Disclaimer: Hey all! I'd like to start out by saying that I don't own the guys. They are their own people. I don't want to own the guys. They are their own people. I am just using their names and faces and sitch. They are their own people. (Get the idea?) ;) Hope ya'll enjoy!
Lance Bass was writing in his notebook again. Ever since he'd bought it, he was constantly writing in it, occassionally cutting things out and gluing them in the notebook. No one knew what he wrote in there, but it was very private, because he never let anyone read it. If they did, though, they'd see things such as this:
He's so cute. I wish I understood why I like him so much. I tried to pretend these feelings didn't exist, but that was just lying to myself. Why me?
Now, normally Lance was considered to be the backbone of Nsync, and he was very strong, so for him to be saying things like this was a major stretch of character. The other guys had no idea what was going on in Lance's mind, but if they did, one can be sure that they would have gone out of their way to help him out.
Lance turned a page in his notebook and began writing something, pausing every few seconds and even every few minutes before continuing. The others descreetly watched him, trying to figure out what he was writing.
If they only knew...
My life has been incomplete
And yet I didn't know
Until that day in our hearts we meet
The high of my life will continue to be a low
Lance scribbled out the words, then gave up with an exasperated sigh. He was tired, sore from sitting there all day, and he just wanted to go to bed.
"You okay, Lansten?" Justin asked, sliding in across the table from Lance. He carefully avoided looking at the notebook, because Lance really hated it when the guys did that, and Justin respected Lance's wishes.
Lance smiled weakly at Justin. "Yeah, Curly," he agreed. "I'm alright." He rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?" he asked, yawning. The sky had been dark for quite a few hours, and the only light in the bus was from where Lance was sitting at the table, and where Justin had been watching tv. The other three had retired long ago.
Justin consulted his watch. "It's 11:23."
Lance made a face. "When did it get so late?" he muttered.
Justin shrugged. "Around 10."
Lance gave Justin an odd look, and Justin shook his head. "Nevermind," Justin sighed. "Anyway, are you alright?"
Lance nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
Justin hesitated, then shrugged. "I don't know. You just seem kinda out of it lately. I know that I'm not as close with you as JC or anything, but I just want you to know that if you need a shoulder... Or an ear... I'm always willing to be there."
Lance frowned, then leaned forward. "Justin, do you believe that there's someone out there for everyone?"
Justin paused, then nodded slowly. "Yes, of course I do. Why do you ask?"
Lance shook his head. "Nevermind. I'm just curious." Lance leaned back against the seat.
"Lance..." Justin hesitated, then trailed off. "I'm here for you, no matter what," he said simply, then stood. "I'm going to go to bed. I'll see ya tomorrow morning."
"Sleep well, Justin," Lance agreed off handedly, then went back to his notebook.
Justin thinks that there's someone for everyone, Lance wrote. And while I agree, how do I know who is the right one? And does it matter if that person is male or female? And... And what if he doesn't feel the same way? I wouldn't be able to handle the rejection. I care about him too much. Love is such a strong word, and I don't dare venture to say it, but I feel so strongly about him... What am I going to do?
Oh for the love of god, help me.
Lance dropped onto the couch beside Joey, who was madly flipping channels. Chris was playing with the radio dial, and they somehow seemed to be racing each other to do something... Lance wasn't sure what, and he certainly didn't want to ask.
Justin came into the living room to find out what the noise was all about, and smiled at Lance, who smiled back. Justin came and sat down beside Lance.
"How ya doing?" Justin asked warmly.
"Pretty good. You?" Lance looked up into Justin's blue eyes.
"Fine. I came to see what all the noise was about." Justin eyed Chris and Joey warily. "What are they doing?"
"I'm not quite sure." Lance shrugged and shook his head. "Whatever it is, I hope they're enjoying themselves, 'cause that's really annoying."
JC came into the room next, and Lance brightened. "Hey JC!" Lance greeted happily.
JC grinned at Lance and Justin and sat on the coffee table in front of them. "What's up, ya'll?" he asked, yawning and stretching. "I am so tired. I don't think I got enough sleep."
"Go back to bed," Justin advised. "It's not like we're doing anything particularly special today."
"Ah, that's not true," JC objected, then nudged Lance's leg with his own. "Lansten and I are going to work on a song, isn't that right, Lansten?"
Lance's smile was wide. "That's right," he confirmed happily. Justin arched an eyebrow.
JC yawned. "Okay. I'm gonna go get dressed, probably fall asleep for about ten more minutes, and then I'll be right back." He playfully ruffled Lance's hair and then disappeared, leaving Lance to stare adoringly after him.
Justin's eyes met Lance's pointedly, and Lance looked away.
"So hmmm..." Justin drawled, leaning his chin in his palm as he looked up at Lance, who was turning a lovely shade of pink. "I think Lansten has a secret."
Lance flushed darker.
"It's okay, Lance," Justin reassured him gently, sitting up and slipping an arm around Lance's shoulders. "I'll help you out."
Lance's eyes widened slightly. "You'll what?" he deadpanned.
"I'll help you," Justin repeated. "I'll help you get what you want, that is."
Lance frowned. "I don't know what you're--"
"Of course you do," Justin interrupted smoothly. "I think our lovely little JC just needs a bit of a nudge in your direction and he'll be all yours." He leaned forward and whispered in Lance's ear. "JC can be a little dense sometimes." He pulled back and brightened. "So, consider yourself with a new ally!"
Lance eyed Justin warily.
