We recount below a few of those memorable incidents which never fail to bring a smile to our face, or even better a laugh. Moments which we shall treasure all our lives...

THE SORDID SAGA OF STINK

Those of you who are fans of Garfield are no doubt familiar with the famous or rather infamous Jon household refrigerator. The place where many a new species of virus has spawned and the dead are often brought alive. But the GT's household would put all that to shame.

For a year, which was during our period as GTs, we stayed in a couple of company houses. Both these homes had refrigerators, but since most of the eating activity was carried out in one of the houses (the older one) it was this house that carried most of the ruins. The first signs of things to come, came during our initial picnic to the beach. We all had brought some little something to eat. And our dear old Kicha forced his mother to cook some delicious Coconut rice and brought it along. Unfortunately, due to the excesses of food (even for our standards that is) the coconut rice could not be eaten. And hence it was left along with a vessel in one corner of the new GT house. To our knowledge the vessel still lies there, festering, waiting for the day it shall be opened when it can wreak havoc on the inmates of the house.

Oh well, we are not one to go by the signs and so we continued our routine. During a very short period, Deepak our local health freak wanted desperately to begin his mornings with a glass of milk. And so religiously we bought milk each morning for about a week. But the idea was soon dropped, and you can easily imagine why if you ever tried to boil half a litre of milk on a hot plate and hope to reach the office on time. But unfortunately we dropped the idea before we stopped buying the milk, and thus got into our fridge, half a litre of cow's milk, on the fateful winter day.

Our fridge was rarely used, except for cooling water, which too we stopped in the winters. But came an occasion when Anamika, a colleague visited her parents in Delhi. She came back with a box of sweets which we promptly started eating. But in the name of etiquette and decency and due to the laws of biology, we were forced to keep some the sweets in the fridge. Alas, another victim of forgotten memories.

Harsha was the lifeline of the GTs. Quite often he used to bring food from home, especially during festivals or other occasions. And then the GT house would turn into a murderous black hole devouring everything in sight. So it was one day, when Harsha filled his bags with goodies of all kinds after a function at his home. We ate and we ate but could not finish the lot. There was some curd vada left. No!! we refused to abuse the fridge this time. And as another victim of Harsha's memory power, the curd vada in a air tight plastic box was kept in a corner of the room, ignored and forgotten. It lay there plotting its revenge on those who had orphaned it in favour of tastier goodies, and boy.. did it have its revenge!!

As the days went by, the firdge started its mutations. Each time we happened to walk by, the odors would come wafting by. It turned from a mildly irritating smell, to one of a rotting carcass. And then we knew, it was time to clean it out.

As we set about the daunting task of trying to open the fridge and deciding about who would attempt it, down came a beaming Harsha, carrying in his hand a plastic container, that apparently would have given the Pandora's box a bad name. But we were unaware and Harsha quite simply opened it. Next -

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."-a scream.

There inside lay the mottled remains of the CURD VADA. It was enough to curdle your blood. With a high pitched scream, we dropped the container and ran out of the house and into the road. Our nostrils were on fire. Our guts were twisting inside out. It was the smell of hell!! Beware the revenge of the Curd VADA.

But there were still duties to be performed. So Sathya braved the nefarious stink and went in for our defences. He was chosen for the task because of his enormous lung power, so he could remain without breathing for a longer time. And finally the lungs of Sathya came to the aid of mankind, after for years torturing them by sending air through his voice box. He rushed in and ran out with a few blankets. We had now to choose between the blankets and the Curd VADA and it was a difficult decision. Blankets unwashed for more than three months are not particularly good-smelling. But as we took another breath in and felt the curd VADA in our noses, the decision was made.

And so we rolled the blankets around our noses and went in. But alas, all the rolls of cloth could not prevent the smell from reaching us. Yet we had to do what we had to do. So we picked up the container spoon, vada and all and ran out and hurled it into the bushes opposite our house. After a few moments there was a blood CURDling scream (pardon the bad pun) from the bushes, and out ran for its life a pig that used to frequent those bushes. He was last heard of as having died of unnatural reasons. But that was the last we heard of, or rather smelt of the container and the killer CURD VADA,

But the task was not yet over. With grim determination, and with the blankets around our noses we set about cleaning the refrigerator. As soon as it was opened, we killed the sensitive environment that had evolved within. The first thing that caught our attention was the vessel covered with a plate. We lifted the plate, and within lay the milk that was not destined to be Deepak's breakfast. Instead it lay there with a bloated layer of decay over it. We were torn between throwing the vessel on that already wretched pig thereby losing a good vessel and keeping the vessel thereby being killed by the stink. We finally came to a decision, took the vessel outside and left it under a tap, after filling it with some water. The rest of the contents of the fridge were child's play for those who had faced the wrath of the ROTTEN MILK and the CURDLING VADA.

