Road Wild (August 9, 1997 - Sturgis, SD)

By The Sarge

Federal law provides severe civil and criminal penalties for the unauthorized reproduction, distribution or exhibition of copyrighted Pay Per View events. Criminal copyright infringement is investigated by the FBI and may constitute a felony with a maximum penalty of up to five years in prison and/or a $250,000.00 fine.

Brilliant opening
Footage focuses on the seemingly crumbling NWO, which is in shambles because... Luger beat Hogan for the belt on Nitro. Luckily, though, Hoooooogan gets a rematch tonight.

And no, I'll never be able to picture Schiavone mingling with the bikers at the Sturgis rally (for those not aware, Road Wild -- or "Hog Wild" -- was a PPV event held in Sturgis, SD at the annual motorcycle rally thing).

Tony, Bobby, and Dusty throw us to the ring...

Buff Bagwell & Scott Norton vs. Harlem Heat
Norton and Bagwell, accompanied by Vincent, went by the name of "Vicious & Delicious" -- which I, admittedly, think is a pretty good tag team name. Unfortunately, the name couldn't change the fact that the team consisted of Bagwell and Norton. Heat had parted ways with Sherri by this point -- thankfully. Booker comes to the ring wearing a New York Yankees hat, which makes no sense. The Heat have a surprise for the world tonight, though. Shady Ref Nick Patrick is no longer Shady (that's not the surprise). Buff and Booker start off. They've had some... um... "classics" in their day. A wrestling exchange leads to Buff taking control with plenty of hiptosses, dropkicks, and clotheslines. Norton gets tagged in and goes all power wrestler on Booker -- but misses something and gets kicked in the face. Stevie Ray gets tagged in. It seems like these two were born to wrestle each other. Booker cheapshots Norton with a kick to the back of the head -- and Stevie nails him in the mush, slams him, and tags Booker. Booker suplexes Norton. Flying Forearm by Booker. Booker gets caught trying to kick Norton and slammed. Buff gets the "hot tag" and is a house-a-fire. Stevie pulls down the ropes and Buff goes over the top. On the pretty grey mats, Stevie throws Buff into the ringpost. Back in, shoulderblock by Stevie. And a chinlock. Buff elbows out, but Stevie tags Book -- who gives Buff the Ahmed scissor-kick for a two-count. Chinlock by Booker now. Again, Buff fights his way out. Buff gets a boot in Booker's face and flips him over with a clothesline. Stevie Ray gets tagged in and suplexes Buff. Miss Jacquelyn? Nah... haven't really missed her. Oh... Ms. Jacquelyn. The woman that is now the WWF's Jackie comes down to the ring and stands in the Heat's corner -- apparently their big surprise. Wow. Stuff's going on in the ring, but I don't care because Jackie's on the outside! Booker tries a powerbomb, but Buff escapes and powerbombs Booker. Norton gets tagged in and takes care of both Huffman brothers. Vincent grabs Stevie and Buff knocks him to the floor. In the ring, Norton does the shoulderbreaker to Booker, but Jackie grabs Norton -- allowing Booker to hit him with the Harlem Sidekick for the win at 10:20. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **1/2. Decent tag match and an OK opener. The weird thing about this is that the Heat were wrestling like heels (cheapshots, pulling down the top rope, manager interference, phantom tags, etc.) and the NWO guys were kind of playing faces (Buff playing Ricky Morton, and Norton getting the hot tag, and falling victim to the manager interference). Of course, Tony and boys never mention this. Still... weird.

Ted DiBiase and the Steiners are at the www.wcwwrestling.com booth. It's a great website. Check it out -- NOW!

