//BREAK IT DOWN//

That’s right…I’m officially back, baby. The Icon, The Showstoppa’, The Main Event…has entered the building. I strut out with the two lackeys tagging close behind. I’m showed with cheers…maybe they’re boos…who gives a damn. The only thing that should matter in everybody’s life right now is that Shawn Michaels along with the rest of D-Generation X has entered the ring. We all do some synchronized crotch chops as neon fireworks shoot off in the form of an “X.” Road Dogg gets handed a microphone as I stare out at the blank faces, and toothless grins from these low IQ Canadians.

Road Dogg: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS…CHILDREN…OF ALL AGES!! D-GENERATION X…PROUDLY BRINGS TO YOU…THE ICON!! THE SHOWSTOPPA’!! THE MAIN EVENT!! IF YOU DON’T LIKE HIM YOU CAN MAKE LIKE YOUR TEETH AND GET BENT…HE IS THE ONE…THE ONLY…SHAWN…MICHAELS!!!

Billy goes for the mic to speak his piece but I snatch it from him before he sucks whatever life is left from this building. The lackeys back off as I let the anticipation build before I speak…

ASSHOLE!!! ASSHOLE!!! ASSHOLE!!!

Morons. They probably can’t even spell “asshole.”

Shawn Michaels: People, people…please. Treat me with the respect I deserve…what am I saying? You people have no manners, or brains to boot “EH?” No wonder everybody in this country is so uptight and pathetic…but I guess I would be too if it was fifty degrees below zero everyday, and all you can eat raw seal buffets in every igloo you go into. I’m surprised you guys actually have power running to this place and not just a bunch of those Chinese looking snow men you call “Inuit’s” or whatever they’re called lighting torches so this place has light.

God…is every single person in the crowd booing? Doesn’t that ever go out of style? Oh wait here’s a new one…

YOU SCREWED BRET!! YOU SCREWED BRET!!

Shawn Michaels: Not this crap again…Look, I shouldn’t have to defend myself for what I did to that washed up old fart who can’t keep control of his tricycle while he’s coasting down his driveway.

Yeah, enter more crap being thrown in the ring. But these people are so stupid and cross-eyed most of it ends up on the ramp instead of the ring.

Shawn Michaels: But let me get straight down to the point…tonight in this very ring!! I give you people the CHANCE OF A LIFETIME!! By letting you people see be perform…for only what? A hundred dollars a ticket? What does that work out to? About five dollars American? That’s highway robbery…you people should be paying a thousand just to see me walk to this ring…let alone put on a match. But tonight, you all get a special treat. Now, I’m not talking a “special treat” like when you get a girlfriend that isn’t a close relative. I’m talking about when in this very ring, TONIGHT!! I spill the blood of one Triple H, all over this ring and win my debut match in NXW.

Believe it or not I actually hear a few cheers for the big nosed beast. I doubt they like him…they just hate me.

Shawn Michaels: Now…Hunter. I saw your little piece a few days ago…and what can I say? Add that to the list of what must be about a hundred times that you have managed to spew out the same old song and dance on me. Believe it or not…for everybody and their dog…it gets old. Older then the stains in your underwear. Look…nobody knows you better then I do, we all know that. You came to me as a snot nose punk, in desperate need of guidance…and out of the goodness of my heart, I gave it to you. You were a mid-card jobber AT BEST…and I let you fly along for the ride that was the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. I still headlined all the shows, I still put all the asses in the seats…but on the marquee in small lettering beside the name “SHAWN MICHAELS”…it said Hunter Hearst Helmsley. But somewhere down the line you got it into your head that somehow, someway…you’d become greater then me. Yeah…when I heard it from Chyna milk shot out my nose and I almost pissed myself with laughter. Ya know something Hunter…there has always been one GIANT factor between you and me that has separated us. Something that I’ve had my entire career, and something that you…and all of these people should be ashamed of for even thinking they could possess it…and that my friends…is God given talent.

God, I love it. Can anybody work a crowd like HBK? They actually bring down some extra security guards to make sure that these disgusting overweight men, and ugly like an elephants ass women don’t think about exercising and jump the barrier to get into the ring.

