By The Sarge
In the grand scheme of things, In Your House: Revenge Of The Taker isn't really notable -- except for the fact that it has what is, more likely than not, the worst title of any of the In Your House PPVs. The possible exception to this would be In Your House: Beware Of Dog.
Opening antics
Freddie Blassie narrates the video montage about tonight's event and it kind of sucks.
Vince says something about three titles being on the line and we're immediately off to
the ring. J.R. and King say nothing. No messing around at Revenge Of The Taker...
WWF Tag Team Title Match
The Legion Of Doom vs. Owen Hart & The British Bulldog (champions)
We get clips of what led to this match: LOD getting slopped by the Godwinns and Owen
and the Bulldog costing helping the Godwinns beat them. Animal and Owen start out.
Animal backs Owen into the corner and stomps him down, them whips him into the
ropes and shoulderblocks him. Owen battles back with some forearms, but gets tossed
on his face. Bulldog gets tagged in, and so does Hawk. Hawk does his lame clothesline
and lame fistdrop, then puts Bulldog in the corner and whoops him. Hawk gets caught
with his head down and kicked in the chops, then clotheslined. Big vertical suplex by
Bulldog, who tags in Owen. All three commentators are playing up the U.S.A.-Canada
thing, which sucks. Owen tries a Sharpshooter, but Hawk ain't having it. He tags
Animal, who powerslams Owen. On a split-screen, we (finally?) see Austin arrive.
Animal press-slams Owen and tosses him around, then tags Hawk, who enters with a
splash or something. Something happens that makes J.R. say "that'll leave a mark."
Owen gives Hawk an enziguri and tags Bulldog. Lawler calls Owen & Bulldog the
"greatest team ever," which causes J.R. to get really bitchy. Meanwhile, Owen
gets tagged back in and locks in a sleeper on Hawk. Lawler says something that
prompts J.R. to say (again, with a really bitchy tone): "Henny Youngman strikes again...
volume two." In the ring, Bulldog comes in but gets shoved into Owen -- knocking him
to the floor. LOD gives Bulldog that lame clothesline on both sides. LOD sets Bulldog
up for an interesting maneuver and Animal powerslams Bulldog off the second rope for
the "win" and the titles at 6:54. Another ref comes down and alerts Referee Jack Doan
that he was the illegal man. This leads to Fink getting on the mic and giving his "this
match MUST continue" thing. Doan threatens to strip Owen and Bulldog of the
titles if they don't come back. Bulldog and Animal start out and Bulldog makes a blind
tag to Owen, who enters with a spinwheel kick to Animal. Rude Awakening by Owen,
and a tag to Bulldog. Sunset flip by Animal, but Doan is busy talking to Owen and
misses it. Owen gets tagged back in and misses a Moneyshot. Hawk's a house-a-fire
and whoops Owen and Bulldog with big boots and clotheslines. Animal sets up for a
Doomsday Device on Owen -- and Hawk hits it. Then, for further screwiness, Bret Hart
runs in and breaks the count to give LOD the DQ win (but not the titles) at 12:15. Was
any of this a "Dusty Finish?" If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
**1/2. Decent enough match, screwy "swerves" aside. Owen always turned in
a good performance. The other three weren't as awful as they usually are.
Backstage, Dok Hendrix talks to Owen and Bulldog. Then we go to the Hotline area with Sunny and Pillman. They flirt and stuff. They looked pretty good together and Sunny was hot. I hope Pillman got some.
WWF Intercontinental Title Match
Savio Vega vs. Rocky Maivia (champion)
God, the NOD was lame. The entourage -- full with PG-13 rapping -- led to Savio out.
We get clips of Savio getting a tights-assisted pin on Rocky in... South Africa? Kevin
Kelly then talks to a very humble Rocky Maivia. He says the words "Lady Luck." This
match will suck ass. No messing around to start, as they punch and stuff. The crowd is
deader than Memphis. Faarooq comes down to the ring, wearing a sling. He
commentates. Lots of armdrags by Rocky. Then an armbar. Faarooq looks fucking
awful here. So does the match. Savio slaps on a nerve-hold, which rules. Rocky fights
out and bounces off the ropes with a cross-body. Faarooq talks about his challenge to
Ahmed for a Gauntlet Match. Savio goes back to the nerve-hold. Large-package by
Maivia gets a two-count. Savio chokes Rocky. And another "nerve-hold." Savio tries
an actual move by way of a suplex, but Rocky gives him a wussy looking Perfectplex
instead. The ref's being distracted by D'Lo (who hadn't been given a name at this point).