Mexican (Grudge?) Death Match
Konnan vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Don't know why "K-Dawg" gets the extra "n" in his name. It should affect things. Konnan's in the NWO by this point and Rey is suffering from a bum knee. Tenay's at 100% and joins the broadcast team. Rey starts out all flippy-floppy and hits a quick springboard dropkick, followed by a headscissors takedown. Konnan shoots Rey into the top turnbuckle and clotheslines him in the back of the head. Rolling clothesline by Konnan -- and he starts after Rey's knee. Konnan does a weird submission hold that would be best described as a variation of the Indian deathlock. Rey escapes to the floor and tries to "walk it off." Rey slingshots his way back in and takes Konnan down with a headscissors. Rey's knee gives out and Konnan chop-blocks him, then applies more quirky submission holds. Rey gets to the ropes, but he's dead. Konnan sets Rey up in the Shattered Dreams position -- but instead of kicking him in the balls, he puts the boots to his knees. Rey tries to fight back, but doesn't have much success. Konnan grapevines Rey's knee -- but Rey ain't giving. Konnan tries to take off Rey's mask, powerbombs him, and goes after the mask again. Konnan gets the mask off, but Rey keeps it in front of his face and fights Konnan off. Rey fights back and tries the double- springboard moonsault, but hurts his knee on it. Dropkick to the knee by Konnan. Konnan puts on a variation of the stump-puller, which I can safely say hurts like hell. Rey gets his little paw on the rope and goes to the floor briefly. Back in, armdrag by Rey -- but Konnan belly-to-bellies him. Roll-up by Rey gets a two-count. Rey dropkicks Konnan in the knee... and again. Rey signals to go upstairs, but he can barely climb up. Rey comes off, but Konnan catches him and hits him with a SWANK (!~?) cradle DDT. And Rey finally taps to a Tequila Sunrise at 10:55. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ***1/2. Good match that varied from Rey's usual style. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Rey mark -- but sometimes it seems like he's just biding time between high-spots. This match was basically on the ground and because of Konnan's neat holds, it worked quite well. Also, it's matches like this and Konnan's Fall Brawl match against Juventud that make it such a shame he turned into a lazy catchphrase guy.

Aerial shots of Sturgis and the rally. Then... Gene (who's got a new tattoo on his arm) and the Hotline. 1-900-909-9900! Two new managers in World Championship Wrestling... who are they? 1-900-... Ah, fuck it.

What? No DDP interview?

Tag Team Elimination Match
Steve McMichael & Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett & Dean Malenko

Balls. Benoit and Malenko had an amazing match at this event in the previous year. This time, Mongo and Double J are along to fuck things up. The elimination stipultation is pointless; and the build-up behind this was done so sloppy that an explanation would be as pointless as the stip. However, the match is all about "Horsemen" -- namely two current ones (Mongo and Benoit), a former one (Jarrett), and one that should be one (Malenko). Debra's with Jarrett here, not Mongo. Keep that in mind. Benoit and Jarrett start off. Jarrett's crap at this point, by the way, and relies on basic moves interspersed with strutting. Malenko gets tagged in and we got some good old-fashioned WRESTLING! Both guys miss moves and do pretty cool reversals. Nice exchange between them, but Mongo gets tagged in and ruins it. A bunch of shit from Mongo, who's really over at this show. He backs Malenko into the corner and (thankfully) makes the tag. Benoit and Mongo go to work on Malenko with a lot of quick tags and continuity. One of the most bizarre sites in pro wrestling: the chest of Mongo. Benoit comes in and gets a two-count with a back elbow. Malenko gets backed into the corner, Mongo comes in and does some more shit. Side Salto by Mongo... and another tag. A snap suplex by Benoit gets a two-count. Then in comes Mongo, who powerslams Malenko and jaws at Jarrett. Mongo misses a chop-block and Dean tags Jarrett. Jarrett's reluctant because he's a chickenshit. Jarrett cuffs Mongo, gives him a jawbreaker and pulls him on top -- to pin himself (Jarrett) at 7:10. Tony and the Boys are beside themselves. It's down to Mongo and Benoit against Malenko -- in the biggest case of "one of these things is not like the others." Backslide by Dean gets him a two- count. Back suplex by Malenko. He goes for the Cloverleaf, but Benoit gets to the ropes. Tombstone by Benoit and he goes up top -- and hits the diving headbutt. Instead of a pin, he tags Mongo -- who Tombstones Malenko and gets the "that ain't right!" pinfall at 9:35. Fuck. Mongo(loid) and Benoit do plenty of WCW Talking to the Camera after the match. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **. Fuck. This sucked ass. Up until the Jarrett self-elimination, this was shaping up to be a good little tag match -- even with Mongo and Jarrett in the match. However, after that point, the last couple minutes just blew. Mongo pinning Malenko is about as unholy as possible. If WCW had to go the route of the Jarrett chickenshit elimination (designed so Mongo wouldn't get a chance to beat him up), you'd think the logical thing would be having Mongo go after him -- getting himself counted out in the process. That would at least contribute to the feud between them -- not to mention giving us Benoit vs. Malenko one-on-one. But no. Instead... both Horsemen survive and Mongo gets the pinfall. Ugh.