Lance smiled up at JC as he slid into the seat beside him.
"Can I see what you've got so far?" JC asked, slipping an affectionate arm around Lance's shoulders.
Lance wordlessly handed JC the notebook, drumming his fingers nervously on the table. Lately he'd gotten so flustered when JC was around, especially since JC kept touching him, that it was hard to speak.
"Lance, this is a blank page," JC monotoned.
Lance smiled brightly. "Then I'm making progress!" he proclaimed. "I just had an idea, before."
JC laughed and hugged him tightly before setting the notebook on the table and keeping his arm around Lance, began to speak. "Well tell me about your idea, then," he suggested.
"It's about this guy who's in love with his friend--only his friend doesn't know, and the guy doesn't know how to tell him."
JC nodded seriously. "That's a very sweet idea. Where'd you come up with it?"
Lance paused. "I had a dream about it the other night," he admitted finally. "You really like it?"
"Of course I do! It's beautiful." JC flashed that dazzling grin at him, and Lance beamed happily. "Let's start by writing it out, okay?"
Lance shrugged. "You're the expert at this, not me."
JC rolled his eyes. "Can the compliments, Lansten, you and I have been through far too much together for you to start with me."
Lance laughed, and JC did too, hugging him tightly. JC's scratchy handwriting filled up the top of the paper, and together they stared at the words, Lance barely able to concentrate through JC's cologne, and JC nibbling adorably at his lip.
"Let's start simple," JC suggested, picking up the pen and writing the words, "I love you" on one of the lines. Lance stared at those words as if he'd never seen them before in his life. If JC would only write 'Lance' after those three little words, and then a heart and JC's name after that, Lance would be set.
"Did he love his friend from the beginning or did it just sorta surprise him?" JC asked Lance.
Lance, flustered, shook his head. "I suppose it sorta just... happened. Out of no where."
"Okay..." JC twirled the pen between his fingers, then scribbled out, "Words I never thought I'd say, and especially not directed your way." He twirled the pen again, then set it down. "Any ideas yet?" he asked.
Lance was still incoherent at JC's ability to put those two sentences together, and especially when they fit so well into Lance's life right now.
"Lance?" JC asked worriedly, leaning down to look into his eyes. Lance, startled, blinked several times at the close proximity of JC's face to his.
"What?" Lance breathed, his eyes wide.
"Are you alright?" JC studied him carefully.
"Fine," Lance croaked. "I-uh, I'm going to go lay down, I think. I've got a headache."
JC frowned in concern. "Sure. Of course. We'll do this later."
Lance nodded and quickly dashed into the bedroom, thinking about what a complete fool he'd made of himself.
"Lance?"
Lance stuck his head out of the curtain that separated his bed from the rest of the world and looked up at Justin. "Yes?"
"Are you alright?"
"No. Did you see what a complete ass I was out there?" Lance moaned and dropped his head back inside his little world, onto his pillow.
Justin smiled and sank down onto the edge of Lance's pillow. "You didn't look like a complete ass. You've got JC worried now, but you weren't a complete ass."
Lance muttered something unintelligible.
"Anyway, I'm here on business purposes," Justin stated briskly. "I'm about to make an utter sacrifice for my sanity for you and JC to have some quality time together. Here. In your bed. I'll walk out there and say that you were moaning about how badly your head hurt, and JC will of course come in here to check on you, because that's just the kind of guy he is. Ask him to lay with you just for a little while, until you fall asleep, and voila! You two are makin' nice in the bed while I keep Joey and Chris busy with the sega. Whatever you do after that is your own business."
Lance sat up and stared at Justin. "Are you insane?" he asked seriously. "Really, Justin, I worry about your sanity sometimes."
"Aw, don't waste your time on lil' ol' me," Justin scoffed playfully. "I'm just peachy keen, jelly bean."
Lance stared at him, then reached out and touched Justin's forehead. "You do feel kinda warm," Lance started warily.
Justin made a face at him. "Haha, you're such a funny guy, Lance Bass. I come and try to help you out, and all you can do is bitch at me. But for your information, I'm going to help you anyway, 'cause that's just the kind of guy that I am."
Lance frowned. "Justin, JC and I can do things at our own pace, if we do anything at all--"
"Stop," Justin ordered, holding up a hand. Lance closed his mouth. "I've known JC was gay since I was 12. I have to admit, I only had suspicions about you, but hey, I'm happy for you guys if you can make it work. Things might be a little weird in the group, especially if I wake up in the middle of the night hearing you two scream each other's names, but we'll live."
Lance was bright red when Justin was done, and then buried his face in his hands. "Justin, don't even start--" he began.
"Lance, relax. I'm teasing you." Justin placed a hand on Lance's shoulder, and Lance hesitantly looked up, blue clashing with green. "You're really scared about this, aren't you?" Justin asked, sounding awed.
Lance scowled. "Was your first clue when I said we'd go at our own pace, or when I thought that this could very possibly destroy the group?"
Justin held up his hands in surrender. "Sorry, sorry. No more teasing." He paused. "Do I really have to stop teasing you? It's nothing personal, I just find it fun. Oh Lord, I've been hanging out with Chris for too long. So, what do you say?"
Lance shook his head slightly to clear it. "I say that you're very confusing, Justin Timberlake," he told him. "What on earth are you talking about?"
Justin grinned easily. "I wanted to know if you want me to pull on JC a bit with this game thing, or if you just want to do your own snail-race."
