WWE Raw Report:



* We start with video of Triple H Pedigreeing HBK, while we hear audio of his speech last week which was interrupted by news of Shawn's apparent attack. After viewing the bloodied Shawn, we see his previous encounters with Booker T, Big Show, and the UnAmericans, in addition to Bischoff's implication that Triple H was behind it.

* The music video plays, the pyros explode, and we are LIVE from Baltimore! Tonight, we'll see Christian and Storm defend the Tag Titles against the Hardy Boys, but first...

* Chris Jericho Interview:
-The Y2J Countdown hits 0.00, and the Ayatollah, the Living Legend, the newest Raw Superstar, Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring. In case you didn't hear, this is Monday Night Jericho, and as of this moment, the show is his. Why did Chris Jericho, the biggest star in WWE's SmackDown, come to Raw to work for Bischoff? Because Eric Bischoff is a certified genius, who knows the difference between a superstar and a loser. For example, Jericho is a superstar, and the fans are losers. But most of all, Bischoff knows the difference between a superstar like Jericho and a has-been like Ric Flair, who even in his prime didn't have half the talent of Jericho. Triple H's theme plays, and The Game marches to the ring and gets in Jericho's face. Triple H gets a microphone while Jericho mocks him. Personally, Triple H doesn't give a flying crap why Jericho is here. There are two things he knows: Shawn Michaels was attacked by someone in the parking lot last week, and that Jericho and he have hated each other since the day Jericho arrived. Jericho is a bitter little man, and ever since WrestleMania when Triple H took the Undisputed Title, he's sure Jericho has been dying to get even with The Game. And what better way than to attack his best friend Shawn Michaels? Jericho says he has no idea who attacked HBK, and wasn't it Triple H who Pedigreed his so-called "best friend" two weeks ago? Isn't it Triple H who has a history of attacking people in the parking lot, in the name of being a Cerebral Assassin? Triple H points out that he was in the ring when Shawn was attacked. He Pedigreed Shawn for his own good, but still considers him his best friend. Trips says he believes that Jericho didn't attack Shawn, because Jericho doesn't have the balls to do it. If he says he didn't do it, that's fine, but Triple H isn't leaving the arena until he finds who did it. With that, The Game marches to the back. Jericho offers him good luck. Now, as Jericho was saying, this is his show. Rob Van Dam's music blasts, and Mr. Monday Night comes to the ring. Jericho screams "No!" and demands to know what Van Dam is here for, since he never says anything anyway. Van Dam says that he came here to welcome him to Raw. Jericho ponders this sentiment, and asks if that's all. RVD says he was in the back when he heard Jericho say he owns the show, and between that comment and Jericho's clothes, what has Y2J been smoking? If Jericho says he's the best, why not face off against RVD tonight, for the title of the true Mr. Monday Night. Jericho says he's on, but it's not about RVD. No, it's all about Y2J. Van Dam claims it's RVD, but Jericho counters with Y2J. Again, Van Dam insists that it's RVD, and when Jericho attempts to lay claim, Van Dam attacks him. Jericho escapes the ring and taunts Van Dam all the way up the ramp. Fade Out.

* Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Big Show (Tables Match):
-BuhBuh ducks Show's attacks, but gets hit with an elbow. Show hits BuhBuh with a side belly-belly suplex. BuhBuh comes back with clotheslines that don't knock Show down. Show runs, but BuhBuh low bridges the ropes, sending Show flying outside. BuhBuh gets a table and starts setting it up, but Show headbutts him and tosses him into the ring. Back in the ring, Show hits a shoulder block, then a couple hard whips. BuhBuh comes back with a Big Boot, but Show hits a sidewalk slam. Big Show brings a table into the ring and lays it against the corner. Show picks up BuhBuh and lays him on the table, but moves, causing Show to put his boot through the table. BuhBuh picks up the broken-in-half table and throws it at Show, falling the giant. BuhBuh brings a new table into the ring and starts setting it up. Show arises and hits BuhBuh with a back suplex. Show drops the straps and sets up the table, calling for the end. As BuhBuh reaches down for BuhBuh, he finds Trish Stratus. Trish seduces Show, then slaps him, allowing Spike Dudley, wearing a Baltimore Ravens football helmet, to torpedo the Big Show. Show grimaces in pain and bounces off the ropes, where BuhBuh greets him with a flapjack through the table! BuhBuh wins.

