As it kept taking longer to figure out where I could find a job and stomach working, things were a lot different during January 2004 than the previous 3 Januarys starting in 2001 at my inventory job. January is the busiest month of the year for inventories and I worked a lot of hours and I was very busy. It fucking sucked because I had a lack of free time, but at least I knew I would be getting a couple of decent paychecks. Because of Cathy, the wicked witch fucking cunt, I lost that job on July 22, 2003. 2004 would be the year in which I MUST make a living doing spoken words, or if not that, at least something else in which I wouldn't have to work for some fucking prick or cunt and put up with their fucking bullshit.
The 1st poetry slam of 2004 was on January 13, 2004 when I talked about cops being sex offenders and I talked about some really disgusting shit, but there were a lot of people who really liked it. Someone even told me that it was the best thing I had done so far. Unfuckingfortunately, I still didn't make it to the 2nd round. Just a few days before 2004 began I also found out about a group who sound cool because they are extremely anti-George W Bush who call themselves, The League of Pissed Off Voters and they were having a spoken words performance on January 18. I decided to sign up. They wanted to know what I was going to be talking about and I could have about 6 minutes to talk. I decided to do my piece that I was going to do at the poetry slam on December 13, 2003 that got canceled because of the snowstorm and the thing I wrote about about pigs being sexual psychopaths. I figured that if it went over good at the poetry slam, it would go over good at the League of pissed off voters, especially with a name like that, right, wrong! A bunch of fucking assholes heckled me. As it got closer to January 18, I was getting more and more terrified about reading my stuff. The difference between this and the other open mikes that I go to regularly, is with the open mikes that I regularly go to, I can get an idea of what to expect from the crowed. This thing was an event in which I had no idea of what the crowd would be like or exactly what the people who sponsor it would turn out to be like. They had also considered having people audition before they could get approved to perform, but they decided not to.
When I got there, they didn't check what I was going to read, but they wanted it to be related to politics. I told them that I was going to read about bullies and police brutality and they said "that's OK." Then some fucking breeders shows up with their fucking kids, which made me feel a lot more uncomfortable and gave me a sinking feeling that there was going to be trouble , but I ain't going to fucking censor myself because breeders bring their fucking kids there. It turned out to be 2 7 year old girls who went up to make fun of George W. Bush and I thought that it was kind of cute and interesting seeing little kids make fun of that asshole. I know that my friend Tony would have enjoyed eating out those little girls twats and he might even eat out their little assholes too, if he had the chance and if he was in the mood. Also, Tony would eat out both little girls at once. Actually, he would take turns while eating out each little girl.
Anyway, despite the little girls being there, I did hear other performers swear and talk about some explicit content, but it wasn't to the extreme that I was going to do! I decided to read my thing about bullies 1st. I mentioned that my 6th grade teacher told me that I brought it on myself when I got picked on and I went on to mention that the reason that she said is because she was a fucking cunt and I referred to her for being a fucking cunt again. In that piece, I take a very hard line against bullies and I decided not to be soft about it. Ain't that a reason why so much shit exists in the 1st place in this country is because people are too fucking soft and wimpy. I got heckled and got a couple of grunts the 1st time when I mentioned that I am sick and tired of bleeding heart people telling me that I should understand that bullies have problems too. I also decided to mention that I was glad that those guys in Colorado went out and shot those assholes and glad that they turned Columbine into a fucking bloodbath! I think some people were horrified when I mentioned that. That was nothing in comparison when I got into my piece about pigs being sexual psychopaths. I was able to get past the part in which I mentioned pigs sticking plungers up people's assholes and then read a couple of fairly tame sentences after that when a couple of fucking assholes in the audience told me that I'm done. Then they turned the microphone off on me and the person who hosted said that what I am talking about was very offensive and extremely inappropriate. I can't necessarily say that she was the 1 being a cunt, but some fucking prick or cunt complained about what I was talking about. Thankfully, there was some outcry from a couple people in the audience who felt that I should not be censored, so they agreed to turn the microphone on and let me finish, although I was afraid that they would turn the microphone off again and I hadn't even gotten up to the part in which I talk about Officer Friendly sticking his hand up someone's asshole and getting a blob of shit on his hands. Even though I was turning so many people off, I decided to mention Officer Friendly getting a blob of shit on his hands anyway!
I did get to make it to the end, but I fucking hate it when someone who claims to be enlightened as the "League of Pissed off Voters" and they have to treat me that way because I was a lot more extreme than other people. That wasn't the end of the humiliating shit that I had to endure. Like a poetry slam, there were judges and I ended up getting the worst score than anyone. There were a total of 5 judges, just like at a poetry slam. 1 of them was a woman who was too fucking prissy to handle what I had to say and a guy from Canada. During the regular poetry slam that I go to, the judges give their scores and don't give comments. With this thing, the judges did give comments. Also, at a poetry slam, the judges all sit at different tables making it unlikely that a judge would run to another table to tell another judge that to give them a low score. With this thing, all the judges sat at the same table. 3 of those judges were the self righteous type and told me that they deducted points from my score each time I used a swear word and told me that it wasn't artistic, creative or professional.
