By The Sarge
Introduction goes here.
Opening segment
G'OH! We get one of those video things with the sleazy narrator where he tells us what
matches we get tonight. Tony tries selling this as having three main events. It doesn't.
If anything it doesn't have any.
Tony then talks about Kevin Nash. We're supposed to get the Outsiders vs. the Steiners for the 400th time. Hall ain't there, though. Nash has some demands, but I have no idea what they are. Lee Marshall's on the case, though.
Go to the ring...
Ultimate Dragon vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.
Dragon's "Ultimate," but Sonny Onoo ain't with him -- which worries Tony. That weird-
assed freak Tenay comes to the table to say "huracanrana." We start with some mat
wrestling, as most matches do. They call this a "feeling-out process." This goes on for
a bit and I can't really be bothered to transcribe it. Rey does some flipping and Dragon
starts in with the stiff kicks, then a beautiful dropkick. Dragon then goes after Rey's arm
with various "arm submission holds." The mat wrestling of Ultimo Dragon has always
been underrated, if you ask me. Dragon gets a spinning backbreaker on Rey, then
powerbombs him -- and guillotines him without breaking the hold. Dragon applies a
sleeper, which -- according to Tony -- works over the back (???). Rey fights out of the
sleeper, but runs into a back elbow. Running Ligerbomb by Dragon. Tony proposes a
name change to "Dragonbomb." Tombstone by Dragon, but he doesn't go for the pin.
He goes back to the sleeper instead. Rey fights out and manages to land a spinning
heel kick, but he's all out of gas. Dragon then comes back with the loud kicks. Indian
deathlock by Dragon and he bridges back and applies a chinlock at the same time.
Next, a Mexican Surfboard by Dragon and he lays back, turning it into a two-count.
They fight to the floor and Rey tosses Dragon into the rail. Back in the ring, Rey runs
into another sleeper from Dragon. Rey escapes and slaps on a sleeper of his own.
Dragon tries to suplex his way out, but Rey flips and lands on his feet -- then dropkicks
Dragon and spinwheel kicks him to the floor. Rey fakes a suicide dive, then
springboards off the second rope with a somersault to the floor that connects. We get
split-screen shit with Lee Marshall trying to talk to Kevin Nash. Syxx tells him to get lost.
Meanwhile, Dragon heads back in the ring and Rey springboards back in with a
somersault splash. Rey trips Dragon, goes to the apron, and springboards in with a
legdrop. Rey gets sent to the corner, but backflips out. Dragon runs in and tries to
rebound with a cross-body but he misses. Rey goes up top for a moonsault, but Dragon
dropkicks him in the ass and knocks him to the floor. Dragon dropkicks Rey from the
ring and planchas him. They head back in and Rey tries a quebrada, but gets
dropkicked in mid-air. Giant Swing by Dragon, but he gets all dizzy and falls too. Both
guys attempt dropkicks at the same time. Rey hops into a powerbomb, but 'ranas
Dragon. Some rolling and two-counts ensue. Enziguri by Dragon. Dragon sets Rey up
and Frankensteiners him off the top rope. Rey escapes a powerbomb and a tiger
suplex, which is followed by some rolling and two-counts. Dragon misses a kick and
Rey springboards off the second rope with a huracanrana for the win at 14:54. Dragon
would've won if Sonny Onoo was there. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give
it: ****. Great opener.
Stagger Lee wants to talk to Kevin. The Steiners show up and trash-talk. Nash wants Nick Patrick as referee. And in nonsensical law enforcement, Nash spits in Scott Steiner's face -- so security maces Steiner, forces him down, and cuffs him. Weird. I wonder if this'll keep him out of his match tonight? Dusty says something about Steiner in danger of having a "heart attack." Given the situation and the age of Steiner, that would probably only happen to somebody on some sort of drugs, actually. So it probably wouldn't happen to Scott. 'Cuz he's clean.
WCW Women's World Title Match
Madusa vs. Akira Hokuto (champion)
Madusa gets a surprisingly good pop -- and I can't, for the life of me, tell whether or not
she's got a sexy body. Hokuto is Japanese and, therefore, accompanied by Sonny
Onoo. Lee Marshall shows up to talk about what he just witnessed. We start off with
our mandatory hair throws. Hokuto wrestles loud. The commentators can't be bothered
to even mention this match, and I can't blame them. Hokuto is just mauling Madusa.
