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Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm borrowing their names and faces and cute little songs, but I didn't create them as characters. They're human beings, and they own themselves. As I've said, I'm just usin' their names. J
"Ready?" Lance asked Justin softly, his eyes dancing mischeviously.
Justin frowned even though he knew his own eyes matched Lance's. "Lance, I appreciate you trying to make me have fun, but I know how much you hate getting into trouble, and I don't want you to do it for me."
"You're all talk, Curly, and no action," Lance sighed, shaking his head. "Now I'm offering you an opportunity to have a blast. Are you really going to turn it down?"
Justin paused, then grinned and shook his head. "Of course not!"
Lance nodded, his grin wide. "Good. Then let's do this!" Together they made their way out from wardrobe. Lance was in baggy khaki's with red stripes going up the sides and a loose long sleeved red shirt. Justin personally thought he looked adorable, even though he was forcing himself to push the thoughts far, far away. Justin was wearing an identical outfit, only the stripes on his pants were blue, as was his shirt.
"Over here," the photographer ordered, snapping her fingers and pointing to a spot in the middle for Justin. "You, there." She pointed to Lance and had him stand on the outside, as usual. JC snuck an arm around Lance's waist, and Lance smiled up at him as the photographer snapped a half a dozen pictures.
"You!" the photographer pointed to Justin. "Serious. Serious. Scowl at me if you have to!"
Justin didn't think that would be a problem.
"And you!" the photographer exclaimed, pointing to Lance. "What exactly are you smiling about? Even when you look serious you're smiling! Why? Be angry with me."
Lance arched an eyebrow at her, but other than that, his expression didn't change. Justin thought he looked so cute that he couldn't help but laugh. The photographer growled at Justin, who glared back at her.
"I don't think we're in a very serious mood," Lance objected, sliding in between Justin and the photographer. "I think we're feeling rather... playful. Right, Justin?"
Justin tried not to grin. "Oh, I think so," he confirmed, resting a hand on Lance's shoulder to show his support against the nasty photographer woman.
The woman threw her hands up in exasperation. "Fine!" she exclaimed. "Do your own poses."
Lance smiled sweetly. "Thank you." Then he turned suddenly and whipped out the two cans of silly string, one in each hand, covering his friends from head to toe. Justin joined him, and soon the other three were covered in strands of blue and green. The photographer was actually laughing as she snapped a gazillion pictures. Justin glanced at Lance, and without ever meeting eyes, they turned in perfect unison to each other and began firing on one another, until they were tackled by the other three and wrestled to the ground, silly string still being shot up into the air and cascading down over them.
From somewhere beneath the dog pile of bodies, Justin's eyes met Lance's, and Justin smiled warmly at him. Lance smiled back, and Justin knew that Lance was trying his hardest to make Justin enjoy this again.
He had succeeded.
I bought this at the drug store when Joey and Chris wanted to get some snacks. I wasn't exactly sure what I'm going to do with it, but it became a nice substitute to talk to, instead of a human someone. Not that I can't talk to JC... I love JC dearly, and he's my best friend--ever. But there's just some things you can't share with anyone.
Like the loneliness.
I know if the other guys heard me say this, they'd think me ungrateful, no matter how sympethetic they would be. But I am lonely. Even with all the guys, all the fans, and all the media attention, I feel like no one understands... Sometimes I feel like no one even cares. I feel like I'm all by myself, and everyone keeps standing there, completely ignoring me as though I'm in some invisible bubble. Utterly alone. JC wouldn't understand... He loves this business too much. He loves the perks and the downfalls. Joey loves the fans too much to understand. He thinks that his life was incomplete before Nsync. Chris is too happy to understand... I think he couldn't understand because he has Dani, and he was grown up before he got into this business. I was still just a kid. So was Justin, and nothing personal to him, but Justin is a ham. He loves that spotlight almost more than he loves himself. Justin's got an ego problem, but he's a good guy, and I guess if I was like him I'd think I was pretty damn wonderful myself. He's got every reason to be conceited.
And if the guys don't understand, there's other people out there, but none that are either in my position, and if they are, I don't trust them. I'm not the type of person to just start talking to someone about my life woes... I prefer to keep them inside, until I somehow explode... Sometimes it's in anger, sometimes it's in tears, and sometimes it's in exhaustion. But however it is, it eventually all pours out.
JC is sitting on the couch all by himself, working on some song or something. Chris is in the other room with Joey, and I can hear their cries of protest as they play that Sega. Sounds like Chris is kicking Joey's butt. Justin is... I don't know where Justin is. I think he's in the bedroom area, talking on his phone to Britney. I like Britney and all; she's a nice girl, but she takes advantage of him, and she cheats on him. Not that I have any proof, just the same hear-say that Justin himself gets, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was. I don't know why Justin stays with her... He could do a lot better. A lot better.
JC just asked me what I was doing. I said writing, and he asked what, and I said my day, and he gave me this adorable, puzzled look. "Why?" he asked me. I shrugged. "Just for future posterity or whatever." JC laughed and went back to his song, but not before saying, "When you get done, come sit with me and we'll watch a movie." JC is so cute. I adore JC. He has this uncanny ability to make me feel really safe, just because I'm with him. He's my absolute best friend ever.