There was an older lady who told me that what I said was good, but that she was offended at all the swearing I did. She also
mentioned that I was drawing the crowd towards me because of talking about my concerns over bullies, but I pulled them away from me because of all the swearing I did. She mentioned that a lot of the people in that crowd were also picked on by bullies and they are not jocks or cheerleaders to prove her point that an excessive amount of swearing "wrong". That judge from Canada mentioned that he could sympathize with me because he was picked on by bullies, but he went on to mention that if I want to get love, I would have to give love.Anyway, as time went on after doing my thing, things did seem to mend a little bit between me and a lot of those people, so I'm hoping that while I didn't get a good response in the moment, maybe it planted some seeds of common sense into their brains, I hope. Each performer was given a prize, including me! Of course the performers with the highest scores got the better prizes. Those 7-year old girls got the best prize and won $100. There were some prizes to get free meals in restaurants and to win a couple of large pizzas. I ended up getting a burrito. Anyway, on January 18, if these people can understand being victimized by bullies, but when I speak, they get intolerant and nasty, but I couldn't think of a word to use to describe them because they ain't jocks or cheerleaders or that type of shit. I later found out that the reason they turned out to be such narrow minded hostile and nasty assholes is because they are part of the common folk in this country, which is even worse than Christians, rednecks, cheerleaders and a Hell of a lot more dangerous than they are because they are common. Also, this experience gave me a plan to talk about the "common people" will be a topic of a future spoken words performance.
Just as I was getting ready to leave, 1 of those assholes who gave me a score of 1 on a scale of 0-10 told me that he liked what I did, but he said that he had to give me a low score because of swearing in front of kids, although there were other performers who swore. A woman in her young 20s told me that she enjoyed what I talked about and mentioned that she is a strong advocate of freedom of speech. I don't know if these people will even have another open mike, but after what I experienced with them, I fucking hope not! Even if they do, I might sign up again anyway. That is if they let me and with any luck, they will forget about how "vulgar" I was the time before. I might talk about how much I love abortion and I will wait until I get to the very end about how beautiful it is to yank an unborn fetus from a pregnant woman's twat and watch it die. Of course a lot of people will be offended, but I won't have to worry about the microphone being turned off on me because I will be done.
My 1st spoken words performance at Balls in 2004 was 1 week after the fiasco shit at the League of Pissed off Voters on January 25 when I finally did my rant against therapists for the very 1st time. People seemed to be shocked that I did a rant against therapy, but a lot of people laughed. The last therapist I saw was in 1992 who turned out to be a fucking lying douchbag asshole and I came to the realization that therapy was nothing more than phony money grubbing bullshit and that fucking douchbag asshole was mentioned in my rant! After I was done, Leslie Ball mentioned a book called, "The Road Less Traveled", which is written by a therapist who mentioned that people are responsible for the things that happen to them. That kind of shit bugs me. There was, however a person who regularly attends who feels that Freud was full of shit with how he claimed to have all the answers and he agrees with what I said about therapy and what a load of bullshit it is!
There was another erotic poetry slam on Valentine's Day. While so many people read about boring romantic shit, which seems to get worse with each Valentine's Day, I decided to do mine about auto-erotic asphyxia and unfuckingfortunately, the fucking judges gave me a low score (and I can't remember the score) and I didn't make it to the 2nd round and that fucking sucks. I did at least get a higher score than the thing I read on Valentines Day 2003, which was about the Catholic Priest who had just gotten out of prison for "molesting" young boys. That was my final chance to make it to 1st place and have an opportunity to go to the National Poetry Slam in St. Louis in August 2004 and that was the last day of the regular season. Despite all that shit, a woman told me that I have a story to share with the world that is way deeper than what most of the other poets talked about and it is funny too! Now, that is empowering to hear. I should share my story with the world and I should fucking get paid for it! During March and April 2004, the poetry slam was for the finalists and I could not read at them. Another thing that happened in April 2004 is I am trying to find ways to make a living without having to work for pricks and cunts, so I am thinking about selling T-shirts online. I went into this graphic supply store on April 14, 2004 hoping to find someone who would be helpful, courteous and understanding of my dream. Instead I get a woman who turns out to be a rude stuck up fucking cunt who gave me attitude because I couldn't afford a machine that costs $4000. Also, I was able to read at the poetry slam on May 11, 2004 and I decided to read about the fucking cunt who interfered with my T-shirt dream and it went over pretty good, but unfuckingfortunately, not good enough to make it on to the 2nd round, but I got close. There were the usual uptight assholes who could not handle all the swearing, but there was a woman who approached me and told that what said was so funny, she couldn't stop laughing! On June 8, 2004, there was a poetry slam with props and during the poetry slam in June 2003, I did my thing about how I like Halloween and hate the rest of the year and I brought my ghost that lights up and shakes and I actually made it to the 2nd round with that 1. Well I decided to do the same rant about pigs being sexual psychopaths, but it was even better because I used a fake crack pipe, while sticking it someone's asshole and getting shit on it. Actually, it was cake frosting, but it really looked like shit, but at least it didn't smell like shit. Unfuckingfortunately, because I used a visual with it this time, I ended up getting a significantly lower score than I got when I read it in January, but at least it went over better than it did when I read it at the League of Pissed off Voters because they turned out to be a bunch of fucking assholes. On July 13, 2004, there was a chic poetry slam and you couldn't compete in it, unless you had a twat or dressed up in drag, so I decided to dress up in drag wearing the same thing I wear on Halloween. I decided to do the except on my spoken words performance that I did in October 2003 at Balls, which was about how I would improve commercials and I said that I was the Mrs. Reverend Pat D and I did a public service announcement talking about abortion and why pregnant women should have an abortion! I had strong doubts that it would go over very good, so I didn't even bother nor did I have the time to come up with anything, if I had made it to the 2nd round. Well, I got tied for 1st place after