Some biker footage.

WCW Cruiserweight Title Match
Chris Jericho vs. Alex Wright (champion)

Tenay gives us an update on the condition of Rey Jr., which doesn't really matter because it's four-and-half years later and his knee's still a mess. I imagine both of these guys are real popular with the biker crowd. Some hand-holding and technical wrestling starts out and lasts a couple minutes. A Wright bitchslap pisses off Jericho and speeds things up a little. Wright goes to the ground and stalls, which pisses off Jericho. He finally comes back in and gets tripped. More of that pesky headlockin' and wristlockin' stuff happens. Does that make this catch-as-catch-can? Jericho escapes an hour-long headlock and tags Wright with a spinwheel kick. Wright goes to the floor again. Back in, Jericho crotches Wright on the top rope and springboard dropkicks him to the floor. Wright goes for a walk again -- and Jericho catches him with a springboard cross-body off the second rope to the floor. Jericho gives Wright some of (I hate) those knife-edge chops and slams him on the outside. Wright whips Jericho into the ringsteps and suplexes him (still on the outside). Wright does some of (I hate) those knife-edge chops. Jericho goes back in. Wright goes up top, but Jericho catches him and throws him halfway across the ring. Jericho armdrags Wright down and locks on an armbar. Some running around and Wright hits a "spinning leg lariat" (credit: Tenay). Wright does some shit and goes up top -- coming down with a stomp from the top rope, and following up with some gay dancing. Back suplex by Wright, but he takes too long before a moonsault -- and misses. Jericho does this move where he whips Wright into the corner and follows right beside him, clotheslining him. He does this three times, then lands a Lionsault. Running senton by Jericho gets a two-count. Jericho does the two continuous powerbombs move and gets a two-count. His "come on baby" shout gets no reaction (like it ever does) as he goes up top. He takes too long and Wright crotches him, then superplexes him. A few two-counts and suplexes. Wright gets run into the corner and a bunch of rolling results in... an Alex Wright tights-assisted roll-up win at 13:02. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ***1/2. Good little match. Unfortunately, it was just getting better when it ended. Five more minutes would've been nice. Oh well.

Between the replays and the next match, we get a shot of the Mayor of Sturgis. He seems like a charming man, I guess. But it makes me feel weird knowing that towns like Sturgis actually have mayors. It makes them seem more legitimate.

Syxx vs. Ric Flair
The Young Upstart vs. the Legend. Ric has a really weird look on his face -- given the audience, I don't blame him. This one starts with some talking and taunting. Then a feeling-out process? I can only hope. Bobby proves that he's a crack fiend by saying that Flair may be "in the greatest shape of his career." Some shit by Syxx and Flair puts the chops to him. Then some chops by... Syxx. Syxx sends Ric into the corner, but misses with the following Stinger Splash and goes to the floor. Inside, some hand- holding and chopping by Ric. Some running around and a little flipping by Syxx -- and he gets chopped down again. Flair bluffs a test of strength and eye-pokes Syxx, leading to a lot of dirty work -- which Syxx ends with a kick. Syxx backs Ric into the corner, slaps him, and kicks him down. Syxx sets up -- and hits -- the Bronco Buster. One of his "premiere maneuvers" -- and it works on the shoulder. Or so Tony says. Chinlock by Syxx. Back in the corner again and Syxx kicks and stomps Flair down again. Syxx slams Ric and goes up top, hitting a legdrop for a two-count. Ric's in a world of hurt. Some more punching and chopping. Syxx whips Ric off the ropes and connects (kind of) with a spinwheel kick. Back to the chinlock to work on that neck and shoulder area. Flair fights out, but gets whipped into the corner -- leading to a Flair Flip. But he lands on the apron and on his feet. Ric shoulderblocks Syxx, comes back in and goes after Syxx's knee. But an enziguri ends that before it starts. Syxx goes up top and comes off with a somersault... but misses. Ric goes after the leg again and slaps a figure-four on pretty quick. Syxx gets to the ropes, breaking the hold. Ric sends Syxx into the corner and tries a back suplex, but Syxx flips out and goes for the Buzzkiller (cross-face chicken wing, a la Bob Backlund). Flair backs into the corner, breaking the hold before he got it on. Ric falls down in the corner and Syxx goes for another Bronco Buster -- but Ric puts his foot up and gives Syxx an extremely painful looking crotching. Feet on the ropes, and Ric gets the dirty pin at 11:05. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ***. Decent enough match, but too short. Ric getting time to work over the knee and actually getting a figure-four victory would've been much better. Still, good match.

