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Disclaimer: Who could I have not done this without? All of you! So this is a special treat because everyone has been so sweet and awesome!

Author note: Amy, you are my angel, I know you are! Bec, how do they get as sweet as you? Jules, can we say 'sugar'? 'cause that's you! Danie, my lovely London friend, you rock. Barbara (and Andrea) you two are both beyond utterly awesome! Everyone else: Leash, (MAS rules, baby!), Sarah, Kelly, PhinJay... Lordie, there's so many of you guys and I love you! Thank you everyone!

Epilogue:

        Lance tiredly unlocked the door to his home. He'd been at the studio all day with Meredith, and all he wanted to was climb in bed with Justin and blank out the rest of the world.
        Just the thought of his almost one-year boyfriend made Lance smile, and with a bit more eagerness than before he opened the door and then locked it behind him, noting the darkened home. He frowned in confusion and a bit of worry. Normally Justin waited for him to come home, but all the lights were out and Lance couldn't hear anything or see any lights. Justin must be asleep already, Lance thought with a soft sigh of disappointment. He had really wanted to listen to Justin talk about how he had missed him all day and what he had done. Justin always told him that he missed him while he was gone, and that he loved him, and that they were going to spend eternity together.
        Lance had never been happier in his entire life.
        Sadly Lance made his way down the hallway to their bedroom, opening the door slowly and quietly in case Justin was asleep. Maybe if he was lucky, Justin would have just laid down. To Lance's surprise, there was a dull glow in the room, and as he looked up, he gasped.
        Candles lined the bedroom, along the shelves and dressers and desk, and all along the bedside tables. The bed, however, was empty, and Lance frowned at it, until he stepped into the room and his eyes widened in shock. His vision swam as his heart caught in his throat and his breathing ceased for a moment. He stumbled to the bed, dropping down onto it and picking up the dark green journal. He clutched it to his chest and held it as tightly as he could, hardly feeling the tears choursing down his cheeks.
        They had lost the notebook they had become best friends in during Justin's move into Lance's house. They had both been disappointed and distressed over the loss, but they had resolved themselves to eventually finding it someday. Obviously, that someday was today.
        With shaking, nimble fingers Lance slowly opened the notebook, carefully wiping his eyes and cheeks with his sleeve to avoid getting the pages wet. He smiled and laughed at all the comments he and Justin had exchanged, occasionally tracing over words or sentences that were forever emblazoned in his mind. He could almost feel their love for each other in this notebook, and wondered why it had taken them so long to realize it. But it had been fun, he conceeded with a small smile. They had had a good time getting together.
        Lance frowned when he saw an arrow pointing to the next page of the notebook. He certainly didn't remember reading, or writing this, and hesitantly he turned the page, curiousity and anticipation building in his chest and making his heart beat thud. His eyes widened and he stared and laughed out loud, clamping a hand over his mouth as he stared at the page through his tears.
        10-21-00
        This is the picture in the magazine that the photographer took of me and Lance looking like we're about to kiss. I'll never have the courage to actually tell him how much I want this kiss to actually happen, so I'll just smile at it and remember the way his lips felt on mine when I kissed him that day in the hospital. I love him. I know that I do. Right now we're in the Caribbean, and I've tried to make this kiss a reality several times. He's sleeping beside me, and he looks just absolutely angelic. He is, you know, trusty notebook. He is an angel and I love him more than I've loved anyone in my entire life. I know it's safe to put this in this notebook, because we're using that new one, but part of me wishes that Lance would open this up, or wake up and want to read this, just so that he could read how I feel instead of me having to tell him. God I love him. Lance, if you're reading this, I love you. I love you so much that it sends aches and shivers down my spine just thinking of you. When you're not with me, my heart bleeds and feels like it's actually falling apart, slowly and painfully tearing me into two. I want us to be together, forever, just the two of us fading away with time. The fame, the fortune, none of that will last. But you and I, we will last forever because that's all I think of when I look at you. I see eternity in your eyes and I want to lose myself there, in you, because you are the rest of me. I know that you are, because everytime we touch, I feel that spark of life, that energy, and that will never die. That will be with us forever.
        Forever isn't strong enough. I love the word 'forever' when it applies to you, but it's just not enough. I think of 'eternity' when I think of you. Eternity just has a serious, almost longing need to it. Eternity. An endless void full of nothingness except for you and me and the love I have for you. Sometimes I think it's going to consume me whole, and it's all I can do to avoid throwing myself at you.
        Wanna hear about my failed, flopped, completely missed kiss attempt? Oh, it's amusing, it really is. It was about two hours ago, and we had just got in from a full day of shopping. I went to our room--okay, it's your room, but I'm sleeping with you so I'm going to call it our room--and dropped off our packages, then came back out to the living room, and I swear to god, my heart stopped, Lance. You were laying there on the couch staring at this fire that you had built, and you were holding this half-eaten apple and you were just so god damn sexy that it took every urge in my body not to jump your bones. And trust me, Lance, I wanted to. And then you lifted your hand to me and asked me if I wanted to join you, and I felt like such a dumbass. I could only stare and think of monosymbolic words (but hey, now I can use big words!) and stutter a reply as I joined you. And your eyes were closed and you looked so god damn perfect that I just wanted to never let you go. Eternity. I see it in your face. I see it in every motion you make. But anyway, I was just staring at you and thinking about how perfect of a setting this would be for a first real kiss, but you were eating that damn apple and then I offered to throw it away for you, and when I came back, you were already asleep.