And yet even he can't take my loneliness away.
Justin traced over Lance's sad words. It was the last entry before Justin and Lance had started writing in it, and Justin felt pangs in his heart at what poor Lance was going through that none of them knew about. He had tried to be offended at Lance's evaluation of his character--calling him conceited--but he found he couldn't. Lance was right, anyway. He was egotistical. On the outside, anyway. And the comments about Britney hadn't hurt either, though he supposed that they should.
Justin picked up the hotel phone, dialed Lance's room number, and waited.
"Hullo?" came a tired croak.
"Lance?"
There was a shifting sound, and then, "Justin? Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Did I wake you?"
"Do you know what time it is?" the voice wasn't angry, just slightly amused. Justin glanced at the glowing red numbers of the clock, gasping when he read that it was 12:34.
"Oh, god, Lance, I'm so sorry!" Justin exclaimed, horrified. "I had no idea!"
"It's okay," Lance assured him, clearing his throat. "What're you doing up?"
Justin flopped onto his back, holding the notebook to his chest. "Reading. Or, finishing, rather."
"Reading what?"
"Your notebook."
Lance was suddenly wide awake. "Oh. Yeah."
Justin hesitated, then rolled onto his side. "Want to come over?" he asked, praying that Lance would say yes and not turn him down. "I'm really not tired, and I'm kind of in the mood for some ice cream."
Lance sounded bewildered, but amused. "Sure, Jus. Give me a minute to get dressed."
"Don't bother," Justin admonished, thrilled that Lance had agreed. His heart skipped a bit faster. "I'm not dressed."
Lance yawned. "Alright. I'll be right over."
"Okay. See you in a couple seconds."
"'kay," came Lance's easy reply. Justin listened as Lance hung up the phone, and a few seconds after his phone was back on the cradle, there was a knock on his door.
Justin smiled warmly down at Lance, who looked so positively adorable that Justin almost wanted to pinch his cheeks. He had set the notebook in the drawer in the bedside table, and he hoped that Lance wouldn't ask for it back... Not immediately, anyway.
"Shouldn't we be dressed to get ice cream?" Lance asked, his brow furrowed as he walked into the room, leaving behind the barest wiff of cologne that Justin thought was positively heavenly.
Justin had to laugh as he closed the door and dropped onto his stomach on the bed, where Lance was in a similiar position. "Silly Lansten," Justin chided. "That's why they invented room service!"
Lance grinned and pushed himself up, crawling across the bed to the phone and grabbing the menu. Justin watched him with a small, amused smile. Lance was so cute like this... All boyish and adorable.
"This looks good," Lance announced, then began reading. "Two or three scoops of icecream with fresh strawberries, a glaze of hot fudge, and a brownie."
"Oh lord, that's what I want!" Justin declared, the thought of the thick chocolate nearly making his mouth water.
"Oh, wait, this looks good too," Lance objected, reading again. "8 layer double chocolate cake, separated by layers of chocolate pieces and topped with hot fudge and chocolate flakes, and chocolate frosting."
"Lance, you're killin' me!" Justin moaned, his mouth watering. "Just get them both!" He sprawled out on his back at Lance's feet, who was sitting cross-legged.
Lance looked down at him. "Both?" he asked, arching a perfect eyebrow. "That's a bit much, don't you think?"
"No!" Justin whined. "Please, Lance, just get them both!"
"You're going to get sick," Lance warned.
Justin couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed Lance's shirt at his waist, noting with a bit of triumph Lance's stiffened surprise, and used Lance's shirt to drag himself up until he was sitting up, holding Lance by the collar, and had him pressed against the head board. "I don't care," he breathed darkly, then released Lance and slumped against his chest, feeling immediately how hard it was. "Please," he begged. "I'm hungry." It suddenly occured to him that he was practically laying on Lance... Okay, he was laying on Lance, and that was bad. But it felt so good... Lance was warm and comforting and soft and he smelled so heavenly.
Lance was laughing, which Justin took as a good sign. "Okay, Jus, I'll order you both your deserts," Lance agreed. "But when you start to feel sick, you have to stop. You can't just keep shoveling like last time."
Justin scowled. "I don't shovel," he pouted. "I eat."
"You binge," Lance corrected, placing one arm around Justin's back and lightly stroking his hair as with his other hand he picked up the phone, dialed room service, and waited.
Justin unconsciously closed his eyes, knowing that it was wrong because Lance would probably get the wrong idea, but Lance hadn't tried anything, and Justin had put himself there... And besides, Lance was interested in JC! So what if every day that Justin and Lance spent together Justin thought about Lance a little more? So what if Justin was starting to think that maybe Lance would be a good person to have around? So what if Justin was staring to get more and more jealous of that lucky bastard JC?
Justin almost flinched with the thought, and unconsciously wrapped his arms around Lance's waist, who didn't waver. Justin just wanted to cuddle up to Lance for a few minutes. Lance was strong, and safe, and sweet, and he wasn't Justin's. Not that Justin really wanted him... Justin wasn't gay, but if that was true, why was he having strange thoughts that came in and out like small breaths of air?
Lance finished placing their order and hung up the phone, putting both arms around Justin. "You okay?" Lance asked him softly, and Justin thought about crying at the sensitive, caring tone.
