This
begins what may prove to be a series of articles by ToSAn
disciple Tail of Endless Pleasure, who, being less bound
by the strictures of the time-space continuum than most,
and more frivolous than the majority of those likewise
unbound, has taken this opportunity to probe great minds
from throughout history as to their insights on
sensuality. What follows is his account, and may have no
bearing whatsoever on the history of the time space
continuum in which the reader may currently reside. If
you are currently living in a society of highly evolved
Mantids devoted to science and in particular the medical
procedures involving cranial re-attachment, we recommend
first that if you happen to be male, you seriously
consider a life of austere celibacy, or at the bare
minimum restrict your activities to auto-eroticism, and
second that you entirely disregard the entire content of
the following article as false, irrelevant, and likely to
result in grievous bodily harm. You have been warned.
When one considers the topic of sensuality throughout
history, from a scholarly standpoint (e.g. with one's
hands and any other prehensile limbs restrained),
numerous individuals of renown surface to demand one's
attention, each with a distinct voice and personality
crying out across the ages to be heeded and revered. This
reporter considers himself to be most greatly blessed
with a rather free access to these voices, and as they
had begun to hamper his day to day activities by
interjecting advice at inopportune times, he leapt at the
opportunity to exorcise these voices by giving them their
due say in a public forum. The voices have in turn agreed
to stop pestering him outside of the confines of these
interviews. We shall see how well they keep their word,
as some of them are notorious liars. The first
debate was to whom would go the first interview, a
decision that rivalled the dilemma of Paris, and under
similar peril, this reporter made his choice under
comparable influences, and chose to succumb to the charms
of the lovely and talented Vatsayana, of India, authoress
of the Divine and Revered “Kama Sutra“, an
elegantly concise treatise on the practices of love. If
you have not done so, stop what you are doing, obtain a
copy at once, read it, and put it into practice in your
every day life. No. Really. I'll wait.
After a good deal of advanced scheduling and a rather
substantial “introductory fee“I arrived at the
residence of the famed Vatsayana. I was greeted at the
door by a massive scimitar attached to a complimentarily
massive shaven, perfumed eunuch. With a little more
financial encouragement the eunuch, led me through the
lavishly furnished residence to a walled pleasure garden
in the middle of the villa. Here, amidst date palms,
lotuses, water lily adorned pools and the love cries of
peacocks I caught my first glimpse of Vatsayana. She was
reclining on silken pillows within the shelter of an
elaborately designed canopied rattan divan, whilst
sipping a fragrant tea blended with milk, honey, and
coconut milk. Her hair was black as a raven's wing and
her eyes large and round like those of a jungle deer.
They had been carefully lined with kohl to accentuate
their delicate curves. Her lips pouted ever so slightly
were full and reddened with crushed coral. She was
wrapped in crimson silk sari that clung suggestively to
the astounding curves of her body and provocatively
attempted to slip open and reveal her amply endowed
bosom. I struggled to remember what it was that had
brought me here, and for that matter, what my name was.
She waited for me to speak, with a slight smile that
afforded me a glimpse of the perfect pearls of her teeth.
Pearls. Pearls of Wisdom. Wisdom. Teachings. Sutras. Kama
Sutra. That was it! I was back, at least for the moment.
Our conversation began. TEP: You, surely, are the lovely
and talented Vatsayana, authoress of the divine Kama
Sutra of whom I have heard nothing but the highest of
praise.
Vatsayana: (hesitating) I am the Vatsayana of the Kama
Sutra, yes, but why do you call me by the name of this
other woman Shirley? Do you come to ME with some other
woman within your heart? Am I not more desirable than
this Shirley? Do you trifle with me?
TEP: Uh... no. Not at
all. I mean yes. That is... upon seeing you, my heart
knows that there could be no other woman in the world.
You are my Kali Durga, and I your Shiva, together we
shall make and unmake the universe. I come as a
supplicant to anoint your lotus feet with kisses and
carnelian.
Vatsayana: (pouting) Did you not say these self-same
words to your Shirley? You would simply drink from the
cup of my love and then cast it away to shatter upon the
ground!
TEP: ( kneels at her
side as she looks away) This is untrue! See, I am slain
by your harsh words. The darts of Kama have pierced my heart from the
moment I gazed within your eyes, Agni, God of flame
dwells this moment within my chest and carries to you the
burnt offering of my heart, yet you greet him with the
water of your disdain. I shall surely perish!