Lance frowned. Well when he put it that way... "I suppose it couldn't hurt," he relented slowly.
Justin grinned widely. "Great. See, Lansten? I knew you'd come around! Your backbone is in there someplace! That's one of the things I admire about you. When you really, really want something, you just go for it! You throw caution to the wind and you just go. I think that's great."
Lance's eyes widened in surprise. "Thank you, Justin."
"You're welcome. I'll be sendin' JC your way in a few minutes." Justin winked at him and then, like a fresh air wind that's cut off, Justin was gone.
Lance flopped back on the bed, rubbing his forehead and trying to figure out what had just happened when JC was suddenly there, kneeling beside his bed. "Lance?" JC asked worriedly. "Justin said that you're really hurting. How long have you had this headache?"
"I just got it," Lance answered, lying through his teeth. He didn't like lying to JC, no matter what the possible outcome was, and to his horror, his body began to react to his lie and, in fact, give him a stabbing, shooting pain in his temple. He wasn't sure whether to be thankful or angry at the pain that snaked backwards down the stem of his neck and resided there with a dull ache.
"Want some medicine?" JC offered.
"Not really. Could-could you just lay with me for a little while? Just until I fall asleep?"
JC was beside him before Lance could even feel embarassed, pulling Lance into his arms as he answered, "Of course, Lance." JC's fingers lightly began to stroke Lance's hair, and he nearly sighed in contentment, but he managed to contain it. JC was so strong, and so soft, and so sweet... Lance adored JC so much. He adored everything about JC, except for how oblivious he was.
Lance had to give Justin credit, he'd had a good idea.
Lance wandered out into the living room and picked his notebook up off the table. JC had been obviously working on the song, but the paper was covered in his small handwriting and scratch outs. JC had kept next to nothing, except those first three lines that he had written while Lance was with him.
Lance flipped the page and was startled to see Justin's handwriting there, reading, "How did it go?" He looked up quickly, but Justin wasn't there... He was playing sega with Joey. Lance scrawled out a quick reply, then closed the notebook, leaving the pen on JC's page. Then he went to go watch tv.
A few minutes later Joey and Justin both wandered in, Joey snatching the remote from Lance and Justin meeting Lance's eyes before casually going over to the table and, making sure Joey wasn't watching, flipped open the notebook. Lance watched him out of the corner of his eye and watched Justin's smile when he saw that Lance had answered. He read Lance's reply, then picked up the pen and scribbled something back, to Lance's surprise, amusement, and pleasure. He kind of liked this little game.
Justin stretched and then joined Lance and Joey on the couch. Lance looked around, pretending to be looking for something, then stood and went to his notebook. Not that Joey was noticing anyway. He was completely oblivious to everything except his channel changing.
Lance opened up the notebook and began to read Justin's reply.
I told you, Lance. JC adores you! Didn't I tell you I was a genius and my idea would work? You didn't believe me, did you? That's alright, I forgive you. I have an idea for a new way to get you and JC together... If you wanna hear it, you gotta reply...
Lance smiled and uncapped the pen, picked it up, and began writing a reply.
You were right about the idea, Curly, but I don't know if you're right about JC adoring me as anything more than a friend. But I'll bite, I'm interested in your next idea. So come on already, don't keep me in suspense...
Lance closed the notebook and went back to the couch, resuming his position on the couch. Justin glanced at him, and Lance looked slyly back. A faint smile crossed over Justin's mouth.
"I'm going to go to bed," Joey announced. "I'll see you guys tomorrow morning."
"Night Joey," they chorused, then watched as he went into the bedroom area, closing the door behind him. Justin hopped over the back of the couch, snatched up the notebook even though Lance was right there, read the reply, and then handed it back to Lance as he spoke.
"This song you guys are working on," Justin began, his eyes dancing. "I don't suppose it has to do with JC, does it?"
Lance blushed. "All except the love part."
Justin made a face. "If this isn't for love, then what's it for?" he countered.
"Well, it could be love," Lance offered. "It's just not yet."
Justin thought about it, then nodded, accepting the answer. "Okay. Well, anyway, you and I are going to work on this song a little bit, and then you can show him what you've been up to. JC will be so impressed at your poetic and romantic mind, blah blah blah."
Lance made a face. "You really think it'll work?" he asked warily. "I feel bad. Sort of like I'm... I don't know. Tricking JC into a relationship or something, assuming he wants one."
Justin waved Lance down. "Chicks do it all the time when they want a guy. Haven't you seen all those mind games that they play? This is the same thing, only it's between two guys. Now, do you want my help or not?"
Lance considered it carefully. He felt like he was going behind JC's back, but if everything worked out, maybe it was worth it. And Justin seemed to think it was okay, and everyone knew how moralistic Justin was... Lance sighed and nodded. "Yes, Justin, thank you for helping me."
Justin flashed a charming grin. "You're welcome. Now let's do this!" He turned another page in the notebook and started out the same way JC did, writing the idea at the top. Then he started out with the first three lines.
I love you
Words I never thought I'd say
And especially not directed your way
But now a question I have to ask
Do you love me, too?
Of course you don't
Of course you can't; you don't know
How when you're with me I'm not alone
Our frendship started it all
Without you, apart my life would fall
Lance stared at the words that Justin wrote out quickly, without hesitation. His eyes widened and he looked up at Justin when Justin was finally done.
"Where did you come up with that?" Lance breathed, staring at Justin in surprise. "That's absolutely beautiful!"
