By The Sarge
Before I get into this one, I should explain why I actually "called my cable company" and put down my hard-earned cash for this fucking show.
It's simple. I was bored.
It was a miserable winter evening. Snowing, raining, freezing, wet, cold. Awful night. I was supposed to play hockey that evening, but due to road conditions, the game was scratched. I watched WCW Saturday Night, instead. And by the end of that show's two hours, I wanted to see some more wrasslin'.
But there was no "wrasslin'" on, so I bought Souled Out instead.
Curiosity probably played into this too.
Opening shit...
WCW in its grandiose "Spending Turner's Money" way, broke the bank on this show.
Although the results were shit, you gotta give the old "hats off for trying new things."
Case in point: the ridiculous opening.
We get intentionally scratchy black and white footage of the NWO members (Nick Patrick and Eric Bischoff included) making their way through the frozen and snowy streets of Cedar Rapids (???), the home of That 70s Show's Ashton Kutcher, on the backs of garbage and transport trucks. This sucks ass, really, because of the posturing by the old guys. Somebody should really tell Kevin Nash that he's 40 and white.
Either way, the boys seem excited about the show that awaits. If I had a dollar for every time one of them says "NWO BABY!!!" or "SOULED OUT BABY!!!," I'd be able to buy this show again.
Somebody should tell Hogan that he's 50 and orange.
By the way, that hand gesture was pretty "gay."
Following this onslaught, we get intentionally scratchy footage of NWO members standing in some room. Interspersed with these shots are ones of Bischoff giving a speech at a podium. Check out the camera angles, mannerisms, and antics. If he wasn't aiming for "Generic Fascist Dictator," I'll eat my own shit.
We're finally in the arena, which is about the size of my bedroom. Bischoff is in front of the same podium and the Three Old Bastards (Hogan, Hall, and Nash) talk on pre- TitanTron TitanTrons.
Bischoff, who's wearing a leather bathrobe, joins Ted DiBiase at some MTV-looking broadcast booth. Liz makes a cameo. Note: the bullshit quotes from Bischoff are so many that I'll list them at the end of this whole thing. Thankfully, he sends it to the ring.
Chris Jericho vs. Masa Hiro Chono
Jericho gets no music or cheers. Chono does. Both guys get editorialized introductions
from a faceless computer-generated (?) ring announcer. The intros aren't funny, which
was the intention of the douchebag that wrote them. How much does the WCW spelling
of Chono's first name piss me off? Shady Ref Nick Patrick is refereeing this match -- as
he will every match. I won't even bother mentioning his "Shady Antics" unless
they're "important." Chono kicks Jericho in the hodge and tosses him to the floor.
WCW employees make their way into the arena. Among them: Sherri, Harlem Heat,
Referee Mark Curtis, Faces of Fear, Mongo, Debra, Brian Knobbs, Arn Anderson, and
Referee Randy Anderson. Some hand-holding and tossing Jericho around by Chono.
Chono comes off the top, hitting Jericho with a shoulderblock. Spin-wheel kick by
Jericho knocks Chono to the floor and Jericho follows with a springboard bodypress to
the floor. Jericho hurts his knee on the floor. Chono rolls him back in and headlocks
Jericho. They trade shoulderblocks before Chono gives Jericho a chopblock. USA
chant, despite the fact that Jericho's Canadian. Jericho enziguris Chono. Chono
dragon-screw legwhips Jericho and tries for an STF. Jericho gets to the rope. Chono
gets whipped into the ropes and Jericho drills him with an elbow. German suplex by
Jericho gets a Nick Patrick Count. Clothesline by Jericho gets another slow two. The
fans still care at this point in the show. A sleeper by Chono is turned into a Slop-Drop.
Chono comes off the top rope with something ugly. Inverted atomic drop by Chono, who
goes to the floor and sets up the world's smallest table. Chono tries to suplex Jericho
from the ring through the table. Jericho reverses and suplexes Chono back in the ring.