"Yeah," Justin sighed. "Do you mind if I lay on you for a few minutes?"
Lance's arms tightened around him as he pulled Justin closer, making them both more comfortable. "Not at all," he assured Justin, and Justin thought that was the best answer to a question he had ever heard in his entire life. Justin settled against Lance cozily, ignoring the pangs in his heart.
Twenty minutes later, Justin had still yet to move, and Lance's arms hadn't slackened at all. Justin was sure that his arms were probably getting sore, but Lance said nothing. He had rested his cheek on the top of Justin's head, and Justin could feel his breath against his hair. He'd had permanent goosebumps for the past ten minutes.
There was a knock on the door and Justin immediately started to get up. Lance released him but remained where he was, and Justin could feel his worried eyes on him even as Justin retrieved their food and brought it onto the bed.
"This looks great," Lance exclaimed, snatching up one of the plates with cake on it. He took a bite and made a wonderfully contented face that Justin had to laugh at. "You think that's funny?" Lance demanded, swallowing. He cut off another bite, a particularly large one, and stuffed it into Justin's mouth before Justin could protest.
Lance was right. It was heavenly. Justin let out a little moan and sank back against the headboard beside Lance.
"I could die happy right now," Justin declared.
Lance stiffened, and Justin looked over at him. Lance's smile was gone and he was slowly taking a bite of the cake, a blank look on his face.
"What?" Justin asked immediately, searching Lance's face with his eyes. There was a pounding against his ribcage as he worried that he had offended Lance or done something wrong...
Lance took a moment to answer, and not because his mouth was full of cake. "I wouldn't be happy," Lance told him, not meeting his eyes. He was staring at the comforter in the area between them. "I'd be alone. Again."
Justin impulsively hugged him. Tightly. He crushed Lance to his body, as though trying to absorb him. He wanted Lance's every thought, his every emotion, his every breath to belong to him. If Lance was in pain he said nothing, simply leaned against Justin's chest and after setting down the plate of cake and fork, wrapped his arms around Justin's waist. Justin could have died happy right then. He felt wonderful in Lance's arms... Having Lance in his arms. He never wanted to lose this moment, so he held onto it, memorizing every detail about it before reluctantly pulling away and looking down into Lance's eyes.
"You're not ever going to be alone again," Justin heard himself say seriously, noting the look of trepidation in Lance's eyes. Was Lance afraid of him? Justin wanted to kick himself for scaring Lance. Lance probably thought Justin was going to try and make a move on him or something.
The word that came out of Lance's mouth startled Justin. "Promise?" he asked softly.
Justin felt like crying. "I promise," he whispered, collecting Lance back into his arms and hugging him tightly. Lance seemed perfectly content there, and Justin was perfectly content to have him there, closing his eyes as he rested his cheek on Lance's head.
A few minutes later Lance shifted and the next thing Justin knew, he smelled chocolate. He opened his eyes and saw a fork with a large bite of chocolate cake in front of his mouth. He burst out laughing and Lance grinned, looking up at him. Justin opened his mouth and Lance stuck the fork in. The chocolate cake was almost sinfully delicious, and between the two of them they put away both pieces, as well as the ice cream sundaes. Only now they had stomach aches.
"I thought you were supposed to tell me when to stop," Justin moaned, rolling around on the bed and clutching his aching stomach.
"I'm gonna kill you as soon as I finish throwing up," Lance muttered, crawling over Justin to the edge of the bed. At the last second Justin's arm snaked out and grabbed him from around the waist, not wanting to let him go. "Ohhh..." Lance groaned, rolling onto Justin's arm on his back and holding his stomach. "Don't touch the stomach. I'm gonna hurl."
Justin would have laughed if he didn't feel so awful himself. "Me first," Justin muttered, without even making a motion to get up.
"Oh, yeah, you've really accomplished a major moving feat," Lance said sarcastically, then pounded on the bed. "Oh god!"
"I think I'm dying!" Justin moaned loudly, astonished when he suddenly found Lance's body on his, a hand clamped over his mouth.
"It just occured to me," Lance began softly, and Justin was very well aware of every fiber in his body that pressed against Lance's. "That it's 3 a.m. and you and I are making moaning sounds and hitting the bed. Unless you want other people to get the wrong impression, I suggest that you stop."
Justin's eyes widened in surprise, and then, through Lance's hand, he burst out laughing. Lance grinned back, and they both laughed as Lance flopped back onto his back again. Justin almost rolled so that he was on top of Lance, just to feel the contact again, and as soon as he realized what he was doing, he got to his feet on the bed and began jumping up and down. "Oh god," he moaned, to Lance's horror. "Oh Lance, oh god, oh Lance, oh god!"
"Justin!" Lance hissed, grabbing for Justin's leg even as he tried not to laugh. "Justin!"
"Oh, louder baby!" Justin yelled, and then Lance caught a hold of him, yanking him down to the bed under Lance's own body. Justin had to admit he was impressed--Lance had managed to pin his arms and his legs in that simple movement. Lance was a lot stronger than he let on, Justin was discovering.
"Are you insane?" Lance demanded quietly. "You probably woke up half the floor!"