doing my thing, probably because there ain't very many drag queens who are innovative enough to talk about abortion. I made it to the 2nd round, but I hadn't brought anything else, so I wrote a piece at the sperm of the moment about how proud I am because I sucked President Clinton's cock, but I rushed through it, so I scored lower than the 1st round, but not bad for something I thought up at the last minute. Unfuckingfortunately, my luck fizzled out and I didn't make it to the 3rd and final round. Every time I come prepared with 3 different things to read if I make it to the 2nd and 3rd round, I never make it to the 2nd round, but if I don't come prepared, I make it to the 2nd round. The same thing happened at the poetry slam with props in June 2003. I came prepared by bringing 3 things to the poetry slam on August 10, 2004 and guess what, I didn't make it to the 2nd round and that fucking sucks. I decided to read a piece about when I went to see the Chicago Cubs play the Atlanta braves on June 9, 1976. I ended up getting a very low score, but at least there were some people who liked it. On September 14, 2003, I did a rant about Florida after they were about to get hit with the 3rd hurricane of the year and that was before Hurricane Jeanne, the 4th Hurricane of the year to hit Florida. Unfuckingfortunately, the judges were real fucking assholes about that 1 and gave me a very low score. 1 judge only gave me a 1, 3 others only gave me a 5 and this fat guy who sat next to me (my friend Joon would love to be fucked by him) gave me the highest score, but it wasn't that great either, which was a 6.5. The criticism he told me is all I did was rant and I didn't go anywhere with it. I still can't figure out how to go somewhere with things I will do in the future. He said that the vulgarities and profanity didn't bother him, but I needed to make a point with it and go somewhere with it. I did have better luck with the poetry slam on October 12, 2004, but unfuckingfortunately, I didn't make it to the 2nd round, again, but it is the best luck since the chick slam in July when I dressed up in drag doing a public service anouncement encouraging pregnant women to have an abortion. I did my talk about how people are offended at me ranting and raving and using profanity and how talking about things that piss me off actually gives my life a healing and I also mentioned that people who are misunderstood should have the right to be healed more so than other people. The highest score I got was an 8.9 and the lowest was a 7, which wasn't nearly as bad as what I had gotten the last couple of times before that, but unfuckingfortunatley, it wasn't enough for me to make it to the 2nd round. Also, I am listening stronger and stronger to what Anna told me in a psychic reading back in 2001, which was, don't give a shit about what people think and I will be successful!
As I said in 2003, I decided not to do anymore talks at that church, because I didn't want to hear any shit about me being too "offensive". Brooke gave me a psychic reading in June 2003 and told me that it's OK to be funny and use satire, but I need to be more "positive" when I do my things and it would be more effective. I'm not sure what the fuck people mean about being "positive", but the impression that I get from it is: pretend that things don't suck. Joon thinks that means that I should be loving and send "good vibes" to people, even if they are fucking assholes. Another reading that I got from Brooke in on November 30, 2003 is I have a spirit guide whose name is Kato or Katlin, oh I don't remember exactly what the fuck his name, but it may be Katlin. Katlin is 1 of my teachers and the message that Brooke got is I am a very stubborn student and Katlin is trying to teach me things and I can either learn the easy way or the hard way. It would be easier to understand what Katlin has to say if I could learn how to meditate, but my luck with it has been total shit and I haven't gotten too far with it. A message I did get, supposedly from Katlin is I need to write an autobiography, so I decided to write an abbreviatedautobiography and read it at Balls on February 29 and it was so long, I read part II on March 28, 2004. I got a pretty good response, but I don't think it's the most successful thing I have done at balls. During 2004, more and more of my spoken words is going into storytelling and I think that 75% of my stuff will end up being storytelling because fact is even stranger than fiction! Also, if Katlin is my spirit guide, that means that Laura Ingalls had him as a spirit guide too and he got mad as Hell at Laura Ingalls for failing to tell it like it is in her novels. Also John and Tom from that church were there on both February 29 and March 28 and John laughed at some of the things that I said, but as I got to know John more and more, the more I was discovering that he was a fucking asshole and he pissed me off and I couldn't trust him. I was wondering if John would start shit with me once he heard some more of my extreme and controversial stuff that would be coming down the pike.
I decided to do another repeat about my experience at Grossology at balls on April 18 and neither John nor Tom was there, but on May 9, 2004, I decided to do a piece of things I plan to write on T-shirts and neither John nor Tom were there on that day either. Later that afternoon, I went to that church and mentioned that the thing I did went over pretty good and Tom says, "in who's opinion and John laughed like a sarcastic fucking prick and that really fucking pissed me off. During the service that day,They were having a discussion about how religion is a science and how it is linked in some ways. During the discussion I mentioned Scientology and mentioned that it is a scam and that is the only thing that I said. John then says in a nasty bitchy arrogant tone of voice, "you said it all in 1 sentence that is a scam and I don't want to hear anything about it." What I noticed is those people act like they are they are enlightened, but they are full of fucking shit and don't like my spoken words performance, probably because of the obscenities and the extreme anti-breeding statements and pro-abortion statements I make.
Now, this is a church that meets within a church, which means that they are separate to some extent from the main church, but it's a new age church that has some really good ideas, but a lot of bullshit goes along with it as well, but I have been interested in going to get healing. Now, Tom has turned out to be a fucking asshole too. For 1 thing, Tom was condemning and knocking the Catholic church, which I whole heartedly agree with in many ways, but than he brings up Catholic Priests "molesting" young boys. Tom goes on to say; "if I was a parent" (at least he never stuck his dick up some women's rancid and smelly twat and knocked her up, Thank God for that!!) "I would be very upset and betrayed if someone did something like that to my child", blah blah blah! At that point, a big red flag comes up and tells me that Tom is a fucking asshole! Tom also got extremely impatient with me as were getting ready to leave because he wanted to lock up the building and I had to go and get something and I wasted about 1 minute of his precocious time and he said, "I want you out of the building, now!" He had throat cancer and he puts that thing next to his throat to tell me this shit.