Curt Hennig vs. Diamond Dallas Page
This is pre-NWO Hennig. The feud started, I believe, when Hennig was DDP's mystery partner at Bash At The Beach and turned on him. I think. DDP comes to the ring with Kimberly (The Diamond Doll a.k.a. The Booty Babe), who is looking pretty damn hot here. We start with Hennig not letting DDP in the ring. He finally gets in and they slug it out with some fisticuffs. Hennig gets knocked to the apron and DDP brings him in by the hair. DDP's pissed off. Hennig does the thing where he accidentally crotches himself on the ringpost. DDP gives an extra yank for good measure. DDP practically rips Hennig's singlet off and punches the poo out of him. Being the aerial superstar he is, DDP goes up top -- only to be crotched by Hennig, who follows up the dirtiness by choking DDP with his towel. Hennig's in control and goes to work with some chops and stuff. Then comes the snapmare and the neck-snap. Brief comeback by DDP in the form of fists. A back elbow ends that. Weird neck-twist thing by Hennig. Now he goes to work on the leg. Spinning toehold by Hennig. Shades of Terry Funk! DDP escapes, only to run into a sleeper -- which is stopped by a jawbreaker from DDP. Sunset flip by DDT gets a two-count, but he runs right into a clothesline. Some more stuff and DDP does that spin-around clothesline for a two-count. Hennig's kick-out sends DDP into Referee Mark Curtis, who stays down for way too long. Hennig takes the top turnbuckle off and sends DDP into it, which knocks him out and busts him open. ZOOM OUT. Perfectplex by Hennig gets a two-count. Now it's time for a DDP sudden burst of energy. He tosses Hennig around a bit, throwing him head-first into the exposed turnbuckle. A pancake attempt by DDP sees Ref Bump #2 -- and again, Curtis stays down far too long considering the slight contact. Flair (who was trying to get Hennig in the Horsemen) runs in by coming off the top, but DDP punches him in the gut. Hennig takes advantage of the distraction and catches DDP with a second Perfectplex for a delayed Mark Curtis three-count and the win at 9:43. G'OH! Ref bumps... If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ***. Kind of the same complaint as the last match. It seems like they took a chunk out of the middle of the match and skipped right to the end. No reason this one shouldn't have been given 15 minutes.

Gene. Hotline. Who will be Raven's first opponent in WCW?

Who.

No... not "Who." Who?

As in Anvil Neidhart under a mask?

No! Who will be Raven's first opponent?

That's what I said... Who.

Fuck it.

1-900-909-9900!

Really crappy Fall Brawl commercial. Really crappy and amateurish NWO video.

Macho Man Randy Savage vs. The Giant
Macho Man's got Elizabeth with him. Hope she pops the dairies. Will this match suck as much ass as it did when I saw it the first time? Savage stalls on the floor, then cheapshots Giant. He attempts a bodyslam, but the Giant falls on him. Now Giant offense takes over. Yes! All the stuff in the ring sucks, so Macho goes to the floor. Giant press-slams him back in the ring for more crappy shit. Randy Macho (he used to play professional baseball, you know...) chop-blocks Giant, then raps his Big Old Oak Tree of a leg around the ringpost. Randy Macho (he was a catcher in the St. Louis Cardinals minor-league system) goes to work on the knee with kicks and stomps, looking to work towards a submission victory -- utilizing his patented "El Nudo" finisher. Savage realizes he only knows how to do "high impact moves" so he clotheslines Giant a few times and goes up top, hitting a cross-body for a two-count. He goes up top again -- but gets caught and chokeslammed for a Giant victory at a whopping 6:05. Fuck this. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: DUD. To answer the rhetorical question I asked towards the beginning of this paragraph: Yes.