Choking her and shit. This is just all choking and hair-pulling. Slam by Hokuto gets a
one-count. Madusa gets her hair-pulling segment in and takes off one layer of her two-
layered top. Her boobs do look nice, but they're probably fake. Hokuto sits on the top
rope for one reason or another, but Madusa headscissors her down. Hokuto bites
Madusa and Sonny interferes. Lee makes some reference to hoping to see Madusa get
attacked by Luna Vachon, which is kinda out there. Madusa does her dropkicks, then a
German suplex. Sonny gets up on the apron and Madusa kicks him down. Referee
Mickey Jay goes over to yap at Sonny -- 'cuz he's a fucking idiot -- and Luna Vachon
runs in (you got your wish, Lee) and kicks Madusa in the knee during a powerbomb
attempt. Hokuto ends up on top and gets the win at 5:12. Wow. Lee Marshall leaves
and goes to find out about Scott Steiner. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give
it: DUD. To be honest, I have no idea why they even bothered with a
women's title -- given the fact that Madusa was the only female wrestler actually under
contract at the time. And they didn't even give her the title. As for Ms. Hokuto, Herb
Kunze says she's the best pro wrestler, period. This is one of a couple matches I got to
see of hers and I don't think she got a fair chance to show what she can do. I'll reserve
judgment on her, but not the match. It was damn bad.
WCW World Television Title Match
Lord Steven Regal vs. Prince Iaukea (champion)
Iaukea's reign as TV Champ spanning three PPVs is proof-positive that somebody in
WCW's booking offices was smoking way too much of the dank. Regal starts the match
by jawing at the audience. Tony hypes www.wcwwrestling.com ("the hottest website on
the internet"). This one starts really slow. More stalling and yapping by Regal.
They finally lock up and Iaukea does headlocks and stuff. Tony tells us that Scott
Steiner has been arrested (for being maced?). We get Rick Steiner vs. Kevin Nash
instead of the tag match and Dusty says "we get more than we bargained for."
OK? Iaukea's playing lucky young babyface and keeping with the headlock motif.
Regal knocks him to the apron and Iaukea springboards back in with a cross-body.
Regal stalls some more, then they do a nice test of strength type thing. Regal, who was
not in good shape at all here, shows some athleticism with a kip-up (?). Thumb to the
eye by Regal and he takes control. Full-nelson by Regal. Iaukea butt-thrusts his way
out. This match ain't pretty. Tony's rambling on about the WCW championship
committee. Regal punches Iaukea down in the corner. Iaukea comes back with chops
and his "dander" gets up. Regal does his usual stiff shit. Iaukea gets whipped into the
corner and tries a cross-body, but Regal walks out of the way. Sudden burst of energy
by Iaukea and he does some kicks and stuff. Out of nowhere, some crappy exchange
leads to Iaukea sitting on Regal and getting the "upset victory" at 9:59. After the match,
Regal attacked Iaukea and slapped on the Regal Stretch. If I was a Snowflake type
of guy, I'd give it: **. This one really exposed Iaukea as being
greener than grass. It was cute the first time he beat Rey. A little "OK, that's enough"
when he beat him again. And just plain wrong here.
Gene shills the hotline (1-900-909-9900!!!) and brings out Ric Flair, who has the most '80s looking hair ever. His return (he was hurt) is around the corner. This appearance isn't one of Flair's finest -- or more purposeful -- speeches as he just rants about various topics to kill time. Some vague challenge to Hogan is made that involves footballer Kevin Greene. Yip. Eee.
Public Enemy vs. Steve McMichael & Jeff Jarrett
This one was supposed to be held at Uncensored, but Mongo & Jarrett were stuck in the
main event instead (in order to erase the legendary flub of putting no-namers on Team
Piper). At that show, Mongo and Jarrett interfered and caused PE to lose -- and
maintain "heat" (not that there was any before) for this match. Mongo and Rocco start
and don't expect me to transcribe a fucking thing about this except for the mandatory
table bump and screwy win via Haliburton shot -- not that PE or Mongo & Jarrett
matches had patterns to them. I will say, however, that Jarrett looked like a fool with the
Gorgeous George hair. Everybody gets their turn in the ring and nobody really does
anything impressive. Then we get our "out of control" brawl. Mongo and Rocco fight to
the entryway area and Grunge and Jarrett fight on the floor at ringside. Grunge puts
Jarrett on the table, goes up top, and misses. Not that he ever connected. Everybody
comes back to the ring. We get some more crap -- until Rocco nails Jarrett with the
Haliburton and Grunge gets the pin at 10:40. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd
give it: *1/2. In a word: "Yawn."