Meanwhile, it was on May 9, 2004 when it really dawned on me that John was such a total fucking asshole. Back in March 2003 John tells me that before doing another talk, which I had planned to do on Easter Sunday 2003 he wanted to get together with me to talk about what I was going to talk about and told me this bullshit story that he and me were going to do a "co-talk" about something, but I didn't know what it would be. I didn't like the thought of someone deciding for me what I can talk about, but John told me that we would meet somewhere and he would buy me lunch, cool! John told me that what I said caused some women's eyeballs to roll, although I didn't get any official complaints and a couple of people even enjoyed hearing me say what I had to say. Despite that, John decided to make an issue out of it because as I have gotten to know him better, he's a fucking asshole! Not only that, he's a deceptive fucking asshole. When someone is a deceptive fucking asshole, it takes awhile before I realize that they are a fucking asshole. For example, during the times when people have heckled me during some of my spoken words performances, I at least knew right away that they were fucking assholes, so at least I would be protected from being deceived from them. In John's case, he lead me on making me think that he might cool, but instead, he turns out to be a fucking asshole, with a split and deceptive personality. Before I was going to do, my talk on Easter Sunday 2003, John said that he wanted to get together with me at a café, so we could come up with a mutual agreement on something that we could talk about on Easter Sunday and as a further incentive he said that he was going to buy me something to eat and I wasn't aware that he was a deceptive fucking asshole, so when the time came to meet him, I thought that he would be cool and I was fucking hungry and I was looking forward to eating. When I get there, he tells me that he liked what I had to say, but he wants to take away my freedom of speech and dupes me into believing all the bullshit and lies that he told me. When I believe it when someone tells me a bunch of bullshit and lies and then realize that they told me a bunch of bullshit and lies, I get very upset. Anyway, John also said that he liked what I said, but the more I get to know him, the more I realized that he's full of shit and I strongly suspect that he's got a split personality and John said that he even likes George Carlin. John then goes onto say that "seeing that it's Easter, I shouldn't talk about anything too explicit because I should be "sensitive" and what I talk about might offend a new person who is unlikely, but just might happen to come in for the 1st time that day." He actually made me feel guilty about insulting anyone who can not handle my personality. Now that I think of it, I don't give a fuck. Not only that, he didn't even buy me a meal, in which he told me that he would do. That fucking son of a bitchen lying fucking asshole. I was broke that day and that fucking asshole lied to me about buying me a meal when I didn't have any money to pay for it myself. John said that that was a safe and supportive place to say whatever I want to say. Whenever I tell Tony about people like that, he always tells me that he's glad that he's a hermit and he's sick and tired of putting up with people and their bullshit!
Another thing is at this church,you get free, but brief psychic readings. Brooke gives me this reading (in either February or March 2003, but I can't remember the exact date) that all of my life I have been taking in information and I am "full". In order to get a healing, I need to empty out and share my stories with the world. How do I do that? By sharing my stories and vision with the world and by ranting and raving about things that piss me off and with the way the world is, there is plenty to rant and rave about! Both Brooke and John encourage me to do a talk. I believe that I did my talk on March 16, 2003, but unfuckingforunately, I can't remember the exact date, but I think that it was before they heard me do my spoken words performance at balls. I don't remember everything I talked about, but I brought up how Florida sucks for allowing George W Bush to be selected president and 1 of the people even mentioned that it is very corrupt down there, but no one gave me any shit that day on what I talked about. I also mentioned that I do spoken words performances. That inspired Brooke and Tom to go and see me at Balls and I did my talk about "how to get Jesus to love you", which is controversial and sarcastic, but not nearly as controversial as some of the other stuff I do! Brooke said that he liked what he heard. A few months later, Brooke gives me another reading and says shit like "it's great that I have come out of my shell and it's OK to use humor, but I need to be more "positive" when I talk." Brooke didn't see anymore of my spoken words performances, but Tom did and some of them were more explicit than the "how to get Jesus to love you." That may have been the reason that Tom was impatient with me and tried to throw me out of the building, which really made me realize that he was a fucking asshole. Meanwhile, John disappeared after April 2003 and I hardly ever saw him and with the way he turned out to be such of fucking asshole, I wish that he would have disappeared permanently, but he came back in late February of this year, which is also when he heard me do a spoken words performance at Balls for the 1st time. I do remember that I made John laugh a couple of times while I was reading my autobiography at Balls on February 29 and I don't remember the exact part, but I know that it was right at the beginning and that is when I mentioned being Laura Ingalls and my parents fucking causing me to get reincarnated, which is probably the most vulgar thing that John hear me read and he laughed, but you have to remember that he has a split personality, so he is duped into believing that it ain't cool to be explicit after all. John read something right after me and it was something spiritual and I can't remember what the fuck he read. All I remember is it was so boring and I didn't even pay attention.
When I read my thing about what I would like to write on T-shirts on at Balls on May 9, Tom and John were not there and that was much nastier than the performances they had seen me do before. That was the same day in which I went to that church and mentioned that what I had read went over quite well and it did because a lot of people laughed hearing me when I did my thing, but that is when Tom said "in who's opinion" and John laughed in his sarcastic tone of voice and that really fucking pissed me off! That means that John and Tom missed me say 1 thing that I would write on a T-shirt says, "pro-lifers can eat out my twat while I'm on the rag!" I wonder what they would have thought of that 1!
I also met a couple of guys who l was hoping would help me get started with my T-shirt business and they are planning on selling T-shirts too. As usual, whenever I want to do something to achieve my dreams, I run into the obstacles and that fucking sucks. I already mentioned what I went through when I went to that graphic supply store and the woman who worked there turned out to be a stupid stuck up fucking cunt who tried to sell me a machine that prints T-shirts, but it only costs $4000. My next option was to go to a screen printer, but I found out that most of those fuckers want me to print a minimum of 12 shirts, which would cost about $100 and it can't be different types of shirt, but the same shirt, so if I wanted to print every single shirt on the list, it would end up costing thousands of dollars seeing I would have to print up each shirt 12 times.
