Uncensored (March 16, 1997 - Charleston, SC)

By The Sarge

The show: City Guys. Terrible. Awful. Shitty. Fucking Bad. Bright spots of the show: the girls. They're hot.

Opening
We get a nice video montage that outlines the matches for the evening. I gotta say, a couple of them look promising. Especially the Scotty Riggs vs. Buff Bagwell strap match.

From there, we get Tony. Bobby. Dusty. A capacity crowd with not a seat to be found. Those were the days. The Three Wisemen yap primarily about the Three Team Match (Team NWO vs. Team WCW vs. Team Piper). There are a load of stipulations and rules for that one, which we'll get into when the time come. Also, Dennis Rodman is in the building.

Lets go to the ring...

No-Disqualification Match for the WCW U.S. Heavyweight Title
Dean Malenko vs. Eddie Guerrero (champion)

Speculation was that Eddie was going to become a "rulebreaker." They wouldn't go full- fledged with this for a few more months. We start with a staredown and trash-talking, then move to punches and Eddie taking control -- briefly. Shoulderblock by Dean and Eddie goes to the floor. Eddie comes back in and gets stomped down in the corner. Vertical suplex by Dean. Eddie stomps Dean down in the corner and gets booed. Eddie charges at Dean in the corner and gets dropped on the top turnbuckle, then belly-to- back suplexed. They take us backstage, where Rick Steiner is laid out on the floor with a broken stick -- and the Outsiders and Syxx standing above him. We come back and Dean has Eddie in a single-leg Walls of Jericho. He breaks the hold, dumps Eddie to the floor, and goes for the belt -- and nails Eddie with it a couple times. Dean misses a clothesline and gets caught in a "Sambo suplex" (as they call it in No Mercy). Eddie puts the slaps and boot-twisty things to Dean's face. "The belt is secondary to their animosity." Dropkick to the knee by Eddie. He extends Dean's knee past the apron and comes down on it from over the top. Eddie starts working the knee with stomps and high-impact maneuvers, then a leg grapevine -- into an STF. Backstage: the EMTs take Rick Steiner away on a stretcher. In the ring, Dean goes to the floor and Eddie follows him, throwing him into the rail a couple times. Dean reverses a whip and sends Eddie in -- but his knee's still hurt. Eddie wraps Dean's knee around the post and dropkicks it. Back in the ring, Eddie slaps on a figure-four and jaws at Dean. Dean breaks the hold with an eye-gouge. A couple European uppercuts by Eddie, an attempted backslide by Dean -- but Eddie flips out. Diving elbow by Eddie and a baseball slide dropkick sends Dean into the guardrail. Eddie goes up top and tries a bodypress to the floor, but Dean dodges out of the way and Eddie goes into the rail. That's why we call them "high-risk maneuvers." Dean drops Eddie "jaw-first, shoulder-first" into the top of the safety rail. We head back into the ring and Dean starts working over Eddie's shoulder and arm, and locks in an armbar. Eddie chops out and gets Dean with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, followed by a powerbomb for a two-count. Dean tries a tilt-a-whirl, but Eddie escapes. A couple standing switches and Dean kicks Eddie in the balls. Small-package by Eddie gets a two-count. Dean powerslams Eddie and goes up top for... A FROG SPLASH! Dean does a sinister cackle and pulls Eddie up with no cover. Powerslam by Dean for a two-count. Some rolling around and two-counts. Some cute little flipping and Eddie gets German suplexed. Dean runs into a foot in the corner, and Eddie gives him a tornado DDT. Eddie locks in a Texas Cloverleaf, which brings Syxx out with his little camera. He goes for the belt, but Eddie grabs him. Syxx tosses the camera into the ring. Dean nails Eddie with the camera, rolls him over, and wins the match and the title at 19:12. I can't believe they gave this 19 minutes. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ****1/2. Terrific match. The fact that the crowd was way into it by the end shows that long matches with talented non- catchphrase guys can work. Too bad none of the guys that think up the shows thought so.

