I FUCKING HATE NERDS!!!

Fucking nerds suck. All they do is eat chips, grow their hair long, program code, and talk about who was hotter on Star Trek TNG: Counselor Troi or Dr. Crutcher. I like Counselor Troy better because she always wore the V-neck suit. However, Dr. Crutcher probably takes it in the pooper because shes older and has been around the block more. Anywho, the following is a depiction of nerds that I hate. If you've ever built a LiSP server**, then your picture is probably on here you fucking twat.

Been laid? Henry Nuthuggers hasn't. If he would stop playing EverQuest for 2 hours, then I would take him to a bordello and get him some STD's. Which is better bragging rights? Getting the clap from a hooker named Mila or beating StarCraft playing as the Terran army? Henry has no answer because everyone knows that Zorgs are much better than Terrans.

Ooooops. Obviously someone doesn't know what the Print Screen button on your keyboard does. If I worked tech support at this company and I got a service call for this kinda shit, I would take a dump in the copier's toner cartridge so anyone who tried to make copies would get a soiled surprise.

Stanley Winklepuss was the first nerd on his block to own a laptop. Where do you plug it in douchefuck? Oh, it goes up your ass. Go fuck yourself you dipfuck.

If you ever see guys like this driving around your neighborhood in a window-less van, I advise you to take the candy he's offering to you because it has GHB in it, which I sold to him in exchange for a family of Guatemalans.

Macaulay Macvirgin shows us how to make friends in a computer lab:

What a fucking dweeb. This guy looks like Bill Gates's dad. Wait a second....it kind of looks like.....GLOATMIEL'S DAD!

Father, you came back! Mother told me you were killed serving the Polish army and you threw the pin instead of the grenade. You dumb piece of dogshit. How dare you just stroll back into my life and pretend like nothing happened. Wait, my mom said my dad was black. Nevermind.

Woohoo, nerds love spending $20 to get their picture taken on a ride. It's a good thing Commander Porkchop is wearing his sunglasses, or else no one would think this picture was cool.

Talk about a motley crew of individuals. Look at little Billy in the lower left. I guess he still goes to the same blind guy to get haircuts.

Larry the Minstrel enjoys beating his tamborine while listening to They Might Be Giants. I enjoy pissing on Larry's bloody corpse after I stab him to death with a spork.

Mitch Bigpuski loves playing pretend. Here he's pictured with Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. Look at him hold that pistol like a champ. After the pic was taken, Mitch offered to pay Lara to have sex with him. Unfortunately, Lara doesn't accept Dungeons & Dragons cards as a form of currency.

Little Billy Bourntafail thinks it's fun to have pictures taken of him. I think it's more fun to take his asthma inhaler away. It's like watching a fish flop around on the ground.

Greg Gigglesworth is 42 years old and is all dressed up for his first date. I hope his date likes Internet Cafes because thats the only place Greg goes to besides CompUSA. Don't forget your protection, Greg. "Don't worry, I have a surge protector in my fannypack," elates Greg.

This is the holy grail of geekdom. The thick rimmed glasses with coke bottle frames give any nerd the power to stay up for 36 hours straight while waiting in line to buy tickets to one of the new shitty Star Wars "movies." I hesitate to call them movies. They are more like 2 hour commercials for the new Star Wars collectibles. Read the Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones books, they are much better than watching Jar Jar ruin a cinematic enterprise.

The names of these tools are already supplied for me. But just for shits and giggles, I'll name them anyways. Bulletbait, your new name shall be Admiral Bitchtits. Oateater, as the Admiral's portly sidekick your name shall be Secretary Waffle Cone. Ugh, I know that's weak but I'm tired from all this nerd-bashing. I'm going to go wack-off and burn some kittens.

 

*LiSP = Linux, SQL, PHP