Also, in order to collect unemployment, I must have some proof that I am out looking for work. Also attending workshops at the job service adds to that proof and working on self-employment is not considered acceptable among some of these assholes in charge of approving unemployment even though the job service has a a couple of workshops on self-employment, so I go to the job club there to get credit, so it will at least help with making them think that I am "looking for work" although I hope to avoid going that rout after putting up with fucking cunts like Cathy and all the other pricks and cunts I had to put up with. While I am at job club each week, the guy who facilitates it has a tendency to be an asshole. I mention that I am thinking about going into self-employment selling T-shirts online and he tells me that I say that each week and accuses me of taking no action and that really fucking pissed me off. For 1 thing, he knows nothing about how to print T-shirts Another thing is it took a very long time before any answers came to me as to what the fuck I can even do, considering that screen printers charge way too much fucking money.
I finally had my break at Gay Pride in Minneapolis of all things on June 27, 2004. I am so disgusted with the way people in the gay community are such fucking assholes, not to mention their self-righteous intolerance towards people who are considered too weird and their mainstream mediocre bullshit, caused me to lose interest and not wanting to go to Gay Pride anymore. I got to Gay Pride just as it was ending and most of the booths were taken down. There was 1 left and the guy sells T-shirts and other creative type of art stuff. 1 thing I considered when it came to printing T-shirts was using iron ons and that fucking cunt at that graphic supply store told me that that wouldn't work, which is when she tried to sell me a steam press machine for $800. That guy told me that I can go to Officemax and buy iron-transfer paper and print from the computer. I have also known people who say that the quality of iron-ons is shit and the thing peels off the day after ironing it on. When I went to Officemax, they told me that the quality of iron-ons ain't as good as screen printing, which is too fucking expensive, but they told me that iron-ons that are printed from the computer work better. I buy the iron-on transfer sheets and I iron a thing onto a shirt that says "Listening to George W Bush give a Speech Caused my Dinner to Come up!" and the shirt even had vomit on it. I ironed it on and unfuckingfortunately, it ain't as good as screen printing, but that's my only choice and the best that I can do for now, but if I do a good job ironing it onto the shirt, it should last for awhile.
I wore that shirt to a rally on July 17 that Dick Cheney was speaking at because it just so happened that a class on how to start a successful ebay business was being held at the same place and the same time. A Republican Bush supporting asshole saw my shirt and wanted to know what it said, so I turn around and it says "Listening to George W Bush Give a Speech caused my Dinner to Come up" with the vomit on it and he said, "that's too bad." As far as I'm concerned, he can go fuck himself. I went to the ebay class because I am hoping that I can make millions of dollars selling T-shirts on ebay and the class was taught by a guy who made millions of dollars selling on ebay. On August 2, I put the shirt up on ebay and it got a lot of hits. Over 200 people saw it, but when the auction ended a week later no one bought the shirt. When I found out about that, I went into a major fucking rampage. I was fucking pissed. I put the shirt on for another week and the fuckers charge an insertion fee and shit like that that costs about a dollar, which isn't a huge amount of money, but if I am going to be charged a dollar, I want the fucking thing to sell! I put the shirt up for an additional week and it still didn't fucking sell. I mentioned my frustration at not being able to sell the shirt on the soapbox in the "community" section of ebay and most people don't think what is said on that shirt is funny. Just what I need, a bunch of uptight fucking assholes! I tried to put another shirt up with Beavis and Butt-Head on it on September 13 and that didn't fucking sell either when the auction ended. The people don't even know that it is an iron-on shirt, which would further hurt my chances of selling it. I did have luck selling my spoken words CD, An Enema For Your Soul, back in March. I never had gotten around to trying to sell it since then.
Besides what I am trying to sell, there are many other reasons why it may not be able to sell. The images and description need to be written in a way that would get people to buy. Also, I got a positive feedback from the CD I sold, but people need to have about 10 positive feedbacks before people will be willing to buy. Also, it is recommended to buy stuff on ebay to get that positive feedback, but without much money coming in and makes it fucking difficult to feel safe about buying much of anything. Sounds like a fucking catch 22 and people may still be fucking assholes and not buy my things. Also, there are a lot of things that I would just simply much rather buy at the store and I can't buy groceries on ebay. That would certainly help! As I keep saying, I MUST find an alternative way to earn a living and I haven't figured it out, yet and that fucking sucks! I am also trying mystery shopping and I got my 1st assignment on August 24 and the assignments are few and far between and don't pay too good, but I still need to sign up with more mystery shopping companies.
The last time that I went to that church was on June 20, 2004 and the only person who showed up was Tom. Another person who would go to that church was Bruce and he had a tendency to be an asshole too, but he never really said that much to me. He gave me a couple of psychic readings as well and the last 1 he gave me earlier this year said something about me being cocky, weird and off the wall with my spoken words performances and as long as I am like that people are going to think that I am weird, but I get upset about people thinking that I am weird and he mentioned that my choice is to either not be so weird or not get so upset when and hurt about people thinking that I am weird. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was some shit like that. Meanwhile, Bruce and Brooke were kind of co-leading that group, but then Brooke and Bruce got into an argument with each other because each of them wanted to run things their way. Brooke got so upset, he decided to drop out and not go to that church anymore. Gee, he's the 1 who told me that I need to be more "positive!" I don't know what's going on with John and I don't really fucking care. It looks like that church may have finally bitten the dust, but maybe it's not dead, it just deserved to die! I checked the schedule of the main church and they are no longer listed and I still don't know what's going on? I also heard that Tom got real sick again and he was in the hospital and he may have croaked.