Gene's in the dressing room, the dirty pecker checker. A WCW wrestler is history. Gone. Double-G-Double-O-Double-N-Double-E. GGOONNEE! He's hit the road. Who is it? You can find out who it is by calling 1-900-909-9900! Gene brings in Piper, who talks his usual shit. But that's what the fast-forward button's for, isn't it? Benoit, Jarrett, Mongo, and Puppies Deb come in to join Rod Piper. Of course, none of them are the Horseman that can talk. He had a sore shoulder. Don't let Mongo talk... Oh. Damn.

Psychosis vs. Ultimate Dragon
Dragon's "Ultimate" and accompanied by Sonny Onoo. Psicosis has WCW spelling and is, therefore, "Psychosis." Tenay joins us to bail Tony's worthless ass out. Some good olf-fashioned mat wrestling starts out. Both guys then integrate some flipping and flopping. "Feeling-out process," if you will. Some running and flipping by Dragon -- then those vicious stiff kick thingies, which takes Psychosis down. A couple more kicks. Really loud ones to the back. Dragon grapevines the leg. Some running around is ended by a Pyschosis dropkick, followed by a clothesline in the corner. Dragon does the headstand on the top rope, which confuses Psychosis, and kicks him. Enziguri by Dragon, followed by a camel clutch. Psychosis does the neat escape that they do in Japan and applies one of his own. Dusty's whining about no high-flying, so Psychosis goes up top and hits a HUGE legdrop for a two-count. Elbow off the second rope by Psychosis. Dusty's rambling on like a drunk man. Psychosis runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A sleeper by Dragon, gets turned into a jawbreaker by Psychosis. Psychosis sleeper, but Dragon suplexes his way out. Psychosis comes off the top with a spinwheel kick. Dragon retreats to the floor, and Psychosis hits an amazing suicide dive over the top. Dragon slingshots down from the ring to the floor with a legdrop. Dragon's laying on the apron and Psychosis takes a run, but gets monkey flipped to the floor by Dragon. From there, Dragon whips Psychosis into the rail and hits a handspring elbow, followed by an Asai moonsault. Psychosis gets in a spat with Sonny on the floor, and Sonny kicks him in the head. Sonny then... talks to the camera! Once back in, Dragon slams Psychosis and moonsaults him for a two-count. Psychosis goes for a powerbomb, but Dragon tries a roll-up... but Psychosis ends up getting a two-count. Some more rolling around. Psychosis runs into the turnbuckle and Dragon sets him up on top. A superplex attempt by Psychosis ends up with both men hitting the mat face- first. They both try spinwheel kicks at the same time. Dragon gets up first, slams Psychosis, and goes up top. Psychosis goes up and huracanranas him for a cocky two- count, which Dragon reverses into a non-cocky two-count. Running Ligerbomb by Dragon. Dragon sets Psychosis up on top and goes for what appears to be the huracanrana. But, instead of the 'rana, he DDTs Psychosis. A "superfluous" tiger suplex by Dragon makes it academic and gives him the win at 13:16. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ***1/2. Damn good match.

We go to Gene, who's standing at the entryway. He sells the hotline, then brings DDP out to talk. Specifically, to talk about Randy Macho Savage Man. Gene asks DDP if he'll sub for Rick Steiner in the main event. He doesn't answer. He cuts a generic promo about Savage. Savage and Liz then show up in front of Tony, Bobby, Dusty. He talks some shit, then mocks DDP for his wife, Kimberly (The Diamond Doll and/or The Booty Babe) appearing in Playboy. DDP's pissed. Kimberly shows up. She's been spray-painted. Macho then takes out and spray-paints DDP. This would set up their classic match at the following month's Spring Stampede.