Shawn Michaels: Hunter…you’ve always rode shotgun to me, and for good reason. When I was running the show as World Heavyweight Champion, merchandise was flying off the shelves, the pay per view buyrates were higher then the number of Neverland Ranch lawsuits…house shows were sold out, all because of one man…ME! It’s always been me, Trips…when you were World Champion everything I just mentioned lower then the percentage of Canadians who could correctly answer a grade third math question. Face it Hunter…no matter what you do, or how you do it, you’ll always get the questions…”Yeah, Hunter that was great…but do you remember when Shawn did that? That was a big win…but do you remember the time when Shawn beat that guy twice as bad and we had more then ten fans in the arena for the match?”…and it eats you up inside. It kills you that in everybody’s minds, including the small mind of you steroid popping buddy and rubber man…that you will never be anything but second place as long as The Heartbreak Kid is still in town. Now I know what you have to say to that…you’ll come down here…do you water routine…

Billy walks over to the ropes, puffs out his cheeks so it looks like he has my balls in his mouth and soaks the first three rows with his own spit. There’s a reason why I make truckloads more cash then these guys…

Shawn Michaels: You’ll come out here and say that I’m full of crap, and how it all ends tonight…well NOT ONCE have you successfully put Shawn Michaels out of action…just like NOT ONCE did you ever successfully perform for Stephanie McMahon, yeah she told me. She said that you were nothing more then a “squirrel in the bush”, and how she needed a real man. But hell, she said more but I wasn’t really paying much attention…I just grabbed the back of her head and pushed her back down. But THE FACT REMAINS…that even your slutty ex-wife knew the deal, Hunter. She knew that compared to me…I was Michael Jackson and you were Tito…there’s just no comparison. Except for that whole child thing…that more fits Hunter…but come on, lets be serious. There is ABSOLUTELY NOBODY…who can do what I do in this ring on a night-to-night basis. Not Triple H, not Ric Flair, not ANYBODY in that locker room. Tonight…I just gotta’ prove it, ONE MORE TIME! And it’s what I do best Hunter…and you just simply can’t compete with that. The ONLY…and I mean ONLY way…that Triple H could beat me…

Yeah, I said it; he can beat me…this one-way.

Shawn Michaels: …is if he had me in a headlock and somehow managed to suck me up his nostrils…where I’d never be seen again. As a matter of fact…there has been a question I’ve always wanted to ask you Hunter…but since your not here…BILLY…strap this on…

I toss Billy a giant bird beak that I dug outta’ my back pocket. It has about the same size and length as that cereal jackass Two Can Sam…but I couldn’t find anything bigger, so it’s a little smaller then actually size. Billy straps that beast on…and my god…I swear I’m looking at Triple H. Ok, maybe his nose doesn’t have the rainbow colors, but other than that…

Shawn Michaels: Now…Hunter…I’ve always wanted to ask you…

I pull out a quarter.

Shawn Michaels: Can you fit this up your nose without it touching either side?

Christ…you people have no sense of humor, that was freakin’ hilarious! All I get is one-finger salutes…but it figures…that’s around what their IQ count is. Billy struggles to get the quarter up there as I continue to keep these people on the edge of their seats with my every word.

Shawn Michaels: COME ON!! You people make me sick!! And you know what else I’m sick of? Not just you Canadians and your breath that gives horse shit a good name…I’m SICK AND TIRED of this whole thing between us Hunter…and believe me, I want it to end more then anybody. You truly think you’re better then me? You think you can run laps around what I did for this business? For what I did to revolutionize this industry? Then prove it, ONE TIME! I swear on your mother’s grave…that if you beat me in this ring, I’ll admit you’re the better man.

Yeah, I will…pffffffft…like he’ll actually beat me, you people should be ashamed of yourselves for even thinking that.

Shawn Michaels: One more match Hunter…to settle it all, once and for all. Once I beat you tonight, there won’t be a second chance, there won’t be any more rematches…you’ll just have to live with the fact that The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels…WILL ALWAYS…BE BETTER…THEN YOU!! Now if you’re not down with that…you can make like your ex-wife last week, and…SUCK IT!!!

The crew gives some crotch chops as the women dream about what’s underneath these pants, and by the looks of the crowd most of the men do too…I’m about to exit the ring but I figure I gotta add one more thing.

Shawn Michaels: And by the way…this hockey thing is highly overrated…it’s no wonder that only you cousin loving people like you actually spend money to watch it. Canadians are all INBRED! MICHAELS OUT!

I drop the microphone as now there’s more beer in the ring then in the rest of the arena. God I hate this country…A few riot cops come out to the ring and surround the three of us. We begin to walk off and I push Billy out of the tight circle…he gets beamed in the head with a full can of beer…Did I mention of much I love me? Billy lays unconscious in the ring as me, Road Dogg and the cops head to the back; I gotta do some serious preparation...AHAHAHAHAHAHA, right. Hitting on some of the divas is enough preparation for a match against Hunter.

Static..

Cut.. fade to black.