Too bad that Tom nor John haven't heard anymore of my spoken words performances because it was on June 26, I talked about my experiences with beating off for the 1st time. I would have loved the part in which I talked about how my friend Joon couldn't beat off when she was on the rag because menstrual blood gets all over the place! There were some people who found what I had said to be funny and very entertaining.
It's too bad that Tom or John weren't there when I did my spoken words performance at Balls on July 11 because I did a couple of major rants of what I did at previous poetry slams. I did my tribute to Ronald Reagan (and I am sure glad that he's dead!) which I read at the poetry slam in November 2003 and I did my rant about the fucking cunt at the graphic supply store. Things did not go over very good at all. It turned out to be the worst experience I have had doing any of my spoken words performance at Balls. There were very few people who laughed at what I said, although that girl who saw me at the poetry slam said that she couldn't stop laughing while I was talking about that fucking cunt at the graphic supply store. Anyway, people can give feedback to the performers 2 ways. They can go up to the performer and mention that they really enjoyed it and a lot of people have done that to me in the past thankfully, but Leslie Ball also mentions that if you are "shy" or too chicken shit to reveal who you are with such a closed mind, you can write out your feedback and the artist will get it. Well, I got a bad feedback from someone who wrote me a note and told me that, "using words like "cunt" offends, makes you sound uneducated and just completely creepy and unaware, yuck." Well, most of that is just someone with a closed mind telling me a bunch of fucking bullshit. There are a lot of people who use swear words frequently who are uneducated, while those who do are. It was just some uptight asshole who has a very rigid idea on how people should talk. I do like the part about offending, although. I talk about the things I do and talk like I do to offend people I don't like and to entertain those who are cool enough to enjoy it. Joon told me that if I didn't offend anyone, then I wouldn't be doing my job. Maybe it's a very good thing that John wasn't there that night, because with how bad things went, he would have rubbed it in because he's a fucking asshole!
After going through that shit, my next spoken words performance at Balls was on August 15, 2004 and I talked about my 10-year anniversary of living in Minnesota and thankfully, things went over much better and I didn't get a HATE note and the best part is there was still plenty of stuff in what I read that would offend people, but not to the extreme of what I did on July 11 and there were people who told me that they liked it. On July 11, not a single person told me they liked what I did. The next thing I did at Balls was right after midnight on September 11 on the 3rd anniversary of the big Kaboom and I did another rerun, but revised version of what I would do if I was the president of the United States, although, I revised it to make it even more interesting and the good news is a couple of people told me that they liked what I did!
The next spoken word performance I did after that at Balls was on October 17 when I got very political, regarding the upcoming election. I showed Leslie Ball the t-shirt that I am trying to sell that says, Listening to George W Bush Give a Speech Caused my Dinner to Come up and she found that to be funny. She then went on to say that she agrees with some of the things that I talk about while other things that I talk about drive her crazy. Now, that really kind of bugs me. I was afraid to ask what exactly I talk about really drives her crazy, but I get the feeling the my strong feelings against breeding, especially when it comes to lowlife scumfuck trash breeding and having babies when they are poor and don't have enough money to take care of them. The reason that I suspect that is because it was on 2 separate occasions when I did my rant against Christmas in 2002 and what I would do as president I talked about how much I hate breeding, especially when poor people have kids. I get the feeling that she doesn't enjoy hearing me talk about bowel movements and sexually explicit things either or using an excessive amount of profanity. Despite that, the show must go on, uncensored! I did my thing about the upcoming election at Kieran's Irish Pub on October 19, 2004 and it was Thedra Sheridan's last night of hosting because she is moving out to California, the San Francisco Bay area. Thedra didn't normally laugh when I did my thing, but for some reason, she laughed hysterically when I mentioned that it took until September 13 to start beating off again after the terrorist attacks!
On October 22, 2004 I went to the Chicago area on the 1 year anniversary of me leaving for Atlanta in 2003. I was hoping to have left by sunrise that morning, but as usual, things had to fuck up and I didn't end up leaving until 7:30 in the evening. I stopped to eat at an all-you-can eat buffet at a casino near Red Wing, Minnesota, where I stayed until midnight. After that, I finally started heading towards the Chicago area and I arrived at my friend's Tony's house by 8:30AM. For the most part, 2004 will turn out to be another shit year for many reasons and many disappointment, but the 1 good thing that happened in 2004 is I got a new computer with a DVD burner back in May and that was so cool! I really enjoyed watching DVDs on the computer and I learned how to decrypt DVDs, so I can make copies of movies that I rent. I found out 2 different ways that this can be done. 1 way to do it is to convert a movie into an avi file. It was a bitch trying to figure out how to do that and it took until June 30, 2004 to figure it out, but once I did, I was so happy because I was able to decrypt movies that I rent and continue to watch them after returning the DVD. Unfuckingfortunately, the movie would only be able to play on a computer and not a regular DVD player. Another option was to decrypt a movie into an ISO file and then burn it onto a DVD and with that, it would work on a regular DVD player. A lot of movies are up to 9 gigabytes long and a blank DVD only holds 4.7 gigabytes, so I needed to use a program called DVD Shrink to bring the size of the movie to 4.7 gigabytes. It took until October 17 before I was able to figure out how to do that. I even took the DVD I burned and took it to Best Buy where they sell DVD players and it appeared to have worked, but I couldn't tell for sure because I couldn't see the movie. When I went to Best Buy to put the DVD in with avi files, it would not read the DVD The 1st movie, I decrypted was a porno film. I also decrypted Michael Moore's movie, which I did already own, Fahrenheight 911, which is dedicated to the asshole we have as president. More on that when I talk about the November 2 Selection. Anyway, when I got to Tony's place, the 1st thing we did was go through the 2 porno films, I decrypted on his DVD player and it worked and Tony was really impressed with how good it came out.
