CHAPTER II

JEFF GETS PUNISHED FOR BEING INTELLIGENT

     Jeff's parents were very upset over his behavior. They thought that he was mentally ill, even though they caused his behavior disorders. According to them, Jeff was supposed to honer and obey his parents, be dragged from Minnesota to Florida against his will, have his life disrupted and have his happiness taken away from him. Then, he was supposed to prove that he was mature and not get pissed off about it. Besides, they thought that they were doing him a big favor by dragging him to Florida.

     They didn't know what to do about his outburst. Then they were watching a tv evangelist who had a Christmas special which was called, "Thank you Jesus-Saving our Children-The Greatest Gift of All", which was a propaganda show about the Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled Youth, which was a place for kids who disobey their parents and authority, where they were cured of their "sins". The Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled Youth was located in Florida. That figures. Well anyway, they had stories about different kids who rebelled and they all were saved and accepted the Lord into their lives. They even showed someone who was a lot like Jeff, whose name was Donna. Donna's parents were planning on moving from Greenwich Village to Florida. Donna loved Greenwich Village because she was a fag hag and she loved to hang out with gay men and she loved to hang out with punk rockers in the East Village. That's not the only thing she did that would upset her parents. She also liked to hang out with men who were sexually attracted to young boys, a pedophile hag. She would even go to meetings from an organization which was called BAMLEO, which stands for Boys And Men Loving Each Other. Anyway, Donna hated Florida because the weather was too fucking hot there and so many of the people there were phony right wing fucking assholes. Donna's parents decided to move to Florida because they felt that hanging around homosexuals, pedophiles and punk rockers would be a bad influence on her. When Donna found out that she would be forced to move to Florida, she was pissed off, had a temper tantrum and started throwing things. At that point her parents had her sent off to the Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled Youth. While she was there she accepted Christ into her life and she learned that BAMLEO was getting their funding from Saddam Hussein and men who are attracted to young boys should be put to death, that homosexuals are sick and perverted, that punk rock music has backward messages from Satan and punk rockers are Satan worshippers, but most of all, she learned that moving to Florida and sweating in hot weather (that she hated with a passion) was part of God's plan for her, so therefore she learned to honor and obey her parents and she is living happily ever after in Florida because she accepted Christ into her life. Ah, the magic of watching religious propaganda! Jeff's parents were so happy and inspired after watching that. They felt that if it worked on Donna, it would surely work on Jeff. NOT!

      Jeff was sent off to the Sunshine Freedom Center for Troubled Youth in Florida, his favorite state. Not! While there, they tried to force Jeff to march around in the heat singing songs like they do in the military, such as, "Praise Jesus Hot Weather is Good for my Soul". When Jeff was asked to march around in the heat he just said "no". Then, they told him to march or else and Jeff said, "fuck you". After that, they tied him up and hung him by his feet while he was naked and beat the shit out of him with a whip, which was a form of rape and S@M, which is what religious fanatics speak out against, but they have been known to be hypocrites. They then tried to make him say, "I will honor and obey authority, Praise the Lord", but he would say "fuck off and die you fascist pig" and they would keep beating the shit out of him. After a while, Jeff couldn't take the pain anymore so he said, "I will obey authority, Praise Jesus". After that, they stopped beating the shit out of him. Now that was mighty white of them.

       That experience fucked Jeff up a lot more than it did to help him. He couldn't stand being in Shitville and being forced to march around in the heat against his will singing, "Praise Jesus Hot Weather is Good for my Soul", but it was better than having the shit beaten out of him.

      The Experience at the Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled Youth traumatized Jeff so bad, he took a knife and tried to commit suicide by slashing his wrists. He was rushed to the hospital, treated and held for psychiatric evaluation from a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist turned out to be a real fucking asshole and believed that the only reason he tried to commit suicide was to rebel and he needed the discipline and some good Christian teachings like he would get at the Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled youth, even though that place is what caused him to attempt suicide in the first place. After going through enough months of torture and abuse, Jeff was released from the Sunshine Freedom Center for Troubled Youth, but for some reason, it didn't do the wonders that it did for Donna, but at least he would get to go back to Minneapolis, which would be the last month he would be living there. Jeff was smart enough not to be brainwashed at the Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled Youth. First of all, they used the word freedom in their name, but it was everything but freedom, so he knew that place was bullshit. It was more like a Nazi Concentration Camp.

      After Jeff got back from the Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled Youth, his violent rampages didn't get better, they got worse. He was so fucked up, he went into his parents bedroom when they weren't home and started trashing things. While he was trashing their room, he opened up their dresser drawer and he saw a bag with pills in it. All Jeff wanted to do was die, so he attempted suicide again by swallowing all the pills which were LSD. Apparently, Jeff's father wanted to have acid trips like he did in the 1960s without having the progressive ideas that he had. Well anyway, Jeff's parents came home and found him tripping, yelling, screaming and throwing up all over the place. They knew something was wrong after he started vomiting blood, so they called 911. Jeff was rushed to the hospital and had his stomach pumped.