Martial Arts Match
Mortis vs. Glacier

Don't ask me what the fuck a Martial Arts Match is -- other than a match between two guys with Martial Arts gimmicks. Mortis is Chris (Who Better than) Kanyon and he's accompanied by his manager, James Vandenberg. Wow. Both wrestlers have ridiculous introduction routines -- especially considering that they're just Mortis and Glacier. Some martial arts stuff by both guys, and a kick by Glacier knocks Mortis down. Belly-to-belly, another kick, backdrop by Glacier. Mortis battles back with punches to the ear and kicks and stuff. Legsweep by Glacier, and another kick. Mortis slides to the apron and gets kicked into the guardrail. Glacier with a plancha on Mortis. Vertical suplex on the floor by Glacier. Back in, Glacier tries a count and Vandenberg pulls him out of the ring. Glacier chases Vandenberg, allowing Mortis to nail Glacier with a baseball slide. Mortis rearranges the ringsteps, picks Glacier up on his shoulders, goes up the steps, and drops Glacier face-first on the apron. Back in, clothesline by Mortis gets a two-count. He springboards off the middle rope into a legdrop, but Glacier moves. Fame Asser by Mortis gets a two-count. Punches and shit by Glacier, but Mortis kicks him down and goes for another Fame Asser. This time, Glacier turns it into a powerbomb. Legsweep by Glacier. Rolling elbow by Glacier and some sort of weird front-slam. Some more kicks, which actually look pretty good, by both men. A big round kick takes Glacier down. Mortis goes up top, but Glacier falls back on the ropes and crotches Mortis. A superplex by Glacier gets a two-count. Glacier tries a chop off the top, but Mortis catches him and gives him a northern lights suplex for a two-count. Mortis drags Glacier to his feet, but gets a jawbreaker. Glacier goes up top for the chop, but misses, rolls through, and comes out of the opposite corner with a cross-body. Glacier goes for the Superkick, but Mortis pulls Referee Mickey Jay in the way. Mortis then nails Glacier with the Superkick (or Morality Check, if you will). Vandenberg holds Glacier for some nefarious maneuver, but Glacier escapes and tags Mortis with a Superkick of his own for the win at 9:02. Post-match, Mortis hits Glacier with a goofy prop and some big nasty looking guy comes in for some double-teaming. It's the WWF's Adam Bomb, who would become known as "Wrath." Then "Bryan Clarke" of Kronik. He gives Glacier a Rock Bottom, before there even was a Rock Bottom. Nasty. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ***1/2. Suprisingly good match. Easily the best of Glacier's otherwise miserable career.

We get footage of the horrific Steiners car accident that kept them out for "a couple of weeks." Lame.

Strap Match
Buff Bagwell vs. Scotty Riggs

This one's coming off their classic match at Souled Out, which Buff won cleanly and should've ended this awful feud. Buff stalls on the floor before they strap up. They finally do and there's lots of whipping and clotheslining the other guy with the strap. Buff goes up top, but gets crotched and whipped in -- of all places -- the shoulder. Riggs (Scotty Anton, RVD's best friend) goes up and superplexes Buff, then whips him some more. They go to the floor and Riggs yanks Buff (with the strap) into a guardrail. More whipping and punching and shit. In a "new twist," Buff chokes Riggs with the strap. Buff acts heelish, then gets crotched with the strap a couple times and dropkicked. Riggs ties up Buff with the rope and drags him around. Riggs touches two corners, but Buff breaks it up. Stun-gun by Buff puts him in control. Lots of talking to the camera by Buff. More whipping and punching. Buff chokes Riggs with the strap and drags him around, touching the first two corners before Riggs breaks it up. And we're back to the whipping. This would be a million times better if it was called a "Country Whippin' Match." A bunch of strap match shit by Buff. Lots of taunting and cockiness and Riggs kicks Buff in the balls. Strap Matches blow. Buff chokes Riggs with the strap and goes for a pin, which doesn't count here. Referee Randy Anderson goes all house show and decks Buff. Buff slams Riggs and goes to the second rope for the Blockbuster. Riggs moves out of the way and Buff misses. Buff runs into a boot, then gets clotheslined three times, and whipped silly. Powerbomb by Riggs. Riggs goes up top and dropkicks Buff. Riggs ties Buff up and goes for the win. He gets one corner. Two. Three. But Buff breaks it up. Buff backdrops Riggs to the floor and hangs him. Is he dead? Buff drags Riggs into the ring, then touches all four corners as only Buff can. Ring the fuckin' bell at 12:26 and allow Buff to talk to the camera again. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **. Better than it should've been, but a strap match nonetheless. And one that includes Marcus Alexander Bagwell and Scott Stud.

Four Old Bastards (Hogan, Savage, Hall, Nash) are talking backstage. They're so fucking bad ass.