WCW World Tag Team Title Match
The Outsiders (champions) vs. The Steiner Brothers

The graphic calls them "Hall & Nash." I call them Old Bastards. Consider "the Outsiders" a compromise. The Steiners come out on motorbikes. Ted's with them, but not on a motorbike. I hate to be a picky bastard, but Tony talks about being in Des Moines when the Steiners won the titles and Bischoff took them away. OK bud, that was Cedar Rapids and you "weren't there" because it was at the Souled Out debacle. Jeez. The two Scotts -- Hall and Steiner -- lock up. Hall gets bitchslapped. Some good chain wrestling is displayed by Hall. Steiner's had enough and t-bone suplexes Hall and gives him a tiger driver. Rick and Nash come in and punch each other. The NWO guys get beat to the floor, allowing the Steiners to pose. Back in order, Rick tags in and plays goofy bastard. AH! His boots don't match!!! What a nut! Nash gets tagged in and promptly big mans the crap out of Rick. No sense transcribing Nash offense because it would read something like "clothesline, clothesline, knee-lift, knee-lift, knee-lift in the corner, Snake Eyes, Side Salto, knee-lift." Scott gets tagged in after Rick avoids... wait for it... Snake Eyes. Big boot by Nash practically decapitates Scott. Hall gets tagged in and does some stuff, including a chokeslam. Nash comes back in, which is unfortunate. Outsiders do some dirty double-teaming and choking. Hall gets tagged back in and does some more stuff, including a fallaway slam for a two- count. Nash comes in again. Wow! Side Salto! He never busts that out! Oops... I forgot about back elbows. Luckily, Kevin didn't. And the foot choke in the corner. Jeezus... introduce this man to Test right fucking now. Hall does some sort of nefarious cheapshot. Would a Sho Funaki run-in be a weird thing to want in this match? Hall gets tagged in and goes all abdominal stretchy. Here's a twist: instead of the Rotundo rope-hold, he holds hands with Nash for leverage. Steiner hiptosses his way out, but misses an elbow. Kev Nash gets tagged in and does... a knee-lift and Snake Eyes. Yup. He's earned time to pose. Some bullshit involving all four that I can't be bothered with. Hall gets tagged in. And does stuff. Nash gets tagged in and does a pre-DX crotch-chop. More heelish antics by Hall and Nash when Non-Shady Ref Nick Patrick's not looking. Chinlock by Hall thankfully slows down the pace. Ted's into this one. He makes one. Steiner stands up under Hall and gives him an electric chair. Nash gets tagged in and prevents Steiner from making the tag. Short-arm clothesline gets a two-count. Not the foot choke in the corner again! Fuck. Again? Christ. Nash runs into the corner with a big kick attempt and misses, crotching himself. Hot tag by Steiner? Nope. Nash tags first and prevents it. Hall gets his boot up in the corner and bulldogs Steiner off the second rope. Nash and DiBiase jaw at each other, which Nick Patrick thinks is more important than the match. In the ring, Hall goes for the Razor's Edge -- but Rick Steiner stops it with a clothesline. Then Rick does a pre-DX crotch-chop. Nice. Belly-to-belly by Scott Steiner. Hot tag? Please? We can go home... YES! He got 'em. Rick takes out both Old Bastards with total shit. Nash gets knocked to the floor and the Steiners give Hall the top-rope double-team bulldog for one... two... NOT THREE! HA! There ya go. Nash breaks the count by yanking Nick Patrick to the outside. Nick rings the bell at 15:30. Tony and the Boys, along with the drunken bikers, don't realize that it's a disqualification. 'Cuz they're dumb. And, of course, titles do NOT change hands on countouts or disqualifications. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: *1/2. Any snowflakes go to Hall, who was really the only guy that did anything here. Boring-arsed match that, unfortunately, did not equal the surprisingly "OK" match between these teams at Souled Out.