Savio hits his first actual wrestling move of the match -- a hiptoss (five-and-a-half
minutes in) -- and goes back to the nerve-hold. Rocky gets sent off the ropes and does
that flippy-around DDT. Roll-up by Savio gets a two-count, but Savio gets shot into the
ringpost. Rocky's in control now and gives Savio a couple suplexes that rule. Rock
Bottom (before it was called that) by Rocky gets a two-count. As does a backslide.
Savio tosses Rocky to the floor and him falls into Crush, who gives Rocky a heartpunch
on the floor. Rocky's out and gets counted out, giving Savio the win via countout (but
not the title) at 8:33. Savio's pissed, but he didn't exactly go out of his way to prevent
the countout. Faarooq goes in to straighten this out and the NOD beats Rocky down.
Ahmed, with his 2 x 4, makes the save -- wearing PJs? If I was a Snowflake type of
guy, I'd give it: DUD. Really, really bad match. And the ending didn't help.
Still in the ring, Ahmed takes the stick and is surprisingly coherent. He accepts Faarooq's challenge, which gets zero reaction from the live audience because they didn't hear the challenge being made. Man... the crowd is dead. Rocky kind of hugs Ahmed.
Out back, Ken Shamrock is using the "hunt 'n' peck" routine to chat on AOL. He looks like he's having fun and -- tomorrow night on RAW -- he'll issue a challenge to Mike Tyson.
Even more backstage, Dok talks to everybody's favourite wrestling power couple, Marc and Rena "Sable" Mero. Behind them, Austin goes to the men's room and Owen and the Bulldog kick the shit out of Austin. We know this because we hear lots of yelling, followed by Owen and the Bulldog coming out of the room, looking at the camera, and Bulldog holding up a bent pipe. In case we didn't get it, the Hebner that doesn't referee tells Dok that "Davey Boy and Arn (???) just jumped Austin -- I think he needs help." Brilliantly done.
Back at the table, Vince calls this a "really wild and crazy night."
The Roadie, the Real Double J -- "Jesse Jammes" -- comes out singing his little song. A couple members of the audience sing along and sway to the music. The other 16,000 don't give a shit. He then get clips of Jesse Jammes smashing the Honky Tonk Man's guitar after being offered the position of his protegee. Honky then makes his way down and ends the months-long search for his guy by introducing "Rockabilly," the new gimmick for Billy Gunn. The crowd's digging this.
You can't polish a turd, folks.
J.R. talks to Honky about this and we get a clip of Billy Gunn nailing Honky with a punch. Honky's explanation isn't really worth typing.
Jesse Jammes vs. Rockabilly
Jammes starts with a couple armdrags, a dropkick, then clotheslines Billy to the floor.
Jammes runs down the apron and clotheslines Billy -- then takes part in a brilliant
exchange with Honky that went a little like this... Jammes: "You're next, buddy!" Honky:
"You're a goof! What an idiot!" Vince doesn't disagree with this. Jammes heads back
in to strut. Billy tries to hit the road, but Jammes brings him back in. Billy hits the Fame
Asser, then dances. Billy starts in with stomps on Jammes. Rude Awakening by Billy
gets a two-count. He goes for a chinlock. Roadie escapes, but gets whipped into the
corner and elbowed. Billy whips Jammes into the corner, but misses the Stinger Splash.
J.R. calls him "hunka hunka burning geek." Roadie does the punching combo that he
does in No Mercy, and follows with more punches. Lots of shuckin' by Roadie and
crappy offense follows. Billy tosses Jammes to the floor and goes out after him... to roll
him back in? Billy starts to set something up in the corner, and Jammes -- out of
nowhere -- gets a small-package for a Tim White Four-Count and the win at 6:45.
Finally, an ending that isn't a DQ or countout. After the match, Honky tries to nail
Roadie with a guitar but misses. Roadie just leaves. If I was a Snowflake type of
guy, I'd give it: DUD. Crappy wrestling combined with crappy gimmicks and
crappy antics. Crappy. It would probably go well on a New Age Outlaws "Best Of" tape,
though. As it would be no more or less crappy than anything else from that team.