Tornado Match
Harlem Heat vs. Public Enemy

Heat have Sister Sherri with them, which makes my fucking day. This was originally supposed to be PE vs. Jarrett & Mongo, but they had to sub in the main event (more on that in a bit). That match had almost no story behind it -- and this has even less. PE come out with a table and a garbage can full of goodies. Tornado Match = all four men legal; no tags. This one's no-DQ as well. Johnny Grunge empties the contents of the garbage can in the ring. Booker and Rocco Rock go toe-to-toe on the floor. Rocco beats a frying pan over Booker's head and Johnny and Stevie Ray fight with a frying pan and toilet lid. Sherri and Booker double-team Rocco. Grunge is busted open already. Rocco boxes Stevie's ears with pie plates. Axe-kick by Booker. Stevie backdrops Rocco to the floor. Sherri nails Rocco with a garbage can lid. Rocco gets whipped into the steps. Booker's putting the boots to Grunge in the ring. Neckbreaker by Grunge on Booker. Lots of stiff shots with various kitchen pans. The Three Wisemen are laughing. Booker gets nailed with the trashcan and does a comedy sell. Dusty laughs his ass off. Rocco chokes Booker with the toilet seat. Sherri and Stevie double-team Johnny, until Rocco saves him. Rocco dumps Stevie into the crowd and Booker axehandles him from the top. Garbage can antics. Booker's having a good match. Stevie, Booker, and Old Sherri triple-team Grunge. This is just crazy. I can't keep track. Booker and Rocco are back in the ring and the Book gets drilled with a pizza pan, which Dusty thinks is the height of humour. Rocco goes for the Old School Fistdrop, but Booker kicks the rope, knocking him to the floor. Sherri accidentally nails Stevie with a trashcan, but he doesn't sell it. Sherri may be busted open on the cheek. The match slows down tremendously. All four guys are just laying there and Dusty's acting silly. Some pie and cookie pan shots. "Table" chant starts. Everybody goes to the floor. This got slow and dull real quick. Bobby makes a "who's the legal man?" quip that Tony doesn't find the least bit amusing. Side-slam by Stevie and Booker gets a two-count with a Stevie- assisted Moneyshot. Booker gets crotched on a kick attempt and knocked to the floor. Sherri gets drilled into the rail (thank you, Johnny Grunge). Stevie gets put on the table and PE hit that double-team somersault thing to put him through. Jarrett and Mongo come down and Mongo nails Rocco with the Haliburton. Booker ends this thing with the Harlem Hangover on Rocco to get the win at 13:30. If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **1/2. Sloppy at times, but a fun brawl. Probably went on a bit too long and it could've gone without Dusty laughing at it.

Gene's in the dressing room and he's not talking Hotline. He speaks about the main event then brings in Team WCW (Scott Steiner, Giant, and Luger). Scott sucks on the mic now and he did then. WCW's Giant always said silly stuff. He makes "spring cleaning" metaphors and says "believe me, you." Lex finishes up with nothing.

WCW World Television Title Match
Rey Mysterio, Jr. vs. Prince Iaukea (champion)