* In the back, Terri says that what the UnAmericans did to Undertaker was absolutely deplorable. Lance Storm says it's a pleasure to be here, 60 miles removed from the nation's capital, home of the President. Our President, who couldn't defend his own nation, is from the same hometown as the Undertaker, and just like the President, Undertaker can't defend himself either. Our President can send planes around the world and kill innocent civilians, but soon he will be seen as the despicable killer he is. And just like the Undertaker, he will be seen as a bully who no one should respect. Test sees someone off-camera and asks if they liked that speech. Sergeant Slaughter comes on-screen and gets in Test's face and says he did not like what he just heard. Test asks if he's going to do anything about it, but Sarge says he will if Test has the balls to do anything about it. You're on, says Test, but Sarge says that no, it is the maggot Test who is in fact on. Fade Out.

* In the back, Goldust damns Mike Myers because there's only one GoldMember, and he is Goldust. Booker asks what he's going to do about it. Goldust says that if Myers is going to rip him off, he'll rip Myers off. In comes a midget wearing Goldust's outfit, wig, and make-up. I shall call him Mini-Dust. Booker leaves, but runs into Triple H. Trips says that Booker had some motive last week. Booker says that he's happy that Shawn got attacked, but he didn't do it, and he didn't see anything. Trips says he believes him, but if it turns out he's lying, he'll introduce Booker to a sledgehammer.

* In the back, Bischoff is on the phone with Sony Pictures, saying that he's glad to be able to debut the new XXX trailer. Fink comes in and tells him that he was the very first employee of this company. Ever since Bischoff came in, he's been moved to show some ruthless agression. He wants to have a match with Lilian Garcia to see who gets Raw. Bischoff says he doesn't have time for that, so they should just alternate and have the fans decide. Fink agrees, and then says that he has a letter for him. Bischoff tells Fink to read it, and Fink reads Stephanie's invitation to Bischoff to watch such SmackDown Superstars as Chris Benoit, Brock Lesnar, and Eddie Guerrero, all former Raw Superstars. Bischoff tells Fink to get out. Fade Out.

* We come back and see Kane's new video and hear his new entrance theme, with a final message: The Fire Still Burns.

* Test vs. Sgt. Slaughter:
-Lilian Garcia introduces Test, who has the American flag upside down. Fink introduces Sergeant Slaughter, carrying the flag as it should be. Sarge gets on the apron and waves the flag, allowing Test to attack from behind and knock him off the apron. Test whips Slaughter into the ringpost, then Big Boots him down. Test gets the upside-down flag, waves it around, and starts backing up the ramp. Fade Out.

* Booker T & Goldust vs. William Regal & Christopher Nowinksi:
-Booker and Goldust attack Regal and Nowinski as they enter. Goldust and Regal start out, with Goldust hitting a backdrop and a clothesline. Tag to Booker, who starts pounding away. Back elbow by Booker. Tag to Goldust and Nowinski. Thump by Goldust, and another tag to Booker. Back elbow by Booker, and another tag to Goldust. Clubs by Goldust and a punch in the face. Nowinski flapjacks Goldust into the ropes, then hits a Northern Lights Suplex 1-2-kickout. Tag to Regal. Regal armdrags Goldust, then starts twisting the arm. Tag to Nowinski, who stomps on the arm. Sunset Flip by Goldust 1-shoulder up. Dropkick by Nowinski 1-2-broken by Booker. Tag to Regal. Regal drags Goldust down and knees down on the arm repeatedly. Tag to Nowinski, who leaps from the top and ax handles the arm. Underhook slam by Nowinski 1-2-broken by Booker. Tag to Regal. Goldust cradles Regal 1-2-kickout. Regal takes Goldust down and locks the arm. Tag to Nowinski who beats down on the arm. Nowinski misses a dropkick, allowing Goldust to pin 1-2-kickout. Tag to Booker. Booker comes in and starts firing away. Clothesline to Nowinski, then to Regal. Spinning heel kick to Nowinski 1-broken by Regal. Booker knocks Regal from the ring and goes to Goldust, but he is still down. Regal blind tags in and hits a sleeper slam 1-2-broken by Goldust. Jumping calf kick by Booker 1-2-broken by Nowinski. Goldust knocks Nowinski outside, then clubs Regal in the back, allowing Booker T to hit the scissors kick 1-2-3!

* In the back, Triple H, sledgehammer in hand, comes up to the UnAmericans. He says that they should be scared of Undertaker, not him. He says that they claimed they had unfinished business last week. Christian says that he won't lie. They wanted to take out Shawn, but when they went to get him, he was already knocked out. Triple H says he believes them, but if they're lying... He smashes the table with his sledgehammer. Fade Out.