The days went by, but the vessel remained outside under the tap. We were still reluctant to go near it. But you can't blame us, considering the fact that the vessel (a new one) lay there in the open, visible to everyone passing by on the street, but was left unpilfered for more than a week. An effective anti-theft device. We plan to patent the STINK-O-RAMA soon, but are a bit unsure of how popular it would be with the masses. It has this defect of repelling the inmates of the home as well. But hey, what is a product without a few small bugs.

And so ended our bout with the Olfactory Demons. We have now long since quit the GT house and others have occupied it. The memories still linger and will be the topic of many a campfire story.

But unknown to mankind, in one corner of the new GT house lies the KILLER COCONUT RICE. When will the day will come, when it can unleash its stink on Manavalanagar? Only time will tell......

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THE NIGHT FIGHT

We are a pretty violent lot and now and then, we give vent to any pent up violence inside with a few rounds of our version of wrestling. Needless to say, Sathya emerged victorious on most occasions. Now, Harsha possesses a very dirty and cunning mind indeed and woe to the guy who had decided to wear a dhoti during the fight. Wearing a dhoti in Harsha's presence is equivalent to showing red to a fiery bull. Whenever a bout began, Harsha's first action would be to try and relieve of his opponent of the dhoti. Once successful, he would indulge in a few moments of the ugly laughter, the sorts of which would have made the likes Nambiar or Pran seem angels.

Anyway, one particular night, our usual bouts of fight began. Sriram was quickly eliminated by Harsha, thanks to his dhoti-removal strategy. Now, Sathya is a great strategist himself and he decided to attire himself in a pyjama that day. With Deepak in a deep slumber and Kicha having run into the bathroom for an evening bath, it left Sathya alone to face the perverted and sly Harsha.

With a shout of "Yaaaaaaa..." as the battle cry, Harsha charged across the room to Sathya. Sathya moved a little to the left and managed to not only move away from the direct impact of his opponent but also managed to get a firm grip of his head between his right hand and the body. But Harsha was not to fall so soon. No Sir. His first attempt was to try and pull down Sathya's pyjama - but seeing that it was well and truly tied, he next attempted a few punches at Sathya's stomach. But positioned as he was- bent and his head in Sathya's hands- the punches mostly missed their mark. The odd punch that met its mark was replied with by a bang on the back by Sathya. With a howl, he finally resorted to the meanest trick of all- he bit Sathya's hand. And as he realized that the grip was loosened, he extricated himself from his uncomfortable position and glared at his opponent, read for the next round.

The fight took a more fierce turn but soon, Harsha was well and truly beaten and to make his victory complete, Sathya managed to lay down Harsha and sat atop his back, and waving his joined fists in the symbol of victory. Now, 85kgs on your back is no joke and after a few seconds, Harsha was finished. And he started shouting for help in inhuman yells which seemed to reverberate through the entire town.

"Aeyieyo, Kichaaaa saaaavvvvee me...aeyieyo, Deeepppaak, you laaazzzy bones, saaavvve meeee..."

The shouts went on for more than ten minutes and all this while, with a smug, victorious smile, Sathya continued to remain on Harsha's back. Kicha finally came out of the bath room and seeing the scene, laughed and kneeling himself, asked Harsha "Hi da, Harsha. Feeling fine ?"

Harsha's reply is not worthy of being printed but to add some insult to Harsha, he joined Sathya on Harsha's back for a couple of seconds. Kicha's weight has also been very much on the ascent and now with150kgs on his back, Harsha shouts got worse and close enough to loud croaks.

"Aaaaaaa....I am dying....Srrrreeeraaaammmm...saaavve meee....". But having suffered the humiliation of having had his dhoti removed, Sriram was in no mood to help. And after a few moments of appeal to his better senses, Harsha saw it was to no avail and with a curse to Sriram, started appealing to the good God Himself.

"Aeyioyo, God!!!!save me......I am dyyyying.......please help me from this fatso.....aaaaaaaaaaaaa" as Sathya jumped on his back "saaaaaaave me...."

This went on for a few more minutes before Sathya decided to forgive the sinner and got up from his back. Harsha gasped for a few seconds and then - "You wait, man. See what I am going to do.." but just then there was a knock on the house door and Kicha went to open it.

A huge wave of humanity was standing outside - some 100 guys and ladies, some with lathis in their hand and some with belts. The guy in front was not a smart specimen - he had a huge moustache and an ugly scar on his cheek.

