|| Record: 003 - 000 - 000 || Match: vs. Samoa Joe-Saturday Night Stroke || Roleplay #: 007
' The Hunt For Samoa Joe: Part 1 '
[[ Static. ]]
[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]
The scene opens up a few days after Saturday Night Stroke where Kurt Angle and his protégé Colt Cabana totally annihilated Too Cool. Along with the lovely Sable the trio appear to be hanging out in a hotel room – which is a bit uncharacteristic after we’ve seen them so many times on Kurt’s giant bus. Sable is relaxing on a couch reading a magazine while Colt is on the other side of the room in a chair watching television. We see Kurt walk out of the bathroom fully dressed, wiping the water out of his finely combed hair with a towel.
Kurt Angle: Man…I can’t believe how easy that match was. For me anyway.
Colt spins around in the chair and looks at Kurt.
Colt Cabana: FOR ME TOO!
Kurt Angle: I don’t know…you looked pretty out of breath backstage after the match.
Colt Cabana: That’s because you had me running laps around the arena!
Kurt Angle: That’s beside the point. Anyway, after the ONLY real American Hero in Solid Gold Wrestling won last week and embarrassed John Cena YET AGAIN…it’s only a matter of time now before I’m wearing SOLID GOLD around my waist!! Ha! Sable!! You see what I did there??
She looks uninterested.
Sable: Yep…good stuff Kurt.
Kurt Angle: It looks like that basket of muffins I sent Jeff Jarrett did the trick though…last week it was two jobbers…this week it’s only ONE!
Colt Cabana: Uh…Kurt?
Kurt throws the towel away.
Kurt Angle: Yes grasshopper?
Cabana looks confused for a moment, but continues.
Colt Cabana: You’re facing Samoa Joe this week.
Kurt rolls his eyes.
Kurt Angle: Well DUH! What do you think I don’t know what my match is? I’m KURT ANGLE…I’m like Nostradomus…only with gold medals.
Colt Cabana: I wouldn’t call Samoa Joe a jobber.
Kurt Angle: JOB Squad member, guy who loses every match, worthless hack…whatever. He’s not up to Olympic standards.
Colt Cabana: That may be true…but I wouldn’t take a guy like Joe lightly.
Kurt Angle: Why not? I’m UN…FREAKIN’…DEFEATED!!
Colt begins to sweat, not wanting Kurt to go all medieval on his ass.
Colt Cabana: It’s just…if you wanna keep that undefeated streak in tact…which I’m sure you will…you might wanna take him seriously. He’s not another Goldust or Too Cool. He’s the real deal.
Kurt stops dead in his tracks.
Kurt Angle: HOLD THE PHONE CHARLIE BROWN!!
Colt knows he’s a deer in the headlights now. His relationship with Kurt could be over any minute.
Kurt Angle: Are you saying that this guy…is BETTER…then ME?!?
Colt shakes his head in fear.
Colt Cabana: Na-….na…not at all Kurt.
Kurt Angle: What was the NUMBER ONE RULE in the official Kurt Angle Handbook I made for you?
Cabana doesn’t look like he can remember.
Kurt Angle: Well?
Colt Cabana: I didn’t know I was supposed to keep that.
Kurt’s eyes go wide.
Kurt Angle: WHAT??!?
Colt Cabana: I think I accidentally threw it away.
Kurt puts his hand on his head in disbelief.
Kurt Angle: You THREW MY HANDBOOK…AWAY?!?
Colt Cabana: Yeah, but…but…I remember the rule!! Never EVER doubt Kurt Angle or his orders no matter how crazy or irrelevant they may seem. Kurt is the MAN and you better FREAKIN’ know that.
Kurt Angle: Damn right that’s the rule!! But you threw away my official handbook? What the HECK is the matter with you?
Colt Cabana: I didn’t think it was that important!
Kurt Angle: It won me a gold medal!
Colt Cabana: It was written in crayon!!!
Kurt Angle: IT WAS THAT OR MY MOM’S LIPSTICK, OKAY?!? AND IT SAID THE COLOR WAS MACARONI AND CHESSE!! I’D BE AN IDIOT NOT TO USE IT!
Kurt takes a few deep breaths and sits down beside Sable, head in his hands.
Colt Cabana: I spent a lot of time in Ring Of Honor with Samoa Joe and let me tell you…he was a force to be reckoned with. He went over a year with the World Title.
Kurt Angle: Yeah, facing guys who couldn’t make it to the big leagues of the World Wrestling Federation. I could go to a second rate company like OVW and become their champion but would I be a TRUE champion? No way Jose.
Colt Cabana: Look before you pull the straps down and put a beating on me…just see for yourself…
Colt pulls a videotape from his pocket. Kurt looks confused.
Kurt Angle: How long have you been carrying this around?
Sable: Who cares…just watch it.
Kurt shrugs and walks over and puts the videotape in the VCR.