We get a shot of some guy in the crowd with a homemade t-shirt that says "In Charleston, SC WCW is Where the Big Boys Play." That's sad. Iaukea's still TV Champ at this point, which bites. Tenay's here so he can say "huracanrana." Initial running and flipping and Rey misses a springboard moonsault. Torture Rack and Samoan Drop combo by Iaukea. Iaukea goes down from something (dropkick?). Rey guillotines Iaukea on the top and goes to the floor. He comes back in with a springboard somersault thing, which gets a two-count. Razor's Edge attempt by Iaukea, but Rey 'ranas him for a two-count. Tilt-a-whirl by Prince, but Rey headscissors him to the floor. Somersault plancha by Rey. Some flipping and Rey gets hung up on the top. Iaukea gets Rey in a powerbomb position, bounces him off the top, and finishes the powerbomb. Rey rolls to the apron and gets a baseball slide from Iaukea that knocks him to the floor. Running springboard bodypress by Iaukea. Rey gets sent into the guardrail. Iaukea tries a cross-body from the top of the rail and misses. They go back in and Rey hits a springboard split-legged moonsault for a two-count. Rey goes to the second rope and bulldogs Iaukea for a two-count. Tenay keeps referencing an extended time-limit (15 minutes). Hmmmm? Bodyscissors by Rey. He lets go and gives Iaukea a Lionsault (quebrada?). Iaukea battles back with stuff. Rey gets flipped to the apron and both guys try to go up top. Rey comes down with a sunset flip (and/or) powerbomb for a two-count. Rey goes up top and attempts a senton splash, but misses. Northern lights suplex by Prince gets a two-count. A small and unjustified "boring" chants starts. Rey gets caught with a leapfrog and gets powerbombed for a two-count. Prince goes to the apron and springboards in with a cross-body -- only to get dropkicked in mid-air by Rey. Iaukea punches Rey in the balls and headbutts him in the balls. Rey goes to the floor and Iaukea axehandles him from the apron. Back in, Iaukea slows the pace down a little. Both guys try a dropkick at the same time and scissor their legs together. Rey gets flipped up in the corner, but takes Prince down with a headscissors. Some rolling around and two-counts by both guys. Iaukea whips Rey into the corner, but Rey springboards off with a twisting moonsault and a two-count -- aborted by the time running out at 11:56 (15 minutes?). Rey wants more time and Iaukea gives it to him. The match restarts with a handshake. The proper ending would be Rey ending and Prince's restarting of the match being classified a "rookie mistake." Rey flips all over the place and nails Iaukea with some springboard kick. A springboard legdrop gets a two-count. "Springboards" are in. "Boring" chants start (and they shouldn't). Iaukea ends up on on the top and gets headscissored down. Rey goes to the apron for the springboard huracanrana, but some rolling sees Iaukea getting the pinning opportunity... and the win? Yup. The win. At 14:59, which is weird because the time-limit was 15 minutes and they went beyond the limit. Huh? If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: ***. Better than the Superbrawl match, but the Prince going over Rey probably hurt Rey a lot more than it ended up helping Iaukea. Still, decent little match -- but nothing spectacular.

Tony speaks of a brand new event called "Spring Stampede." They had one in 1994. A Vintage WCW promo video is played, which prominently features the Horsemen. Their role on the PPV would actually be limited, which is kind of like Hugh Morrus being in the ads for this show.

Three Team Match
Team WCW (Giant, Lex Luger & Scott Steiner) vs. Team Piper (Roddy Piper, Chris Benoit, Steve McMichael & Jeff Jarrett) vs. Team NWO (Hollywood Hogan, Randy Savage, Kevin Nash & Scott Hall)