"What is the problem ?" he bellowed

A cowed down Kicha replied "Nnnothing Sir...just..you know...some...er...some play".

The ugly specimen did not seem to see anything funny and pointing his index finger at Kicha said "See.. this is the first and last chance that I am giving you...we don't want any such commotion in the future here.". And with that warning, walked away.

A sheepish Kicha walks in to the bedroom and shouted at Harsha "Why did you have to shout like a pig ?" and Harsha replies "Why did you have to come and sit on me like that with Sathya ?" The charges and counter charges continued for quite a while. As usual, the final word belonged to Harsha.

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"What was that guy's problem anyway ? We were just playing. We should go and complain him to the Police Station and ask them to whip him through the night."

A GT CRICKET MATCH

• Bowled (the stump happened to be small stool- the ball has to touch/hit/go through the stool to be bowled)
• Caught
  • Direct catch
  • One pitch one hand (the catch can be taken after the ball has bounced once but has to taken with one hand)
• Runouts - the bowler has to have his leg on the bowling crease stump ( a brick)
• If the ball hits any of the windows;
• If the ball goes off directly into the next compound.

• Boundaries
  • A four if it hits the compound wall after a bounce or more
  • A six if it directly hits the compound wall
• Running runs
• Two runs if the ball falls anywhere near the well on the backside of the GT house.

But his relaxation was not to be for long, as Sriram sent VB packing with a lovely off break which VB lunged forward to push away, in vain. As VB made his way into the house, Kicha shouted, "Hey VB, where do you think you are going ? Come here and field. Sathya, SATHYA, came on and bat." and now the captain decided to have some rest. Sathya survived the rest of the over from Sriram, and the next over was from Deepak. Now, Deepak is a dumbo bowler. But, his strategy at getting the wickets was to disconcert the batsman by running down the wicket as soon as he delivers the ball. The ball may look innocuous, but seeing the well built Deepak charge down the wicet in your direction is more than sufficient to disconcert any batsman. The first two deliveries were two couples- both falling near the well, both just missing the windows of the kitchen. The third delivery was a long hop, Sathya pulled with tremendous power but straight to Vivek. The ever-reliable Vivek (reliable to the batsman that is) decided to jump away from the path of the ball to evade the ball and ducked. The ball bounced once before hitting the wall. Deepak walked up and landed a neat kick on Vivek's butt, who was still in a seated position looking at the wall. With a yelp, he got up and got back into position.

Kicha was a fine spinner of the ball- could turn it a long way. And he was the one who started off the innings with a fruitless first over which Deepak negotiated cleanly. Sathya took the next over. Deepak picked three fours in the over. VB is not a bright fielder and neither was he a great bowler. He called himself a great batsman and was always hankering for his "gaaji" (gaaji means a spell of batting). And he let one stroke go right through his legs. Kicha's next over's first ball was pulled by Deepak in the air- now, Sathya is a very scientific fielder. He does not believe in running too much or exerting too much. He prefers to position himself in such a manner that the ball comes directly to him. This time, the ball was a little to his left and he would have needed to move half a meter or so to take the catch. But, then the science would be lost. So, he allowed the ball to hit the wall- what a sacifice for science and logic !!!

By the end of the fifth over, Deepak had taken their score to 25 with no wickets down as yet. Deepak likes to hit the ball hard and in the air, so is a pretty exciting batsman to watch. Sathya finally had him in the next over, the hit from Deepak travelling directly into the neighbour's compound. Vivek came in next and took his encouraging stance. An encouragement to the bowler, who is allowed a view of most of his stumps and his stance betrays the fact that he would not survive if he plays with his bat. Emboldened by the fact there was no LBW, Vivek used his leg more often to play the ball than his bat. Only when he was beseeched by the bowler to use his bat for a change would he come to realize that he had a bat in his hand. But if he tried to play with that, his stay would be short. As it proved. VB-imagine VB- got his Vivek, as the ball took the bottom edge of the bat and hit the stool. 25 the score still with Sriram to bat.

Sriram took the next over from Kicha and he hit the ball to exactly where Sathya was standing. Sathya had a smug look - the Triumph of Science. Sudenly, a stinging pain passed through his neck which diverted his attention completely. The ball hit him flat in the stomach and dropped harmlessly to the ground. "Ae madhu, loosu!! Wat are you doing there man?" shouted Kicha. Sathya was still puzzling over what the pain was and its cause and soon felt a sharp pain in his head and found a stone falling off. Looking up, he was just in time to see a laughing Harsha run away from sight. He picked up a couple of pebbles and was sprepared for Harsha's next attack. He did not have to wait long. Within a minute, Harsha was back in sight with a few stones in his hand. Sathya leapt aside and threw some three pebbles wt a time at Dhadi which all found their mark on various parts of Harsha's anatomy. "Aeyio" he shouted and went away, clutching his tummy.