What follows next is Samoa Joe absolutely destroying his opponents in Ring Of Honor and TNA Wrestling. We see Joe nearly crushing guy’s skulls in with knees and boots to the face, Muscle Buster’s nearly paralyzing opponents, and pretty much what can be described as near death of every wrestler Joe has faced in his hands. We can’t exactly see whom, but somebody presses stop on the remote as the tape abruptly shuts off. We cut back and see Kurt holding the remote out in front of him, his mouth open.
Kurt Angle: Oh…no…
Sable: What’s wrong Kurt?
Kurt looks at Sable with fear in his eyes.
Kurt Angle: Didn’t you just see that?
Sable: Yeah, I’ve seen him before…he looks more like Fat Joe.
Kurt Angle: He is a REALLY fat guy named Joe…but that’s beside the point.
Sable looks like she’s going to try and correct Kurt, but she knows better.
Sable: …forget it.
Kurt Angle: I gotta do something…I can’t go in the ring with that guy!! COLT!! WHERE ARE YOU??
Colt hasn’t moved the whole time and is still just a few feet away from Kurt Angle.
Colt Cabana: Uh…right here.
Kurt Angle: THANK GOD!! Where the heck have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you!
He’s totally confused, Kurt has gone delusional with fear.
Colt Cabana: I’ve been sitting here the…
Kurt Angle: LOOK!! You said you faced this…ANIMAL before right??
Colt Cabana: Yeah, why?
Kurt Angle: Well…how did it go?
Cabana scratches his head.
Colt Cabana: Eh…not well.
Kurt Angle: You lost?
Colt Cabana: I think so.
Kurt Angle: What’d you mean you think so? It must have only been a few years ago!!
Colt Cabana: Yeah but I don’t remember much of the match…after a few Muscle Busters and submissions I spent the next few months in the hospital.
It’s a good thing Kurt’s wearing dark pants.
Kurt Angle: He broke your bones?!?
Colt shakes his head.
Colt Cabana: No.
Kurt looks a little relieved.
Kurt Angle: Whew…for a second there I was a little…
Colt Cabana: I was in a coma.
Yep, he’s got the fear back.
Kurt Angle: Oh, this is AWFUL!!
Kurt buries his face in the arm of the couch and sobs silently. Hey…all real men cry sometimes. Sable does her best to comfort her man.
Sable: Kurt…look, it’s obvious you’re afraid of getting in the ring with that monster of a man.
Kurt snaps up.
Kurt Angle: HEY! I’m not afraid!! I’m just…worried for my health. Sable you know I don’t fear any man…
Colt Cabana: Didn’t you say you were afraid of being attacked by bees?
Kurt gives him a cold stare.
Kurt Angle: Yeah right. Bees are not taking out an Olympic Gold Medallist!! I would punch every bee in the face!!
Sable: Nonetheless…we have a few days before your match with Samoa Joe.
Kurt Angle: Yeah, his DEBUT!! Did you see what he did to that poor Indian boy in his TNA debut?
Colt Cabana: I hear he’s still recovering from those injuries.
Kurt nods in agreement.
Kurt Angle: See Sable? That poor “Wagon burner”…
Sable rolls her eyes. Kurt is obviously not up to date on what Indians should and should not be called. And Sonjay Dutt isn’t even an Indian.
Kurt Angle: He had one chance…ONE to get out of that 7-11 and into the wrestling ring. And now…he’ll be in that store for the rest of his life!
Colt Cabana: You wanna go see Sonjay?
Kurt Angle: Heck no!! He’d probably try and eat me!!
Sable: If you’ll let me talk…I have a plan.
Angle smiles.
Kurt Angle: I love a good plan. Especially when it involves a Kurt Angle victory. Does it involve a Kurt Angle victory???
Sable: Of course.
Kurt Angle: YES!!
Kurt jumps up off the couch.
Kurt Angle: You’re in big trouble now Joe!! You may think that because you’re heavier then all of my previous SGW opponents combined you’ve got a chance to take down the model American citizen…but you’re wrong pal!! Saturday night you’re going down!! DOWNTOWN!!
Sable tugs at Kurt’s shirt.
Sable: Don’t you wanna hear what the plan is?
Kurt Angle: Oh…yeah, that’s probably a good idea.
He sits beside her once again.
Kurt Angle: Okay, shoot.
Sable: Well, remember last week on Stroke the contract signing with Ric Flair and Jeff Jarrett?
Kurt Angle: I don’t think me kicking Ric Flair’s butt or my boss’ butt is gonna solve my problem here.
She sighs.
Sable: No…I mean, they signed a contract saying they couldn’t touch each other, right?
Kurt Angle: Yeah, so?
Sable: You and Samoa Joe didn’t sign a contract like that.
Kurt’s eyes go wide.
Kurt Angle: You’re right!
Sable smiles, knowing Kurt understands her plan.
Kurt Angle: He might attack me before our match!!
…or not.
Kurt Angle: We need guys on the lookout!!