Gene's back in the dressing room and, between his normal "pecker checker" duties, he hypes the Hotline. He then brings in Harlem Heat and Sherri to hype their Four Corners Match with Lex and the Giant. This is only notable because of Booker T having a slip of the tongue and calling Hogan "nigga" and his and Sherri's reactions when he realizes what he said. Sherri looks great, though. Booker also addresses "the knuckleheads," which I like -- because it makes me feel like I belong.
WCW U.S. Heavyweight Title Match
Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko (champion)
Benoit's with Woman and it looks like Referee Randy Anderson is "with" jogging pants.
We start out with WRESTLING! We all love WRESTLING! Benoit dumps
Dean to the floor, but Malenko rushes back in. These guys are terrific. Dean takes
Benoit down and grabs his little old leg -- and bends it. Tony mentions Woman's
"baggage," which amuses me. Dean's little hold gets turned into an ankle lock. Benoit
battles out and shoulderblocks Dean, who takes a breather on the floor. Back in, some
more WRESTLING! Tony gets to say "full armdrag and twist." This one's pretty
even so far. Dean bodyslams out of the hand-holding. They lock up again -- Greco-
Roman Knucklelock style. They call this a "feeling-out process." Dean counters out and
applies the wristlock. Tony manages to get in another "full armdrag and twist." Benoit is
temporarily in control now -- snapmaring Dean and applying a chinlock, then a
surfboard. Woman is over-selling the action BIG TIME. Dean makes a great
escape and back suplexes Benoit. Small-package by Dean gets him a two-count.
Benoit starts in with a couple (I hate those) knife-edge chops. Dean fights back and
stomps Benoit down in the corner. They lock up again and Dean takes Benoit down --
then applies a chinlock, followed by a camel clutch. Dean breaks the hold, hiptosses
Benoit and cinches in a short-arm-scissors. Benoit does the spot where he lifts Malenko
up with the arm that's being worked on and slams him. Benoit locks in an abdominal
stretch without the Rotundo rope-hold. Benoit breaks the hold, puts the boots to
Malenko, and gives him a Rude Awakening. Snap suplex by Benoit gets him a two-
count. More chops by Benoit, but Dean battles back, whips Benoit into the opposite
corner and clotheslines him. Dean tries a vertical suplex, but Benoit goes behind and
nails him with a beautiful reverse suplex. This is a good WRESTLING! match.
Real good. Of course, it's time to fuck it up now as the run-ins start with... Jacquelyn?
Yup. Jackie comes on down and kicks the crap out of Woman. Jimmy Hart runs down
to... grab the U.S. title. Benoit gets a two-count with the top rope headbutt. Jimmy's
starting to leave and Eddie Guerrero meets him halfway and stops him. Meanwhile...
Benoit gets suplexed to the floor. Arn Anderson comes down and nails Malenko from
behind and throws him back in. Kevin Sullivan ends this shit by whacking Benoit with a
stick. Referee Randy Anderson mercifully calls for the bell at 17:54. After the match,
Sullivan and his bitches try giving Eddie the U.S. title. Eddie and Dean talk. I don't no if
it's a double-disqualification or a no-contest. I do know that it's bullshit. If I was a
Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ****. Great match. Insanely bad ending.
We're into our three big main events now.
WCW World Tag Team Title Match
Kevin Nash (champion) vs. Rick Steiner
It's a singles match, but the titles are on the line. Shady Referee Nick Patrick gets the
referee's job for this. Nick Patrick should really think about sleeves. DiBiase and
Syxx are in Nash's corner. Old Bastard #1 starts off kicking the shit out of Steiner with
his usual shit. Steiner briefly comes back with his usual shit -- including a belly-to-belly
and that ass-ugly powerslam. Syxx pulls down the top rope and Steiner falls over. Back
in, "Side Salto" by Nash. More 7'-tall monster stuff from Oz. Steiner nails Nash in the
balls, then jumps off the top rope with a bulldog and gets a Nick Patrick Count out of it.
Syxx goes up to the apron and kicks Steiner in the head, then removes the top
turnbuckle. Snake Eyes on the exposed turnbuckle by Nash. Then another. Tony's
getting all "end this" on us. So are Patrick and DiBiase, but Nash just gets pissed.