Jericho goes up top and dropkicks Chono. Fisherman's suplex by Jericho? Lionsault
gets a Nick Patrick Count. Jericho goes up top, but Chono catches him and tosses him
to the floor -- through the table. You don't need to use slow-motion or freeze-frame to
see that the table breaks the split-second Jericho's hand touches it (before the rest of
his body does). Back in the ring, Yakuza Kick and Chono gets the win at 11:10. If I
was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **. Sadly, the third best match of
the night. Jericho, despite the cred that he's somehow accumulated, is only good when
he's against a great wrestler -- which Chono isn't when he's in North America.
Eric and Ted pat the NWO on its collective back and Eric introduces photos of "women" that applied to be in the "Miss NWO" competition. The live audience must've loved this. The audible "boring" chant would lead you to believe that. Eric hands it over to Jeff Katz, some snarky douchebag, that talks to some "biker chicks" -- contestants for the Miss NWO thing. They don't get it. In the background, a really bad band plays live.
Mexican Death Match
Hugh Morrus vs. Big Bubba
The wrestling world will be revolutionized by Big Bubba. You may notice that neither of
these guys are Mexican. The match was scheduled to be Konan vs. Big Bubba. Don't
know why they changed it. Konan might've known better? Bischoff yaps about Savage,
who should've made an appearance on this show. Hugh, by the way, has a nice
ensemble of a tie-dye t-shirt, blue jeans, and taped fists. It really works for him.
Random big man crap starts out. Bubba gets clotheslined and takes a powder on the
floor. Hugh follows and sends him into the ringsteps. Patrick threatens
disqualification... in a Death Match. Bubba hits Hugh in the balls a couple times, but
doesn't get DQed (in a Death Match) because Patrick looks away (in a Death Match).
Hugh clotheslines Bubba to the floor, where Jimmy Hart puts the boots to him. Bubba
grabs a chain from his coat and decks Hugh with it. He whips Hugh with it a couple
times, but Hugh knocks it away. Hugh nails Buba with the chain a couple times and
does a beautiful moonsault on Bubba. Patrick administers a slower than death 10-count
and only gets to seven. Hugh clotheslines Bubba a couple times and we see Bubba
calling spots -- not that there are any in this match. Hugh grabs something to hit Bubba
with it, but Bubba eye-gouges him before we can make out what it is. Clothesline by
Bubba. This gets an eight-count. Hugh hits Bubba in the balls. Bubba goes to the floor
and Hugh points to the entryway. For those that haven't seen the entryway, there are
pre-TitanTron TitanTrons and -- in front of them -- stairs, that lead down to a ramp.
Hugh bodyslams Bubba at the bottom of the stairs and goes up about four steps. He
comes back with what was supposed to be a moonsault -- but wasn't -- and
misses. Bubba steals a motorcycle from one of the ugly biker-sluts, revs it up, and runs
down Hugh. Of course, he barely grazed him. But points for effort. Patrick gives the
10-count from the ring and calls for the bell at 9:04. Big win for Bubba. If I was a
Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: *1/2. And even at that shitty snowflake
count, I can say that this was not nearly as bad as I remember.
More Jeff Katz talking to ugly women. More bad unnamed band playing in the background. Luckily, it's kept short. Eric seems amazed by the Internet. I hope he realizes how popular he is on it.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Michael Wallstreet
Jarrett's hair and outfit is full "Double J" here and, therefore, really bad. Since
Wallstreet's not capable of doing or being on the receiving end of anything interesting or
notable, I won't bother with much transcription here. What Wallstreet's doing on PPV is
beyond me, though. Jarrett does his typical things in there, which aren't bad -- I
guess; just really, really boring. The action falls to the floor, where Wallstreet drops
Jarrett throat-first on the rail. A lot of attention is being paid to Mongo Steve and Debra,
who have a thing going with Jarrett. Wallstreet whips Jarrett into and over the guardrail,
which is the high-spot of this match. Back in the ring, Wallstreet applies the sleeper,
which means all that's left is the abdominal stretch. Debra lures Mongo Steve to the
ringside area. Jarrett has some shenanigans with Patrick. The joy Bischoff gets out of
using complicated terms for kicks is not proper. Wallstreet uses yet another
resthold -- a reverse chinlock. Jarrett elbows out and they have a punch-up for a
second. Inverted atomic drop by Jarrett and he misses something off the top rope. This
is one of the uglier audiences I've seen. Up there with Slamboree '96. Jarrett starts
working over Wallstreet's leg and slaps on the figure-four. Patrick pulls Wallstreet to the
ropes, which breaks the hold. Debra and Mongo Steve are at the ringside. Wallstreet
with the abdominal stretch and rope-hold. Mongo goes up to the apron and whacks
Wallstreet with the Haliburton (remember that prop?). He then bullies Patrick into
counting... and Jarrett gets the win at 9:24. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give
it: *1/2. A radically 1988 match.