Vatsayana: (warming) did you say carnelians? Show them to
me...
It
should perhaps be mentioned here that the Kama Sutra
instructs lovers that an easily resolved quarrel
heightens passion, and that a man should always be
prepared to provide a small gift to his lady to indicate
his sincerity when making amends. The cleverer courtesans
use this to their advantage, but who really is
complaining?
I produced the stones in question, as well as a few
nicely cut and polished amethysts to further soften her
temper.
Vatsayana: (smiling) These really are lovely. Did you
know that the first circulated book was an Indian Sutra
on Gemmology? I have read it many times over, and learned
as much as a woman may from such things. You are certain
there is no other woman?
TEP: My eyes have
been blinded by your beauty, and my ears deafened by the
sweet intonations of your voice, how after but a drop of
your charms could any other woman exist in the world, let
alone in this heart that you possess. So, would you say
that you had a literary upbringing?
Vatsayana: I am a fool, for I cannot remain angry with
you. Please forgive the idle fears and suspicions of a
woman in love. I suppose that you might say that. My
father, lacking in sons taught me to read at an early age
and instructed me in the arts of business and finance,
but being young, I was far more interested in literature
for its own sake, and particularly the literature of
love.
TEP: And of
Sensuality?
Vatsayana: Sensuality? Of course, how could one ever
truly learn about love without exploring the senses? If
one does not awaken all of the senses, one cannot be
aware of what is pleasurable and pleasing, and bereft of
that which is pleasurable and pleasing love cannot
thrive. You mentioned my feet, earlier, did you not?
Here the lovely and
talented Vatsayana turned and presented her two lovely
bare feet, to which it was evident I was to attend.
Dutifully I proceeded to massage them, noticing with some
pleasure that they had previously been perfumed with
lotus.
Vatsayana: (continuing) Ah yes, that's nice. You see,
here is a prime example, as you rub my feet, you will
notice that they have been adorned with henna in the
mendhi tradition, to be appealing to the eye, they have
been scented, that you may be pleased by their nearness
to your face, and were you to kiss them...
Here
it was evident that such was necessary, and I found much
to my delight that they had also been powdered with honey
dust, a sweet, edible confection in the form of a powder,
most often applied with a feather duster.
Vatsayana: (closes her eyes, and emits a slight moan of
pleasure) You see? Appealing to the taste as well, no
lover wishes to be repulsed by offensive tastes or
odour... well, barring certain odd well paying customers
who pay even more to remain anonymous... But continuing
on, as you may have noticed, the skin is smooth and soft,
carefully tended, to make it more appealing to your hands
and to heighten my own sensitivity to your touch and
kisses...
Here the feet were
again brought to my lips, and the implication made
evident. Vatsayana was quite vocally appreciative of my
attentions to her feet.
Vatsayana: (catching her breath) And as you may have
guessed... oh yes... do that again... by encouraging and
directing you...ooh...hehehehehe...not there!...I can
appeal to your auditory sensitivity...aaaaaahhhh... So
you see that any activity intended for pleasure requires
the utmost attention of the senses, to provide the
keenest of insight into how best to tend to the needs of
one's lover. Thus does one discover the fullest of
delights in the seven kisses and nine forms of biting.
One not attuned to their senses, might not understand the
true value of these, nor recognize the appropriate
situations for each. Goodness... what is THAT!
TEP:Oh...ah... that
would be my tail. I'm sorry. I don't know how it manages
to get out like that...
Vatsayana:What are you doing...
oooooh!...my....what...how.... YES! THERE!
TEP:Just a moment...
what are you doing... you don't understand... it is VERY
sensitive...(GASP)...very sensitive... I'll put it
away...
Vatsayana:DON'T YOU DARE! Here. Allow me to loosen
that...
TEP:But what are you... oh... OH! I see! You mean?
About here anything
of interest to the NoTS reader stops and a lot of
incoherent mumbling and squealing takes place, so we will
simply leave you with the heartiest of encouragement to
obtain your own copy of the “Kama Sutra of
Vatsayana“ as soon as possible, and to commit it to
your memory. We assure you that you will not regret it.
And you Mantids...We told you to disregard this, now go
and consider what sort of new toga you think will be best
suited to the Temple of Sensual Awareness. Go on! Beat
it! It's for your own damn good!
|
By
Studd Muffin
By
Bricriu "The Tail" Bittertongue