Dok shills an Undertaker door banner. I can't imagine being the type of person that would pay $30 for that.
Kevin Kelly's in the dressing room talking to Gorilla Monsoon and Stone Cold Steve. Austin's pissed. Gorilla changes it to the last match of the night. Mankind and Taker are next.
Lance Wright (fuck) talks to Owen, Bulldog, and Bret about what happened. Nothing notable here.
We get a really long and weird video montage that plays up the weirdness of Mankind and Undertaker and highlights their rivalry. This leads to Dok (busy man tonight) taking to Mankind and Paul Bearer. God, I hate P. Bearer!
WWF Title Match
Mankind vs. The Undertaker (champion)
If J.R. doesn't make a comment along the lines of "nobody has as many victories over
the Undertaker as Mankind," I'll eat a bag of human feces. Mankind brings a fire
extinguisher to the ring -- because he threw fire in UT's face leading up to this! HA!
The lights flicker a little bit and we get that ridiculous Undertaker "Dead Man" entrance.
Mankind jumps UT before the bell, but UT lays in with the fists in the corner. J.R.'s
"sources" tell him UT's got some blurred vision in his right eye, but he's not sure about
the accuracy of that. He does have bandages above his eye. Mankind
clotheslines UT to the floor and goes with him. On the floor, UT grabs Mankind by the
throat and throws him into the rail a few times, then over the rail. Dammit, Ref! Where's
the 10-count? Ahhh... thanks, J.R. Don't have to munch on feces now. Back in the
ring, UT gives Mankind some shoulderthrusts, starts the Old School Fistdrop -- but does
a clothesline instead. UT starts to go for the Tombstone, but P. Bearer climbs up on the
apron to create a distraction. Mankind grabs the urn and nails UT with it for a two-
count. Mankind does the thing where he beats his opponent down in the corner and hits
the running knee. UT fights back with an uppercut, but Mankind catches him with his
head down and gives him a neckbreaker. Mankind takes a page out of Savio Vega's
book and applies a nerve-hold. UT finally escapes and Mankind gets knocked to the
floor and drilled into the steps. Mankind grabs a pitcher of water from one of the
broadcast tables and nails him in the head. Vince and J.R. want a DQ. Mankind dents
a steel chair over UT's head. And Vince is begging for a disqualification. Mankind goes
up to the second rope and drops an elbow on UT, then gouges at UT's damaged face.
Mankind goes back in and pulls UT back in too. UT's bandages have been pulled off
and it's pretty groteque. Wedgie piledriver by Mankind gets a two-count. Some more
"castigo" issued by Mankind, and another wedgie piledriver. UT starts his comeback
with those big old soupbone rights and the high-flipping clothesline. Vince refers to
WWF Magazine as one of the WWF's "periodicals." Right. Ref Bump! Mandible
Claw on UT. Another ref shows up and Mankind gives him a Mandible Claw. P.
Bearer throws a chair into the ring and Mankind grabs the ringsteps and brings it in. UT
dropkicks the steps into Mankind's face, then hits him with a vicious chairshot. UT
throws Mankind through the ropes, but he gets caught in the ropes. UT pulls him out
and Mankind's mask comes off (for the first time in the Whiff). Mankind's on the apron
and UT cracks him with the ringsteps, which causes Mankind to jump from the
apron, through Vince's table. However... instead of your standard "breaking the
table in half," Mick's head and upper body goes through a hole in the table that's
obviously been pre-cut and looks pretty lame. Too bad, because it ruined an otherwise
great bump. Mankind finally gets back in and UT chokeslams him for a two-count.
Tombstone by UT ends it, though, at 17:28. After the match, UT kicks the crap out of
Mankind and P. Bearer and throws fire in Bearer's face, which I enjoy. If I was a
Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ***1/2. Really wild brawl.
We get a generic "In Your House" commercial for the next PPV. It would later become In Your House: A Cold Day In Hell and set international buyrate records.
Dok talks to Bret Hart (again). He's got Owen and the Bulldog watching his back and he will for his match against Stone Cold Steve. By the way, that's now...