Bobby: "You know, Dusty. The Outsiders retaining their titles has given a little momentum to Hulk Hogan, I believe."

Michael Buffer wearing a leather beret is a horrible meeting of two of my personal nightmares.

WCW World Title Match
"Hollywood" Hulk Hogan vs. Lex Luger (champion)

Luger = lame duck champ. He won the strap about a week before this match -- even though this meeting was already set. To me, that means Hulk's getting the gold back right here. It'll no doubt be a clean victory too. Bobby: "If you don't like this, you don't like your parents." Well, I like my parents. So, by that logic, I should like this. Lets see... Luger shoulderblocks a clean-shaven Hulk, who plays wuss. Hogan backs Luger into the corner and borrows some of Nash's knee-lifts. Out of the corner, headlock city. Lex pushes out and shoulderblocks Hogan again. Lock-up and some rare chain wrestling by Hogan for a minute or two -- until Luger takes advantage and hurts his arm really bad. Hogan hair-pulls his way out, but gets armdragged a couple times and hides on the floor -- where he calls for a time-out. How '80s. Hogan comes back and goes back to his reliable old axehandles, back-rakes, and punches. Bodyslam and elbow. Chinlock city... and Hooooogan's yer Mayor. He breaks the hold to listen to the crowd, then goes back and chokes Luger. Some instense head-ramming in the corner and Luger blocks with his foot. Hogan doesn't. Hogan goes to the floor and pulls Luger with him -- then pokes him in the eye, rams him on the guardrail, and chokes him with a TV cable. Really shitty inverted atomic drop by Hogan. What a fucking wildman. Hogan chokes Lex with his foot, then picks him up to punch and choke him. Bearhug by Hogan for a minutes or so. Then a good old-fashioned Greco Roman knuckle-lock and Hogan kicks Lex in the balls or something. Back suplex and Tony cheats Hulk by not calling it a "suplex" ("bodydrop"). Hogan's apparently focusing on the back to off-set Luger's Torture Rack. Big boot gets Hogan a two-count. Hogan keeps going with the kicks and stuff. Vertical suplex by Hogan and Tony can't deny him this time. Luger pops up all no-selly and flexes at Hogan, which causes Hogan over-acting. Luger battles back with punches and that gingerly clothesline/elbow. Hogan begs off in the corner, then pokes Lex in the eyes. Then kicks him in either the gut or the balls. Roll- up by Hogan gets a two-count. Bodyslam by Hogan and he misses the legdrop. Shitty clotheslines galore by Luger. NWO run-in time. Buff. Syxx. Norton. Nash. They all get taken out. Nash comes back in again and distracts Referee Randy Anderson. Luger goes off the ropes and obviously fake Sting hits him with a baseball bat, which allows for the win and the title for Hollywood Hooooooooogan at 16:14. You'd think after about a year of Fake Stings, the Tony and the Boys would wise up. They haven't. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **. Not a good match at all. But in terms of 1997 WCW pay-per-view main events, this one's not bad. Especially considering that it featured Hogan and 1997's Luger. Neither guy really fucked anything up and there were moments of well thought-out wrestling (?).

Afterwards, the Steiners and Curt Hennig tend to Luger. "This is sickening," says Tony.

Tony and the Boys are distraught. They don't know what to make of Sting's antics. What does WCW do? They're very, very concerned, worried, frightened, etc.

We go backstage and see the NWO guys (jobbers and all) and Dennis Rodman, who spray-paints the the WCW title -- again. It's weird because you can hear Randy Macho. But you can't see him. Tony gives a final sigh and we're off the air.

In conclusion...
Everybody and their dog knows that WCW's undercards kept their PPVs watchable. I wouldn't say this show's different. However, there weren't two or three real stand-out matches like there usually were. Instead, this was a fairly even show from top to bottom, with very few moments of excellence -- but even fewer moments of crappiness. The words, I guess, would be "consistent effort."

Not a great show, but I can think of far worse ways to spend three hours.

Back