More Jeff Katz, who I now want to beat to a bloody pulp. We do learn that the band- leader's name is "Captain Virgil." Unfortunately, we have to listen to a song. If this isn't the definition of "piss-break," I don't know what is.
Scotty Riggs vs. Buff Bagwell
Wait... here is the definition of "piss-break." Here's another match that I'm sure
was in everybody's mind when they bought this. Scotty Riggs -- Scotty Anton, RVD's
best friend. Unfortunately, this wasn't the last time these two would meet on PPV.
Riggs nails Buff before the bell and does enough boring shit for Buff to head to the floor.
Buff comes back in and does punches and kicks and lots of mugging for the camera.
One-minute is the winning bet in the "Buff Bagwell Headlock Pool." Riggs dropkicks
Buff and puts the fists to him. A bunch of boring shit that only the members of the
American Males could do. Riggs busts out his plancha, but only because it's a PPV.
Even when fast-forwarding, this match is slower than cold molasses. Riggs gets hung
up on the ropes and Buff clotheslines him to the floor. The disembodied ring announcer
chimes in with a "Loser" heckle. Bischoff finally makes the first Sting reference of the
night... but it's a reference to the NWO Sting, who -- sadly -- isn't on the card tonight.
Notable "Bagwell Sucks" chant. Powerbomb by Bagwell. Bagwell's actually got some
good cocky heel antics at this point. This is before he was completely terrible. He was
still terrible, but not completely terrible. Riggs pulls down Bagwell's pants on a
sunset flip attempt, revealing a nice thong underneath. Bagwell locks on a camel clutch.
More camel clutching. And more. And more. Riggs powers out, gives Buff an electric
chair and we get to see both calling spots. Medium-sized package gets a Nick Patrick
Count. Enziguri by Riggs. Riggs gets whipped into the corner, but puts his boot
up. Riggs nails Buff with a tornado DDT. Bischoff speculates on the outcome of the
Super Bowl. A couple dropkicks by Riggs and they both cross-body each other at the
same time. Rude Awakening attempt by Buff gets turned into a backslide for two.
Powerbomb by Riggs gets a Nick Patrick Count. Riggs sets Buff up for a superplex but
gets knocked off. Buff comes off with the Buff Blockbuster and gets the win at 13:51.
Apparently, this was the debut of the Blockbuster, which makes this notable. Post-
match, Buff celebrates at the top of the stage with the ugly biker ladies. If I was a
Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **. Surprisingly watchable given how bad
both of these guys are.
More Jeff Katz antics, including a veiled reference to Vince McMahon. Hilarious. Bischoff hypes the NWO Hotline. Holy shit... they really went whole-hog on this NWO thing, didn't they? 1-900-454-4004.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Scott Norton
DDP, at the time, was feuding with the whole NWO because he refused to join. Who's
he get to face? Scott Fuckin' Norton. On PPV. The match starts with Norton doing
strong guy stuff. Some wrist-holding and hair-pulling, into a DDP headlock. DDT or
neckbreaker (can't really tell) by DDP. Norton does lazy-assed chops in the corner.