Justin smiled slightly. "I've been thinking about it since I read it. I hope you don't mind. It's a beautifully sweet idea, Lance."
Lance dropped his eyes. "It's just an idea," he mumbled. "You and JC are the ones writing it."
"But no one besides you and I have to know that," Justin pointed out.
Lance frowned. "But that's your work," Lance started.
"So?" Justin countered. "I want you to have it. Relax, Lansten, I don't mind." He smiled. "I'm glad if I can help you."
Lance couldn't help but sneak a glance at Justin as he worked out more lyrics, frowning at what he had, scribbling it out, then writing it again, then scribbling it once more. Together he and Justin joked around for about two hours, until Lance looked at his watch.
"Jesus, Justin, it's 2 a.m.!" Lance exclaimed softly. "We have a photoshoot tomorrow!"
Justin's eyes widened, then he scowled. "I forgot about it. Damn it, I'm so tired of those photoshoots!"
Lance playfully ruffled his hair. "But you're the star!"
Justin frowned. "That's why I'm tired of them."
Lance paused and studied him. "Why?" he asked. "They love you."
Justin set down the pad of paper and the pen and leaned back against the couch. "I know. I'm so tired of it, Lance. They know more about me than I do! This..." He gestured to the paper with his scratchy handwriting on it, then to the bus. "I love this. I love to make music. But I hate that they want to tear me apart to get it out of me."
Lance drew his knees to his chest and studied Justin, resting his cheek on his knee. "You're very lucky," he told Justin softly, watching as Justin's blue eyes came up and met his. "You are very talented, you are very attractive, and you are a very balanced person. A lot of people wouldn't be able to handle half the stuff you have, Justin, and you've managed to pull through it almost completely unscathed." He paused, searching Justin's pale blue eyes. "But you aren't completely unscathed, are you?"
Justin frowned. "I'm okay," he insisted. "But thank you for the compliments."
One of Lance's cheeks drew in in a smile. "I'm just stating facts, Timberlake," he teased lightly. His smile faded. "But really... I'm very impressed by you. We all are. Not just because you've got a great voice, or 'cause you've got a million fans, but because of who you are, and who you managed to become despite all the people who tried to mold you into their creation."
Justin looked surprised. "Really?"
Lance nodded seriously. "You don't give yourself enough credit, sometimes, Justin." His eyes took on a mischevious look. "Sometimes you give yourself too much," he teased, then, as Justin laughed softly, he became serious once more. "You are a good person. You amaze us all all the time, where it really counts. Tomorrow, if you decide to never do another photoshoot again, or if you quit the group tomorrow, or if you never sing again, it won't matter, because that's just on the superficial level. Where you are is who we all love, and that's what really counts."
Justin smiled at Lance. "I had no idea you felt that way. But thank you."
"You're welcome." Lance stretched out his limbs and stood up, offering his hand to Justin. "Now let's go to bed," he suggested, even as he helped Justin up. "It's late--or early, rather--and we've got a long day ahead of us."
Justin groaned, but it was more good natured as together they made their way into the bedroom area, undressed without thinking in front of each other, and then climbed into their own beds, Justin's on the top bunk and Lance's across from his and on the bottom. JC's bed was across from Lance's, and sometimes when his best friend slept, Lance would watch him until his eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep.
Tonight, however, Lance was tired, and didn't need any help getting to sleep before he was out.
Someone was shaking Justin awake. Justin groaned, muttered something, and rolled over, but the person was insistant. Justin reached out a hand to smack them, but they were quick, and he missed them.
"Ah ah, Curly, I'm onto your 'hit the waker' game," Chris warned. "Now get up and get in the shower, we're going to be there in an hour."
Justin slowly opened his eyes, blinked a few times to bring the world into focus, then glared at Chris. "I hate you," he muttered, then dragged his tired body out of bed, taking a glance at the clock as he did so. It was only 10 a.m.! He'd gone to bed 8 hours ago! Justin Timberlake functioned on 10 hours of sleep, not 8.
Still, after a nice, invigorating shower, he felt better, and he wandered out into the living room. He didn't really see the point in getting ready for a photoshoot, considering that they changed him and redid his hair anyway, but he'd at least chosen slightly nice clothes and did his hair and shaved. That was as much as these people got, though. He was too tired to do anything else.
"Morning Curly!" JC greeted as Justin came out. JC and Lance were sitting together in the love seat, and Justin couldn't help but smile. Lance's eyes flicked towards the table, and Justin saw Lance's notebook sitting there, slightly bumped from where Lance had stuck the pen in. Justin licked his lips to repress his smile.
"Hey ya'll," Justin greeted tiredly, yawning and stretching. "What're you up to?"
"Just watchin' some tv," Joey answered, then raised his voice to a shout so that Chris could hear him in the game room. "Chris is playing Sega, but I quit when he threw his controller at me. Knocked me right in the head, too."
"It was an accident!" Chris shouted.
"Whatever," Joey muttered. Justin snickered and shook his head, going over to the table and casually opening the notebook.
He loved what you wrote. Curly, you're a genius! Thank you, thank you, thank you! He is so cute, isn't he? Oh, sorry, that's probably a bad question to ask you. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, tell you that you are positively brilliant, and tell you one last thing: They may be focusing on your looks with all the photoshoots, but the only reason they even care about what you look like is because they like your music. So mull over that for a little while, and thank you for your help!
Justin smiled at Lance's handwriting, then picked up the pen and scrawled back a reply. When he was done he put the pen right where Lance had stuck it, and then closed the notebook and stood, going to the kitchen and getting something to drink.