Another Snake Eyes on the steel (a real man would've bladed by now). DiBiase has
seen enough and he leaves. Another Snake Eyes. Jacknife and Nick Patrick does a
reluctant three-count, ending this junk at 10:19. Patrick ain't happy about what just
happened. I guess being a Shady Ref in a Heel Faction is OK... as long as it's
sportsmanlike. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: DUD. Crap
match. As far as the story told by it? Eh. It is the first major sign of dissension among
the NWO, but seeing as how they'd tease animosity on-again and off-again for about 27
years after... no biggie.
Gene talks to Giant and Luger. Boring stuff. Giant says "believe you, me."
Four Corners Match
Booker T vs. Stevie Ray vs. Lex Luger vs. The Giant
The winner of this one gets a shot at Hogan, which begs the question: who the heck did
either Booker or Stevie beat to get a shot at being number one contender? At this point,
I don't think either had ever wrestled a singles match. Whatever. Also of note, this
isn't elimination style, which means that every wrestler that makes a tag is a tard.
Lex and Booker start out. Lex goes all "strong guy" on Booker and press-slams him.
Booker comes back briefly, but gets a boot in the face and clothesline by Lex. Stevie
Ray gets tagged in, but Lex is way too "outta control" for him. Another crappy Lex
clothesline, then he tags Giant. Stevie gets some mandatory big man offense in, before
the Giant kicks his ass and clotheslines him to the floor. Booker gets press-slammed
and goes to the floor to have a meeting with Stevie and "Sistah Sherri." Stevie tags Lex
in, which means he's got to face his good friend and partner, Giant. They lock up for a
bit because they respect each other. Lex attempts a bodyslam but can't do it. Then,
when the Heat ain't lookin', Giant and Lex tag both Stevie and Booker in. They lock up
and exchange some basic holds. Stevie misses a clothesline and Booker leapfrogs him.
They celebrate their brilliant exchange and Booker tags in Luger. Luger slugs away with
Luger offense. Stevie comes back with shit, then tags in Booker who hits a Side Salto
and misses an elbow. Lex tags the Giant, who does his shit -- including a headbutt that
prompts Tony to make a vague reference to the "Andre is his dad" shit. Stevie comes in
and jumps Giant, but stays in despite not tagging. Booker comes in briefly and hits
Giant with the Harlem Sidekick before tagging Stevie, who sucks. Stevie misses a
Hogan Legdrop and the Giant whoops him, then tags Luger. Luger slams Stevie and
gives him a couple elbows and a two-count. Stevie yanks Lex by his tights into the
turnbuckle and tags Booker. Luger ain't selling shit tonight so he suplexes Booker and
signals for the Rack. Stevie comes in and gives Lex an ass-ugly suplex. Booker "slows
things down" by slapping on a reverse chinlock. Luger fights his way out, but only to
receive "clubberin'" in the corner. Oddly enough, Dusty doesn't go apeshit. Stevie gets
tagged in, elbows Lex, and applies a chinlock of his own. It's a good chinlock, but it's no
Booker T chinlock. Luger suplexes his way out and tries a tag. Booker gets tagged first
and nails Giant, preventing the tag. Book takes control and scissor-kicks Lex. Heat
double-team Lex and they go for the Stevie-assisted Moneyshot by Book, but Lex
moves. Both guys -- Lex and Booker -- make the tag. Giant powerslams Stevie and
kicks Booker over the top rope. Giant signals for the chokeslam, which gets a pretty
huge pop. Instead of giving the fans what they want, Giant makes the tag to Luger and
wants to see the Rack. Lex comes in and Racks Stevie and gets the submission victory
at 18:18. Incidentally, the shot at Hogan wouldn't come until Road Wild... in August.
If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **. Pretty decent considering
that it featured three crappy guys (Lex, Giant, and Stevie) and one guy that's not exactly
great at carrying crappy guys.
Slamboree promo video that, for once, isn't lame.
The NWO music plays and we see Randy Macho and Liz leaving the dressing room (where he had her locked in) and walking through the halls. Among silly things Randy Macho sez: "I'm gonna moidah the bum!;" (in regards to a party he'll throw afterwards) "Slim Jims for everyone!;" and "which way to the ring?"