The triumphant Sathya looked around to face a not-too-amused Kicha standing right in front of him . "What were you doing, mandu ? YOU JUST DROPPED ANOTHER CATCH, Loosu". Sathya took the ball which was lying at his feet, "IU will get him now Kicha, You just see." And quite remarkably, the first ball was played by Sriram a little too early and Sathya took a simple return catch. Science always triumphs !!!

THE PETRIFIED BIRTHDAY BOY

This is another hilarious incident during the GT days. But before embarking on the story, I should acquaint you with the concept of "Mandai pottufying"(translates as "to put Mandai"). Briefly put, mandai pottufying is the art of making the others along with you pay for everything and anything you do without them realising that they have done so!! The doyen of this noble art is none other than Sivamani, quite appropriately called Mandai mani or just plain Mandai. He has mastered this art and has put it to good use especially with his gopikas (read "girlfriends"). In fact, here are a couple of stats that will convince you of what I am saying.

Mandai was the only fellow in the entire hostel of his college, who managed to save money from what his people sent from home!! In fact, they stopped sending money after a few months!!!
Mandai is possibly the only person alive who has managed to mandai pottify a Madras auto driver. He managed to travel from Ashok Nagar to T Nagar, which on a honest meter would ring up Rs.20-25 and ended up paying the auto driver only Rs. 15!!

Just before we left on our field visits to various parts in the North, we found out that Mandai's friend aishwarya, had gifted him an expensive Titan or Timex watch! He calls it a gift of friendship...we call it the heights of Mandai pottufying. And in Calcutta, he told us that he had bought a gift for Aishwarya. We were all pleasantly shocked. Finally the Mandai man was spending on someone!!! But our happiness did not last long. For he showed us the gift. A Key chain. At the end of the chain was a stone. No..no.. dont get carried away. I dont mean "stone" in the sense "precious stone". I mean "stone" in the sense " a lousy piece of gravel". Yes folks, I know you find it hard to believe, but that keychain had a lousy stone hanging on it. Wait..Wait...said mandai..it is no ordinary stone, have a closer look. And yes, it was no ordinary stone. It was as kicha would say "sooooppeeerrrb". It had a ....wait for it.....a hinge!!!. Yes the stone was split into two and connected by a hinge. You can open the stone and inside you will find ........an empty hollow!!!! What a special stone!!! Unbelievable!! And do you know the price of this wonderful, beautiful, imaginative, .....er....um.... piece of rock. An unbelievable Rs 5.!! And to add insult to injury, Mandai buys them in bulk for all his friends!!!

Having seen this act of Mandai pottifying and the subsequent gift, we decided to give Mandai as dose of his own medicine. We had this habit of buying gifts for birthdays. The budget used to be around Rs.400-500.(This habit has since then died a sorry death!! ). And so when it was Mandai's birthday, we plotted our revenge. (on behalf of Aishwarya too). We picked up a good looking stone from our Education center and gift wrapped it. We then invited Mandai to spend the night in the GT house. In case you are wondering why a GT should be invited to GT house, it is because Mandai never stayed in the GT guest house. Could not be away from his gopikas. And so we had to invite him for special occasions.

Back at the GT house, we laid the plans properly. Convincing Mandai was the main thing and there were a few in our gang, who could give Arnold Schwazenneger a run for the money where it came to poor acting. But we were ready and prepared. When the moment came, we screamed happy birthday and gave Mandai his gift. Big things come in small packages. And Mandai was expecting something real nice. The expression on his face when he opened the package was exquisite. At first he laughed and told us it was a nice joke. And then we all looked properly hurt, and told him that it was not a nice thing to say. We had just given him a rare antique and he calls it a joke!! We explained to him that it was a rare piece of petrified wood over a THOUSAND yeard old. It wasn't just any old rock!!

And there sat mandai, his expression a mixture of disappointment, confustion and pretended pleasantness!! He couldn't say "Nonsense" without insulting our gift, and couldn't bring himself to say "Wonderful" for he knew, rare antique, expensive..etc.etc. but all he had in his hand was a useless piece of rock!!!

A grand success it was!!! (Till Kicha came and did a Sivaji like overacting and killed the joke). But it was a success nonetheless. We had conned the great Mandai himself into thinking that he was given a lemon for a gift!!

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