"Anyone else want?" Justin called over his shoulder.
"Dr. Pepper, please!" Lance requested.
"Water!" JC.
"No." Joey.
Justin got their respective drinks, making sure to give Lance a little glance at the notebook before dropping onto the couch with Joey, who proceeded to drink half of Justin's water before Justin even had a sip. Justin stared in hurt protest as Joey downed half of it, gasped for air, and then handed it back. Sadly Justin stared at the almost completely gone water.
"It's still half full," Lance offered supportively to Justin, who gave him a bewildered look, then burst out laughing.
"Trust you to look on the positive side of everything!" JC teased him, hugging Lance to him with the arm already around his shoulders. Lance grinned, embarassed. Justin watched them with a small smile, then curbed it by taking a drink of the water.
Eventually JC got up to go play Sega with Chris, and Lance went to the table, pulling open his notebook and reading what Justin wrote. He smiled faintly as he read the words of support and 'your welcomes' that Justin had left him. To Justin's surprise, Lance picked up the pen and began to write. He didn't stop writing until they reached the photoshoot, and when they got there, he picked up his pen and continued writing as the other guys all got ready.
"What cha writin'?" Justin asked, dropping down next to Lance. "I always wondered what you put in that thing."
Lance looked up and smiled. "Well you'll be able to read this part of it soon, so practice that virtue known as patience."
"Ooo, a wise guy, eh?" Justin demanded, grabbing Lance around the neck and giving him a nuggie, completely messing up Lance's hair. Then they had to sit quietly and listen to the hair people scold them for ten minutes, pretending to be contrite little boys while poking each other and snickering when the hair person's back was turned.
"Would you two stop fooling around?" the photographer demanded, right in the middle of taking pictures of Chris and Joey. "Honestly, we're trying to be professionals here!"
"We're not!" Lance chimed in, to everyone's astonishment. His green eyes met Justin's. "We're in this for the fun, aren't we, Curly?"
A slow smile spread across Justin's face. Lance could be so sweet sometimes... "That's right!" Justin confirmed firmly. So that was why Lance was willing to keep getting in trouble. He thought that it would put Justin in a better mood. Well, Justin had to admit, it worked. He was actually very cheerful about getting his picture taken, especially when they were group pictures, and Lance would poke him, or tease him, or do something to make him laugh. Lance, Justin was discovering, was a very, very good friend. No wonder JC liked him so much. And, as Justin watched, he found it rather obvious just how much JC did like the spiky-tipped, green-eyed boy. And then, as Justin Timberlake watched two of his best friends wrestle and laugh with each other, he discovered that he was actually a bit envious of his long time friend.
"Whew!" Lance exclaimed, dropping down onto the couch beside Justin as the photographer snapped pictures. "How ya doing, Curly?"
"Smile!" the photographer hissed.
"I'll smile for you," Lance muttered darkly, which made Justin smile, then laugh. Lance turned and gave him an incredulous look as Justin laughed and the photographer snapped. "You think that's funny?" he exclaimed. "I'll funny you!" He threw himself onto Justin, wrestling him to the ground, and then Joey jumped on top of them, followed by Chris. JC merely sat on the arm of the couch, shaking his head.
"I'm not with them," JC told the photographer, trying to stiffle his laughter.
"You know you're one of us!" Lance called at him from someplace between Justin and Joey. Justin was on the bottom, and he was being crushed.
"Air!" Justin mock-gasped. "Someone get me air! My lungs! My vital organs! They're being crushed!"
He was met by laughter and more pouncing.
"Having fun?" Lance asked in Justin's ear.
Justin couldn't help but smile. "Yes, actually, except for eating the ground, I think this has been one of the best photoshoots in a year or so."
"It's not over yet!" Lance sang teasingly, then squirmed out of the pile and tackled JC. Justin watched him faintly, not noticing the photographer that caught the small smile on his face.
"Change!" the photographer barked, and the five guys were wisked back into wardrobe.
Lance picked out an electric blue feather boa and tossed it around Justin's shoulders. "It's you, Jus," Lance declared, his eyes dancing.
Justin struck a pose. "How about me in this and nothing else?" he teased.
Lance arched an eyebrow, and it suddenly occured to Justin that Lance was gay. Justin blushed and then sputtered, but Lance was now on the ground, practically rolling around with laughter. Tears streamed down his cheeks, as well as his makeup, and Justin stamped his foot on the ground to try and get Lance's attention and make him stop.
"They're going to blame me!" Justin howled.
"That's 'cause it's your fault!" Lance tossed back, then just clutched his stomach. "Oh god, my sides. My sides!"
Justin couldn't help but laugh with him. Lance had an infectious laugh, and soon they were both practically rolling around on the ground, Justin still wearing the feather boa. That was how they were found, about ten minutes later, when the guys finally came looking for them.
"What is with you two today?" Joey sighed, picking them up. "I'm all up for fun, too, but I hate being left out!"
Chris eyed Justin warily. "Why is Justin wearing a feather boa?" he asked. Lance and Justin exchanged a look, and then they were both laughing hysterically again.
"You two are crazy," JC sighed, grinning slightly, and then shoved them in the direction of the wardrobe personel, who took one look at them, their runny make-up, and scowled unhappily.
"Here," she said thrusting a pair of black leather pants and a black sleeveless leather shirt into Lance's stomach. She handed Justin an identical outfit, and as soon as they came out of wardrobe, they found the other guys in the same outfits. The photographer took one look at their messed up makeup and demanded that they come take a picture like that. They arched their eyebrows but did as requested, throwing on their 'mod' looks.