Justin grinned. "You're just as amused as I am, so don't bother denying it." He could see that sparkle of laughter in Lance's eyes.
"What I think is irrelevant," Lance returned, even as a small smile curled his lips. "But now everyone around you thinks that you and I are..."
Justin grinned devilishly. He knew that the idea of him and Lance together should revolt him, but actually, it was sort of having the opposite effect... Especially with Lance holding him down like this. Their entire bodies were pressed together, from their feet to their legs to their stomachs and chests all the way up their arms, which were over Justin's head. The only part of them not touching were their faces.
"Aw, come on Lance," Justin teased. "You gotta think I'm cute..."
"A regular heart throb," Lance drolled sarcastically. "Now if I let you up, are you going to behave yourself?"
"Define behave," Justin stalled.
Lance sighed in exasperation. "Justin--" he started.
"Justin?" A voice at the door asked. "Are you alright?"
"Shit, it's Chris!" Lance hissed, turning to face Justin with wide eyes that were just dying to laugh. "Are you happy now?"
"You swore," Justin told him solomnly, trying not to laugh.
Lance stopped moving and stared at Justin for a second longer before bursting out into loud laughter.
The door flew open and Lance and Justin both looked to the foot of the bed, where Chris stood with a wide open jaw. "Woah!" Chris exclaimed. "I didn't mean to interrupt anything--"
"Chris, no!" Lance exclaimed, quickly pushing off of Justin, whose sides were aching from laughing so hard. "It's not what it looks like."
Chris arched an eyebrow. "And those moans weren't either, I suppose?"
Lance groaned and flopped face first onto the bed.
Justin stradeled Lance's butt, shooting Chris a wink and a devilish grin. "Depends on what you thought they were," Justin teased, feeling Lance squirm beneath him as he tried to get up.
Chris caught on that they were just joking around, and crossed his arms. "Well I thought you two were doing the nasty," he explained.
"Define 'nasty'," Justin requested, holding Lance's arms behind his back. To his surprise, he felt their fingers intertwine almost automatically. He knew that Lance wasn't really struggling, because if he was, Justin would be on the ground already. Lance knew they were all joking, and Justin couldn't help but adore him and his ability to joke.
"Hmmm... A position looking strikingly familiar to that," Chris told him.
Justin paused, then shook his head. "Nah, we weren't like this."
"'til now, anyway," Lance muttered, and Justin tried not to laugh. Lance looked up at Chris. "Now, do you mind? A little privacy here?"
Justin's body shook with silent laughter at Chris' astonished look, amused grin, and then shaking head as he left. As soon as he was gone, Lance flipped over so that Justin was now... Woah... He was not sitting in a good spot, Justin thought to himself, but he wasn't sure how to move without making it seem like a big deal.
"Are you happy now?" Lance asked Justin, making a face. Somehow their hands were joined again, resting on Lance's stomach.
Justin couldn't help it. He sputtered for a minute, then nodded and burst out laughing hysterically. He could feel Lance laughing under him, and while Justin knew he shouldn't remain where he was, he couldn't bring himself to lose the intimate contact with Lance just yet.
"You're insane, Jus," Lance sighed, grinning and shaking his head. "We're never going to hear the end of this."
"I have a feeling Chris won't say anything," Justin assured him, not sure why he had the feeling, but knowing that he did.
"Oh, sure," Lance scoffed. "You know Chris. By tomorrow all the guys will know."
Justin's smile slowly died away. So that was what Lance was worried about. JC finding out. Justin forced a smile back onto his face. "I doubt it," Justin told him, then quickly climbed off of Lance as if he'd been burned. He and Lance laid side by side for a minute, until Lance lifted himself up onto his side and looked down at Justin, who met his bright green eyes unhappily. Of course Lance had every right to be concerned with what JC thought, Justin reprimanded himself. Lance wanted JC. JC wanted Lance. Justin was just the friend. That was all Justin wanted to be.
"You're cute," Lance told him thoughtfully, and Justin was sure his heart skipped into his throat. He was glad he was laying down, because he wouldn't have been able to support himself. "I suppose that if they had to think I was sleeping with anyone, it might as well be you." He grinned teasingly. "At least I get the cute one in the group."
Justin flushed a bright red, glad for the dull yellow light, and grinned back at Lance. "Funny, I was thinking the same thing."
Lance laughed and dropped back onto his back. Justin didn't know how Lance did it, but Lance always seemed to make him feel so much better. He loved spending time with Lance.
"Let's watch a movie," Lance suggested, suddenly scrambling up and climbing over Justin for the remote. Justin smiled at him and flipped over onto his stomach as they leaned in together at the foot of the bed, searching for a good movie. When they found one they liked, they settled in--side to side--to watch.
Lance could not kick the hackey sack.
"I suck," Lance sighed, slumping against the wall.
"No you don't," JC told him, taking him by the shoulders and giving him a quick squeeze. "You're just nervous."
"No," Lance sighed. "I just really suck, JC. But thanks anyway."
"Come on!" Chris urged. "They're going to come after us soon."
"Lance, why don't you start it?" Joey suggested, tossing the hackey sack to Lance. Lance made a face, then dropped it to the ground and gave it a little kick.
Justin sent it easily back to JC, who kicked it to Chris, who kicked it to... Lance. Who let it fall.