I went to a motel at around 1PM on October 23 in which I spent the entire afternoon sleeping and I took the cat with me. I really enjoy sharing a motel room with a cat! There was party right in the suburb that I was staying in from a gay organization and I attended a lot of their events back in the 1980s and a lot of people there were a bunch of stuck up pretentious judgmental assholes and I had a lot of bad experiences with them back them and unfuckingfortunately, I don't have time right now to go through and discuss every bad experience I had with them in the 1980s. I went to 2 other functions they had since I was misfortunate enough to move to Florida in 1986. I went in May 1990 and I went to another party in October 2001 in which I discovered that the people showed no sign that they had improved at all and they seemed to still be very mediocre. Well, considering that the party was about a mile from where I was staying, I decided to check it out and it seemed to be more interesting because there more a lot of people there and at least with that, it would have a bit more diversified crowd. They also had food at the party, so I didn't have to spend money on food that day, but I had to pay a $4 cover charge. I also met a couple of people who might be cool, but they mentioned that they go to a gay church and like it, so a red flag comes up and I have my doubts, but the good news is they told me to go to that gay church on that Sunday and told me that they will have a pot luck, meal, so I go there and they had all this delicious food, including some type of casserole and it was very good. The people there seemed rather mediocre, but at least they had good food there! I went into the city for a brief amount of time to a place called the Alley and I bought 2 t-shirts. 1 of them says, "ask me about my penis" and the other 1 says "Fuck the FCC" and I agree with that so much with how they keep trying to fuck with freedom of speech on tv and radio for forcing their idea of fucking "decency" down our throats.
I spent the night of October 24 watching Fahrenheight 911 at Tony's place and he did like the movie! 1 thing that I really wanted to do so bad while I was in the Chicago area was go to an open mike, but at the same time I was very afraid of it. Wherever I would go and speak about "offensive" and controversial shit, I would have no idea on what the crowd. would be like. I called a couple of different venues and it was located near or possibly in a bad neighborhood in Chicago, so I called the person and asked him if it was in a safe neighborhood and he gave me the impression that he was an uptight PC asshole and he asked, "what do you mean by a safe neighborhood?" I told him, I mean that I would like to walk around the neighborhood without getting mugged and he told me that I could mugged anywhere. Another big place for poetry slams and open mikes is a place in Chicago is a place called Green Mill. When I found out where they are located they weren't in a very good neighborhood either and they had the poetry slam on Sunday nights, but I couldn't handle doing 2 days of open mikes in a row, so I decided to wait until Monday to do it at a different place. I already heard that the people in the crowd there are nasty assholes and they heckle people all the time. I get the feeling that if I read some of my stuff there, some people are going to really love it, while others are going to really hate it and unfuckingfortunately, it's the fucking assholes who hate it that I have to be afraid of. I think that I will try Green Mill when I go to Chicago in 2005 and hope that I don't chicken out. Unfuckingfortunately, I can't remember the name of the venue, but I went to an open mike at a venue located right near Wrigley Field. The place had a small crowd. and it was an open mike mainly for musicians and I feel more uncomfortable reading at an open mike that only has musicians. Also, 1 of the musicians had his mother visiting from Michigan and another musician swore during a song, but then apologized to the mother of the other guy for hearing that "language". Just wait until she heard me! I went on and decided to do my piece about me being Laura Ingalls in my previous lifetime and that 1 mother and another woman who was with her got up and left shortly after I mentioned the name of the GG Allin song called, Ass Licken, Cunt Licken Masturbation! Anyway, at least no one heckled me and some guy told me that he really liked it. He told me that it was weird, but it was good.
October 26 was my last day in the Chicago area and I got to meet Tony's friend Renee. She is pretty cool and told me that she loves punk rock music, like the Sex Pistols and the Ramones. She said that she didn't like industrial Goth music that much. Renee was pretty cool and she even got to talk to Joon on the phone and she thinks that she sounds like she is cool. I left the Chicago area in the early morning on October 27 and spent the day in Madison, Wisconsin. There are a lot of good radio stations in Madison, Wisconsin. I got home at around midnight on October 27.
Coming home from a trip is always a fucking downer. To make matters worse, there was an eclipse on October 27 and I didn't get to see it because the fucking clouds ruined it. I really find Madison, Wisconsin radio stations to be interesting, but unfuckingfortunately, I can't listen to most of them through the inter-net and that really fucking sucks. I did find out that I can listen to the Air America radio station from Madison, which leads into my next rant, that horrible election on November 2. I voted for John Kerry because I wanted that fucking asshole who we have now out, so bad, but thanks to election fraud, George W was able to steal the election in at least 3 states, which include New Mexico, Ohio and Florida, gee, no surprise there and this time, the mainstream media is covering it up. That only plays part into the equation as to why things suck so fucking bad. You so many southern states where so many people are bible thumping assholes.
I also feel, that even if John Kerry had won, more and more of our rights would have been taken away anyway. For 1 thing, John Kerry promised that if there were election problems, he would fight it, but then he lied about that. Politicians suck and they are so fucking full of fucking shit. I found out about a guy named Alex Jones who runs this website, www.prisonplanet.com and he talks about a lot of different things that I didn't know about before. He said that it didn't matter if George W Bush had won or if John Kerry had won. Both candidates supported implementing New World Order tyranny on us and total control and enslavement. Also, both George W Bush and John Kerry are both controlled by an elite powerful group of corporate criminal assholes who make it appear that we have a choice when it comes to so called, "elections", but we really don't. Alex Jones also talks about how the September 11 terrorist attacks were done by the government themselves, so they would indoctrinate the people of this country into believing and supporting all their bullshit and considering that most people are a bunch of brain dead gullible fucking assholes who are able to be duped very easily by a bunch of corporate corrupt evil assholes in our government who will take away our rights to "protect" us form "terrorism." Alex Jones also talks about the Bohemian Grove which is a secret society in northern California for the elite and powerful where our world leaders including big bankers, leaders of Haliburton are included I'm sure along with politrcksters including George W Bush and they go there to have gay sex and worship Satan. I saw the Alex Jones video in which he infiltrated the Bohemian Grove. I didn't see any gay sex, but I saw a weird ritual that goes on there in which they play this cool Halloween music, while the burn a human in effigy during there ritual. Now that sounds cool, but the problem is it's all these good "Christens" and "family values" and "moral" supporters who are doing this shit.