Lance placed his hands firmly on his hips, turned to the side so that the camera caught his body profile, then turned his face to look at the camera head on. Justin stood behind him and gave the camera the same look. Then they both started cracking up, and Justin rested a hand on Lance's shoulder to support himself. The photographer snapped all of this. Justin was thrown into Lance's back when Joey hopped up on his back and he staggered, and JC helped Lance up, Justin shooting a wink at Lance. The camera caught it, unknown to both of them. Lance hoisted himself up onto JC's back, and then Chris stood between the two people poles and arched an eyebrow with his arms crossed.
"Now go get cleaned up," the photographer told Justin and Lance. They laughed and made their trek to the makeup stand, where they were scolded yet again and sent back with fresh faces.
"Are we pretty, now?" Lance asked the photographer. Justin burst out laughing and nearly ran his makeup again.
"We're going to separate you two," Chris warned, shaking his head.
"Music!" Lance demanded loudly, crossing his arms over his chest and sticking his nose up in the air. "Nsync does not preform without music... Ever!" Then he dropped his nose and all five of them burst out laughing. Still, a few seconds later a radio was turned on, and Britney's "Oops I did it Again" came blaring out of the speakers.
The guys all started laughing and cajoling Justin, who took it all in stride. They even struck a few 'Britney poses': chest out, stomach in, butt out. Justin made faces at them, and they all laughed.
Finally they took a few serious poses, and then the day was--thankfully--over. They took off all the makeup, changed into their street clothes, and then they were free to go. As soon as they were back on the bus, Justin dropped into the kitchen table, surprised when a notebook was slid onto it in passing as Lance and JC made their way to the game room to play some Sega. Lance gave Justin a little wink over his shoulder, and then they were gone.
Justin stared after them for several minutes before slowly opening up the notebook.
Hey Curly! Thanks for your support through all of this. You're being a lot more casual about this than I thought you were going to be... No offense or anything. I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that it means a lot to me.
Joey's talking about our photoshoot today. I hope it'll be fun for you. I'll try and make it at least slightly less painful... I wonder what fun stuff I can come up to do? Getting in trouble is really more your forte, isn't it? I just sorta go along for the ride. I'm not very good at getting in trouble. When I was younger, my mom would scold me if I got in trouble. I mean, I'd get in trouble, then she'd scold me for getting into trouble. It was completely messed up, but it left me with the mentality that trouble=bad. You, on the other hand, obviously never got the droning speeches that I got, talking about how you need to be a good little boy... Nevermind, I'll be nice and spare you.
God it's pretty out today. It's still early morning, but you can see the sun starting up. I didn't get much sleep last night, as I'm sure you can tell, but sleep is overrated. Anyway, it's beautiful out here. I like this time on the bus, when no one else is awake, the sun is coming up, the window is open and fresh air is pouring in... Am I getting too sappy for you? My point is just that it's beautiful and fresh right now. You should try to drag your lazy ass out of bed sometime before 10 and check it out. I promise you, it's worth it.
I just got off the phone with my mom, and you know what she said to me? "How's your little friend JC? Are you two together, yet?" I just about had a heartattack. I hate it when my mom talks about me having a boyfriend. I guess I'm still sort of ashamed about it, even if I have known since I was 15. I have no problem talking about it with others, but when it's my mom, or my dad, or Stacy... It's hard. Very, very hard. That's the same reason I never told you guys. It's okay for other people to know, but not my family... And I consider you guys family. Lord, how cheesy can I get?! It's only 7 a.m.!
Yes, Curly, you read correctly. It is 7:00 a.m. in the morning. Amazing, isn't it? This is probably the first thing you've ever touched that felt the crisp morning air of 7:00 a.m., and didn't just stay up all night. Are you properly amazed? Yes? Good, then let's move on.
JC just woke up. He looks so adorable with his hair all tossled, but you don't need to hear that, and I'll spare you. He just dropped onto the couch... Looks like he's going to fall asleep again. I wonder how long it'll take the others... Not long, here comes Joey. Joey looks like hell warmed over. I know that's mean, but Joey really looks exhausted. He and JC are arguing over the couch right now. JC says he was here first. Uh oh, they're looking at me to settle this dispute. Forget that! The two of them can argue it out! I'm not stupid! Oh, great, here comes Chris, trying to find out what all the noise is about. Poor Chris. He flopped right into that two seater couch and he is not moving. Joey and JC decided who gets the couch: JC kicked Joey onto the ground and Joey didn't get back up. Well that solved that easily enough, didn't it?
We're at the photoshoot now, and I think I'm going to go get us into trouble. Later Curly!
Justin smiled when he was done reading. Lance certainly had a lot more going through his mind than any of them knew. He was also very sweet... Justin had always known Lance was a good friend, but never this good of a friend. JC was a very lucky guy. Justin picked up the pen and began twirling it between his fingers, trying to plot his next move to help the two of them get together. After a moment, he picked up the pen and began writing.