"Ah!" Lance exclaimed. "Don't send it to me if you ever want to get out there!"
"I tried not to!" Chris protested. "I tried to send it to Joey."
"Come on, Lance, you can do it," JC assured Lance, picking up the hackey sack. "Just kick it back to me, okay?"
Lance sighed in exasperation, and when JC sent the hackey sack his way, kicked it... Down the hallway. Joey took off after it while Chris uttered a loud shout and rubbed his forehead. Lance gave up and slumped against the wall before sinking down to his butt on the ground while JC reached down to pick him up.
"Lance, it's okay," JC told him calmly. "Just take a couple of deep breaths. It's just an off day."
Lance looked up at JC through his eyelashes. "Thanks, JC."
JC looked bewildered. "I'm trying to be supportive!"
Lance sighed and nodded, looking down. It really was in Lance's mind, he knew. Ever since he had woken up that morning, wrapped up in Justin's strong arms and never wanting to move again, he'd been off. He could barely look at Justin--who hadn't woken up until Lance was gone, thankfully enough--and Justin was wearing a hurt look on his face. That made Lance feel even worse, because Lance never wanted to hurt Justin. Unfortunately, he knew that if he and Justin were together, he would probably try something, and he didn't want to jeopardize their friendship by doing something stupid. So, Lance was doing his best to sit on his hands and stay away from the curly headed boy who was gazing at him sadly.
"Let's try it again," Joey sighed and JC pulled Lance to his feet. Lance started the kick, and they all kicked it, Lance slumping against the wall in relief when it was over and they all cheered.
"Let's do it!" JC exclaimed, herding them along to their stage positions. Lance made sure to stick close by JC and avoid Justin, who was in the back anyway. JC slipped an arm around Lance's shoulders and Lance smiled up at him weakly. He had thought he wanted JC... Only now he wasn't sure.
The first few songs went perfectly, and then it was Lance's turn to introduce the song. "You know... The guys and I have all been very blessed, by our fame, our success, and for all of our fans." Lance paused, thinking carefully about his next words as he spoke into the microphone and the crowd screamed. "But I think that we need to thank each other, as well. I know that I, especially, would like to thank them all. They are my best friends, my family, and they make me whole. But this next song describes best each and every one of you: God Must Have Spent, A Little More Time On You."
"Ooo..." Justin's soulful voice came through the speakers and Lance shivered as Justin walked by him. Justin glanced first over his right shoulder, then over his left at where Lance was, and their eyes met. Justin faced the crowd again, and Lance realized that he was trembling, just for Justin's simple look. "Can this be true, tell me can this be real? How can I put into words what I feel? My life was complete, I thought I was whole, how come I feel like I'm losting control? Never thought that love could feel like this, when you changed my world with just one kiss..."
Lance closed his eyes as Justin's voice washed over him, and then, when Lance heard JC singing, his eyes opened and he shook himself. He was only setting himself up for heartbreak, Lance scolded himself. At least JC flirted back... Justin was perfectly straight, and would never be able to return Lance's feelings.
Wait... Now Lance had feelings for Justin? Oh god...
Something above their heads creaked, and Lance looked up quickly, missing the move and not caring. The guys were spreading out across the stage, and Lance continued to search for the source of the creaking, his heart pounding in his chest furiously and his breathing rapid as his mouth turned to cotton. He forgot all about singing as he continued to look for what was wrong. He could vaguely hear the manager screaming at him through his head set, and he knew the guys were giving him worried looks even as they sang, but he ignored them.
Finally, Lance saw the source of the cracking sounds. A light dangling precariously from its socket. Lance looked down quickly, to the other side of the stage where the light was.
Justin was watching Lance worriedly, looking as though he was going to stop singing to find out what was wrong with him. Lance looked back up quickly as he heard a loud snap.
"Justin!" Lance screamed, running towards the other boy before he knew what he was doing. The guys all stopped singing; the music stopped playing, and the smoke filled the air and cut off the view of who was on the ground as Lance threw himself into Justin, just as the light came down.
"Lance?"
Justin could hear himself through the speakers, but he couldn't see anything. He was covered in the white smoke, and he could vaguely hear the crowds' panicked screaming, but they sounded far away. The other guys were all rushing towards him, including the stage crew people, but Justin ignored them.
"Lance?" Justin asked again, the microphones now off. He crawled back a few feet to try and see his friend. The smoke was still coming in thick to keep the audience from seeing what was happening on stage.
"Oh god," came a soft moan of pain. Then, "Justin? Are you alright?"
"Lance," Justin whispered, finding his way back to Lance's side. Lance was laying on his back, rubbing his forehead. Justin took Lance's free hand and held it tightly in his own, tears stinging his eyes.
"You okay?" Lance asked him again, pausing momentarily to look up at Justin.
Justin nodded. "Thanks to you. Are you okay?"
Lance let out a deep breath. "I think I did something to my leg... I don't know what. It hurts."
"Come on, Lansten," JC said worriedly, slipping his arms under Lance and picking him up, causing Justin to lose Lance's hand. Justin followed quickly to the backstage, ignoring the roar of the crowd.