Face-first pancake by DDP. Jawbreaker and clothesline by Norton. Sting shows up
momentarily in the crowd, which excites the fans more than anything else tonight. It
might actually be the NWO Sting. Shoulderbreaker by Norton and DDP goes to the
floor. Norton works DDP's shoulder over with the ringpost and whips him into the
ringsteps. Bischoff recounts an anecdote about Norton's history as a doorman at a
Minneapolis bar. Oddly interesting. Wonder if it's true? Back in the ring, DDP
clotheslines Norton, who barely sells. Norton tries to sit on DDP after a sunset flip, but
DDP moves. Punching by DDP. Clothesline off the top by DDP. Bowling shoe ugly
hiptoss attempt by Norton, which sees him go down (???). DDP signals for the
Diamond Cutter and NWO jobbers (Buff, Bubba, Wallstreet, and Vincent) come down
with an NWO t-shirt and offer him a spot in the NWO. DDP puts the shirt on, shakes
Norton's hand and gives him a Diamond Cutter before running into the crowd and
ripping the shirt Hogan-style. Patrick says to the camera that Norton wins by countout.
The time: I don't fucking know. Patrick talked to the camera at about 10:23. If I was
a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: *1/2. Combine Norton no-selling and
no-giving with the bullshit ending and this sucked ass. Fans kind of popped for the
Diamond Cutter, though.
More Jeff Fuckin' Katz and Captain Fuckin' Virgil.
WCW World Tag Team Title Match
The Steiner Brothers vs. The Outsiders (champions)
Scott Steiner's reaction to the disembodied ring announcer is pretty funny. How many
bad matches did these two teams have against each other? Fuck. The Outsiders were
death to good matches and Steiners against sucky guys are worthless. The two Scotts
-- Steiner and Hall -- start out with the normal stuff that upper-level old guys start out
with... collar-and-elbow hook-up, clean break by the face, taunt by the heel. Some more
of that pesky big man stuff and Hall keeps going for an abdominal stretch. Steiner gives
him a pump-handle slam and a belly-to-belly. Nash and Rick come in and Rick DDTs
one of the Outsiders. Outsiders go to the floor to regroup. Rick gets tagged in. They
trade fisticuffs and Rick jumps off the second rope into a fallaway slam. Scott Steiner
gets tagged back in, but chokeslammed. Hall doesn't do his Giant impersonation, sadly.
Nash gets the tag and a mild face pop. The match suddenly slows to a screeching halt.
Punches and knee-thrusts. Irish whips into corners and clotheslines. Scotty manages
to get his foot up after an Irish whip into the corner and belly-to-belly Nash. Rick gets
tagged in and exchanges more punches with Big Lazy. Nash gets whipped off the ropes
and Rick does that sloppy powerslam. Rick knocks Hall off the apron and Nash big
boots Rick to the floor. Hall clotheslines Rick on the floor. So far... not that bad. Hall
gets tagged back in and goes to work on Rick. Big clothesline by Hall and imaginary tag
by the Outsiders. Nash comes in and gives Rick the Snake Eyes. Nash misses an
elbow-drop, which damn-near kills him for some reason. Hall gets tagged in and puts
the fists to Rick, who's now in full Ricky Morton mode at this point. Hall tosses Rick to
the floor, where Nash drops him face-first on the ring apron. Rick's back in and gets
side-slammed. Tag to Nash, who does a side-slam -- sorry, Side Salto -- of his own.
Man... first Snake Eyes -- now the Side Salto. What's he got left? The heels double-
team Rick on one side of the ring and Scott comes over to make the save. He also
finds the time to tell a fan to fuck himself, but we weren't supposed to hear that. Rick
punches Nash in the balls and Scott clotheslines him. Both guys tag. Scott clotheslines
both Old guys, gives Hall a tiger driver and Nash a t-bone suplex. Rick clotheslines
Nash to the floor. Steiners set up for the top rope DDT but Nash breaks it up, knocking
Nick Patrick to the floor in the process. From there, Hall gives Scott Steiner a Razor's
Edge -- but there's no ref. Rick comes off the top and bulldogs Hall. That Headgehog
Bastard, Randy Anderson, comes in and makes a three-count at 14:42 -- apparently
giving the Steiners the win and the titles. Bisch says this will not stand and bitches
about this for what seems like hours. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
**1/2. Much better than I remember. Nash wasn't in there long enough to fuck
things up too bad and the other three weren't awful. If you care (and I hope you don't),
Bisch stripped the Steiners of the belts and gave them back to the Outsiders on the
following Nitro.
