I FUCKING LOVE MY FRIEND GLOATMIEL!!!!

Gloatmiel is my best friend. He lives in a house unlike me. I once saw him tie two cats together by the tail and throw them off a belltower. I asked him why he did this. He responded, "The cats said I wasn't allowed to burn them with matches, so I thought I'd teach them a lesson for talking back to me." Gloatmiel fucking owns.

I am Gloatmiel the Brave. Fear my frames.

Gloatmiel might be gay because he really loves to drink Cosmopolitans when we get fucked up underneath my train tracks. "Drink some fucking potato vodka like the Pollack you are," I say. He responds, "If you add ginger ale to a Cosmo, it tastes like Bubble Gum Champagne!" I need to get that 12 year old laid by a hooker, quickly. I wonder what my mom is doing this weekend.

Gloatmiels poetry corner:

"The streets will flow with the blood of the unbelievers."