"Oh Jesus," Justin breathed in panic when he saw Lance's leg. It was bleeding, and his pant leg was soaked with blood. His pants were torn, and it looked like he had glass in it... Probably from when the light crashed.
"Someone call 911," JC snapped, and they heard Johnny screaming at a medic to hurry. Lance winced.
"Johnny, I'm okay--" he tried.
"Shhh," JC ordered soothingly, then turned to the other three. "Go grab our bags."
Justin hesitated, meeting Lance's eyes. He didn't want to leave Lance. Not like this. But Lance nodded and Justin pursed his lips before turning and running to catch up with Joey and Chris, who were already halfway down the hallway as they dashed to their locker room.
Justin grabbed everything and stuffed it back into their bags in a wild frenzy as he again followed Chris and Joey back to where JC was now setting Lance on a stretcher.
"Stop it," Lance ordered, trying to sit up. "This is ridiculous, I'm fine, I just have glass in my leg. It doesn't require a trip to the hospital."
"Lance, down," JC barked, pushing firmly on Lance's chest. Justin watched Lance scowl up at him.
"Lance, please," Justin begged, taking his hand. His image of Lance was swimming, and he blinked the tears out of his eyes as they trailed down his cheeks and his vision cleared once again.
Lance sighed, then gritted his teeth in pain. "Alright," he snapped. "Let's go if we're going."
Justin held Lance's hand until he couldn't anymore, and then he watched them wheel him away, JC holding the hand Justin hadn't been and jogging along side of the gurney.
"Let's go, Justin," Chris instructed softly, wrapping an arm around Justin's waist. Justin barely heard him as he started to cry.
"He saved my life," Justin mumbled softly to Chris as they waited in the hotel waiting room. Chris nodded seriously.
"I know, he did, Justin. I was there." Chris continued to soothingly stroke Justin's hair, but Justin barely felt his touch, or even his shoulder under Justin's cheek; his arm around Justin's shoulders.
"Risked his life. Just for me," Justin whispered, shaking his head. "God, Chris, if something really bad had happened to Lance--"
"It didn't," Chris interrupted gently; firmly. "He's okay. His leg got some glass in it, but that's nothing compared to what would have happened to you if Lance hadn't been paying attention. That light fell from a long ways up, and the impact would have killed you."
Justin shuddered. "I just want to see him," he mumbled, dropping his eyes to Chris' stomach.
"I know, Curly," Chris whispered, placing a gentle kiss on Justin's temple before pulling Justin tightly into his arms. Justin hardly felt the embrace, or even when Joey hugged both Justin and Chris at the same time.
"Hey."
Justin, Chris, and Joey all looked up quickly when JC appeared, looking worn and tired.
"How is he?" Justin asked, standing to go past JC. "Can we see him?"
"No." JC put his hand on Justin's chest and Justin stared at him, debating on whether he was going to deck JC or not. He was definitely thinking about it, and Chris seemed to notice, because he carefully put his hand on Justin's shoulder.
"Why not?" Justin asked, his voice low and cautious. He was at his most dangerous when he was like this, and the others knew it.
"Because he's sleeping," JC answered. "They're going to keep him overnight, just for observation, but he's had a rough couple of hours. They managed to get out all the glass--there were little pieces embedded in his flesh," JC shuddered at the memory. "and he was in a pretty fair amount of pain, but they gave him some pain medicine and he fell asleep."
Justin clenched his jaw. "We should have been there with him," Justin growled coldly.
"He didn't want you guys to see him like that," JC admitted finally, looking as though he'd betrayed some trust. "He was in a lot of pain, Justin. There were pieces of glass just jammed in there, and he was pretty messed up."
Justin's fingernails were drawing blood from his palms. It was taking him that much strength to keep from decking JC. Justin at least should have been there... Afterall, it was his fault. He should have heard the lights. He should have done something; moved when he saw Lance shouting his name. Anything. But now Lance was laying in a cold, sterile hospital bed, in apparently a lot of agony according to JC, and it was all Justin's fault.
"Maybe at least Justin could go," Chris reasoned with JC. "Justin feels a bit responsible for Lance being in here in the first place."
Justin was surprised; he hadn't mentioned anything to Chris, but slowly his eyes slid back to JC, who was studying Justin carefully.
"Just a few minutes, alright, Justin? He really does need to rest."
Justin was going to pop JC, he really was. How dare JC think he had a right to be Lance's protector? Who designated him with the role? Justin brushed past JC with a curt nod and walked along the hallway, looking for the room JC told him. When he found it, he took a deep breath and slowly pushed the door open, shutting it quietly behind him as he stepped inside.
Lance was laying on the propped up bed asleep in the light blue, almost white, hospital shirt and pants. His left leg was wrapped in a lot of guaze, which was still red, to Justin's horror. The covers were at Lance's feet, and he looked like he'd fallen asleep before he could pull them up. One hand was stretched out along his side, the other across his stomach. His face was grimacing slightly, his eyelashes fluttering with a dream. There were dried tear streaks along his cheeks.
"Oh Lance," Justin breathed softly, his eyes filling with tears. This was all his fault. Lance had been in so much pain... So much pain, and Justin hadn't been there for him. Justin felt like he'd betrayed Lance. He'd left him alone, and he'd promised that he wouldn't. JC had been here... But Justin was the reason Lance was in here in the first place.