      Because Jeff was overdosing on an illegal drug, the police arrived for an investigation. Jeff told the police that he got the LSD from his father's dresser drawer, but his father denied it. The police decided to believe Jeff's father after he told them that he was a born again Christian and told them that Jeff was a fucked up psychopath who had a plastic penis with Dan Quayle's face on it.

      After Jeff's stomach was pumped, he had another psychiatric evaluation from another psychiatrist, in Minneapolis, which proves that psychiatrists in Minnesota are smarter than psychiatrists in Florida. After his evaluation, it was determined that Jeff was suffering from a severe chemical imbalance in the brain and being at the Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled Youth fucked him up more, not less. Jeff was fucked up so bad he was going to have to start taking Prozac and he would have to keep taking it until the day he dies. Failure to take Prozac would turn Jeff into a violent homicidal manic and serial killer, but as long as he gets his Prozac, he would be able to function normally.

      The psychiatrist in Minneapolis felt that the psychiatrist who examined Jeff in Florida was a total fucking asshole. He was really pissed off at Jeff's father and he told him off. This is what he had to say: "you fucking asshole, bastard, do you realize how badly you have fucked up your son by trying to shove your religious vomit down his throat? You arrogant fuck wad. It's a damn good thing that he attempted suicide here in Minnesota where we psychiatrists live in the 20th century, not the 15th century like that fucking asshole moron stupid fucking prick that he saw down in Florida, that blamed his problems on not enough discipline and lack of good Christian teachings. Jesus H Christ. If your son saw that stupid fucking prick for a psychiatrist he would be a corpse by now, so you better not make him move to Florida you stupid motherfucker. If you don't like what I have to say then you can go suck my motherfuckin' dick". For some reason, Jeff's father didn't like what that psychiatrist said to him. Well, the truth is hard to swallow.

      There were 3 things that caused Jeff's father's decision to move to Florida. The first one was the school board decided to start passing out free condoms in Minneapolis. The second thing was Florida is controlled by Republicans who had a cue and decided to make George W Bush President in 2000 while Al Gore won the election in Minnesota    The third thing that finalized his decision was that psychiatrist telling him off and cussing at him.

      As time went on, it would be proven that Jeff's father was a fucking asshole and Jeff's psychiatrist was right. In fact it didn't take long. Jeff was extremely pissed off about what had happened to him at the Sunshine Freedom Center For Troubled Youth and having to move to Florida, but he had far fewer violent rampages, thanks to Prozac.

      After, Jeff turned 18 and he was no longer legally forced to move to Shitville, however, he didn't have the finances to be able to afford to live on his own, but he tried desperately to change that. He went out and bought a computer, so he could start his own business. He decided to call his business, "Hate Enterprises" and he was going to go into the business of distributing plastic penises with Dan Quayle's face on it. Unfuckin fortunately, Jeff didn't make enough money from his business and he had to end up moving to Shitville. He had hoped that his parents would be a little more patient and delay their move to Shitville, at least until he could get his business going but they were fucking assholes and they wouldn't. Besides, they didn't like the kind of business that he went into.

       Jeff, Tiffany and his parents ended up moving to Davie, Florida. Jeff's parents and Tiffany just loved it there. Jeff thought that it was a scumfuck shithole. To make matters worse, Jeff started living in Florida during the month of July when the weather was just horrible. As soon as Jeff arrived in Shitville it didn't take long for shit to happen. Jeff lost his computer because it got knocked over in the moving truck and broke and his know it all parents were too fucking stupid to pack it right. Jeff insisted to his parents that the computer should be set on the floor of the truck, but his fucking asshole parents decided to put it on a table and it got knocked over and fell on the floor. Because he lost his computer, Jeff decided to spend $2000, which was all the money he had left, on a brand new computer with a Pentium 3 chip, hoping he could get his business of selling plastic penises with Dan Quayle's face on it, going, so he could make a lot of money and get the fuck out of Shitville.

       Jeff hated Florida with a passion, but Tiffany just loved it. She really enjoyed the 90 degree heat and those hot muggy nights, especially when the dew point was over 80!. She really loved to rub it in that Jeff had lost the war to move to Shitville. She said "you had to move to move to Florida, na na na na"! Even though Tiffany loved Davie, Florida, something happened to her that really made her upset. For some reason, she failed to make the cheerleading squad at her new school and she was afraid that she wouldn't be popular anymore.

      Even though Jeff's father loved it, things weren't working out the way he wanted them to, either. Because of Hurricane Andrew, the cost of homeowners insurance went up and became very expensive. It would cost Jeff's father $2000 for hurricane protection insurance but he only had $800.

In a situation like that, what's a fucking asshole to do?  Well, Jeff's father believed that sending the $800 that he did have to Pat Robertson would protect his house from a hurricane.  Did it?  You can find out from reading more of this excellent story in Chapter III