Primitive tribes sometimes win at football - shock !

How do they do it?

In a small and rather scruffy village set high in the hills above the fair city of Preston lives a queer and unsophisticated race of people known by anthropologists as "Dingles".  Studied by scientists since Charles Darwin first identified them as a separate species, these bog-trotting creatures have surprised researchers with their ability to learn simple skills such as the playing of some games (not games calling for intellectual prowess such as I-Spy or Snap, but games of a brutish and physical nature).

What has for many years interested observers about these Dingles at play (and which sometimes even enables such rustic creatures to prevail in certain sporting contests) is their surprising strength and stamina.  Of course, the lack of a written language or any aspirations to mental agility may well assist such beings to assert themselves in a physical fashion since no energy is expended on such sapping activities as "thought" or "reasoning", but this does not wholly explain the abnormal energy levels frequently exhibited.   There had to be another explanation, and scientists are now agreed that the evidence is conclusive.

Scientists studying this phenomenon noted some marked contrasts in the social habits of Prestonians and Dingles. They observed that every red-blooded self respecting Prestonian male (especially those on the books at Deepdale) goes out five nights a week to at least one public house where he consumes a minimum of twelve pints of ale and smokes on average 72 cigarettes. From there he finds his way to a food counter for fish, chips, curry, pizza, mushy peas, gravy and a can of coke. Then, after a quick chunder and suitably refreshed, his thoughts turn inevitably to romance. His lucky wife or girlfriend or indeed any suitably accomodating member of the opposite sex enjoys his undivided attention for the remainder of the long night of skilled and passionate love-making. Scientists observing a similar control group of males in the village of Dingly noted that the behaviour of Dingles is remarkably similar to that of their sophisticated city-dwelling neighbours - up to the point of leaving the chippy, and then there is a marked contrast. Any difference in physical stamina subsequently displayed on the football field must therefore be ascribed to the difference in post-chippy behaviour. Clearly there can be no unilateral detrimental effect on these males' physical prowess attributable to their dietary habits, so the finger must be pointed at those overdemanding Prestonian womenfolk.

Women sap your strength !

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