Ladder Match for the WCW U.S. Title
Eddie Guerrero (champion) vs. Syxx
The disembodied ring announcer voice turns racist by calling Eddie a "Mexican jumping
bean." I think the story here was that Eddie was the U.S. Champ, but Syxx had stolen
the title. This would explain why Syxx has the U.S. title with him -- even though he
never won it. I can't confirm this because... well... neither Bischoff or Million Dollar Ted
actually make it clear. They're too busy putting Nick Patrick over. Eddie's mullet rules.
Dropkick by Eddie to start and Syxx follows with some pretty fierce looking martial arts
stuff. They botched up what looked like it was supposed to be a tilt-a-whirl.
Headscissors takedown by Eddie and a backbreaker. Syxx goes to the floor, but Eddie
follows him with a HUGE bodypress off the top. Eddie throws Syxx back in.
Syxx starts to go up top, Eddie follows... only to get knocked off -- but he lands on his
feet after a backflip. Syxx comes down with a spin-kick. Syxx goes to work with some
chops and kicks -- then a prehistoric Broncobuster. Eddie flips over Syxx after an Irish
whip and dropkicks him to the floor. Eddie tries suplexing Syxx back in, but gets
suplexed to the floor himself. We get a horribly timed shot of the belt that almost causes
us to miss an amazing somersault plancha by Syxx. Syxx goes up to the top of the
stage, grabs the ladder -- runs down the ramp and nails Eddie with it. The ladder gets
leaned across the top rope and Syxx gets whacked in the jaw with it, making a totally
sick sound. Eddie nails Syxx with the ladder a couple times and leans it in the corner.
Eddie tries whipping Syxx into the ladder, but Syxx reverses it and Eddie goes in
instead. Pretty notable "Eddie" chant. Syxx lays the ladder on Eddie and stomps it into
him -- then drops him on it. Syxx sets the ladder up and climbs it. Eddie climbs the
other side, but Syxx punches him in the balls and pushes him off. Syxx goes up top with
the ladder in front -- to ride it down on Eddie -- but Eddie dropkicks the ladder into him.
Syxx gets superplexed off the top rope. Eddie sets the ladder up under the belt and
both men start climbing. Both guys get to the top and Syxx does an inverted jump side-
kick (or so we're told) that knocks both men to the mat. Again, both guys climb and
duke it out on the top. Syxx punches Eddie off, but he bounces off the ropes and falls
into the ladder -- knocking Syxx off the ladder too. Both guys climb up. Both guys grab
the title, but Eddie nails Syxx in the face with the belt and drops to the mat at 13:49 to
win back his title. The first (and only) "good" match of the night. Eddie celebrates by
giving Bischoff the "kiss my ass" hand gesture and going to celebrate with the WCW
midcarders in the audience. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it:
***1/2. Sure, more recent Ladder Matches have blown this one out of the
water, but it's still a pretty darn good match.
More Jeff Katz bullshit. He runs through the list of contestants for this thing and they all do a little walk and have unflattering stats graphics posted on the screen. One girl -- I'm guessing a well-known local slut -- gets one of the biggest pops of the night. Word has it that the WWF signed her to a developmental deal immediately and she's now training in OVW. This whole Miss NWO thing, of course, is sad, depressing, and among the worst television you'll ever watch -- Murder, She Wrote marathon included. Bischoff joins this fucking mess and picks the winner. Of course, he turns this into a super-long chance to listen to himself talk. Bischoff whispers a question to two of the contestants -- one's sporting a disgusting femullet and the other is about 45, huge, ugly as Hell, and looks mildly retarded. The answers are whispered too. Bischoff crowns the latter the winner and -- in the sickest thing I've seen in the 15 years that I've been watching wrestling -- makes out with her... tongue included! YUCK! The ugly old lady was presented with flowers, a sache, and a little crown and then... Bischoff frenches her again. I don't even think the second one was consensual. Fuck... the Gold Club trial revealed some weird shit in Bischoff's personal life -- but this was just plain sick. Miss NWO walks down to the ring and I'm not joking when I say that she doesn't know what the fuck is going on. Ted's at a loss for words about what Bischoff did. Miss NWO then comes back up the ramp, sits on a giant toilet, and gets congratulated by the other contestants. This lasted 10 minutes.