Before Britney and I hooked up, she plotted to no end to get me. (Don't ask how I know, it's a very long, involved, annoying story.) One of the methods in which she did it was scamper around in tiny little outfits and practically flash me while I was in her room, but that's beside the point. The point is that I have an idea. You and I are going to start working out, and firm up that muscle that you've started to tone. (Yes, I have noticed, and you're looking great! Good for you!) Then, I figure it'll be maybe a couple of weeks, you and JC are casually hanging in your hotel room. You--oops, I did it again!--spill something on your shirt. You sigh dramatically and slip out of that shirt without a second thought. JC's jaw falls, he comments on your hard body--wink, wink, nudge, nudge--and you offhandedly mention that you've been chillin' like a villian in the gym for a little while. JC compliments you, his eyes full of appreciation, and you casually mention that he's lookin' pretty good, too. Next thing you know... Well, anyway, if I hear screams, you're going down.
And for the record, I don't care what your sexual orientation is. You're my friend, and that's all that matters. Just because you're interested in guys doesn't change who you are! And don't be embarassed about telling us. I think it actually may help things with JC if he knows that you're not just acting as a friend, and Chris and Joey are both really cool about gay guys. (You see how they act towards the ones at our concerts!) So don't worry about it, but I'm not going to pressure you. It's a big decision, and yours alone. Still, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for allowing me to figure it out with my own brain power. ;) Seriously, it means a lot that you trust me.
Oh! And today was such a blast! This was seriously one of the best photoshoots--ever. Thank you so much! I know you hate trouble, and for you to get into it because of me... Well, it means a lot, Lance, it really does. So thank you. It was fun.
Hmmm... Right now you and JC are in the Sega room, and I can hear you two yelling each others' names. Bad thoughts, Justin, bad thoughts, Justin. Oh Lord, oh Lord. This is wrong! Wrong, wrong wrong! Lance, what are you doing to my sanity?! Nah, I'm just playin', man. I don't care. Like I said, if it works, I'm happy for ya'll.
Joey wants to know if I want to play poker. I don't, but I'm going to just 'cause Chris is sleeping and Joey is bored, and you and JC are makin' nice in the back. Hehe, aren't I eloquent? Anyway, I'll talk to ya lata, and hopefully I'll have a new idea for you!
Lance finished reading Justin's entry, smiling slightly. Justin was being great about all of this, and Lance would never be able to repay him enough. He was very thankful for Justin's friendship, his support, and his sense of humor. He was making things a lot easier for Lance.
Lance didn't get a chance to respond, however, when JC entered and dropped down beside Lance, slipping an arm around Lance's shoulders. Lance closed the notebook casually and smiled up at JC. "What's up, JC?" he asked, the nervous jitters in his stomach back.
JC flashed a grin. "I just saw you sittin' over here with this notebook of yours and I thought I'd come say hi so you could talk to me instead of it... If you want, that is."
Lance grinned back. "Sounds good to me." He paused. "So did you have fun at the photoshoot today?"
JC laughed out loud. "I don't think anyone had as much fun as you and Justin did!" he teased. "That's the happiest I've seen him in a while! He had such a blast!" JC poked a finger in Lance's side. "You looked like you were enjoying yourself, too, even if you were getting in trouble every five minutes, and we all know how much you hate trouble." JC turned serious. "That was really nice of you, though, to do that for him."
Lance shrugged slightly, embarassed. "I just feel bad for him sometimes," he admitted. "Justin's a great guy, and sometimes I forget that he's younger than all of us--me by just a year--and yet he's so old... He should be starting college, and yet instead of living on campus, he's living on a bus. He missed his teenage years, and I wonder if he'll be better off because of it."
"The same thing could be argued about you," JC pointed out. "Like you said, you're only a year older than he is."
Lance shrugged and sighed. "I don't feel very young either," he conceeded slowly. "Sometimes I feel like I've lived my whole life in the period of five years, and knowing that that's the way that I feel, Justin can't be much better off."
JC paused and nodded slowly. "You and Justin have a lot more in common than I think you two ever realized," JC offered. "I bet you two could really be a support system for each other."
Lance looked up at JC, trying to decifer what he was saying with that.
JC caught Lance's look and laughed, shaking his head. "Of course, I'm not saying that if Justin goes off and becomes your best friend that I'm going to skip the ass kicking that will follow. You're my best friend, and everyone knows how possessive I am." He flashed Lance a grin while Lance laughed through his shaking nerves and joyous heart. "Let's work on that song," JC suggested suddenly. "Now the idea's in my head, and it's stuck. It's really a great idea."
Lance blushed and flipped through his notebook, startled to see that Justin wrote more.
I'd like to share
How much I care
How your smile brightens my day
But sad to say, I am afraid,
With my words, our friendship will go away.
"Wow Lance," JC breathed. "That's beautiful! You've got a knack for this."
Lance frowned, not liking taking JC's praise for Justin's work. It wasn't Lance's praise to take... It was for Justin.
JC and Lance spent several hours joking around, teasing, and, if Lance wasn't mistaken, flirting. His heart skipped happily when he thought about JC's soft, mischevious teasing compliments. JC's romantic words filled his mind, words Lance one day hoped to have directed at him.
Eventually, all good things have to end, especially when JC's sleep is at stake, and JC's arm slid off of Lance's shoulders as he stood and stretched. "I'm off to bed," JC announced tiredly, yawning. "I'll see you tomorrow mornin', 'right, Lansten?"
Lance nodded, flashing a grin. "Alright. 'night, JC."
"Night," JC returned, then was gone.
Lance stared after him for only a second before picking up the pen and quickly writing to Justin.
Justin, where did this romantic boy come from? The boy that used to care for nothing except for basketball and junk food was here just a minute ago... And yet he's been replaced by a man filled with poetry and lovely thoughts! Or maybe they're the same person, all rolled into one? Even better. It was beautiful, Justin. You're a lyricist natural. Seriously! Don't laugh at me, Justin Timberlake, I'm warning you.