        I've never been more exasperated in my entire life. My heart was pounding so hard my chest ached, my breathing was so fast that I was sure I was going to black out, my pulse was racing, there was a cold sweat all over my body, and there was a bit pit in my stomach of anticipation and nerves, and you had the audacity to fall asleep and totally screw up the moment.
        And yet I love you even more because of it.
        Sound stange? Sounds strange to me, too, 'cause I really wanted that kiss. But no, I am so whipped that I love everything about you, even when you're screwing up my plans. Think me pathetic or just a man in love? Hopefully just a man in love, because that's exactly what I am.
        You're shifting now, and you rolled over onto your side and threw your arm around my legs and mumbled my name. That's my cue to end this, because I am going to slide down under that arm and pretend that for just one night, you're really holding me, and not just a warm body. Goodnight, Lance. I love you for eternity.
        Justin
        Lance was sobbing by the time he was done reading. That was the last entry in the notebook, sadly enough, and yet it was almost a perfect way to end it. "I love you for eternity," Lance whispered, reading the words again. Justin always said that to him before they went to bed. Lance never understood why until this very moment.
        "Justin?" Lance called, holding the notebook desperately and standing, looking for his boyfriend. "Justin, where are you, baby?" Lance frowned when he heard no answer, and hesitantly set the notebook on the table beside the bed, going out into the hallway. "Justin? Honey? Answer me!" Still, there was no reply, and Lance felt his heart catching in his throat. He hurried back into the room, looking at the amount of wax in the candles. They had obviously been burning for quite some time. Lance's heartbeat picked up rapidly, and he hurried through the house. "Justin? Justin, baby, answer me, I'm really scared!"
        "Shhh..."
        Lance froze as two strong arms caught him as he entered the darkened living room. He sighed in relief, startled to find tears in his eyes yet again. "Don't scare me," he admonished immediately, his voice thick with tears. "Justin, if something happened to you--"
        "Baby, shhh..." Justin instructed softly. Lance could hear his smile as he felt Justin's breath hit his ear, and he leaned back against Justin, wrapping his arms over Justin's. "I'm sorry I scared you," Justin apologized quietly. "I just wanted to surprise you."
        "You did," Lance assured him, mustering a small laugh through his tears. He never ceased to be amazed at what Justin's voice, Justin's breath, or even Justin's touch did to him, after all this time. He fell limp, susceptable to Justin's every whim and desire. He was Justin's puppet, and long ago he had surrendered all control to his love. "Where did you find it?"
        "In the attic, in one of my boxes," Justin whispered in Lance's ear. "I missed you today. Did you have a good day?"
        "Oh Justin," Lance sighed, feeling every muscle in his body loosen, and he turned around in Justin's arms, throwing his arms around Justin's neck. "I love you," he whispered, hugging Justin as tightly as he could. "I love everything about you, from your predictability to your spontinouity." He ran his fingers in Justin's hair and smiled, laughing softly. "And your curly hair."
        Justin laughed and lightly placed a kiss on Lance's cheek. "Well glad one of us does," he teased, hugging Lance so tightly that Lance's bones ached, and yet it was such a sweet way to go that he didn't protest.
        "I missed you, too," Lance told him softly, resting his cheek on Justin's shoulder. "I missed you and your smell and your breath on my cheek and the way that you look at me and I feel like I should just get up and walk out of wherever I am right then and leave with you and never look back." He snuggled against Justin. "I miss the feel of your touch and the way that you always know the right things to say to make me feel better and the way that whenever I'm embarassed you always manage to run your thumb over my cheeks which only makes me blush harder and then you laugh and hold me until I feel better. I miss the way that I can look at you and know exactly what you're feeling. I miss that I can't spend every moment of every day with you, awake or asleep. And I miss that when you're not with me I'm lonely, but I'm no where near as lonely as I used to be, because you filled up that hole in my life."
        Lance felt wetness on his neck, indicating that Justin was crying, and he hugged Justin that much tighter. "I love you," Justin whispered, and Lance could feel his lips kissing where his tears had trailed. "The words feel so inadequate, but they're the best I can do."
        "Come to bed, baby," Lance whispered, pulling back from Justin and meeting those blue eyes that he lost his soul in.
        Justin smiled slightly and brushed away his tears uncerimonously, but Lance caught his hand and then thumbed away Justin's tears gently, watching as Justin's eyes closed on command and then slowly reopened, practically glowing in the moonlight that filtered in through the window. Justin interlaced their fingers, and Lance led him to the bedroom, pausing outside of it and smiling up at Justin.
        "I love you for eternity," Lance whispered softly, watching as Justin's eyes lit and he lowered his mouth slowly to Lance's, speaking words gently against his lips.
        "For eternity."

~~~~For Eternity~~~~
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