Back to Bischoff and Ted at the commentary stand. Eric has a few sarcastic words about Miss NWO's inner beauty. He then talks out of his ass about Hogan.
WCW World Title Match
The Giant vs. Hollywood Hogan (champion)
We get an awful video of Hogan on the pre-TitanTron TitanTron as The Giant's making
his way to the ring. Hogan's accompanied down to the ring by Vincent and George
Teague, Ray Donaldson, and Nate Newton of the Dallas Cowboys. Unfortunately,
Newton doesn't have his stash with him. Bischoff gets in a reference to Vince McMahon
and Verne Gagne, which makes him feel special inside. The match starts and Giant
walks around menacing. Hogan's cowardly. Giant gives Hogan some chops. People
are pelting the ring area with garbage already. Hogan gets Giant down and puts some
punches and shit to him. Hogan "works over the midsection" of the Giant with wussy
kicks. More chops and punches by Hogan. Hogan clotheslines Giant, but gets shaken
up by it himself. Cue Giant comeback. He rams Hogan's head into a bunch of
turnbuckles and Hogan goes to the floor. Hogan and Vincent try to ram Giant's head
into the rail, but he rams them in instead. Back in the ring, Hogan tries
something that Bischoff calls an "inside cradle." Giant bodyslams him instead.
More Giant shit and Hogan goes to the floor, where he throws powder in the Giant's
eyes. Hogan resorts to "Plan B" -- back-rakes and chokes with unidentified stringy
objects. Giant gives Hogan a backbreaker and holds him there. The lack of interest
from Ted DiBiase at this point in the show is astounding. Giant goes up top and misses
an elbow. Call this the high-spot of the match. Hogan gets a two-count from this and
locks on a chinlock, which naturally rules. A meagre "Giant" chant. Giant no-sells the
big boot. Hogan bodyslams Giant and gives him the Hooooooogan legdrop. Giant gets
up while Hogan poses and signals for the chokeslam. Hogan walks right into it and the
chokeslam gets a Nick Patrick Count. And another Nick Patrick Count. And one more.
Giant chokeslams Patrick. Then Buff Bagwell. Bischoff says he's gotta "save
Hollywood" and goes to the ring. Vincent gets chokeslammed. Wallstreet --
chokeslammed. Bischoff gives Hogan a pre-cut guitar. Bubba gets chokeslammed.
Giant grabs Syxx for the chokeslam and Hogan nails him with a soggy, pre-cut, fake
guitar. A bunch of dust falls out of it and Giant sells it like he's dead. Garbage
(rightfully) starts flying in the ring. Hall, Nash, and DiBiase come down. A huge "We
Want Sting" chant starts. But he doesn't show up. Hogan busts one of those wooden
chairs that Kevin Sullivan likes over Giant's back. The Old Bastards spray-paint Giant
and mug for the camera. Hogan talks to the camera for what seems like forever and
this finally fucking ends. I have no idea about the time of the "match" -- or the result --
but pencil it in at a shade under 10 minutes, which is fucking awful for a PPV main
event. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: DUD. And only
because I don't give negative snowflakes. Awful match. Awful ending. And such a
bullshit main event for a PPV. The fact that WCW would headline a show with this and
think people would pay money for it shows that they thought their fans were fucking
idiots. I'm sorry I proved them right.
The last thing we see is "the credits," which simply says: "Executive Vice President Eric Bischoff a.k.a King."
That's all you need to know about this show.
End of show.
Words of Wisdom from Bischoff
Bischoff's commentary was probably the worst part of this show. It was obnoxious,
arrogant, ignorant, stupid, and just plain shitty in every regard. DiBiase was no prize
and together they're easily the worst combo ever, but Bischoff was obviously engulfed in
some sort of mid-life crisis here as he was desperately trying to put himself over as a
cool heel during the whole show. He makes a great heel, because you can't help but
hate him. Cool, though? Not a fucking chance.