I think that JC was flirting with me. I really, really do. He was so sweet, and he kept complimenting me... Is this grossing you out? I'll stop. I'm just excited. Am I crazy? Ugh! No more bad thoughts!
For your information, JC and I were playing Sega, and no, that's not what they call it these days. I was kicking his ass and he was yelling at me unhappily. Can I help it if I'm just good at video games? But don't try and get me started on the real thing... Sports + Lance = losing team. It's okay, I'm comfortable with the fact that I suck. That's really more in your corner. I'm going to make you teach me to not suck quite so badly one of these days. Don't get any ideas, Timberlake, I said one of these days. (Read: never.)
I think I'm tired, but I really don't want to go to bed. Don't you hate that? Do you have that problem? I think I'm the only one awake right now, and there's some eery calm spread over the bus. It's dark out, and my watch says that it's 11:25. I feel restless, like I want to go out and do something, but there's nothing to do. All alone in the desolate world, right? Okay, maybe not, I've got four of the best friends possible less than twenty feet away, but the point is that sometimes... Sometimes I'd just like to go and get out of here... Just for a little while, take a nice run or jog or something, as long as it wasn't what I normally do. Does that sound ungrateful? I am thankful for everything I have, but sometimes I just want... freedom. Do you ever feel like you're caged, Justin? Does this business make you feel the same way I do at times? Sometimes I just want to break free.
You must think I'm insane right about now, but really, I'm not. I'm just... I suppose I'm just tired. I could really use a break home. (Yes, even if it means I have to be away from JC!) Sometimes all I really want is for my mom to wrap her arms around me and tell me that she loves me and that everything will be alright. Do you think I'm a total pansy, now? I admit, I'm a mamma's boy. I miss her so much sometimes.
Do you ever feel lonely when you're surrounded by people?
What a question. I feel like I'm in one of my 'moods'... Normally I avoid ya'll when I get like this, because it's bad for everyone's psychie, especially mine. I don't want ya'll thinkin' I'm insane...
Oh, wow, our song is on the radio. Your song, maybe? "This I Promise You", either way. I think I'll listen to it for a minute. God your voice is beautiful, Justin. I know you hear that a lot, but it is. Late at night, with closed eyes... You can feel the emotions in your voice. It's absolutely beautiful. I'm actually shaking right now, and I hear this song every day, from your very own mouth. Oh, now it's JC's turn. JC's got a nice voice. Pure, clean... I like JC's voice. This is not to discredit your voice, though, because I've still got chills. Damn... How you guys can hit those high notes is beyond me. I guess being the bass I really don't have any experience with those, do I? That's okay. I'd rather leave the spotlight up to you two. I'm in the background and I still feel a lot of pressure... For you it must be excrutiating. You ever need a shoulder, or an ear... I'm a good listener... One of my best friends said that once, and I thought it was one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me... So I thought I'd share it with you.
"Every word I say is true, this I promise you..." You're closing out the song now, and it's soulful, Justin. It's just plain soulful. Your voice is beautiful. For once, don't just read these words, but read them. Understand them. Feel the words.
I wonder what everyone is dreaming about...
Lance looked up sharply as he heard a sound in the living room. Justin stood there, blinking against the dull light, wearing a white wife beater and thin gray pants, his curly hair in every direction, rubbing his eyes with his fists, giving him a very child-like cuteness.
"Oh, Justin, I'm so sorry. Did I wake you?" Lance sat up quickly, but Justin was already tiredly padding his way over to the other side of the table, across from Lance, where he dropped down onto the bench.
"Nope. I just woke up. It was really weird. Like, one minute I'm asleep, and the next, I'm just awake." Justin shook his head. "Has that ever happened to you?"
Lance frowned. "Yeah, a couple of times, when something was wrong."
Justin looked around, alarmed. "Is something wrong?" he asked worriedly.
Lance shook his head. "No, everything's fine. Are you alright?"
Justin scoffed at him. "Oh, I'm great," he assured Lance, then paused and studied him. "How're you doing?"
Lance shrugged. "I'm good to go." Go anyplace, he finished in his mind.
Justin sighed. "Do you ever feel like you do want to go? Just... Go away?" Lance's eyes widened in startlement, so surprised that Justin could so accurately read his thoughts, that Justin rushed on. "You probably think I'm ungrateful, but I'm not. I just sometimes wish I could escape." He looked around the walls of the bus. "Sometimes it feels like a prison in here."
Lance's jaw fell, and Justin got a worried look on his face. "I'm sorry, Lance, I don't mean to sound upset about all of this, or offend you in some way. I mean, I love it, there's just times... Why do you keep looking at me like that?"
Wordlessly Lance shook himself, then slid the open notebook to Justin. Justin studied Lance for a second longer, then looked down and began reading. When he was done, his eyes were wide, and his surprised face suddenly changed into a grin, and he laughed.
"Guess we're a bit more alike than we thought, huh?" Justin asked, then studied Lance. "How come you never say any of this stuff?"
"The same reason you were apologizing to me. I don't want others to think I'm ungrateful." Lance drummed his fingers on the table, taking in Justin's presense. "You surprise me, Justin. But I'm glad."
Justin smiled wryly. "Well thanks. You're a bit of a Pandora's box yourself."
Lance paused, reguarding Justin evenly, then they both burst out laughing.
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