No-Disqualification Match
Macho Man Randy Savage vs. Diamond Dallas Page
On his way down the aisle, Savage gets a "snap into it" out and flexes his little bicep for
some pre-teen girls. Does this make Savage "awesome?" Maybe. Cut to boring
introspective backstage interview with DDP and some comments from a bad-haired
Kimberly (the Diamond Doll a.k.a. the Booty Babe). She finishes with "His rage... is
gonna... even... the odds." Equipped with shaky voice and everything. Wow! That's
acting. I don't like mentioning Michael Buffer, so I won't. He does say that this is the
biggest match in DDP's career. Up until this point, he might be right. Savage starts
back up the aisle and DDP chases him. They brawl in the aisle and outside the ring for
a minute, before going back in -- where DDP grabs Macho by his bald-spot. DDP
botches an inverted atomic drop and Randy Macho slips out of an early Diamond Cutter
attempt. DDP goes to the apron, but gets guillotined and knocked to the floor. Macho
follows him and they brawl through the crowd and into a restricted area. Macho tosses
DDP into a door and they nail each other with garbage cans, before fighting their way
back to the ring. They get back to the ringside area, where Macho grabs Kimberly, Liz
rakes DDP's back, and Macho throws Booty Babe into DDP -- which, oddly enough,
hurts DDP more than it does Kimberly. Macho drops DDP throat-first on the rail and
gives him an axehandle from the top rope to the floor. DDP gets tossed into the
ringsteps... and the other set of ringsteps. Back in the ring, Macho gets a two-count.
Randy goes to the floor, threatens Buffer, and grabs a chair. Back in, he nails DDP with
it and Referee Mark Curtis takes it... in a No-DQ match. Macho goes to the floor,
bitchslaps and stomps David Penzer and tosses another chair into the ring. DDP tosses
the chair at Savage and hits a Van Daminator -- except instead of a kick, he pushes the
chair into his face. So, I guess it wasn't really anything like the Van Daminator. In fact,
it was pretty lame. Page is a house-a-fire and lands a bunch of punches, but Macho
takes his head off with a clothesline for a two-count. DDP hits his "spinning around into
a clothesline where most guys would just do an enziguri" move. Both guys are wiped.
Savage gets up first and slams DDP. A couple kicks and another slam. Savage seems
disoriented here. Another bodyslam. What the hell's he doing? He goes to the floor
again, where he throws Penzer on the floor and grabs the spare ringbell (Tony informs
us that there's always two at ringside) and starts up top with it. Before he gets all the
way up, Kimberly takes it from him and runs away, which is really goofy. Savage barely
even notices 'cuz he's so old and crazy. Savage goes for the chindrop and DDP gets
his feet up. DDP calls for the Diamond Cutter. Randy counters into a backslide position
and kicks DDP in the balls for a two-count. Macho's pissed by this and kicks the shit out
of Curtis in a pretty good beatdown. DDP's clutching his chest for reasons I'll never
know. Savage goes up top and hits the elbow, but there's no ref. Shady But
Disillusioned Ref Nick Patrick comes on down and "Old Bastard #1" Kev Nash stands
out the entryway grinning. Savage is slow with another bodyslam attempt and DDP gets
him with the Cutter. Some dramatic pause and Patrick makes the fair three-count at
15:37. After the match, Nash rushes the ring and grabs Patrick by the throat. The rest
of the NWO -- jobbers and all (including the fake Sting) -- follow. Nash checks on
Savage, but hasn't let go of Patrick. Nash knees Patrick in the guy and gives him a
pretty impressive Jacknife. Savage kicks DDP to the floor and grabs Kimberly. Bischoff
stops Macho from hitting her, which you can probably make a few jokes about. Savage
bitchslaps Bischoff and the rest of the NWO breaks it up. If I was a Snowflake type
of guy, I'd give it: ***1/2. The match was a good brawl and one of the few
Randy Macho matches in his WCW stay that didn't suck.
We go back to Tony, Bobby, and Dusty who are excited -- to say the least -- about the turmoil in the NWO. What will come of it? You'll have to watch Nitro tomorrow night to see.
Credits roll.
In conclusion...
All in all, a pretty lacklustre show. The Mysterio vs. Dragon and Benoit vs. Malenko
matches were great. And the DDP vs. Savage match was pretty good. But aside from
that, there really isn't too much here that good and/or interesting. Although, I confess,
the post-match turmoil at the end of the main event was pretty cool to see at the time.
A watchable show, but not a particularly good one.