Bischoff talks out of his ass the entire show. And, by that measure, everything he says is offensive to the senses and/or unintentionally amusing on some level. But below are a few of his "finest" quotes.
On the task at hand...
"Are we going to change the world as you know it... or what?"
A cheeky reference to the previous weekend's Royal Rumble...
"And look at this crowd -- I mean, everybody on their feet. This is the real deal. I mean
we're not talking about giving away free tickets at a local 7-11 store, trying to get people
to come to your pay-per-view. This is the real deal. This is NWO. This is
changing the world."
On Himself...
"It is great to be King, I gotta tell you."
On "the enziguri"...
"Kick to the back of the head... and forget all the wrestling vernacular that people try to
attach to that move. That is a jump-backleg roundkick. That simple."
On the Mexican Death Match...
"Why do they call it a Mexican Death Match? Do you have to ship the body to Mexico
when it's over? What's the deal?"
On Michael Wallstreet...
"Here's a guy, probably one of the most underrated athletes in our sport."
On Captain Virgil...
"I like this guy!"
On Buff Bagwell...
"He has it. He has... it. He has that... that... that -- that intangible star-like quality that
transcends ya know... the average human being."
On The Outsiders...
"Two of the most impressive, dominant, charismatic... tag-team champions of all-time."
On Life as Eric Bischoff...
"Life is good. It's good to be King. And it's good to be me."
On Great Ring Innovators...
"Make no mistake about it, Scott Hall invented the Ladder Match. He's the man that
made this type of match so famous."
Inspiring Syxx...
"Come on... do this for Alice In Chains, man."
On Religion...
"God... it is good to be King!"
In conclusion...
This has widely been labeled as the worst pay-per-view of all-time. From the ones I've
seen, I'd agree. Granted, this doesn't include the Women Of Wrestling or Heroes Of
Wrestling shows, but from the ones I've seen -- this sucks the most.
To get into all of the reasons would take way too long. But a few of them are...
(1) The commentary. I know a good heel commentator is necessary -- and I usually like them when done well. However, two heel commentators negates the purpose of having them, which is the conflict between Freddie Joe Face and the shit-talking biased guy. Furthermore, Ted DiBiase -- who I like -- had never, to the best of my knowledge, called a match in his life. He was incredibly out of place in the role and would be probably the worst man to man the commentary table on a PPV by "the big two" if it wasn't for... Bischoff. Bischoff, I think I covered above. Honestly, words can not express how awful he was on this show. What a fucking jackass.
(2) The main event. Hogan vs. Giant had been done before. None of the previous meetings were classics at all. But this... this fucking sucked. We got a Nitro ending to the match. The thing was bowling shoe ugly to begin with. And 10 minutes for a main event is pretty much inexcusable. I mean... fuck. It's the main event. This is actually the worst PPV main event I've ever seen. Fucking awful.
(3) Nick Patrick. OK, we get it. He was a heel ref. He was NWO. Hardy-Har-Har-Har. Still, Patrick got way more screen-time and attention than almost all of the actual wrestlers. Heel Ref or not, he's a fucking ref. Get over it.
(4) The absence of good wrestlers. The NWO theme is confining, because it means that pieces of shit like Bubba, Norton, Wallstreet, and Buff have to get PPV time. That said, Harlem Heat, Benoit, Sullivan, Malenko, Luger, Rey Mysterio, and about a billion other guys that were prominent in WCW storylines weren't on the card. We've got a PPV without wrestlers like Benoit or Malenko -- but with Michael Fucking Wallstreet? That ain't right.
(5) Miss NWO? What they were even going for is beyond me. If anything has ever made me feel bad about watching wrestling, this was it. It was mean-spirited, offensive, and -- worst of all -- not the least bit funny or entertaining.
(6) Jeff Katz. Jeff Katz = Supreme Douchebag. Thankfully, he was never seen again on WCW programming (to the best of my knowledge).
I'm sure I'm missing stuff. Frankly, the show doesn't deserve much thought put into it anyway. When the only good thing you can say about a show is that "the arena looked cool," you know it ain't good.
Fuck.