Bret "The Hitman" Hart vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
Referees and Gorilla prevent Owen and the Bulldog from going to the ring. Austin
rushes the ring and the fists fly. Austin stomps Bret down and drills him with an elbow,
followed by a suplex. Austin stomps Bret in his "midsection" and chokes him on the
middle rope. Bret goes to the floor and Austin follows with an axehandle. They fight a
bit and Bret gets whipped into the ringsteps. Stone Cold heads back in and does some
Bret mannerisms. He heads back to the floor and whips Bret into the steps again, then
into the guardrail -- then over the guardrail. Austin axehandles Bret from the guardrail
and throws him back over and into the aisle. Both men finally head back inside the ring
and Austin drops an elbow off the second rope for a two-count. Bret grabs a chair, but
Austin knocks it out of his hands before he can use it. Austin grabs it and Bret
dropkicks Austin into the ref. Since it's Hebner, he's down for a while. Bret drives the
chair into Austin's knee a bunch of times. Bret then helps Hebner (referred to only as
"the official") back up and goes to work on Austin's knee with his usual wear-down
moves. J.R. gets in a plug-that-doesn't-sound-like-a-plug for the Hotline by saying UT
and Mankind are talking on it. Bret slaps on the figure-four around the ringpost move,
which Hebner breaks up. Bret whacks Austin's knee with a chair again. Austin's had
enough and he fights "like a pit bulldog." Bret goes after the leg again with the usual
maneuvers. We get a split-screen shot of a screaming P. Bearer being removed from
the building. Bret takes Austin's knee-brace off and drapes his leg on the second rope
and jumps on it. They go to the floor, and Bret keeps going after Austin's knee. Then
he hits him in the balls. Back in the ring, Austin hits Bret in the balls, and drives an
elbow down on him -- then chokes him. Austin has some tape from his wrist and chokes
Bret with it. Vince action makes a rare mention of Bret's days as a heel with the Hart
Foundation. Bret goes after the knee again with kicks and what-not. Austin goes to the
apron and guillotines Bret on the top rope. Austin tries suplexing Bret to the floor, but
that ain't happening. Austin gets suplexed back in instead. Bret cinches in a figure-four.
Austin manages to roll over and reverse it, but Bret gets to the ropes. Austin argues
with Hebner, which allows Bret to kick him in the Back of the knee and try the figure-four
around the post again... but Austin blocks it. They fight on the floor and Bret gets
backdropped into the crowd. Austin hops over and whoops him, then throws him back
to the pretty blue mat, where he drops Bret on the guardrail -- throat-first. Austin goes
to the apron and comes off with a clothesline. Back in the ring, Bret gets whipped into
the corner -- hard -- and gets punches in bunches from Austin. Piledriver attempt
by Cold Stone, but his knee gives out. His leg may be broken, dammit! Austin goes
after the knee again and Austin's leg is pretty much toast. Bret's like... a wild dog?
Austin manages a stun-gun into the top turnbuckle on Bret, then goes for the Stunner --
but Bret's got that move well-scouted and grabs the ropes. Austin wails on Bret and
gets kicked in the balls. Bret sets Austin up for a superplex and hits him with it, but it
hurts both men. Finally, Bret goes for the Sharpshooter, but Austin blocks it, rolls
through and gets his own Sharpshooter on Bret. Cue the run-in antics. Bulldog and
Owen come down, but Austin and security take care of them before they can get in the
ring. Austin locks on the Sharpshooter again. This time, the road agents can't restrain
Bulldog and he sneaks back in with a chair and nails Austin with it to give Austin the DQ
win at 21:07. J.R.'s actually right about one thing: all this outside interference is
ridiculous. After the match, Bret grabs the bell to go after Austin, but Austin nails him in
the knee with a chair and puts on another Sharpshooter until the refs pull him off. If I
was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ****. Great heat behind this and
good psychology. This is the weakest of the three matches between them, but that's
partially due to the bullshit ending.
In conclusion...
For years I've protested the crappiness of this show. Looking at it now, though, it ain't
near as bad as I said before. Sure, it's still a "not good" show. There were two
absolutely terrible matches. There were only two matches decided by pinfall (and three
by DQ or countout). And In Your House PPVs, by definition, are pretty skimpy.
However, the UT vs. Mankind match was solid and the Hart vs. Austin match, ending aside, was pretty damn good. These things make this a completely watchable show. Just not a particularly good one.