crowd. Patrick gets accidentally bumped by Eddie. DDP gives Norton a Diamond
Cutter. Eddie follows with a Frog Splash on Norton and Patrick does a reluctant three-
count at 5:35. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: *1/2. No-
selling monsters are bad, but when it's Scott Fucking Norton? Next.
The Giant addresses Hollywood Hogan, who he's facing at Souled Out. He calls Hogan a "four-legged feline." That's enough for me. We do get some interesting thoughts about friendship, though.
Falls Count Anywhere
Taskmaster vs. Chris Benoit
Sullivan immediately gestures for Benoit to join him in the crowd. Benoit goes to the
floor and beats the shit out of him. They fight their way into the crowd and up the stairs
into the washroom. Sullivan runs Benoit's head into the paper towel dispenser and into
the bathroom stall, and a mirror. Benoit nails Jimmy Hart with a garbage can and
knocks the paper towel dispenser off with Sullivan's head. Referee Randy Anderson
gets tossed into a urinal, which I like. Short-arm clothesline by Sullivan gets him a two-
count on the floor. They slug it out and Sullivan tosses Benoit into a heater and throws
a garbage can on him. They leave the washroom and fight into the crowd. It's pretty
sad to see Bobby Eaton working security. Sullivan throws Benoit down the stairs in a
sickish looking bump. They make their way to the ring. Sullivan hooks Benoit in the
Tree of Woe and nails him with the running knee. Double-Stomp by Sullivan gets a two-
count. Jimmy Hart gets up on the apron and tries to give Sullivan the megaphone. The
ref tries to stop him. Meanwhile, Woman grabs a crappy wooden chair and taps
Sullivan with it -- allowing Benoit to get the shit victory at 5:09. Post-match, Benoit
breaks one of those crappy wooden chairs over Sullivan's head. Tony says it's
still not over. Eight months of fighting in bathrooms isn't enough? If I was a
Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **. OK brawl, but an inferior version of
much better matches these two had -- with pretty much the same spots.
The Amazing French Canadians vs. The Steiner Brothers
Canadians have Col. Robby Parker with them. As the Steiners head down to the ring,
we get some annoying taunting from the Outsiders on the TurnerTron. They kind of try
to hype their match against the Steiners at Souled Out. All four guys start. Jacques
Rougeau heads to the floor and Oulette gets clotheslined by Rick Steiner. All four men
in again and the Canadians out-punch the Steiners. Both Steiners do wussy aerial
moves out of the same corner. Commercial break. Canadians have been in control,
we're told. Jacques bodyslams Oulette onto Rick Steiner. Oulette misses that senton
where he holds Jacques' hands and flips down. Steiner clotheslines both Canadians.
Scott gets the tag and tosses the Canadians around muscular-guy-style. Oulette tries
something off the top, but gets caught and belly-to-belly suplexed by Scott. Steiners hit
a double-team DDT off the top on Oulette and Scott makes the pin for the win at 4:06 of
shown time and however much elapsed during the commercial. If I was a Snowflake
type of guy, I'd give it: *. Completely by the numbers and, without seeing
the Canadians' dominance during the commercial, it was basically a Steiners squash.
Scott Hall vs. Lex Luger
Hall brought all the tools in his toolbox tonight. He's got Syxx and Kevin Nash with him.
Tony cheekily says "Happy Birthday" to Brian Hildebrand, who was actually refereeing
this match as "Mark Curtis." Call this a Clash of the Champions, but if this isn't a Nitro
match, I don't know what is. Luger "overpowers" Hall with strong guy stuff. This match
blows. Luger runs into the corner and gets a foot in the face. Hall comes off the second
rope with a bulldog on Luger. Hall holds Lex's hand and thrusts his shoulder into him.
Luger turns it into a short-arm clothesline. Hip-toss reversals and stuff. Hall
chokeslams Luger, but he doesn't sell it very long. Luger falls to the floor, clotheslines
Syxx, and gets clotheslined by Nash. Luger comes back in and gets punched and
kicked down in the corner. Hall whips Luger into the corner and clotheslines him. Nash
creates a disturbance on the apron and Syxx clotheslines Luger. Hall puts his feet up
for a two-count. Hall puts the boots to Luger, chokes him on the middle rope. Curtis
"admonishes" him and Nash decks Luger. Fallaway slam by Hall. Abdominal stretch by
Hall, equipped with Mike Rotundo rope-holding. Curtis checks the rope-hold and Luger
hiptosses Hall. Hall moves out of the way of an elbow and gives Luger a right-hook.
Luger slides to the floor, trips Hall and crotches him on the ringpost. Luger slingshots
himself over the top with some quick -- it looks fucking awful. A bunch of inverted
atomic drops by Luger. He hits a crummy clothesline and signals for the Torture Rack.
Hall runs into a powerslam. Nash gets punched off the apron. Luger press-slams Syxx
onto Nash. Luger gets Hall in the Rack briefly. Luger fends off Hall and Nash
momentarily, but Syxx makes it three-on-one and we get a DQ at 10:28. The Steiners
run-in to even things out and -- naturally -- the faces take care of the NWO guys.
Amazing match. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **. Better
than it should've been, but that's not saying much. The bullshit ending, while typical of
the time, was still bullshit. Not exactly a great way of hyping a PPV that was four days
away.
That's all for tonight.
In conclusion...
Great opening match, but -- aside from that -- there isn't much here. This could easily
have been an episode of Nitro and I'm sure there were episodes of Nitro that were much
better. Even as a "not good" show, though, it was still a million times less bad than the
Souled Out PPV that they were supposed to promote on this Clash. Thumbs down?