Piper's team was originally to consist of some jobbers that he dug up in a terrible segment on Nitro. He held auditions for supposed tough men and had a "rag-tag group of misfits" -- none of whom I can remember. The idea didn't go over real well with anybody and the three healthy Horsemen were put in the match instead of the no- namers. Stipulations for the match include: (1) if Team WCW wins, the NWO is gone for 36 months and have to relinquish all their titles (which included Syxx's Cruiserweight title, Hogan's World title, and the Outsiders' Tag titles); (2) if Team Piper wins, Piper gets a shot at Hogan in a cage match; and (3) if Team NWO wins, they get a shot at any title at any time. The rules: last man standing -- his team wins. Four rounds: Round 1 -- five minutes, Round 2 -- two minutes; Round 3 -- two minutes; Round 4 -- no time- limit. At the beginning of each round, a new guy enters from each team. Eliminations are from the conventional ways plus over-the-top rope. Of the stips upon victory, the most popular with the fans -- bizarrely enough -- is the Piper vs. Hogan in a cage one (must not have seen Superbrawl?). Benoit, Hall, and Giant start out. No opening bell as Benoit and Hall go at it before Giant gets to the ring. Fallaway slam by Hall. Clothesline by Benoit. Giant's slow to the ring. Giant finally gets there and clotheslines both guys to a huge pop. Noggin knocker by Giant, who manhandles both men. Giant tosses and chokes Benoit. Hall tries punching the Giant, but gets thrown halfway across the ring. Hall and Nash are basically getting tossed and knocked around like ragdolls. Big elbow on Hall by Giant. Hall and Benoit have got in almost no offense. Hall tries a sleeper, but gets yanked over by his hair and flipped. Benoit gets chokeslammed, but Hall breaks the count for some reason. Giant gives Hall a claw. Giant then runs into the corner and Hall drops down, sending Giant out and over -- and eliminated. Jarrett makes his way down to the ring and goes after Hall. Randy Macho comes down behind him. Jarrett does his usual circa-'97 junk. Luger is the third man in. Tony calls Luger "a team unto himself." This looks suspiciously like a battle royal to me. Luger presses Savage, but Hall kicks him in the hodge. Benoit puts the boots to Luger. Jarrett wiggles out of a Razor's Edge. Mongo(loid) comes down as the third Team Piper. Nash comes down. Then Scotty Steiner. This is full-fledged battle royal now. Nash is standing in the corner -- 'cuz he's a lazy sack. Scotty belly-to-bellies Nash. And t-bones Savage. Benoit stops a Razor's Edge on Jarrett. Nash clotheslines Jarrett to the floor and out. Mongo starts some Razor's Edge type move on Hall, which he'd never be able to actually do, and gets backdropped to the floor. The over-the-top thing is lame. Piper makes an appearance to a pretty damn good pop. Nash boots Steiner out. Luger's the only man left for WCW. Hogan's not out yet -- 'cuz he's old and lazy. Hogan finally appears, with Dennis Rodman by his side. Meanwhile, we've got a tremendous battle royal inside the ring. Piper's choking Savage with a chain. Hogan still hasn't gotten in the ring. Hogan finally gets in there. We're down to three faces (Piper, Luger, and Benoit) against all four Old Bastards. Hogan and Piper fight into the aisle and rekindle their magic from Superbrawl. Piper's using his little chain on Hogan. Benoit gets a "Side Salto" from Nash. Savage is walking around like a clueless old man, which is quite appropriate. Rodman pulls the top rope down, which allows Piper to be eliminated (thank you). Piper walks towards Rodman, but fake cops stop him from touching him. Hogan beats up Piper on the floor. Luger and Benoit are fighting Nash and Hall in the ring. Hogan, Savage, and Rodman are triple-teaming Piper on the floor. Hall tries giving Benoit the Razor's Edge but can't get him up, so Nash has to help him (this is about the third or fourth time Hall's not been able to lift a guy up for the Edge). Razor's Edge on Benoit and both Outsiders throw him over the top. Four NWO guys against Luger now. Piper's still making a scene on the floor. A bunch of old guys standing in the ring. Rodman gets up on the apron as all the Old Bastards have a huddle. Jacknife attempt by Nash, but Luger backdrops him. Luger with a sudden burst of energy and clotheslines everybody. Torture Rack and Randy Macho taps. Nash gets clotheslined over the top to the floor. Down to Hall and Hogan against Luger. Hall gets Racked and gives up. Hogan vs. Luger. Nash tries coming back in which distracts Referee Randy Anderson. Meanwhile, Luger clotheslines Hogan and signals for the Rack. Luger Racks Hogan, but the Ref's not looking. Savage runs in and sprays Luger in the eyes with the spray-paint. Hogan ends up on top of Luger and gets the shit pin- win at 19:31 or so (no opening bell). If I was a Snowflake type of guy, I'd give it: **1/2. The over-the-top stipulation sucked. As did the Luger sudden burst of energy and Hogan being the last man standing. Still, not as much of a throwaway as most WCW PPV main events -- especially those that were Hogan vs. anybody in a singles match.

Post-match, Luger gets spray-painted and all the Old Bastards celebrate. Tony goes into his "good night" speech and Sting lowers down from the rafters. The Old Bastards that aren't Hogan rush the ring and get punked out with a fake baseball bat and Slop Drops. Sting points his little bat at Hogan, who gets brave enough to come in. Sting kicks his ass, Slop Drops him and Tony gives a "Good Night from Charleston" as they fade to Credits.

In conclusion...
Surprisingly good show given the shittiness of the first two Uncensored PPVs. And even though nothing about the show actually need to be censored, the in-ring action was passable or better in almost every match -- with the only one that was kind of suspect being the Bagwell vs. Riggs match (and even that was better than you'd think). Additionally, the Sting appearance and beatdown of the NWO made up for the weaker moments of the main event -- and offered a much-needed break from "the NWO spray- painting people at the end of a show" routine.

Anyway, good show.

Back