Justin slowly reached out and took the hand that Lance had stretched out along the bed, studying Lance's perfect features. Lance shouldn't be there, Justin thought. If anyone, it should be him. Justin hadn't moved. Justin had stood there like an idiot.
"Lance, I'm so sorry," Justin whispered, the tears spilling out of his eyes and onto his cheeks heavily. "I'm so sorry."
Lance's pink lips parted and then closed, something Justin's eyes caught. Justin's attention remained on Lance's lips, as though he'd never seen lips before in his life. He suddenly had an overwhelming desire to kiss Lance... And Lance was unconscious, not to mention doped up... He'd never remember.
Justin slowly leaned down, hesitating only centimeters above Lance's lips, his eyes closely studying Lance, who was still asleep. Justin closed his eyes and touched Lance's lips with his own.
The kiss lasted several seconds, but then Justin pulled away slowly and again studied Lance's still sleeping form. He wanted Lance to open his eyes. He wanted to see that bright green color that he found only in Lance's eyes. He wouldn't wake him up, though. He would not wake Lance up. He'd simply wait for Lance to wake up, and when he did, Justin would never let him close his eyes again.
To Justin's surprise, there was a small smile curving Lance's lips now, the troubled look gone. Justin couldn't help but smile at the sight. For a moment, even if Lance was dreaming that it was JC who had kissed him, Justin could pretend that Lance was happy because it was Justin who had kissed him.
"Lance I think I'm in love with you," Justin sighed softly, dropping his head to his palm and leaning against the bed for support. "I can't believe this is happening."
"Good morning!"
Lance looked up excitedly as Chris breezed in through the doorway. "Hey!" he greeted happily. "Have you come to break me out of here?"
Chris cast a mischevious look around and nodded, holding a finger to his lips. "I got the plans right here, see?" he asked in a fake gangster accent, holding open the front part of his jacket.
Lance grinned and held out his arms. "Come hug me!" he ordered. "I haven't been hugged all day, can you believe it?"
"Certainly not!" Chris exclaimed. "You're adorable!" He hugged Lance tightly and firmly. "One would have to be insane not to want to hug you!"
Lance grinned. "Well when your only company is nurses and doctors and the tv remote control, you don't exactly get hugged a lot. And I get hugged every day; I'm pampered, what can I say?"
Chris frowned slightly. "Where's Justin?" he asked, looking around.
Lance reguarded Chris with puzzlement. "What're you talking about?" he asked. "Justin hasn't been here at all."
Chris's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh yes he has," Chris objected. "He was here all night."
Lance frowned. "I haven't seen him, and I woke up at 10."
Chris paled in worry. "We left him here last night around 11," Chris told Lance. "JC tried to stay, but Justin almost punched him and he decided to go. Last time we saw Justin, he was curling up in that chair." Chris pointed to the chair beside Lance's bed.
This was certainly news to Lance, who shook his head. "Nope. Haven't seen him." He frowned. "I hope he's okay."
"He is," came a cheerful voice from the doorway. "But it's nice to know you care."
Lance and Chris both looked to see... a walking pile of presents. Balloons, cards, a rather large teddy bear and at least three bouquets of flowers.
"I hear Justin, but I don't see him," Lance commented, his heart skipping. That stuff couldn't all be from Justin, could it?
Justin deposited the presents on Lance's lap. Lance laughed and then held out his arms, unable to contain his merriment at the sight of Justin, who looked so boyishly adorable and proud of himself.
"Hey," Justin greeted, his embrace tight.
"Hey yourself," Lance returned happily, reluctantly letting go. He seriously felt like he was glowing. "What're all the presents for?"
"Well, let's see." Justin held up the teddy bear. "This is for saving my life..." He picked up a bouquet of flowers. "This is for saving my life..." He poked at a balloon. "This is for saving my life..." He held up a card. "This is for saving my life..." He gestured to the rest of the pile. "And all that is just so that you know someone cared." He flashed a grin at Lance, but Lance could see the pain hidden under all the teasing.
"Thank you," Lance said seriously, taking Justin's hand. "But you don't have to thank me for anything, Justin. You would have done the same for me or for any of the other guys."
"But I didn't," Justin pointed out quietly, his eyes downcast. "You did, and it was for me."
Chris backed silently out of the room, closing the door behind him. As soon as he was gone, Lance pulled Justin tightly into his arms, ignoring the pain in his leg at the movement.
"Justin, I would do anything for you," Lance promised him quietly. "You don't have to thank me. Really."
"This is my fault," Justin sobbed over Lance's shoulder. "If I wasn't such an idiot... If I had been paying attention..."
"Justin!" Lance exclaimed, horrified. He tried to pull back and look Justin in the eyes, but Justin wouldn't let him go, so he simply held Justin as tightly as he could. "This is not your fault! If you had pushed me in the way of it, then yeah, you might be able to take a bit of blame, but you didn't. None of the other guys knew what was going on, either."
"But you stopped singing," Justin sniffed, and Lance could feel how much self control it was taking him not to keep sobbing. "I should have stopped right then and asked you what was wrong, especially when you kept looking at the ceiling."