The thing that bothers me about Alex Jones is he is a born again Christian and he is against gay people and abortion, which makes it difficult to get involved with supporting him other than to listen to hear what he has to say. Alex Jones went onto say that people who possess child pornography deserve life in prison. Alex Jones says he supports freedom and that don't sound like freedom to me. I agree with how Alex Jones is so strongly against national ID cards, forced psychological testing of children, tansponders and "black boxes" in cars and RFID chips that are being snuck into the things that we buy now days. That I agree with, but Alex Jones also supports minors shouldn't be allowed to get abortions without their parents' permission. That sure don't sound like freedom to me either. That's why we need to question everything, take nothing at face value and I don't know who the fuck I can trust. The state's attorney who is replacing John Ashcroft is pro-choice, but he is also pro torturing people he don't like, so I sure as Hell can't support him. Alex Jones said that George W Bush won't do much to outlaw abortion and I actually get the feeling that he ain't going to do much about that. That's the good news. Ronald Reagan said that he would crack down on abortion, but the good news is he didn't do much, which is why I suspect that George W Bush won't do much, but he has done enough fucking bullshit as it is to restrict abortion, which is why I decided to read my piece dedicated to the re-selection of George W Bush at the poetry slam on Nonmember 9 called, Return of the Living Dead Fetuses. It was in bad taste, but the judges gave me a high enough score of 27. Unfuckingfortunately, the other poets scored higher and I didn't make it to the 2nd round. That was the last poetry slam that I was able to read at in 2004. The December 13 poetry slam was for the finalists who scored highest during the 1st half of the season. Also, Return of the Living Dead Fetuses is more of a story than a poetry or spoken words performance. The last story I wrote was in 1997 and the reason that I haven't written any stories since then is because I haven't found anyone who would fucking read them! So, thanks to poetry slams, I have written my very 1st story since 1997! That also means that it is the 1st story that I have written so far, during the new millennium! I also dedicated another piece dedicated to the results of the November 2 selection at Balls on November 28. The final thing I did at Balls in 2004 was on December 26 which is another rant, different from the others about the days when I used to like Christmas.
Another thing that I wanted to see happen in 2004 was get another paid spoken words performance at Patrick's Cabaret. I tried to get a hold of Sara, who is in charge back in July and she left a message on my answering machine that she wants to get together and talk to me before I can sign up. I figured that this could only mean 1 thing: That she was going to try to censor me and take away my right to free speech, because I "offended" some narrow minded uptight stuck up assholes. I sent an e-mail to Sara regarding what she wanted to talk about and she was kind of vague and she wanted to know what my future plans are for being an artist and things like that. I dreaded calling her about of fear of hearing her telling that I need to have my right to free speech taken away from me. It also seemed like a repeat of what that fucking asshole John was going to put me through about the talk I did at that church in which he laid the guilt trip on me because I was too extreme with what I talked about, even though he said that he liked it, but I should be "concerned" about it upsetting other people. That's the same fucking asshole who said that he was going to buy me lunch for agreeing to get together with him and he fucking lied about it! Anyway, I kept putting off for calling Sara, but I tried her a couple of times since July and she never returned my phone calls as well. Finally, I got a hold of her on December 1, 2004 (just a couple of days before the 1 year anniversary of my 1st performance there) and she decided to do the talk on the phone. She mentioned to me that she wants the cabaret to be a safe space for people and some of the things I talked about during my December 2003 performance made some people feel uncomfortable. Sara went on to say that 1 thing that art is supposed to be is offend people because it makes people think about things. She also mentioned that some people were upset because I said bad things about Christianity, but she agreed with me that she didn't care much for Christianity either. Sara also wanted to know why I was so explicit with a lot of the things that I talked about. Unlike what I did with letting that fucking asshole John lay the guilt trip on me, I decided to justify it. I decided to handle it by being very polite, but firm about the way I feel. I mentioned that part of what I talk about is satire, but the world and people don't make a lot of sense to me, so that is why I share my vision with the world the way I do as well as expressing the way I feel about things. Sara agreed to sign me up to perform in 2005. Getting a new computer in 2004 was a very cool experience and I finally got a microwave oven on December 29, which I bought at a thrift store for $10, so I finally have a microwave oven and I am moven on up. Unfuckingfortunately, my shit luck continues at the end of 2004 to finding an alternative way of making a living, other than working for some fucking asshole pricks and cunts, but I at least have a few mystery shopping jobs lined up for January. I tried 1 more time to sell my "George W Bush causing my Dinner to come up" T-shirt on ebay in December and no one bought it. That really fucking sucks. That makes me so fucking mad. I take that class on how to start an ebay business and make millions of dollars and I can't get anyone to buy it. That really FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING sucks! Son of a fucking bitchen fucking shit! But the fucking bastards charge me a fucking "insertion" fee of a dollar, even though no one bought my fucking shirt! Well anyway, March 19-20, 2005 was to be the day of my paid spoken words performances, but Sara called me to postpone it until April 8 and she. She told me that I will fit in better with the other performers on that day, whatever that means? Well, 2004 is over, so it's time to go on to read Pat's 2005 Vision of the World Page and I just hope that I have some breakthroughs in 2005 because I need them now, more than ever!