* Victoria vs. Trish Stratus:
-As Victoria makes her way to the ring, we see that Molly is seated with JR and Lawler. Trish starts with an arm wrench, but Victoria flips out of the hold and kicks Trish back. Trish rolls Victoria up 1-2-kickout. Flipping armdrag by Victoria, but Trish catches her with a clothesline and a dropkick 1-2-kickout. Victoria flips over the turnbuckles and comes down hard. She waves for Trish not to continue and starts grabbing at her ankle. The ref checks on her and calls for some help. Two more refs come down and help her up. Trish holds the ropes for her, but Victoria kicks her off and pushes the refs away, revealing that she faked injury. Outside, Victoria drops Trish on the apron. Back in the ring, Victoria hits a pair of snap suplexes 1-2-shoulder up. Victoria reaches down, and Trish rolls her up 1-2-kickout. Chops by Trish, but Victoria hits a few shoulder thrusts. Scoop slam by Victoria, who goes onto the apron for a rope-flip senton, but Trish rolls away. Trish comes back with elbows to the face, then leapfrogs Victoria and rolls her up 1-2-Victoria reverses the pin and grabs the ropes 1-2-3! Molly runs down and tosses Trish into the corner, where Victoria spears her. Trish fights back, booting Victoria down and hitting Molly with a bulldog.

* In the back, Triple H and sledgehammer meet up with Big Show. Show says he's waiting to settle the score with Trish. Trips says if anyone has a score to settle, it's Triple H. Speaking of settling scores and Shawn Michaels, wasn't it Shawn who called Show a lazy piece of crap and then kicked him in the head? Show says he knows that Trips is trying to get him angry so that he'll blurt out that he did it, but he didn't do it. Fade Out.

* Christian & Lance Storm vs. Hardy Boyz:
-Christian and Matt start off, with Christian beating him into a corner. Back elbow by Christian, but Matt hits a side slam 1-2-shoulder up. Tag to Jeff. Double back elbow and elbow drop. Then Jeff hits a double leg drop on Lance. Christian kicks Jeff into the ropes, which Lance pulls down and beats on Jeff. Back in the ring, Christian stomps on Jeff, then hits a gutbuster. Tag to Storm. Stomps by Storm and a choke. Back elbow by Storm 1-2-shoulder up. Jeff starts kicking back, then hits the Whisper in the Wind. Tag to Matt, who comes in and hits a back bodydrop. Sleeper slam on Christian, then another on Storm 1-2-kickout. Poetry in Motion to Christian, but the attempt fails on Lance. Matt readies himself for the Twist of Fate on Lance, but Christian runs in and hits a reverse DDT 1-2-shoulder up. Lance hooks Matt in a full nelson, while Christian runs with the Title belts. Matt pulls Storm down and back body drops Christian over the top. On the outside, Jeff runs the rails on Christian. Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Storm, then Jeff hits the Swanton 1-2-Christian pulls the ref out and nails Matt with the belt, causing the DQ bell. Test runs down and starts helping them dismantle the Hardys after the match, but Undertaker runs down and takes out Test. Christian and Storm run to the back and get in the car, driving off before Undertaker can catch up to them. Taker looks around and steals a police motorcycle to chase after them. Fade Out.

* Lilian Garcia/Howard Finkel:
-Bischoff comes out on stage and says that he's going to settle the ring announcer issue in a moment. But first, a message for Triple H: later tonight, he has a big surprise that will hopefully answer all the questions. But onto Howard and Lilian. They've both done an outstanding job, so he's going to debut the new trailer for Sony Pictures' XXX. After that trailer, each of them will have the opportunity to add their own tagline. Whoever Eric thinks is best will get the job. The trailer plays, and we come back to the ring. Fink says "See XXX staring Vin Diesel and Samuel L Jackson, starting this Friday everywhere!" Lilian says: "XXX, a non-stop thrillride that will keep you hot!" Eric says that they both have a tremendous amount of experience. Fink says that unless you have a bunch of sailors doing what sailors do, Lilian has no more experience than he does. Speaking of sailors, Lilian says that she hears he has a hard time getting his sail up. Fink exclaims that he's all man. Bischoff says that this has gone on too long. About three minutes too long, which is the cue for the Island Boyz, who show up behind the two. Fink pushes Lilian into them and runs away. One of them tosses Lilian at the other, who flapjacks her up and finishes the move in one fell swoop. He goes up top and hits the flying splash. Bischoff and his Boyz walk off as workers attend to Lilian. Fade Out.

* We come back with the EMTs strapping Lilian to a stretcher. As she is wheeled off, the Y2J Countdown hits 0.00, and the Ayatollah comes out for the wrestling main event.

* Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam:
-Jericho takes Van Dam down, chopping away and smashing him into the corner. Punches by Jericho, but RVD comes back with a back elbow and a monkey toss. Backflip splash by RVD 1-2-kickout. Van Dam catches a Jericho dropkick and catapults him over the top and to the outside. Van Dam flips over the ropes and nails Jericho. Back in the ring, Van Dam goes up top and misses the flying side kick. German suplex by Jericho, who starts kicking RVD in the ribs. Back suplex by Jericho, then a couple elbow drops. Choke on the ropes by Jericho, then a running knee to the head. Jericho starts undoing a turnbuckle, but Hebner sees him and starts retying it. Meanwhile, RVD school boys Jericho, but Hebner isn't there to count. By the time Hebner sees the pin, Jericho has broken. Jericho snapmares Van Dam, then pulls back on his arms with a knee in his back. Van Dam fights out of the hold, but misses a dropkick. Jericho hits the Lionsault, but Van Dam got his knees up in time. Both men crawl to opposite ropes and pull up. Van Dam boots Jericho in the head, then hits a step-over heel kick. Rolling Thunder by Van Dam 1-2-shoulder up. Jericho jumps over a roundhouse trip and hits RVD with a spinning heel kick 1-2-shoulder up 1-2-shoulder up. Chops in the corner by Jericho, but RVD nails a few shoulder thrusts. Jericho leaps over a third attempted thrust and pulls Van Dam down. He looks for the Walls, but Van Dam trips him up 1-2-kickout. Jericho runs off the ropes, but Van Dam ducks and Jericho takes out the ref. As RVD tries to revive Hebner, Jericho gets a chair. Jericho ducks the Van Daminator and nails RVD in the ribs. He hits Van Dam in the back with the chair, but soon the same happens to Jericho by a Ric Flair run-in! RVD goes up top and hits the Five Star 1-2-3! Mr. Monday Night retains his nickname. After the match, Flair mocks Jericho from the stage, WHOO!ing and strutting in victory.

* In the back, Bischoff is on the phone with Sony again, and he says that if they like surprises, they should keep watching because he has something big for Triple H. Fade Out.

* Shawn Michaels Mystery Solved:
-As we come back, Eric Bischoff is in the ring. He asks for Triple H to come down, but before he can finish the sentence, The Game is on his way. Trips says that this better be good. Bischoff says that he has a surprise. He has a satellite hooked up with San Antonio so we can talk to Shawn right now. Shawn appears on the TitanTron, beaten up and scarred. Shawn says he got his messages and he's doing as good as a guy can do who had his head thrown through a window. Trips says he feels horrible, and he always hears about people who have arguments and then something happens to one and the other can't stand the grief. Michaels says that they're cool. He's heard everything Triple H has said last week and this, and he understands. Bischoff says that this isn't cheap, but Triple H dismisses him. Trips asks if Shawn saw anything or has any idea. Michaels says all he knows is that he got jumped from behind and the next thing he knew, he was in the hospital. Trips says that he'll find out who did this, and when they did, it'll be them in the hospital. Shawn says that the guys gave him a security video that they need to see. The tape is played, but we get no picture of the attacker whatsoever. Trips says that Shawn isn't safe, and he needs to get a bodyguard. Shawn says that they have technology that can clear the footage and zoom and slow down. He asks for that footage, and after the accident, we see a figure standing over Shawn's body, that looks an awful lot like Triple H. They clear up the video, and indeed it is Triple H. Trips says he's damn right it's him. He was trying to prove a point. The point is that Shawn is weak. That's why Shawn needs Triple H, so he can protect Michaels. He could have protected Shawn, but no, his pride wouldn't let that happen. He could have crippled Michaels, but he stopped. No one else would have stopped. They would have crippled him. Then what would Shawn do? What would he do if he couldn't walk anymore? Shawn asks if Trips thinks he's too weak to defend himself. Michaels says that the doctors have told him that he'll make a full recovery, and that he'll be at 100% soon. In fact, he'll be ready by SummerSlam. Trips asks if that's a challenge, to which Shawn replies "You damn right." Trips tells Michaels to face facts. He can't wrestle anymore, his career is over. HBK is dead. Whether anyone likes it or not, there's a new game in town, and this time he won't stop. If Michaels goes through with this match, he will finish the job. He will cripple Shawn's ass. What if, when it's all over, Shawn can't walk anymore, can't pick up his two year-old son anymore, can't hold his wife anymore? What if he can't satisfy his wife anymore as a man? Shawn tells Triple H to stop talking about his wife and kids. He can't wrestle like he could; he's no longer the Show Stopper. But he can still fight. In a few weeks, he'll get in that ring and fight, not wrestle, and show his son that sometimes you have to fight to be a man. End Show.