"Justin, you had a concert to do," Lance stated firmly. "We all did. If you had stopped, it would have been very unprofessional. The show must go on, remember?"
"Well it ended after you got hurt," Justin pointed out. "So either way it stopped."
Lance sighed and lightly stroked Justin's soft hair. "Thank you for the presents," he said softly. "It was very sweet of you. And thank you for staying last night."
Justin's voice sounded sheepish, and he pulled away, his face embarassed. "I know that you probably would have preferred JC to stay, but I felt too guilty to have anyone but me here. And besides that, I wanted to be with you. Sorry."
Lance shook his head as if he didn't hear Justin right. "I-I'm sorry, Justin, I must be losing it. Did I just hear you apologize for wanting to be with me?"
Justin paused and grinned slightly as he realized what Lance was saying. "You know what I mean," he insisted, the small smile still there.
"I do," Lance agreed, then took Justin's hand and stared earnestly into Justin's eyes. "But I'm glad that you stayed with me, Justin. Even over JC. It means a lot to me."
Justin smiled gently at him and stroked the side of his face with the back of his fingers. "You always look so peaceful when you sleep," he told him softly.
It was taking all of Lance's self control to not turn into that hand and press his lips against it. As it was, he was about to close his eyes. "Sleep is good for that," Lance returned, looking up playfully at Justin through his eyelashes.
Justin grinned and then gently wrapped his arms around Lance's shoulders. Lance leaned his head against Justin's chest, listening to the rythmic beating of his heart as he hugged Justin around the waist, never wanting to let go again, the thought bringing tears to his eyes which he rapidly tried to blink away. If Justin saw, Justin would ask what was wrong.
"How's your leg?" Justin asked quietly, turning slightly to look over the pile of presents and down at Lance's freshly bandaged leg. "It's not red anymore."
Lance had to laugh. "Amazing what a change of dressing can do, isn't it?" he teased. "It's okay. A little sore, but not half as bad as it was yesterday." He nearly kicked himself when he felt Justin grimace and stiffen.
"I should have been here." Justin's voice was dark, full of anger and pain. At who, Lance wasn't sure, but he thought it might have been directed at Justin himself.
"I didn't want you to see me like that," Lance objected, dropping his eyes in embarassment. "I was crying like a baby when he pulled those glass pieces out of me."
To Lance's surprise, Justin's arms held him even tighter. "Don't be strong for me, Lance," Justin begged, sounding anguished. "Please don't ever hide from me."
Lance was utterly bewildered, but he nodded against Justin's chest anyway. "Okay, Justin," Lance assured him softly. Justin must have read that Lance felt like he hid his true self from people when he put on this mask... And obviously Justin didn't want to see the mask. He wanted to see Lance. For some reason, the very same thought that was scaring Lance was also making him happy.
There was a knock on the door, and they pulled away from each other, Justin carefully removing the pile of presents from Lance's lap even as JC, Joey, and Chris all breezed into the room. JC immediately latched onto Lance, who smiled over JC's shoulder, glad for the embrace, and yet it felt... different. Not wrong, but different. Different than whose? Lance's heart gave a pang as he saw Justin smiling at them. Different than Justin's, of course.
"How're you feeling?" JC asked, giving him a kiss on the cheek and pulling away.
"Better," Lance admitted. "But then again, I have more drugs pumping through my body than Joey takes at a really fun party."
"Hey!" Joey protested. Lance grinned at him and he laughed even as he leaned forward to give him a large, teddy bear hug. "You're dead when you're better," Joey sang sweetly.
"I know," Lance assured him, grinning. Joey stepped away and Lance and Chris hugged tightly.
"You are amazing, Lansten," Chris told him softly. "I admire you."
"Don't," Lance whispered. "I just did what I had to do."
Chris smiled as he pulled away, ruffling Lance's hair affectionately.
Lance began asking them questions about what they were doing, what happened with the concert, and what was going to happen now that he was out of commission for a while, but they breezed over those questions, ending with a simple delay on the concert plans. Then Joey--who had grabbed a hold of the remote and found a show to watch--made them all be quiet. JC sat on the bed beside Lance, an arm wrapped around his shoulders. Lance did feel protected in JC's arms, but his eyes kept darting to Justin, who was sitting inbetween Joey and Chris, where they'd pushed three chairs together. Justin was joking around easily with Joey and Chris, and Lance found himself fascinated by every move Justin made. Even when he breathed he was cute.
Lance thought about smacking himself in the head a couple of times.
"You okay?" JC murmured softly in Lance's ear. Lance shivered slightly and nodded, forcing a smile.
"I'm fine," Lance assured him. "Just a little tired."
"You can sleep on me," JC offered. A smile tugged at his lips. "I like to be close to you."
Lance couldn't help but smile back, a light blush dusting his cheeks. "I like it too," he told him shyly, then settled against JC and tried to close his eyes.
His eyes met Justin's.
Justin offered a supportive smile, but there was something about the way Justin was looking at them... Lance suddenly wished everyone else was gone except for Justin, especially JC. Lance kept eye contact with Justin until Justin frowned slightly, trying to figure out why Lance kept staring. Finally Lance looked away, closing his eyes. Still... Every now and then, he opened his eyes and snuck a quick peek at the curly headed boy, who appeared to be deep in thought.
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